ERGGGGHHHHHH!!!! MIL! (Shower vent)

Mrs.Johns · July 2010

She is freaking out hysterically on the phone right now at H because we won't let her have these 5 people at the baby shower.

We already let her have some other people who we thought were at least appropriate. These people she is freaking out over are:

1. 3 cousins-- I wasn't invited to their showers (and H wasn't even invited to one of their weddings!)

2. H's godmother who he hasn't seen since our wedding and before that he hadn't seen her since before he went to college.

3. MIL's aunt, who is 93, has dimentia and probably won't even know who we are. She didn't come to our wedding. Why confuse the poor old lady??

Anyway, I am sticking to my guns on this. It's not right to invite those people. It's tacky. UGH. Am I just being a biitch?

ETA: Forgot to mention that my mom is throwing the shower and MIL is certifiably insane--- I wish that were a joke.

jamiemsmith · July 2010

Wow... nope them hos ain't comin!! My saying is, if I haven't talked to you in over a year, you don't deserve consideration.

SpartanChick88 · July 2010

Your shower, your baby, your choice. screw the MIL

Disneygeek77 · July 2010

No, you have every right to have a small intimate shower. Besides it is up to the hosts to decide if it is too much. It is pretty presumptuous to just assume that your hosts can just take on more people. Stick to your guns and realize that it is ok if she is upset. It's not like the earth will stop spinning.

LCB34 · July 2010

It's 5 people. Just invite them and shut her up. Not worth it IMO to have her upset and biitching at y'all over 5 people.

MrsG NC · July 2010

I don't think you are being a biitch at all. The shower is for you, why have guests who you maintain no relationship with? If I received an invite to a shower for someone who I rarely see or speak to, I not only would not attend but I would probably find it a little odd that I made the guest list...

dasaher · July 2010

Nope, you're not being a *** at all! In fact, isn't this YOUR baby shower? I mean, I'm all for trying to make people happy when you can, but isn't this about YOU and YOUR BABY?!?

In fact (and I hate to say this in terms of creating more stress for you), what if you have two separate showers? One where you have your friends, etc. and one where she can invite anyone she wants. That way, everyone's happy, and you have a day where you get to have fun and she can't guilt you about how so-and-so isn't there or whatever.

Murdock12 · July 2010

OMG she's still going on about "her guests"? I get why you want to stick to your guns but I'd have to say that it just wouldn't be worth the fight to me. What a PITA

Breerene · July 2010

Your shower your call!

yourmom5309 · July 2010

When she wants to have another baby she can make the shower invite list. Until then, it is your baby, so your shower. Plus, it is a frickin' baby shower - not a wedding. It's not like those five people will really care that much if they aren't invited.

mhazel1204 · July 2010

It's your shower so you should have the say regarding who is invited. Unless MIL is paying, she can't just invite who she wants. My MIL pulled this crap with our wedding, we did not invite the people she wanted (people I had never met and dh hadn't seen in years) and they showed up anyway! Sometimes it's more of a power struggle between the wife and MIL than anything else. Stick to your guns! And kudos to dh if he's on your side!

Kitiara5512 · July 2010

I would invite them only if she was the one hosting the shower, but if the shower is being hosted by anyone else, hell no. Tell her that if she wants to host one, she can invite whoever she wants.

locash · July 2010

LCB34:
It's 5 people. Just invite them and shut her up. Not worth it IMO to have her upset and biitching at y'all over 5 people.

That's my thought. I honestly can say that my only MIL gripe was her enormous list for our wedding. I'm sure it will be the same for the shower. But, I also told her that if her guest list was going to be so large, we needed her to chip in (for the wedding). She threw me a shower for her friends and family, so I didn't care who was invited.

LittleApple · July 2010

LCB34:
It's 5 people. Just invite them and shut her up. Not worth it IMO to have her upset and biitching at y'all over 5 people.

I agree. It is just 5 people and seriously why does it matter to you that much? I would just let it go.

amjra · July 2010

LCB34:
It's 5 people. Just invite them and shut her up. Not worth it IMO to have her upset and biitching at y'all over 5 people.

