Let's discuss young marriage for a minute...

pete0121 · July 2010

WDYT?

I, too, was married young. 23. We started dating at 16. We did grow up together and went through a lot of stuff together with our families and such. We worked our a$$es off to get through college in 4 years and get really good jobs so that we could start our life together. We were married 4 years last month...not that long in big picture, but still... So for us, getting married wasn't about how old we were....it was about what we had done together and what we wanted to still do together as our own family. Not looking for approval, but I was a little surprised by how many people inferred that one should wait until their 30's to get married...even if they've found some one.

pete0121 · July 2010

LOL! I just noticed that the Married Life girl is also from Peoria. No I don't know her! Big Smile

antes22 · July 2010

Similar story for us but even younger. Started dating at 15, married after our junior year of college at 21, graduated the following spring. We've been married 4 years and we have a fantastic relationship, own our home and love our kids. Everyone is different and for us it's been great so far.

Oh and we also waited until we were married to live together and have sex but that's probably for a different thread Wink

pharmacygirl · July 2010

I met my DH when I turned 23. We had considered getting married shortly after we met but we decided to wait until I had finished pharmacy school. It was a demanding program and I was able to focus more with just a boyfriend rather than a husband. Besides he would have had to support me rather than my parents if we were married. That alone made the decision much easier IMO. I am so glad we waited. We were financially secure and I even bought a house on my own before we got married (age 28). Waiting made sense to us. I have no issues though with those who would rather get married in their early 20's. To each their own. I will say that most of my friends that got married b/w 18 and 25 are pretty much all divorced now or in marriges that suck. I can only think of 2 couples that are still really happily married that got married young.

CalinsBride · July 2010

DH and I got married when we were 21. I'm going to be honest and say that it would have been easier had we waited. Because we got married before I was done school, it took me longer to finish my degree (I just graduated this year) and DH is also still in school (and will be until he gets his PhD).

Would I say it was a mistake to get married when we did? Certainly not. But would I encourage someone else to wait until they are financially stable and established in their careers? Oh, heck yes! lol.

I do not regret my decision, but if I could go back and change things, I think I would have chosen to not even meet my DH until we were both older and more established. I actually would have just stayed single, finished school, and got a job, then met him and fallen in love. But you can't plan these things.

Our marriage has had its fair share of ups and downs for sure, but we have been through so much together and are really solid. We have changed a lot since we met, we've changed since we got married, and we will continue to change, but we're committed to adapting to those changes in their other person and supporting them as they explore unchartered territory.

When people ask me if it's hard being married young, I usually say, 'No, it's hard being married poor" lol.

Echowysp · July 2010

To me, I'm all about people living a rich full life without being married and kids. To me, just out of college isn't a long enough time to really experience what the world holds for you as just you and not as someone's wife or someone's mother. I now know how "restricting" it can be to have those responsibilities... I wouldn't have been able to just jump in my car and drive solo to Alaska, like I did or to really learn how to handle difficult life situations just on my own skills and doings.

But I know people who are happy after being married young. And they will be done with child rearing way before me, so they can have carefree years again. Dh and I will still be going to school plays and soccer games well into our 50s. So, it's a trade off. But I will discourage my children from marrying young.

CalinsBride · July 2010

Echowysp:

But I know people who are happy after being married young. And they will be done with child rearing way before me, so they can have carefree years again. Dh and I will still be going to school plays and soccer games well into our 50s. So, it's a trade off. But I will discourage my children from marrying young.

And this. Our kids will be out of the house by the time we're 45. Booya!

armywife7205 · July 2010

We got married at 22 (me) and 23 (DH). We had been friends dating for almost 5 years. We new we were going to get married at some point and there was no time like then. He deployed 363 days after we were married and spent the next 15 months in Baghdad. I don't regret it a single minute. We just celebrated 5 years in July. We have been through more in the past 5 years than many people will go through in their entire lives. We have worked really hard to make sure we have been connected as a couple through all the distance and times apart.

I think the couple makes young marriage successful or not. Marriage isn't easy at any age!

antes22 · July 2010

Echowysp:
But I know people who are happy after being married young. And they will be done with child rearing way before me, so they can have carefree years again. Dh and I will still be going to school plays and soccer games well into our 50s. So, it's a trade off. But I will discourage my children from marrying young.
Yup, Dh and I will be in our late 40's when our children will be grown and our mortgage to our home will be paid off.

Mary0913 · July 2010

DH and I got married at 22 and 23, a little over a year after we'd graduated from college. We started dating in high school - our first date was DH's senior prom (cheeser!). It was important to us for me to start and finish grad-school, to travel, enjoy doing stuff with our friends, etc. for a few years, so we didn't have DD until we were married for 5 years. We were both completely ready to get married when we did and were completely ready for kids when we started TTC.

