How do you respond when people say......

cookingdude · August 2010

I HATE it when people see my LO's picture or meet him and say: "How do you/You must hate leaving in the morning...."

It drives me up a wall when they say that! I got the comment for the 50th time today, and I just don't know how to respond. If I say...."oh its easy, he's happy as a clam and I like earning money and our time that we do have toegether," then I look like a bad mother. If I say...."its terrible, I hate it," then I look like a miserable worker. How do you answer this? I'm sure that you have all gotten this at least once.

bb80 · August 2010

ugh, i feel your pain

I say something along the lines of "yeah, it's not the ideal situation, but Charlotte is well taken care of during the day so that makes it easier"

Pesky · August 2010

I just look at them and say dryly "true but he is well cared for and there is something to be said for being able to pee in peace and eat a hot meal." The person usually awkwardly drops it. It works pretty well.

katydid2007 · August 2010

I get some version of that comment from time to time. If it's outside of work I ususally just say "yeah, it stinks" to avoid having to get into it with them. I avoid similar conversations down the road with that person.I then talk about that person to my mother, friends and anyone else that will listen to me. Smile I remember every comment like this and hold grudges. Healthy, right?

If it's someone at work, I assume it's someone trying to gauge whether I'm going to leave to be a sahm so I usually say "it has its benefits and I love working." In the office, I never, ever want to appear as anything other than 100% committed to my job even if I'm not.

wheelenl · August 2010

sorry that it hurts your feelings, but why do you care what they think? i personally couldn't care less what someone else thinks about my parenting.

cookingdude · August 2010

wheelenl:
sorry that it hurts your feelings, but why do you care what they think? i personally couldn't care less what someone else thinks about my parenting.

Well, I do care what other people think. I shouldn't, but I do. But larger than that, when people ask me this question, it brings the conflict of being a WM to the surface. We all have conflict with whatever decision we make, to stay home, to go to work.....its always a sacrafice no matter what you choose. When people ask me this question, I interperet it as if they feel sorry for me. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me....I want them to look at me and admire me.

wheelenl · August 2010

cookingdude:
wheelenl:
sorry that it hurts your feelings, but why do you care what they think? i personally couldn't care less what someone else thinks about my parenting.

Well, I do care what other people think. I shouldn't, but I do. But larger than that, when people ask me this question, it brings the conflict of being a WM to the surface. We all have conflict with whatever decision we make, to stay home, to go to work.....its always a sacrafice no matter what you choose. When people ask me this question, I interperet it as if they feel sorry for me. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me....I want them to look at me and admire me.

I think most of what you say here would be a great response.

Meli0604 · August 2010

I'm 100% honest. I say "I hate leaving her every day, and it hasn't gotten any easier. But this is what is best for our family so I've accepted it. Besides, coming home and seeing her excited to see me makes it all worth it."

My bosses know how I feel so I don't have to worry about how my response is interpreted. If someone wants to take it as I'm not a dedicated employee, oh well.

BottomStar · August 2010

Sarcasm is usually my weapon of choice so I'll respond with something like, "when she's as cranky as she was this morning, it's easier than you might think."

If it's coming from a place of geniune concern, I'll usually say something like, "it is difficult, but I've found that I'm a much better mom when I work and she's thriving at daycare so that helps me stay focused on my job."

wheelenl · August 2010

To answer your question, I usually say something like, I love my kids, but I also love my job, and they have great care, so actually no, it's not that hard.

Buffy2010 · August 2010

Their comments are meant as a compliment to your lovely child. Smile and be polite in your response.

The_Jen626 · August 2010

I would say something like "It's easy for me, I have a great career and it helps me to be a better mother..."

But I really can't think of anyone saying this to me yet...? Maybe cause I work with 99% men, and none of them ever have the thought or pressure to SAH?

bumpuser511563 · August 2010

Some clients have come and asked me, but very rarely. I only see my clients at most maybe once or twice a year, so I let it roll off my back when they ask those questions.

justrachet · August 2010

I usually say that it's not as hard (now that I'm used to it) as it was in the beginning, but I still miss him.

AutumnBride929 · August 2010

I don't think anyone's ever said that to me but if they did I can see myself saying something along the lines of, "Actually, it's really easy, especially when he's in a particularly fussy mood that day."

BizEB · August 2010

wheelenl:
To answer your question, I usually say something like, I love my kids, but I also love my job, and they have great care, so actually no, it's not that hard.

I almost never get asked this but this is what I say. I make it pretty clear that I like working and have less than no interest in staying home and that I think it's weird that people have such antiquated views of parenting.

MegGary · August 2010

Whenever asked I say "it's really not that hard. Sure I miss her & can't wait to see her at the end of the day. However, I'm not meant to be a SAHM. I did it for 8 months & it just wasn't for me. I like working outside of the home."

There is no conflict with me being a working mom. The only time is when she is sick & work is on my back about taking time off. Than I hate it. Otherwise we both have flourished since I went back to work.

michelcreek · August 2010

I personally tell them my sons are better of with teachers who have degrees in child education and montessori schooling; and that I enjoy the time I have with him so much more than I would if it were any other situation. It's hard, to those people who ask dumb questions like that, you can just give a white lie too. They don't seem to have any idea what they're even asking.

SassyBookWorm · August 2010

BottomStar:

Sarcasm is usually my weapon of choice so I'll respond with something like, "when she's as cranky as she was this morning, it's easier than you might think."

If it's coming from a place of geniune concern, I'll usually say something like, "it is difficult, but I've found that I'm a much better mom when I work and she's thriving at daycare so that helps me stay focused on my job."

Something very similar to that or I give the side eye/eye roll all in one combo and walk away. To me, it's truly not anyone's business, but I'm sorry that it bothers you! I can honestly say, I get less comments now that she is older than I did when she was younger. Good luck!

erbear · August 2010

I feel no guilt about working. I love my job, I hated SAH, and we are all happier with me as a working mom. So when people ask me that, I either:

1. give them a blank stare and ask "what do you mean?"

2. or (if I'm feeling kind), say "well, she loves daycare and we're all happy!"

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