.. and if they are not as close as you say they aren't.. they won't come anyway.

trinadesrosiers · July 2010

I know the lines must be grey, but If she is hosting the shower isn't it kind of rude to say, you can host it, but you can't invite who you want?

I think if you fall into the mentality that you are not allowed to host your own shower, it would make sense that whoever is hosting it, has the say in what they do with it as well.

also, besides that, I agree with the posters on I wouldn't think it is worth the fight.

laurel22 · July 2010

I don't think you're being b!tchy, but who's hosting the shower? If your MIL is, then technically she can invite whoever she wants. If someone else is hosting, then no, someone needs to tell her to stop.

That being said, regarding the actual guests:

1. Don't let her invite the cousins, especially if you weren't invited to their showers. That is definitely tacky.

2. Invite the Godmother, even if your DH hasn't seen her in awhile. Afterall, it is still his Godmother.

3. I don't see the harm in inviting the old lady, particularly since it sounds like she probably won't come anyway.

Mrs.Johns · July 2010

locash:

LCB34:
It's 5 people. Just invite them and shut her up. Not worth it IMO to have her upset and biitching at y'all over 5 people.

That's my thought. I honestly can say that my only MIL gripe was her enormous list for our wedding. I'm sure it will be the same for the shower. But, I also told her that if her guest list was going to be so large, we needed her to chip in (for the wedding). She threw me a shower for her friends and family, so I didn't care who was invited.

It's just that she pulls this crap every time she doesn't get her way (hyesterical crying and total meltdown freakout). I told H to do what he wanted and that at this point it's his call. I just find it offensive to invite someone to buy me a gift when I didn't get them one. So freaking tacky.

I just hate her. She said she'd pay for them, that's not the point. She's crazy (legit) and thinks that every event is a family reuinion. Their table already has 7 people at it and 40 people are invited. That means so far she has 15% of the people who are invited. It's not like she is getting the shaft.

Mrs.Johns · July 2010

trinadesrosiers:

I know the lines must be grey, but If she is hosting the shower isn't it kind of rude to say, you can host it, but you can't invite who you want?

I think if you fall into the mentality that you are not allowed to host your own shower, it would make sense that whoever is hosting it, has the say in what they do with it as well.

also, besides that, I agree with the posters on I wouldn't think it is worth the fight.

My mom & step-mom are hosting it. MIL is certifiable. MIL told H she wanted to throw us a baby shower and H said no because we didn't really know anyone she was going to invite (not joking, we knew like 7 people). Then MIL asked if she could invite a few people to the shower my mom is throwing. He told her to send him the list and he'd get it to my mom--- we keep my mom sheltered from his mom because she is mental. We got the list and there were 12 or 13 people on it. She got to keep 6 including her and FIL. Now she is having a cow about the other people.

The only reason it's worth the fight is because she pulls this BSC over everything. She'll freak out about no christening next. It's always something.

Disneygeek77 · July 2010

Mrs.Johns:
locash:

LCB34:
It's 5 people. Just invite them and shut her up. Not worth it IMO to have her upset and biitching at y'all over 5 people.

That's my thought. I honestly can say that my only MIL gripe was her enormous list for our wedding. I'm sure it will be the same for the shower. But, I also told her that if her guest list was going to be so large, we needed her to chip in (for the wedding). She threw me a shower for her friends and family, so I didn't care who was invited.

It's just that she pulls this crap every time she doesn't get her way (hyesterical crying and total meltdown freakout). I told H to do what he wanted and that at this point it's his call. I just find it offensive to invite someone to buy me a gift when I didn't get them one. So freaking tacky.

I just hate her. She said she'd pay for them, that's not the point. She's crazy (legit) and thinks that every event is a family reuinion. Their table already has 7 people at it and 40 people are invited. That means so far she has 15% of the people who are invited. It's not like she is getting the shaft.

Exactly. EXACTLY. She has to learn that crying and throwing dramatics doesn't get her way. If you give into this she will learn that being a drama llama will get her way. Stnad up for what you want.

Temp305315937507972 · July 2010

LCB34:
It's 5 people. Just invite them and shut her up. Not worth it IMO to have her upset and biitching at y'all over 5 people.

I have to agree plus probably they won't even go.