I believe that no matter when you get married, you just need to prioritize what you want to do, see, accomplish so that you don't feel like you missed out, are unfulfilled, etc.

Sage Mommy · July 2010

The whole age issue irritates me. Did we all make the best possible decisions at every single stage in our lives or could we have calculated a better time to have kids, get married, change jobs etc? You do what makes you happy and inevitably most will make wrong decisions at some point which will (hopefully) promote growth and understanding.

macchiatto · July 2010

I have friends who married young and are very happy (and a few who are divorced by now, yes). As I mentioned in another thread, DH and I met when I was 29 and he was 37. Before that, I had spent 5 years in Asia and had lots of great life experiences, then moved back to the US to start grad school and that's when I met DH. He got out of a bad first marriage so he wouldn't have been available when I was 20 anyway.

For me, it worked out well; I'm really glad I had a chance to do all the things I did before getting married and having kids. I had a very rich, full life in my 20s and have a different type of rich, full life now. But if I had met someone I could really see myself marrying when I was 20, I really don't think I would've held out till 30 before tying the knot. I'm not a fan of looooooooong dating relationships/engagements.

electricdoctor83 · July 2010

We have a similar story. Started dating when I was 14 and DH was 16. We "dated" all thru H.S and then went to seperate colleges. We bought our first home my sophomore year of college and lived together for over 5 years before we got married.

We told eachother we wouldn't get married until we both finished college and got great jobs, which we did. I married my best friend. It will be 2 years in November.

ljlkm · July 2010

With all due respect to everyone here who got married young, I still don't think it's a good idea. I'm well aware that it can work out great (I have many wonderful examples among my friends) but it is still the number one predictor of divorce. If DS comes to me when he is 19 and tells me he wants to get married, I'll tell him the same thing.

That said, if he still wants to go through with getting married, I'll support him. Because, after all, plenty of young couples make it and plenty of people who get married after 30 end up divorced, so who's to say for each individual's situation. I certainly don't have a crystal ball.

chubabubsmom · July 2010

My Dh and I started dating when we were 14. We were living together at 17 I graduated high school early and due to family issues I decided to move out young. We got married when I was 20 and he was 21. I am now 24 and very happy. I don't know where or how I would be without the support and love of my DH. I am very happy with the decision I made when I said I Do at the age 20. Whenever my son is ready to get married whether he is 20 or 30 I will support his decision. I just hope he and his spouse are as happy as his Father and me are. I don't think age is really what matters its whenever you feel ready to. We do own our home, have a handsome son, and My husband has a great paying job,but I have an even better job staying at home with my son.

ChubbyCheekiesMom · July 2010

Echowysp:
To me, I'm all about people living a rich full life without being married and kids. To me, just out of college isn't a long enough time to really experience what the world holds for you as just you and not as someone's wife or someone's mother. I now know how "restricting" it can be to have those responsibilities... I wouldn't have been able to just jump in my car and drive solo to Alaska, like I did or to really learn how to handle difficult life situations just on my own skills and doings.
But I know people who are happy after being married young. And they will be done with child rearing way before me, so they can have carefree years again. Dh and I will still be going to school plays and soccer games well into our 50s. So, it's a trade off. But I will discourage my children from marrying young.

I was married at 20 but didn't have DS until I was 26. I do not feel I missed out on anything. I think people have different ideas what kind of life the want to lead. I never wanted to be a Career woman, nor did I want to go out every night and get drunk at a bar. I feel I've lived my life to the fullest with person I chose to spend it with.

My parents have been married 32 years, and they were married at 19-21. My mom had 2 kids by 23. And in her early 40's became a grandma. She will be able to watch her grand children grow up and have some of their own, and for me that is really exciting.

I look forward to celebrating our 50 year anniversary still young at only 70.

To each their own.

kes3237 · July 2010

I think in general it is better to wait to get married and have kids. Most people do a lot of changing in their 20's and who are they are 20 isn't who they are at 30. Of course, people still change in their 30's (and 40's and so on) but typically, studies show that the "changing" tapers off quite a bit once a person reaches 30. That being said, of course there are exceptions. And of course, many anecdotes will show that people who got married young changed "together" and their marriage still works or became even stronger. This is one of those things, I suppose, where each person's story is very different.

erbear · July 2010

I don't know. It works for some people but I wouldn't trade my 20s for marriage and kids for anything. DH and I started dating at 16 too, but we didn't get married until I was 27, and I was 31 when I had Kate. I lived on my own for 2 years after college and we got to have 5 years as a married couple before baby and we both grew up so much in that time. I'd never have gotten married sooner.

