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SkyBee
member
Here is a discussion starter....
SkyBee
member
My cousin (not married or dating any one) was raped and got pregnant. Come to find out she is having twins! Wow, one night of roofeze, and poof there are twins....... She also has SEVERE mental issues. (Bipolar, depression, suicidal) Any way, my other cousins who have been trying to have children for several years are going to adopt them. Your thoughts: Is this an awkward situation? Would you adopt your cousins kids? Would you tell your kids their mom is your cousin?
Do you think if we try roofeze and act like irresponsible teens that we will get KU easier? 
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Re: Here is a discussion starter....
my friend went through kinda the same situation....she was still in high school and got PG and her sister adopted him...I thought it was weird...and the kid that his hers calls her aunt....WRONG
(friends sister wasn't married or had any problems..just did it so it wouldn't show shame to the family)
Hayden born 11.18.07
BCP - March 08' -Feb. 09, Aug. 09' - Nov. 09'
TTC #2 since Dec 09'
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This was more common than we may ever know back pre-about 1965ish.
Jack Nicholson's sister was really his mother. My grandmother's brother was really her cousin. My grandfather was the product of a rape and was raised by his aunt, not his mother. Lots of people have this story in their family and might not even know it.
My 15 year old cousin had a baby recently and it did cross my mind, but she decided to parent (and is not doing a very good job of it...the baby is going into the "work" stage instead of staying in the "cute and sleepy" stage).
OK, I am not touching the last statment with a 10 foot pole, because I know you didn't mean it as it cames across, but no amount of irresponsiblity should result in rape.
That being said, I would adopt a family member's child/children. The telling who the bio-Mom, I would tell, and because it would be family, and families talk, I think I would be open with the child from early on instead of risking them finding out from a distant gossipy Aunt or something.
BFP 3/17/10 Missed M/C Confirmed 4/12/10
MIF+Unexplained DX Feb 2012: Femara+Trigger+IUI=BFP
Wow, your poor cousin. I've been raped but was fortunate enough to not get pregnant as a result of it. I can't imagine how difficult that must be, and I also can't imagine how I'd feel about adopting them if I was your other cousins.
It's definitely an awkward situation, but I feel like it would be awkward anyway, even if your cousins weren't planning on adopting them. I hope everything works out for all involved, and I hope your cousin will be able to heal and recover.
Carina 12.28.2010 | Aurelia 9.23.12 | Chart - Round 3
I think it is great that the cousin is going to adopt them. It might be hard for the biological mother-when she sees these children it might bring her back to being raped. I think it would be best not to tell the children who the biological mother is just because they will ask questions eventually. I honestly wouldn't want to know that I was conceived via rape...that would be horrible.
Wow, that is quite a story. I would think it would be hard enough to carry your rapist's babies but then to have them adopted within your family, that's really tough. I wish her the best of luck with the emotional issues that go along with this.
My mother's side of the family has a similar story though. This was back in the 60s but a married man (my mom's cousin) had an affair with an unmarried woman and she became pregnant. My mom's other cousin and the sister of the married man adopted the child and raised her as her own. The child was told as an adult and no longer talks to anyone in the family. She was really hurt and felt betrayed that everyone knew and no one told her.
Thank you for saying that Milli. It's what I was thinking too.
If you find this smile worthy, you truly have issues. I can't see past that so I don't even have a comment on the rest of the post.
I certainly hope youre not comparing being irresponsible to being raped...........
And I'm not sure whats funny about teen or unexpected pregnancy.
Wow. That last sentence was totally inappropriate and insensitive.
Who cares who adopts the children? As long as they are well taken care of.
My grandmother adopter her brothers child as a 6yo...I don't think about her any differently then my other aunts.
Sorry. I didn't realize it sounded like that......... I wasn't meaning she was being irresponsible.....just an all around teenager statement.
I guess its just confusing as to what your last statement had to do with the rest of your post......
This.
While I get that you were trying to be funny about being irresponsible and getting KU easily ... it is not really irresponsible if you got raped. Rape is never asked for or the product of being irresponsible. EVER. No woman should have to go through that - mental illness or not.
If your cousin got KU just be not using BC, that is a different story. But rape? Not funny. Disrespectful and disgusting, if you ask me.
Mommy to Rachel 1.15.06 and Ashley 5.17.11
How awful.
If someone in DH's or my family got pregnant and couldn't or didn't want to take care of their children, we'd adopt them. At this point, we are already considering adoption, so it would just make it a hell of a lot cheaper.
If we do ever end up adopting, we will be honest with our children from the very beginning.
WOW back off. Ask before you assume. BAD WORDING. SORRY.
Ladies, I love you, but pitch forks down.
I don't think she intended her last statement to have anything to do with the rest of her post.
Have you guys meet Skybee? I can say with 100% confidence that she in no way intended for it to appear that she was insensitive to how traumatic rape must be.
BFP 3/17/10 Missed M/C Confirmed 4/12/10
MIF+Unexplained DX Feb 2012: Femara+Trigger+IUI=BFP
Assume? You put it out there. We are reading, not assuming. You assumed it would be funny, which it was not.
