whiney, probably selfish vent.

samantha_b65 · August 2010

AHH! DH has been working like CRAZY at his new job. Fall/winter is going to be horrible..he will literally be working 7 days a week. Most of the days will be 12-15 hour days. He will probably go days without being able to see DD except for the 30 minutes or so before he heads off to work. I am so happy for him because he loves his job..it is a job he has dreamed about since he was little and he is sooo lucky he has this opportunity. I know that if things were turned around he would be happy for me and support me in any way he could. I am trying really hard to be supportive of him but it is so difficult! We have moved 3.5 hours away from family and friends to a town where I don't know anyone. I'm not working and I can't find any type of play groups or activities to fill our days. I know that if I went to work I would meet people and it would be nice to have adult conversations again. I just don't think I could deal with the guilt of putting DD in daycare. I have always said I never wanted to be a SAHM but DD has completely changed that. I love DH to death but this is not at all how I pictured my life. I have such a dilemma because I struggle with the fact that it feels like DH is choosing work over his family. In a sense he is, but he is soo happy with work I can't hold that against him. And to add to all this I can't stop thinking that we might be doing all of this for nothing. The job has the opportunity for him to move up into what he REALLY wants to do but what if after 5 years no doors open and we have to move and find "normal" jobs. But on the other hand, if he does get more opportunities and move up our life could be like this forever! I hate all of the unknowns! Sorry for such a whiny vent, I am just trying to get things out so maybe I can learn to deal with this. If anyone has advice or some magical fix-all, feel free to share!

#1_BadgeBunny · August 2010

Im really sorry. Thats hard. I mived for DHs job before we had kids and it ws no fun then.

IMO I think you should try and find a part time gig. My LOs go to day care and i will say they LOVE it. Im less frustrated bc they are not with me 100% of the day, i get adult interaction, i have made friends and so have the LOs. They love thier teachers. If you find a good place i think day care is a plus. Your LO will become more social and so will you.

As far as your DH goes mine works a TON also, but he LOVES his job and i know its what he has to do. I hate every second of the hours he works. and all the OT he pulls. Is there a way your DH could back off on a few hours?

One other suggestion for you to make friends is the super market hahaha i find i meet a lot of SAHM when i go to the food store on my day off. Also look into gyms or something like that or go to your local park there should be tons of SAHM. Be honest when you meet someone. Tell them you just moved and looking for someone to have play dates with. I think if you keep yourself busy DHs hours will effect you less.

smerka · August 2010

I get the same feelings you do and my husband doesn't work as many hours as yours. I agree that with the other poster, you should try to find a part time gig. I work at H&R Block during the tax season and it was pretty great. The hours were very flexible, but the pay sucks when you first start out. My situation was easier in that my inlaws could take care of my little guy so I didn't have to worry about daycare. I would also suggest looking harder for mommy groups (or start one of your own). You could also look for music classes or other things your park district might provide. You'll be amazed at how many women are in your exact situation.

dragon_chica · August 2010

I would rather have DH home with the family and living a modest life than having him work long hours to have a cushy life. But of course if it's long hours to make ends meet that's another story. But I strongly believe that in the end it's the sort of relationships you cultivate and maintain that's more important than whether or not you worked long hours at a job you love. A job won't give you hugs and kisses, just because.

CalinsBride · August 2010

I don't think you are selfish at all. In our house the rule is "family first". There is no way I'd be on board with DH working 7 days a week and not seeing his son ever. And I know he wouldn't be on board with that either. It would kill him to barely see DS.

Emilia0101 · August 2010

My husband is military so I understand the long hours and lack of help issue although mine doesn't have a choice until his enlistment is up. I was a SAHM for almost 6 months and like you I struggled with the issue of going back to work especially with a spouse that isn't help to help to often. I ended up getting hooked up with a great playgroup on meetup.com and I usually get together with the group once a week and have met some great mom's. I also found a part time job that is M-Th 8-12 so I have a little adult interaction, but if LO is sick I don't feel like it will hurt anyone if I am gone. I found a really small in home care option LO plus 2 kids for a total of 3. It is what works for me now. For me I enjoy working a little and I feel like it gives me a good balance. Good luck with your choice and I hope you find something that works for you. I guess life is just to short to put family on the back burner you never get a do-over as a parent.

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