Leila'sMommy · July 2010

We were married at 20

We weren't even old enough to drink yet, so we toasted with sparkling cider. We have a spectacular marriage, and we figured why put it off - we always knew we were going to be together forever, so we got married early on

~Soleil~ · July 2010

We got married when I was 20 and DH was 22. He just started with the sheriff's office and I was still in college. My parents offered to pay for our wedding or use the money as a downpayment for a house. We chose a house so that already put us in a better situation than most. I think we are the exception rather than the rule. I think it all depends on one's situation.

DarthNBJenni · July 2010

My parents married at 19 and are still together. I married in my mid-twenties and it didn't work out. It just depends on the person.

MrsBeckaT615 · July 2010

Bottom line, people have no idea what they're talking about.

Everyone comes up with all these silly reasons to divorce each other: don't give me enough attention, gained too much weight, we're grown apart, not attracted to them blah blah blah. Marriage is a commitment. It's not what's great at the time. No matter who you marry, they not perfect and there might be issues you argue about your entire life.

Ultimately, everyone should just focus on being happy with who they have instead of worrying about what's best for others. Who cares if you married young, as long as you take the commitment of marriage seriously- God bless. You're father ahead than so many other married couples.

earthboundmisfit · July 2010

I got married the week I turned 21. DH was 26. Age was never a factor in the decision. It was more like...I love DH, and he's asked me to marry him. Do I want to say NO just because I'm "too young"? I can't help that I met the right person at 18. I wasn't going to put off marrying him because I wasn't the "right" age yet. That just doesn't make sense to me. Some people find the right person at 18, some at 23, some at 30 and some at 60.

mechanicsgirl · July 2010

I don't have a whole lot to add other than my experience. I read all the other threads on the ML forum. I met DH when I was 16 and he was 18. We dated through high school, dealt with a lot of things (but by no means the types of things we've dealt with since we've been out on our own and married), and got married when I was 20 and he was 22.

I could tell everyone about my experiences that lead me to believe I was more mature than everyone else my age, but I don't really care what anyone else thinks. DH and I are happy, have a beautiful daughter, a son on the way, a happy home, and we'll do what it takes to keep it that way. End of story.

We've been married 3 years in December.

Buckets of Moonbeams · July 2010

My husband and I are crazy in love with each other and have a wonderful marriage. We started dating at 16 and got married just after I turned 21, and finished our senior year of college as newlyweds (and it wasn't long before I got pregnant with K.) We've been married just over 3 years. I couldn't imagine my life without my H and our babies. W grew up together and have grown into a beautiful relationship, and I'm proud of us and for what we've accomplished together.

JulyFiveBride · July 2010

I was listening to a talk show discussing this a couple months ago. I have no idea where they go their data, so it might be totally off, but they were saying more recent studies are showing that women who get married really young (under 21, I think?) are less likely to divorce than people in the slightly older range (21-25ish?) but slightly more likely to divorce than those over 30. Men were LEAST likely to get divorced if married either very young or over 30. The early twenties were the highest statistic. It was interesting, if it's true.

I'm actually kind of surprised that people view getting married at 23-24 to be getting married too young. That seems to be a pretty average age to marry among my friends and family. Very few people I know waited until their 30s to get married. My dad is the only person I can think of and he's divorced, lol. Maybe it's just where I'm from, is it more common in other places for people to wait a lot longer than that?

Echowysp · July 2010

JulyFiveBride:
I was listening to a talk show discussing this a couple months ago. I have no idea where they go their data, so it might be totally off, but they were saying more recent studies are showing that women who get married really young (under 21, I think?) are less likely to divorce than people in the slightly older range (21-25ish?) but slightly more likely to divorce than those over 30. Men were LEAST likely to get divorced if married either very young or over 30. The early twenties were the highest statistic. It was interesting, if it's true.
I'm actually kind of surprised that people view getting married at 23-24 to be getting married too young. That seems to be a pretty average age to marry among my friends and family. Very few people I know waited until their 30s to get married. My dad is the only person I can think of and he's divorced, lol. Maybe it's just where I'm from, is it more common in other places for people to wait a lot longer than that?

A lot of my friends have advanced degrees and waited to get married (not that you can't go for a Master's while married, but many were too busy to bother dating) until late 20s or early 30s. Some of us just didn't meet the right person that early on. I know I *thought* I was ready for marriage at 24. I know I sooo wanted to marry my bf at the time. Thank god I didn't because he turned out to be a complete ass at the end and I would've been miserable. He was an ass and I didn't have the skills or insight that would've made for a smooth marriage. I ended up not dating for a long time until my mid-30s when I started dating dh. I got to live a single life that didn't revolve around a man and I really appreciated it. It made my partnership with dh even sweeter once we did get together (he's my best friend's brother and I've known him since early 20s).

That's just me though and I'd pass that on to my children too.

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