How do you split the duties? — The Bump
Stay at Home Moms

How do you split the duties?

DH works Mon-Fri very long hours.  I am a SAHM.  We have one fantastic 1 year old girl.  I am curious how other similar family units split the duties of running a home and family.  More specifically once DH is home from work and on weekends, who does cooking, cleaning, washing dishes laundry,  bath time, diaper changes, play time, packing diaper bags, washing bottles, naps, etc...  I have my ideas on how it should work.  I wonder if I am part of the majority or minority.  I look forward to your responses.  Thanks.

Re: How do you split the duties?

  • I try to do it all. With that said, I also have a husband who will jump in and help with no issue. So there is no resentment. If he decided I needed to do it all because he works, then we'd have issues. 
    Kevin & Traci May 11, 2006 Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Photobucket
  • I try to do most of the cleaning of the house and the food shopping throughout the week (I have a spreadsheet).  The one thing I seem to never get to is LO's room so sometimes DH or I do that on the weekends.

    After dinner, we work together to clean up/wipe the counters and high chair/take care of LO.

    DH does all the outside stuff....pool/lawn and I assign him all the lightbulb changes/batter changes/little things like that that I don't feel like doing haha!

    my DH is very willing to do whatever, but I try hard to leave our w/e free for fun stuff since I do SAH.

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  • **just realized you were also asking about baby duties.

    DH feeds LO breakfast before he goes to work so I can get a shower and eat.  when he gets home from work, he takes LO while I get dinner together.  after we eat I get a break to treadmill/shower/relax.  I do the bedtime bottle, DH does bath, andwe take turns putting LO down.  on the w/e the bedtime routine is the same, but we just split up the rest of the day so we both get breaks and still get family time.

  • I do:

    all cleaning except for trash and bathrooms

    bath time (I bathe the kids during the day since this makes DS more hyper)

    all cooking

    bill paying

    home schooling

    he does:

    trash and bathrooms

  • who does cooking: mostly me, occasionally DH. If I cook, he cleans up after the meal, and vice versa

    cleaning: mostly me, but he does the organizing and putting things away

    washing dishes: see above for cooking

    laundry: me

    bath time: total team effort. It's one of the more fun things we do as a family these days

    diaper changes: mostly me, but he's not afraid to change a diaper

    play time: we're usually all in the LR together and hang out while DD plays

    packing diaper bags: whoever gets to it first

    washing bottles: this is DH's domain. He preps bottles every night

    naps: whoever wants to put her down at the time

    When DH has a deadline for getting things done over the weekend, we make a deal that one of us watches DD in the morning and the other one watches her in the afternoon. That way the other person has a solid chunk of time to get things done.

  • My DH is gone 12 hours a day, 6 days a week so that I can stay home.  I try to do most things, but he is an amazing help - I never have to ask him to jump in to do anything.

    I do the cleaning, shopping, (mostly) and a lot of the cooking.  I take care of most all of DD's needs. 

    DH does all of the home repairs, gardening & grass cutting, pays the bills, car maintenence and some cooking & laundry.  He plays with DD for a bit when he gets home, and watches her when I have a meeting or need a few hours to myself out of the house.

    <a href="" title="Pregnancy"><img src="" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>
    <a href="" title="Getting Pregnant"><img src="" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>
  • I do most of it.  I pack the diaper bag, do the laundry, put DD down for bed/naps, clean the house, vacuum, mop, sweep, etc.

    DH does dishes every day.  We don't have a dishwasher.  He does bath time when I ask him to, but many nights he has to work late and isn't home.  He averages maybe once per week.  He cooks breakfast on his days off and does all of the cooking on the grill.  He changes one diaper per day when he works and a couple on his day off.  When we are out in public, I always do it.  He has an irrational fear of dropping DD off one of those changing stations, but he never complains at home.  He plays with DD so I can get things done and often stays with her so I can run errands.  He will pick up things around the house and is pretty neat, so I don't have any big complaints.

