Has anyone thrown thier own shower?

DramaFreeMama · August 2010

i know this is my first post, i'm more of a lurker. its pretty early in my pregnancy, but i want to start planning early so i can give all my friends and family a heads up ( They will have to come in from pretty far away and schedule atleast a couple months ahead).

i was wondering if you do anything differently throwing it yourself vs. having someone else throw it?

Rach7170 · August 2010

I feel as if that is very tacky. I have heard of people doing this and while baby showers are gift grabby, it takes it to a whole new level when you host it yourself.

rhubarb123 · August 2010

I'm fairly new here as well and was a lurker for a long time before joining. I've been checking this board out for a couple of months (I have several friends who are pg and will probably host a shower or two in the future) and I have noticed that people feel (and according to etiquette) it is tacky/rude to host your own shower. I'm sure one of your friends or someone in your family will want to host a shower for you.

bekah22587@hotmail.com · August 2010

I know it is Sad upon, but honestly no one will know who hosted it if you don't say so on the invites. We did not include "hosted" by on my shower invites and honestly I've seen more that did not include it than those that did.

beyoga · August 2010

My due date is Jan. 19th and I am also a student. SO, I plan to have a welcome baby party in March. I'm not much for baby showers and with my shower time falling around the holidays I would rather not have a shower.

altarrose · August 2010

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable hosting my own shower- but if you're still early, maybe someone will offer to throw one for you. I even thought it was frowned upon to have family host a shower but I've seen a lot hosted by moms, sisters, ect, so it would seem even that would be better than throwing your own.

Mrs.B6302007 · August 2010

i was wondering if you do anything differently throwing it yourself vs. having someone else throw it

Yes. Offend people.

pawcall · August 2010

DramaFreeMama:
i know this is my first post, i'm more of a lurker. its pretty early in my pregnancy, but i want to start planning early so i can give all my friends and family a heads up ( They will have to come in from pretty far away and schedule atleast a couple months ahead).

i was wondering if you do anything differently throwing it yourself vs. having someone else throw it?

If you've been lurking for any length of time, you should know how this board will react to your question. Hosting your own shower is ridiculousy tacky. If no one offers to throw you one, you don't get one. Period.

1BabyFritsch · August 2010

A lot of people frown upon throwing your own shower. Honestly you need to look at your specific situation to decide if it is right for you to actually throw your own shower.

We were going to have a shower at our house and no one blinked an eye at the idea mainly because it was the most convienient place and way to accomidate everyone. My mom was going to help but all the planning would have been on me. and like a PP said no one would know if you threw your own shower and honestly they probably wouldnt care. People overreact about this kinda thing on here.

All you really need for a good shower is good family and friends. Good food and a good attitude.

krista613 · August 2010

cdobry01:
DramaFreeMama:

i know this is my first post, i'm more of a lurker. its pretty early in my pregnancy, but i want to start planning early so i can give all my friends and family a heads up ( They will have to come in from pretty far away and schedule atleast a couple months ahead).

i was wondering if you do anything differently throwing it yourself vs. having someone else throw it?

If you've been lurking for any length of time, you should know how this board will react to your question. Hosting your own shower is ridiculousy tacky. If no one offers to throw you one, you don't get one. Period.

this. its soooooo tacky

KatieM1106 · August 2010

Although I would be embarrassed to do it myself, I don't get upset when it does happen.

My concern for you would be worry about both socializing and making sure your guests are comfortable. It sounds like a stressful day!

ctana · August 2010

cdobry01:
DramaFreeMama:

i know this is my first post, i'm more of a lurker. its pretty early in my pregnancy, but i want to start planning early so i can give all my friends and family a heads up ( They will have to come in from pretty far away and schedule atleast a couple months ahead).

i was wondering if you do anything differently throwing it yourself vs. having someone else throw it?

If you've been lurking for any length of time, you should know how this board will react to your question. Hosting your own shower is ridiculousy tacky. If no one offers to throw you one, you don't get one. Period.

THIS.

