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BM is making SD grow up too fast...

Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member
in Blended Families

SD who just turned 9 was brushing her teeth getting ready for bed and I noticed that she had a bra strap hanging out under the sleeve of her pajama top. I could understand this if SD had ANY signs of puberty approaching, but she doesn't. I didn't say anything to her and I went to talk to DH about it.

I mean when my DD turned 9 I got her the American Girl book The Care & Keeping of You and we had the puberty talk just in case, but DD is 10.5 now and still doesn't own a bra. Of course, I understand that girls hit puberty at different times but I don't understand why SD needs a bra when there's nothing there.

So I came back to our room and told DH. He seemed shocked. I told him, that I felt bad that she is also sleeping in it when she doesn't even need it but I didn't think it was my place to say anything to her. So he went in to kiss the girls good night and saw the bra strap hanging out and asked SD about it. She said BM bought her the bra and told her she had to wear it. He just told her that typically bras are not worn to bed.

So my question is should DH even say anything to BM about it or let it go? I really feel bad that SD is being forced to wear a bra when there is nothing there and she isn't even at an age where the "majority" of girls wear one. Do you think it's strange that she is having her start wearing one at 9 when she hasn't even gotten breast buds or anything? I think it also kind of bothers me because now maybe DD will want one because her younger sister has one and I don't want my girls running around in bras when they doesn't have the need for one. WDYT, am I overreacting? Probably, right...

DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

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Re: BM is making SD grow up too fast...

  • mom2onemom2one member
    My niece has worn a bra since 9...most of her friends do too. I think you are overreacting. Could be SD WANTED one and now feels funny about it so blamed her mom.
    Stay at Home Mama to 3 Beautiful Children by the miracles of Birth & Adoption
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  • sweetie0228sweetie0228 member

    My dd requested to wear one around 8-9 she was self conscious b/c she thought her "areas" were darker and starting to show through lighter colored tops like yellow and white tee shirts. 

    I bought her some modest bras and she felt better about herself and she didn't feel like she showed through her tops.

    This was all her perception and she was starting to change but it was as drastic.  But i'm not going to sacrifice her self confidence b/c I thought  she was too young for a bra.  She has also started at that time wearing a sports bra to bed.  We call them her sleeping bras.  I have educated her many time she doesn't need to wear one to bed but she prefers.

     

    Now I have a 13 going on 14 yr old w/ d cups.  I search high and low trying to find bras not only that fit but aren't all cleavage enhancing but are youth full.

     Let it go, this is probably the beginning of the awkwardness of puberty.

     

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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Ask her if her friends got them too.  If yes then I would chalk it up to being part of the group.  She might have asked for it and felt weird telling her Dad or her Mom might have not wanted her to be teased that others had them and she did not.  I was 10 when I got my first bra and had nothing too but other kids were getting them (only one really needed it) and I did not want to be the only one without.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member
    Thanks ladies, I feel better after hearing your responses. I know that my niece just got one when she was 11 so I just wasn't expecting this for a few years for SD unless puberty started coming.
    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

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  • jpowell3jpowell3
    My boobs came before I was ready & wanted them. In 7th grade I had a C cup already and I was a HUGE tomboy & hated it. I was the oldest girl in the neighborhood so when I started wearing a bra all the other girls noticed. I hated the attention. I would just play it off as an age thing & try to make this as least awkward for her as you can.
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  • bwrgolfbwrgolf
    imagegin9874:

    SD who just turned 9 was brushing her teeth getting ready for bed and I noticed that she had a bra strap hanging out under the sleeve of her pajama top. 

    Its funny I came across this post today.  My SD, who is 7, was dropped off this morning.  I was still in bed when she was dropped off and she immediately jumped into bed with me.  The very first thing she told me was - look what I got over the weekend - she proceeded to show me her new bra that her BM bought her.  My SD told me that it was the one she wanted.  I mentioned something to my DH and he said he showed her too and he just shook his head.  

    What 7 year old (starting 2nd grade) needs a bra?  This is the same 7 year old who throws a fit when we won't help her help her get dressed.  I already know what my response is going to be if she asks me to help her put her bra on tomorrow - it you are old enough to wear one, then you are old enough to learn how to put it on.  I'm sure that sounds terrible of me and I know its not her fault her BM doesn't think before she does things, but I just want what is best for my SD.  She does not need a bra at 7 and she does not need to grow up so fast - my DH and I don't want her to turn out like her 1/2 sister (her BM's other daughter) pregnant & having an abortion at 14.

    I understand that wearing a bra at 7 does not mean that she will end up like that, but let the child be a child. 

      

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