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Breastfeeding
Getting DH on board with BFing (kinda long)
So my mother BFed and I grew up with her feeding my sisters. I have
always known/ believed that "breast is best" and so on, so it has never
been a question of if I will BF (assuming everything works out fine),
however DH is an only child, has never been around it, and recently
mentioned that he is uncomfortable with NIP. More or less told me "it
isn't done in his family" and that he has issues with the whole idea. (Found it weird when a mom in the mall was BFing in public)
At this point he isn't even sure how he will feel about me nursing at home. Well obviously he will have to get used to it, but I certainly don't want him to be uncomfortable. At the same time I expect we will want more than one child and I don't want my kids growing up with the same attitude/ lack of exposure.
I tried to understand what he expected, and basically I think he intends for me to go to a private room during family gatherings (so Christmas and Easter)... I said if it would be like that at his parents all the time we wouldn't be going there all that often. I also said I would be inclined to do what I like at home, and people who didn't like it could leave.
Personally I really wouldn't have the modesty issue NIP, but as I said to him I can use a wrap/ cover to make him/ whoever feel more comfortable.
Is there any way I can get him to come around? How should I approach warming him up to it all further? Am I being a breastzilla?
Thank-you in advance!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Getting DH on board with BFing (kinda long)
i guess i don't see what his issue is. is it just the idea of the baby on your boob? or is it doing it in front of people? does he understand that nobody would be able to see your boobs?
i would just explain to him that it's better for the baby & you'd like to try it. you can always pump if it doesn't work or whatever, if that would make him less weirded out.
I thought it might have been the people seeing my boob, which he will see is not the case when I actually start, but I wonder that it isn't just that it is weird and awkward to him? He has never had any exposure/ experience with BFing, and it seems like it grosses him out. I am having a hard time identifying, since it is a normal thing that I grew up around.
I am worried that the only real solution is to "wait and see", which could be a bit of a disappointment/ issue when LO is here. Really a contrast from one of the men I work with who was so proud to have been the "latchmaster" when his wife was BFing.
Thanks... I am starting to feel better about "wait and see"
I think that the worst case will be that I end up doing it in private and away from him... which would suck, but whatever is best for the LO...
I don't think the issue is sharing
he is more of an a$s man than a breast man... and BFing will only keep me curvier longer, so that might be one for the pro side of the discussion...
It isn't even that big a deal to pump for the few family occasions (the big ones) I will probably want a glass of wine anyway... then he can feed the baby and I can hang out with the guys... they are more fun anyway...
My husband was very pro breastfeeding while I was pregnant. Then the baby was born and he was still pro breastfeeding but just assumed I would always pump and give the baby a bottle anytime we were out or had people over because come to find out he was very uncomfortable with NIP.
It all came to a head when he expected me to go into a bathroom to nurse at the mall and then the next day expected me to go to the car to nurse while we were at dinner. I ended up freaking out/crying and explaining to him that I had no intention of just pulling out my boob and giving everyone a show, but that when my baby is hungry I will feed her and I don't care where we are and will be discrete. After he saw me nurse at a restaurant using a sling and that no one has any idea what I was doing he did a 180 and is all for me nursing every/anywhere.
Now we will see how he/his family feels about me nursing in front of them. We are going to visit them for 5 days and I refuse to go into the bedroom everytime she needs to eat.
You'll be BFing so often that he'll just have to get used to it!
Seriously though, my DH was supportive of me BFing, but he definitely had some reservations about it-feeling left out of feeding the baby, etc...but once our DS was here (and now DD) he is SO GLAD I BF because it is the best way to calm our DS (and now DD) and he loves the closeness that I have when I BF our babies.
I think your DH probably just needs to be educated and I would imagine it's difficult to relate to a baby being BF if you'd never been around it. I think he'll come around.
Some men really have issues with this. My husband was not quite on board immediately. But I let him know I couldn't imagine it any other way. Instead of beating your husband with it you need to tell him that you would really like your support but let him know why BF is so important.
https://www.promom.org/101/
This link shows 101 reasons on why the breast is best. Maybe if you can hit some key points with him and when he sees the baby he will understand why. My husband was not on board and now he is a BF advocate because he believes in it.