Why would you even be concerned about it this early on in your pregnancy, anyway?

Shell24 · August 2010

Does anyone find it ironic that her SN is dramafreemama? LOL

Disneygeek77 · August 2010

Showers are a gift given to you, not a right. Some people simply won't have showers. Now if someone offers and needs help with the shower expenses you can discreetly help them behind the scenes. But to just show yourself a shower is wrong.

DramaFreeMama · August 2010

In response to everyone who think its tacky, I know that there is some opinions around throwing your own shower (someone always has an opinion about something). But I still plan on doing it so telling me its tacky really isn't needed. I know there are people hear who have thrown their own (or plan to) but most likely have not posted because they assume they will get more reprimand than help. I would just like to here from those people. I have had someone offer to throw my shower, but none of my family and friends have met SO's family and friends, so i would like to use this as a get together of sorts and throw a coed shower (more like a pre baby party).

Our familes and friends would send gifts no matter if we had a shower or not, so its not about getting gifts. And in my opinion, whenever you make a registry (no matter what its for or who is hosting the party), you are asking for gifts....specific gifts at that.

I thought about a meet and great the baby, but so many people around my newborn at one time just scares me. I don't think i could host and take care of the baby. Too much to handle. And all those people wanting to hold the baby at one time... i would have a heart attack lol.

So thanks for those who thought they would like to warn me about offending people, but I know my family and friends and SO's family and friends. And they will not be offended. If it offends you, than please do not post

**To the person who said about not listing the host name on the invites, that is a good idea. I don't think anyone would ask or care who hosted it anyway. Most may know anyway, because i might have to ask for some help setting up. It just depends who can get here first.

DramaFreeMama · August 2010

1BabyFritsch:
A lot of people frown upon throwing your own shower. Honestly you need to look at your specific situation to decide if it is right for you to actually throw your own shower.

We were going to have a shower at our house and no one blinked an eye at the idea mainly because it was the most convienient place and way to accomidate everyone. My mom was going to help but all the planning would have been on me. and like a PP said no one would know if you threw your own shower and honestly they probably wouldnt care. People overreact about this kinda thing on here.

All you really need for a good shower is good family and friends. Good food and a good attitude.

Thank you Yes, we want to have it at our place so that we don't have to have 2 separate showers. SO's family would want to host something I'm sure, And my friends and family have already offered but are so far away. It just makes sense to have one big family get together at our place. I don't plan on huge decorations or games; Just food and fun and chat.

We also plan on having our new house up and ready by then, so it could also be our housewarming party lol. Better to kill 2 birds with one stone.

1BabyFritsch · August 2010

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1BabyFritsch:

A lot of people frown upon throwing your own shower. Honestly you need to look at your specific situation to decide if it is right for you to actually throw your own shower.

We were going to have a shower at our house and no one blinked an eye at the idea mainly because it was the most convienient place and way to accomidate everyone. My mom was going to help but all the planning would have been on me. and like a PP said no one would know if you threw your own shower and honestly they probably wouldnt care. People overreact about this kinda thing on here.

All you really need for a good shower is good family and friends. Good food and a good attitude.

Thank you Yes, we want to have it at our place so that we don't have to have 2 separate showers. SO's family would want to host something I'm sure, And my friends and family have already offered but are so far away. It just makes sense to have one big family get together at our place. I don't plan on huge decorations or games; Just food and fun and chat.

We also plan on having our new house up and ready by then, so it could also be our housewarming party lol. Better to kill 2 birds with one stone.

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I'd say dont go to far out do a few decorations balloons table cloth napkins plates. Maybe have friends or family make some side dishes or help you make some easy things like pasta salad ect.. Order a cake that will accomidate all the people and have 2 liters or such. If you are having a longer baby shower 4+ hours do some catered in sub or pre made sanwhiches or if it is co ed maybe get SO to grill.

ctana · August 2010

DramaFreeMama:

So thanks for those who thought they would like to warn me about offending people, but I know my family and friends and SO's family and friends. And they will not be offended. If it offends you, than please do not post

DramaMama,

Then why did you originally post? Let me guess - just to hear other equally tacky people say it was totally fine and to give you ideas?