Mrs.Johns · July 2010

lissasue3:

LCB34:
It's 5 people. Just invite them and shut her up. Not worth it IMO to have her upset and biitching at y'all over 5 people.

Yep, and like PP said, they might not even come OR send a gift.

Don't worry about being tacky, I'm sure her family members know that she's crazy.

LOL I think we all know she is crazy.

I hate being tacky especially when gifts are involved.

PunkyBooster · July 2010

Who is hosting this shower? Seems that the hostess is the one who needs to be dealing with your MIL.

If your MIL wants control of the guest list, she should throw you her own shower.

t.bird · July 2010

i find it hilarious that she's pitching a fit cause she can't have her way.

stick to your guns. no mean no. ha!

Mrs.Johns · July 2010

t.bird:

i find it hilarious that she's pitching a fit cause she can't have her way.

stick to your guns. no mean no. ha!

She told him that she'll never talk to him again. What a nut.

We'll probably end up letting her invite them because I don't want a baby shower to be the cause of that sort of thing. She is fvcking mental. Who doesn't talk to their own son over a stupid baby shower. I just hate giving in when someone is being a hysterical mess. I feel like we're condoning the behavior. You know?

Mrs.Johns · July 2010

Beanie_mrt:

Oh, also?

Your going to regret it when you're MIL screws up yur shower.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

NFT, btw.

Your so funy. hah

She probably won't even make it there on time because it's a brunch and she usually sleeps until 1 or 2.

LILBIT1221 · July 2010

for some reason your MIL Drama never gets old to me!?

Maybe because she isnt MY MIL?

Mrs.Johns · July 2010

LILBIT1221:

for some reason your MIL Drama never gets old to me!?

Maybe because she isnt MY MIL?

Are you sure you don't want her? I'll throw in a free FIL and crazy BIL? They have good pills.... haha

Disneygeek77 · July 2010

Mrs.Johns:
t.bird:

i find it hilarious that she's pitching a fit cause she can't have her way.

stick to your guns. no mean no. ha!

She told him that she'll never talk to him again. What a nut.

We'll probably end up letting her invite them because I don't want a baby shower to be the cause of that sort of thing. She is fvcking mental. Who doesn't talk to their own son over a stupid baby shower. I just hate giving in when someone is being a hysterical mess. I feel like we're condoning the behavior. You know?

See I think this is the perfect opportunity to stand your ground. She doesn't talk to your husband, oh well, her loss. You have every right to set boundaries but I think it is easier to do it with a baby shower than say the delivery room. What are you going to do when she is hysterical when she can't be there when your baby is born, what are you going to do when she throws hysterics when you don't have a baptism or you don't give your baby a name she likes. I just think that she is acting like a child in the candy aisle. They throw tantrums because they know people will give them what they want, so why should they stop? Being hysterical is obviously working for her.

Besides how do you know it will just stop with these 5 people? What if in a week she wants to invite 5 or ten more and again threatens to cut off communication with your husband. BEfore you know it your poor hosts are in over their heads because of all these people that MIL invited.

LittleApple · July 2010

Wow. Okay she sounds like a nutter. Apparently she has a back story! Since she is not throwing it, then she needs to take it up with the host, not you.

Mrs.Johns · July 2010

stw_77:
See I think this is the perfect opportunity to stand your ground. She doesn't talk to your husband, oh well, her loss. You have every right to set boundaries but I think it is easier to do it with a baby shower than say the delivery room. What are you going to do when she is hysterical when she can't be there when your baby is born, what are you going to do when she throws hysterics when you don't have a baptism or you don't give your baby a name she likes. I just think that she is acting like a child in the candy aisle. They throw tantrums because they know people will give them what they want, so why should they stop? Being hysterical is obviously working for her.
Besides how do you know it will just stop with these 5 people? What if in a week she wants to invite 5 or ten more and again threatens to cut off communication with your husband. BEfore you know it your poor hosts are in over their heads because of all these people that MIL invited.

ITA 100%. If my dad and step mom pulled this shiit they'd be out.

