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I feel like I am cheating

mdluv21mdluv21
in Trouble TTC

I just submitted all the paperwork and consent forms to have my records sent over to another clinic for my IVF consult at the end of the month.

I feel really guilty because I LOVE my RE but it is a small practice and their success rates for IVF are not very high and I really want a state of the art lab since we will need ICSI.  Plus, I am really hoping for a shared risk program.

She kept saying though, "If these IUIs don't work out, I know we will succeed at IVF."  I feel like she is really vested in seeing us succeed.

It is just too much money and everything else to not go with the place where we would have the best chance of success...

Has anyone else gone through feeling like this?

Hopefully, the IUI will work and I won't even have to move to another clinic.  Smile   DH thinks I am silly for feeling so guilty.

Edit

TTC since 07/2009
Me: PCOS, Blood/Immune Issues DH: Low all 3
Jun.- Sep. 2010 IUI#1-#3 = BFN
Oct. 2010 = IVF #1 = B/G Twins (passed away Feb. 2011)
May 2011 = Myomectomy and trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC)
Sep. 2011 = Surprise BFP = C/P
Feb. 2012 = sFET #1 = BFN
Feb.2012 = Hail Mary IUI #4 = BFN
April/May 2012 = FET #2 w/our last two embies = BFP (Please let this be it!)
Beta #1 8dp5/6dt = 234 Beta #2 10dp5/6dt = 695 Beta #3 12dp5/6dt = 1796 Beta #4 17dp5/6dt = 17,888 U/S #1 May 17, 2012 = Twins
Baby B's heart stop beating at 9 weeks 5 days
Our little miracle baby is a boy. :)

Baby Boy Owen and Baby Girl Avery were born too early on Feb. 13, 2011 due to a pedunculated fibroid, incompetent cervix and suspected placental abruption.
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

"What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose." - Henry Ward Beecher
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
Lots of love and luck to my PAIF/3T/IF Veteran ladies, especially my dear friend Zookie. Congrats to Papps, Teach84 and Starbuck on their little ones.
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Re: I feel like I am cheating

  • cutebride73cutebride73 member
    I completely understand your feelings.  I would feel guilty too.  If I like someone I feel like I am disappointing them.  But, ultimately you have to do what gives you the best chance for getting pregnant.  Especially since, unfortunately cost is a factor.  It shouldn't be, for any of us, but it is.  I think women are more relationship oriented, which is why we feel guilty over things like this and men don't.  Meet with the other center, get a feel for them and then decide what to do.  You will know if you are making the right choice. 
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  • Kathy4678Kathy4678 member

    It's kinda like going to a new hair place...  Embarrassed

    But I agree with you. You want the BEST possible results. It's a lot of investment- time, money, emotions- so I don't blame you. However, I can see how you might feel guilty.

    I really hope that this isn't an issue for you!! Hopefully the IUI will be the end of the road for you!!

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  • rebelina1rebelina1 member
    I think you are doing the right thing.  IVF is a huge expense so I would want to go with a clinic that has good success rates too.  Try not to feel guilty.  Good luck with the consult but I really hope you won't need it!
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  • HelsHels member

    We'll probably have to switch clinics too if we got with IVF. Ours does IVF but doesn't have any Shared Risk programs or Multiple Cycle Plans. You gotta do what you gotta do...



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  • jillmathenyjillmatheny member
    That's totally understandable.  But you have a huge reason in going with another RE who can do a shared risk program since you are OOP and I'm sure that they understand that. Hopefully you (and I) won't have to worry about that dang IVF anyway!! :o)
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  • mikeandangiemikeandangie
    I would totally lose sleep if I had to change my RE. Heck even if my RE were the worst person in the world, I would probably still feel guilty :) But you have to do what's best for you. You get to be "selfish" in this instance. Cost is a big factor and you want someone with good (no, great) success rates. Did you try to see if your current RE can work something out with you in terms of costs? Although, if her rates are not great, I understand why you wouldn't want to stay there. 
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  • loloindiegololoindiego

    I totally understand md.. I was struggling this because I love love love my RE, but I really wanted to go to this other clinic with amazing success rates when (if) we do IVF. I got lucky because my RE decided to refer us to that clinic, because he felt too emotionally invested already and I really think he knew we'd have better success rates there.

    Your RE should understand that if their success rates aren't as good as another clinics, you probably won't stick with them.. especially since you're OOP!

    Don't feel guilty hun.. do what you think is best for you :)

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  • abvernonabvernon

    I think it is ok to feel guilty but you are doing what is best for the both of you. If that means going to a different clinic, then so be it.

    GL!!!! You know I have always been thinking of you.

    BTW-we should meet up some time b/c I think we live near each other. 

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  • imoveritimoverit member
    Good for you for taking charge of what's best for you and your DH!!!  GL with the IUI, I hope this is it.
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  • mdluv21mdluv21
    imageabvernon:

    I think it is ok to feel guilty but you are doing what is best for the both of you. If that means going to a different clinic, then so be it.

    GL!!!! You know I have always been thinking of you.

    BTW-we should meet up some time b/c I think we live near each other. 

    I am rooting for you too!

    We should get together sometime Smile

    TTC since 07/2009
    Me: PCOS, Blood/Immune Issues DH: Low all 3
    Jun.- Sep. 2010 IUI#1-#3 = BFN
    Oct. 2010 = IVF #1 = B/G Twins (passed away Feb. 2011)
    May 2011 = Myomectomy and trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC)
    Sep. 2011 = Surprise BFP = C/P
    Feb. 2012 = sFET #1 = BFN
    Feb.2012 = Hail Mary IUI #4 = BFN
    April/May 2012 = FET #2 w/our last two embies = BFP (Please let this be it!)
    Beta #1 8dp5/6dt = 234 Beta #2 10dp5/6dt = 695 Beta #3 12dp5/6dt = 1796 Beta #4 17dp5/6dt = 17,888 U/S #1 May 17, 2012 = Twins
    Baby B's heart stop beating at 9 weeks 5 days
    Our little miracle baby is a boy. :)

    Baby Boy Owen and Baby Girl Avery were born too early on Feb. 13, 2011 due to a pedunculated fibroid, incompetent cervix and suspected placental abruption.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    "What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose." - Henry Ward Beecher
    SAIF/PAIF Welcome
    Lots of love and luck to my PAIF/3T/IF Veteran ladies, especially my dear friend Zookie. Congrats to Papps, Teach84 and Starbuck on their little ones.
    Report Reply
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