Too early to start...

tlalli7106 · August 2010

planning? I'm a big planner, very organized, check lists for pretty much everything in my life and everthing has it's own place. I know when it comes to TTC there's a lot more to it than planning ahead, but I know it sure doesn't hurt anything. My husband is active duty and is getting ready to deploy again; he will be gone 6-8 months. We have decided to wait and TTC when he comes home. I have it set to start prenatal vitamins this November 2010 and stop taking my BC pills in May when he leaves. Is there anything else I should look at? I bought and read "What to Expect BEFORE You're Expecting' front and back a couple of times. I even made my own "Baby Bucket List" if you will, that includes: paying off student loans, getting down to a healthy weight and that trip to Hawaii my husband and I have been planning. My problem is, I have been having strong feelings about TTC conceive sooner, my fear is getting pregnant before my husband deploys and him either missing the pregnancy or birth. I know he won't always be around, that's just the military for you...guess I just need someone else's perspective, thanks all!

LyndseylovesHugh · August 2010

Hi! I mainly just lurk on this board, I post more on the Military Nesties board, but I wanted to chime in. I am in the same boat as you, we are trying to figure out when to start TTC and we have come to the conclusion that timing is never going to be perfect in the military so we are going to start when we both feel 100% ready and not take his schedule into account to much. I am not sure how often your H deploys, but my fear is I wait for H to get back from a deployment, we start TTC, it takes a long time to conceive and then he gets deployed again right after I get pregnant. Then I will be pregnant while he is gone regardless, and I wasted a few years not TTC because I wanted the timing to be perfect. You never know how long it will take you, so if you are ready sooner I would say try, but if you are truly not ready (financially, emotionally, etc) before he deploys then wait until he gets back. Just my two cents, coming from someone who has not yet gone through a deployment, maybe some of the ladies who have gone through one will have better/different advice for you.

And another great book for you to get is "Taking Charge of your Fertility." It is wonderful!

babyonthebrain2010 · August 2010

hi! well nobody can tell you when it's "right" to have a baby, but something I've learned over the past year is no matter how much you plan, make lists, do research.. stuff just sorta happens when it's "meant to"

I can tell you my personal story, it sounds a lot like yours. we decided one year ago that we would start TTC, knowing that DH would deploy in the spring of this year... we hoped that we would get lucky, get pregnant right away, have the baby shortly before he left. I read what to expect before you're expecting... I read practically every book on getting pregnant I could get my hands on.. I replaced my BC with prenatal vitamins and long story short.. 9 cycles later we had still not conceived and were starting to prepare for DH's deployment. we "stopped trying" and figured we'd just pick up trying again when he returned. that was the month I got pregnant. I still almost don't believe it! we tried for months and months and then quit trying and it just happened?!?! so long story short my DH is currently deployed and I am due in December, but DH is not due to come home for at least a few months after that. I can tell you it's a very scary thing to be pregnant and alone, and I can also tell you that I don't want to worry my DH about my every little stress because I don't want to stress him out more! luckily for me I have a ton of friends and family who are helping me out with absolutely everything.. but like I said you can plan all you want and things just sort of happen.. so if you and your husband really feel you're ready to have kids, I say start trying now and if you get pregnant right away.. or if you are pregnant/have the baby while he's gone you will just know that's the way it was meant to be. if you think you'll resent him/your pregnancy if that happens then I say wait. anyway this is getting ridiculously long and I'm not sure if I'm even being helpful!

tlalli7106 · August 2010

Thanks to both of you, very helpful replies. I am a big believer that everything happens for a reason, and as you mentioned in your post "it's going to happen when it happens". I too have a lot of great friends here (San Diego) and unfortunately both of our families are back east but they would be out here in a heartbeat for support when he is gone. My husband says all the time, there is never a perfect time for anything in the military. We just have to roll with the punches and make the best of out of everything

Thanks again and good luck to both of you!

DowagerCountessofNJ · August 2010

I have no advice for you other than to start taking prenatal vitamins as soon as possible (even before you stop BC).

Also, you should really take the dates out of your original post due to OPSEC.

Sezjj · August 2010

It's a tough one that's for sure. We started TTC so he would be here for the last few months, the birth and first few months after. Nope dodn't happen. I am due in Dec right in the middle of his deployment so he won't be around for my last tri, birth and first few months etc. They are going to try to get him back for the birth but who knows right? Double that with I am not from the USA (Australia) and with no friends and family around....well you get the picture. The fact is though there is never a good time to have children and you cannot put your life on hold waiting for the 'right time'. Things will happen when you and your husband's bodies are ready. Just try and prepare financially as much as you can while you can. Get a support group happening and just go with the flow as much as possible to de-stress. As the AF wife (sorry forgot tag name) said what happened with her and her DH is that it happened when they weren't trying. You never can tell.

Goodluck!

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