I don't think she was that harsh, considering. Do you understand how what you said is offensive though?
Please tell me what I assumed???? The part where you smile about rape or teenage pregnancy??? YOU SAID IT NOT ME! I posted this before you tried to backpeddle you way out that asinine comment, so you back off. As a person who knows the effects of rape all too well, I don't find ANYTHING smile worthy about it. So if you don't like my comment, see all the other responders who also found you to be entirely tactless. They chose not to comment. I CHOSE TO SPEAK UP.Why is it whenever there is snark present I find you. I have been flamed enough. I was not referring to my cousin.
Yes I do. I am sorry. I was not meaning my cousin or any rape victim is irresponsible.
Nope never met Skybee...but her being nice IRL doesn't excuse the inappropriate-ness and insensitivity of her comment, nor does it give her the right to get pissed off at us for getting upset with it.
Someone very close to me was raped, and I would never say anything that could be turned around as a joke or not. Rape is something you do not play around with lightly.
Just sayin'
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That was nowhere near being close to snark.
O-Kudos to your cousin for carrying the twins to term considering what she has been through. She sounds incredibly strong!
My sister found out she was pregnant when she was 6 months along. For alot of reasons (mental issues included) she decided she was unable to raise the child. I begged her to allow my husband and I to adopt the child (consequently I was 7 months pregnant at the time). I also asked her to talk to our older sister who was having fertility issues and was unable to conceive. She refused and chose a couple across the country. Two years later I still think about my niece daily and the fact that my DD and her could have grown up together and it makes me incredibly sad.
This...seriously!
Rape is definitely nothing to take lightly, but Sky is not that girl. Give her a break.
I'm gonna have to agree with this, as someone who has been raped and had an unplanned pregnancy (unrelated incidents) I don't see how either of these topics is funny or how her comment could have been misconstrued as anything else.
?? Huh?
I was thinking this too. I am sure hoping she wasn't bringing my IF into this. That is pretty cold even if I said a horrible thing.
So aside from the last comment, which I know you didn't mean any harm, I would adopt a family members child. I don't know if I would tell them who is who though.
My friend was adopted and raised by her aunt. Her mother was a bad drug user and my friend was born with several illegal substances in her-which she still has side effects from. Her whole life she thought her mother was her mother and her aunt was a drug user. It wasn't until her mid-teens when she found out the truth and was very upset about it. The whole family kept it a secret and she felt hurt by that. She understands now but still has trust issues.
Ladies, I love you, but pitch forks down.
I don't think she intended her last statement to have anything to do with the rest of her post.
Have you guys meet Skybee? I can say with 100% confidence that she in no way intended for it to appear that she was insensitive to how traumatic rape must be.
This...seriously!
Rape is definitely nothing to take lightly, but Sky is not that girl. Give her a break
I am confused ladies. I was very kind in my initial response. She is the one who told me to back off. I had no pitchfork in hand. Now I am told to "give her a break". I really don't understand that. I don't know Skybee but I assume it was just a poor choice in words. However, should we all just ignore it becuase she is generally nice??? If she would've responded in a way that sounded like she didn't mean what she said, I would never have responded again, but to tell me to back off for pointing it out seems worse than my "pitchfork".
By the way - I see she has now apologized, so I get that she didn't mean it, but my point remains.
See I took it as the same thing as when I say that maybe I should quit my job, leave my husband and start smoking crack because unemployed, unwed crack heads have no trouble getting pregnant. But she was saying it about irresponsible teenagers in general no her cousin's case specifically.
I don't see anywhere where she "laughed" about rape or said it was funny. I think that the common was misleading, but I also think that other people are reading things into the comment that 1) were not there and 2) that she has clearly said in both words and previous actions was not intended.
(oh and just for general knowledge I didn't me meet like IRL I meant interweb meet, like the saying, but that failed, not all mormons (or daughter in law's of mormons know each other.)
BFP 3/17/10 Missed M/C Confirmed 4/12/10
MIF+Unexplained DX Feb 2012: Femara+Trigger+IUI=BFP
Thank you hun.
No I get that shes not laughing but the comment and smiley face didn't belong in the same post as her talking about her cousin being raped. And her initial response of being pissy when people got upset was not cool
She may be nice but it doesn't make her comment any more appropriate than if someone not nice said it.
Um, yeah.
Initial comment may be inappropriate, but so is calling the comment due to her being a "bitter infertile". I don't see how the two are IN ANY WAY related.
Mommy to Rachel 1.15.06 and Ashley 5.17.11
I like Sky too, and we all know she didn't mean it the way it sounded.
However, we would be roasting the flesh of any newbie who said anything even close to this. I don't blame the people who are sensitive on this topic.
And please don't get me started on those giving the cousin props for carrying twins after a rape. As I said before, my grandfather was a product of rape and I wouldn't be here today if she had an abortion. However, I still support a woman's right to choose. Props to her if she decided to have an abortion, decided to give them up for adoption, or decided to parent. She got through it, props to her.