It seems to me that since you claim to know your friends and family and know it won't offend them, I say by all means do whatever you deem necessary to continue the cycle of bad manners and greedy behavior!

deltagirl79 · August 2010

DramaFreeMama:

In response to everyone who think its tacky, I know that there is some opinions around throwing your own shower (someone always has an opinion about something). But I still plan on doing it so telling me its tacky really isn't needed. I know there are people here who have thrown their own (or plan to) but most likely have not posted because they assume they will get more reprimand than help. I would just like to hear from those people. I have had someone offer to throw my shower, but none of my family and friends have met SO's family and friends, so i would like to use this as a get together of sorts and throw a coed shower (more like a pre baby party).

**To the person who said about not listing the host name on the invites, that is a good idea. I don't think anyone would ask or care who hosted it anyway. Most may know anyway, because i might have to ask for some help setting up. It just depends who can get here first.

If someone has offered to host a shower for you then let them. Especially if you are going to need help and can't do it all by yourself. A shower is a gift given to you not a right of pregnancy. The hostess does not need to know everyone coming, only you do. It is perfectly acceptable to have someone else host a shower at your home if that is the most convinient place. As pp mentioned you can help out in the background with out actually hosting.

MassageMomma2010 · August 2010

DramaFreeMama:

In response to everyone who think its (it's) tacky, I know that there is (are) some opinions around (about) throwing your own shower (someone always has an opinion about something). But I still plan on doing it so telling me its (it's) tacky really isn't needed. I know there are people hear (here) who have thrown their own (or plan to) but most likely have not posted because they assume they will get more reprimand than help. I would just like to here (hear) from those people. I have had someone offer to throw my shower, but none of my family and friends have met SO's family and friends, so i would like to use this as a get together of sorts and throw a coed shower (more like a pre baby party).

Our familes (families) and friends would send gifts no matter if we had a shower or not, so its not about getting gifts. And in my opinion, whenever you make a registry (no matter what its (it's) for or who is hosting the party), you are asking for gifts....specific gifts at that.

I thought about a meet and great (greet) the baby, but so many people around my newborn at one time just scares me. I don't think i could host and take care of the baby. Too much to handle. And all those people wanting to hold the baby at one time... i would have a heart attack lol.

So thanks for those who thought they would like to warn me about offending people, but I know my family and friends and SO's family and friends. And they will not be offended. If it offends you, than please do not post

**To the person who said about not listing the host name on the invites, that is a good idea. I don't think anyone would ask or care who hosted it anyway. Most may know anyway, because i might have to ask for some help setting up. It just depends who can get here first.

Okay, I feel better now. Also in the title, you spelled their wrong.

To OP, you need a host. It's simply too much work to do by yourself. Planning your party by yourself is rather rude and selfish. Give up the control. Let your friend plan the party she wants and just be a gracious guest of honor.

Also, for the love of God, learn the difference between here and hear. Sorry I'm in the biitchiest mood of my life today.

ETA: The fact that the different sides do not know each other does not mean you can not have a host from one side or the other. You being there is enough reason for them to come together. You don't have to host it for everyone to show up.

JulieBean767 · August 2010

If no one is throwing you a shower, then you don't have a shower. The end.

PunkyBooster · August 2010

Mrs.B6302007:
i was wondering if you do anything differently throwing it yourself vs. having someone else throw it

Yes. Offend people.

*snorts*

jenniferdblake · August 2010

I pretty much threw my own, I paid for everything, booked the shelter house, the caterer, the games, the invites... I was getting further along and there was no talk of anyone else doing it for us. And we really needed the help finacially with gifts. On the invites I put my mom's name as the host though!! And she took over at the party!

ctana · August 2010

jenniferdblake:
I pretty much threw my own, I paid for everything, booked the shelter house, the caterer, the games, the invites... I was getting further along and there was no talk of anyone else doing it for us. And we really needed the help finacially with gifts. On the invites I put my mom's name as the host though!! And she took over at the party!