It's just not my choice. I will never put myself in the position to be the reason that H doesn't talk to his parents. If (and when to be honest) it ever does happen, it has to be his choice of his own free will. I wouldn't want to have that burden on our relationship. It's just not worth it.

Disneygeek77 · July 2010

Mrs.Johns:
stw_77:
See I think this is the perfect opportunity to stand your ground. She doesn't talk to your husband, oh well, her loss. You have every right to set boundaries but I think it is easier to do it with a baby shower than say the delivery room. What are you going to do when she is hysterical when she can't be there when your baby is born, what are you going to do when she throws hysterics when you don't have a baptism or you don't give your baby a name she likes. I just think that she is acting like a child in the candy aisle. They throw tantrums because they know people will give them what they want, so why should they stop? Being hysterical is obviously working for her.
Besides how do you know it will just stop with these 5 people? What if in a week she wants to invite 5 or ten more and again threatens to cut off communication with your husband. BEfore you know it your poor hosts are in over their heads because of all these people that MIL invited.

ITA 100%. If my dad and step mom pulled this shiit they'd be out.

It's just not my choice. I will never put myself in the position to be the reason that H doesn't talk to his parents. If (and when to be honest) it ever does happen, it has to be his choice of his own free will. I wouldn't want to have that burden on our relationship. It's just not worth it.

Stop putting this burden on yourself. SHE is the one choosing to not talk to him, not you. This is HER decision. You have every single right to stand up to her. THIS IS ALL HER DOING.

You can't let her hysterics and the fear of her cutting off contact do this to you. I know it is only a baby shower today but what about the future. What if it is Christmas day or birthday parties. Now is the time to make a stand.

Mrs.Johns · July 2010

stw_77:
Stop putting this burden on yourself. SHE is the one choosing to not talk to him, not you. This is HER decision. You have every single right to stand up to her. THIS IS ALL HER DOING.
You can't let her hysterics and the fear of her cutting off contact do this to you. I know it is only a baby shower today but what about the future. What if it is Christmas day or birthday parties. Now is the time to make a stand.

I'm not putting it on myself. It's not my choice and quite frankly shouldn't be. My H has brass balls, I'm not worried about him not being a big boy. He'll do what he feels is the right thing to do.

lilmgirl · July 2010

Just wanted to give you more hugs. I'm sorry she's so BSC.

stacee@ruraltel.net · July 2010

Wow....for me it's not my MIL that's a total psycho, it's DH SUPER ANNOYING SISTER.....AARRRGGGHHH!! She makes me want to SCREAM all the time....She tried to make our wedding hers...so many other annoying things....but I guess I have to be honest....I would not have the ballls to tell her no....I guess I am just a big ole' chicken. But it sure is fun to me when DH and I make our own private jokes about her and make fun of her...childish I know, but totally worth the laughs!

jamiemsmith · July 2010

stw_77:

You can't let her hysterics and the fear of her cutting off contact do this to you. I know it is only a baby shower today but what about the future. What if it is Christmas day or birthday parties. Now is the time to make a stand.

This is what I would fear... has she ever pulled the "I won't ever speak to you again" crap before? That cannot become routine! It's whatever's best for you guys... speak to your hostesses about it though.

beyoga · July 2010

Your not being a *** at all. It's called BOUNDARIES and it sounds like your MIL needs some. Your baby, your shower, your call! Remind her that she has already had a child and had the opportunity to invite whomever she wanted to it.

jceg123 · July 2010

It's not worth creating more dissention in your family, or putting your husband in the middle.

BabyyMamma · July 2010

PunkyBooster:
Who is hosting this shower? Seems that the hostess is the one who needs to be dealing with your MIL.
If your MIL wants control of the guest list, she should throw you her own shower.

this

and i dont think its about the people right? its more about the fact that MIL thinks she can throw a fit and get her way

RileyGrace · July 2010

Sorry that you have to deal with that crazy biitch. I hope she calms the eff down soon. Thank god there will be drinking at your shower!

ajcoghill · July 2010

t.bird:
i find it hilarious that she's pitching a fit cause she can't have her way.

stick to your guns. no mean no. ha!

"Just say no" like in the D.A.R.E. program!

ERGGGGHHHHHH!!!! MIL! (Shower vent)

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