    DD: 04/09 TTC#2 since 10/09 Dx: PCOS w/IR M/c #1: 07/10 M/c #2: 09/10 M/c #3: 03/11
  • Cooking - I do all of the cooking, but DH takes some kind of bar for breakfast and packs his sandwich/fruit and snacks for work.  I consider him cooking when we go out to eat ;) 

    Cleaning - I do most of the cleaning, but he is happy to chip in with clean up after dinner, vacuuming, and anything I really need help with (like right now I can't scrub the shower since I am pregnant with twins so he does that).  He does all of the yard work, car stuff (I might help if I want to), trash/recycling, and outside cleaning.  He also helps me with projects like organization.

    Washing Dishes - We pretty much wash whatever we use - like he doesn't leave dirty dishes for me to do.  I usually do the main cooking dishes (like pots, pans).

    Laundry - I do all of the laundry, but he is happy to help out if I need it.

    Bathtime - He usually does this since he and DS can just shower quickly together.  I bath/shower DS if we go to the pool or he needs it when DH isn't home.  When the twins come we plan to each bathe one (we will have two infant tubs) and let DS shower/bathe himself at the same time. 

    Diaper Changes - We both did these.  He didn't mind doing at least 1/2 when he was home since I did them all day.

    Playtime - He spends about an hour at night playing with DS and a lot on the weekends.

    Packing Diaper Bags - I usually did that.

    Washing Bottles - I pretty much handled that.

    Naps/Bedtime - He usually puts DS to bed (does the tasks - teeth, potty, PJs, reads).  We both pray with him.  On the weekends, he puts DS down for his nap.

    Basically I take care of a lot of things, but he works full-time and I get to be a SAHM so it seems fair.  He has a great attitude towards me and never looks down on what I do or feels like he is too good to jump in and clean up poop or wash dishes or scrub a toilet.  It's more like, "I'm home 50+ hours while he is at work and a lot of it happens on my watch, so I might as well do everything I can so we can enjoy the weekend."  If I get behind, he is happy to help me out.

  • Hi there!

    I feel like my replies lately always begin with the same ole statment but it really is true: my answer NOW varies greatly than it did 4 years ago when Emily was an infant!  DH and I have so much more experience and have worked out a great partnership where our family is concerned but it wasn't always that way!   :)

    In all honesty, my DH does the majority of the house/yard work; he's just very neat and domestic and naturally fell into the role of doing all the laundry, cleaning up after every meal, loading/unloading the dishwasher, yard maintenance, pet care, and trash/recycling.  He's quick to pick up a dust rag and the vacuum cleaner on weekends should something need to be cleaned and I've never had to ask him.  Next to him, I look like a total slob!

    Anyway, because he just sort of always did those things I mentioned above, I picked up the rest of the slack: I do all the shopping/meal planning/cooking/baking and pack his lunch and make breakfast every day, keep the daily clutter to a minimum, sweep/mop/dust throughout the week, pay all bills, run all the errands, and anything else I can get done during the workweek.  We have a Housekeeper that has been coming for 1 hour every Friday for years and she tackles our bathrooms, wipes down all the baseboards & molding (we live in 100-yr old Craftsman), cleans the windows/sills/blinds. 


    As far as Emily is concerned, he does the entire morning routine so I can get myself ready and make breakfast/pack lunch.  It's his only time during the day to spend with her and he really values it.  He brushes her hair and her teeth, helps her get dressed, plays with her, and gets her breakfast.  He's never home before about 8:00pm so, I do the entire bath/bed time routine myself.  He really takes over on weekends though, which is wonderful!

    eclaire 9.10.06  diggy 6.2.11

  • I DO:

    Bathing DS

    Cleaning/Organizing house


    DH Does:

    cat litter


    bill paying

    We BOTH do:

    Feeding DS


    Grocery Shop



  • I do everything you listed. I do everything but pay bills and mow grass. We grocery shop together. He helps with DD when he is home. If I need any help all I have to do is ask and he would be more than willing to help.
  • I do everything, aside from home renovations and taking the trash out!  Oh, and he does the cat litter now b/c I am pregnant.  My husband works 6 days a week so I'm here and it's my responsibility to get things done.  When he's here, he's hands-on and helps 100% but he works looong hours so I like everything to be in order when he gets home so we can all relax. That being said, I have been asking for more help lately b/c I am exhausted.
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