TOO FUNNY! I guess you needed help financially with the gifts after you paid for your own shower!

McCradyToBe · August 2010

Ugh! you can't even read a thread anymore without someone b!tching! oy! TB is SO bad for that!

OP...i don't plan on hosting my own shower...but I think we might throw a Meet the Baby party. I feel bad for whoever would throw our shower because we just had our wedding before getting PG and had a shower/stagette and now to have someone else plan another party for us would just make me feel bad. I'd rather do the planning and organize the food and stuff myself. If we do a Meet the Baby party, I am not going to state where we are registered, but it can be spread word of mouth, or people will just ask. I just want people to come, if they bring our baby a gift then great! if not, that's great too!

rbeccal89 · August 2010

Hey DramaFreeMama! This is my first comment on any post on this site. So I understand about being a lurker. I have a HUGE issue with baby showers period. No matter if someone is hosting it for you or you host it yourself. All baby showers have become is a bunch of women getting together and giving one person gifts. It's like sending someone an invite that reads "must bring gifts to come" I will be having a welcome baby cook out rather than a baby shower b/c I don't expect people to bring gifts and it will be co-ed. My family has not met my fiance's family so it will give everyone a chance to get to know each other or at least meet each other before we bring a baby into our families. My mom and fiance actually insisted that I have some kind of baby shower b/c people do usually bring diapers which will be a huge help but my fiance is a truck driver and hardly home and my mom works 12 hour shifts all week so they don't have time to do the planning. All we are doing is providing the meat and a cake and everyone brings their own drinks and a side dish to pass. My fiance and mom's boyfriend will do the cooking. We're having it at a park and renting out a pavilion for $25 dollars. As for planning early, absolutely!!! I am having my baby shower in less than a month and haven't done anything to prepare. I don't think you do anything different throwing it yourself besides you get to have it your way and you're not surprised about anything. (honestly, if someone threw me a baby shower and had the "poop in diaper" game w/ chocolate and diapers, I would scream) I think it's easier doing it myself. I think baby showers should be more of getting two families together to celebrate the up coming baby, not someone expecting gifts from everyone. It's offensive to me that people expect gifts at baby showers. It's not tacky and it won't offend anyone that you are giving your family and friends a chance to share the happiness and joy of you having a baby.

DramaFreeMama · August 2010

McCradyToBe:
Ugh! you can't even read a thread anymore without someone b!tching! oy! TB is SO bad for that!

OP...i don't plan on hosting my own shower...but I think we might throw a Meet the Baby party. I feel bad for whoever would throw our shower because we just had our wedding before getting PG and had a shower/stagette and now to have someone else plan another party for us would just make me feel bad. I'd rather do the planning and organize the food and stuff myself. If we do a Meet the Baby party, I am not going to state where we are registered, but it can be spread word of mouth, or people will just ask. I just want people to come, if they bring our baby a gift then great! if not, that's great too!

That is why i lurk more than post. Too many grammer nazis and negative nancys...

I understand what you mean, but for me a party around my newborn would just be too stressful. I don't plan on registering for anything or saying anything about gifts on the invites. Its not a requirement and if they don't want to bring gifts, they don't have to.

But its only going to be our close friends and family, so i know they will no matter what. That's just how they are. It will also be a housewarming party, so some may bring housewarming gifts instead of baby stuff. It doesn't really matter to us, we aren't looking for anything.

But i'm realizing that more people are offering to throw a shower for us than i thought in the first place. OH's friend offered yesterday, so i'm not sure if i will still do it myself or not. If i do, i might just let her host and help set up.

DramaFreeMama · August 2010

rbeccal89:
Hey DramaFreeMama! This is my first comment on any post on this site. So I understand about being a lurker. I have a HUGE issue with baby showers period. No matter if someone is hosting it for you or you host it yourself. All baby showers have become is a bunch of women getting together and giving one person gifts. It's like sending someone an invite that reads "must bring gifts to come" I will be having a welcome baby cook out rather than a baby shower b/c I don't expect people to bring gifts and it will be co-ed. My family has not met my fiance's family so it will give everyone a chance to get to know each other or at least meet each other before we bring a baby into our families. My mom and fiance actually insisted that I have some kind of baby shower b/c people do usually bring diapers which will be a huge help but my fiance is a truck driver and hardly home and my mom works 12 hour shifts all week so they don't have time to do the planning. All we are doing is providing the meat and a cake and everyone brings their own drinks and a side dish to pass. My fiance and mom's boyfriend will do the cooking. We're having it at a park and renting out a pavilion for $25 dollars. As for planning early, absolutely!!! I am having my baby shower in less than a month and haven't done anything to prepare. I don't think you do anything different throwing it yourself besides you get to have it your way and you're not surprised about anything. (honestly, if someone threw me a baby shower and had the "poop in diaper" game w/ chocolate and diapers, I would scream) I think it's easier doing it myself. I think baby showers should be more of getting two families together to celebrate the up coming baby, not someone expecting gifts from everyone. It's offensive to me that people expect gifts at baby showers. It's not tacky and it won't offend anyone that you are giving your family and friends a chance to share the happiness and joy of you having a baby.

Thank you Rbecca

Most people who left negative comments here assumed that i was having a shower just to get gifts and completely ignored where i said it wasn't about getting gifts....its about getting everyone together.

I am not registering for anything, nor am i putting anything about gifts on the invites. I'm not planning a traditional baby shower. Something similar as yours. Just food and getting everyone together. If i just wanted gifts, i wouldn't need to have a baby shower to get them. Our families are just generous, that's the way they are. Or i could take up everyone's offers and have more than one shower. (since according to most who commented...its only greedy if you host it yourself..going to a bunch of showers thrown by others must be alright huh?)

I didn't think about how hard it would be to host myself though, seeing as i'll be pretty big by then. I might get OH or a friend or family member to host and help set up so i'm not putting too much stress on myself.

PrudhommesGirl · August 2010

Maybe you should have a "Meet the Baby" party after babe is here? That way you aren't asking for people to "shower" you. I'm just afraid you may have people that you send out an invite to talking badly about it. I have a family member who did it for herself for her 4th child, and I know i passed judgment, I shouldn't have, but I did. People can also tell when a shower is being "asked" for. I'd just be careful on how you work things and invite people. Hope this helps... good luck.

PamelaD10 · August 2010

i have not heard of someone who did but i am throwing my own. my familys complicated and my mom said she dont wanna do it anymore and she isnt coming, my sister said she wasnt going to do it without mom. so now im stuck with it. it dont seem tacky to me. you can make it just like you want it. i think its up to u no matter what people think. if they dont like u throwin the baby shower they should step in and do it.

SheGrimm · August 2010

Haven't thrown my own, but the ones I have gone to, have all been hosted by the mommy-to-be. And no I didn't think it was rude, it's a celebration for the baby, and it's not written on the invitation that you HAVE to bring a gift. So I think it's kind of rude for someone to jump down a mommy-to-be's throat because she decides to do it herself... not every situation is the same, and you shouldn't judge someone because of that. Besides the fact these people are your FAMILY and your FRIENDS if they're going to be that rude about you throwing your own shower (for whatever reasons) they should have just stayed their happy a$$es at home and not worry about it. I haven't exactly seen a shower that has big bold print saying: Buy this ----> I'm broke!! From what I've seen (correct me if I'm wrong) showers are just a time to bring everyone together and be happy for your new blessing. Not fret and judge because it was more practical for a woman to throw it herself. I think a baby is a blessing, and being a first time mother is a blessing, either way it needs to be a celebrated thing. There's are so many women on here I've seen, that try for years, upon years, to get pregnant and now that they finally are (and think about throwing their own shower), everyone is attacking them because they don't don't find it appropriate... that's a lot more rude I think then throwing your own celebration.

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