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Tatyana11
member
They didn't give us a wedding gift, do we give their son a graduation gift? (nbr)
Tatyana11
member
DH's distant relatives (they are our age) came to our wedding with no wedding gift. We had a very small wedding and only invited them because DH parents insisted (we do not usually see them or hang out with them). Now they invited us to their son's graduation party. Should we give their son a graduation gift?
DH thinks we should still give a gift since it is not their son's fault that his parents are cheap.
I am disgusted that they came to our wedding with no gift and I dont feel like giving their son a gift because it would be like transferring money from our household into their household (even if its for their son, he is still part of their household) and I would rather spend this money on my LO then those people.
It is really not money related, it is a matter of a principle, how can you go to a wedding with no gift?
I think we will just not go to the graduation party... What do you think?
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Re: They didn't give us a wedding gift, do we give their son a graduation gift? (nbr)
Wow. So sorry that you have people show up and just want to share a special day with you. Next time you get married, maybe you should just charge admission.
If you're going to be this petty and childish, don't even bother showing up at their party. I know I wouldn't want someone as nasty as this to spoil my son's moment.
GL
This. I wrote the thank you notes, but I honestly couldn't tell you who didn't get me a gift that was at my wedding. I didn't expect any gifts and feel blessed people wanted to get us things.
Brady Phoenix, 8.29.09
Claire Zoe, 10.26.10
These people have their own business and a huge house, they are not strapped for money. It is a matter of respect that when you go to an event, especially a wedding, that you bring a gift. It didn't have to be a big gift, it could have just been a card, it didn't have to be money. I did mention in my post that is it not money related.
I wouldn't feel right to be at their son's graduation party if I didn't get him at least something.
It is nor money related its a matter of common courtesy and respect and we dont even see them or hang out with them we only invited them because MIL pressured us and they didn't have to come to our wedding.
And I know we are not the only people who feel this way, our close friends just got married and they had 5 couples who did not bring gifts and these were the people who were really well off (lawyers, own businesses, etc.) and now our friends said they will not attend these people's events because they also simply can not understand how these people can go to a wedding and not bring at least something.
If you want to play tit-for-tat and "withhold" a gift on principal, then you would do it if they invited you to their wedding. To be clear, I think you should give a gift if invited to a gift-giving occasion, regardless of whether or not the hosts gave you a gift at your event.
But withholding a gift to their child who had nothing to do with his parents lack of gift giving at your wedding, especially for your reasoning, is just stupid.
This part just makes you sound like a bitter twit, btw: "it would be like transferring money from our household into their household (even if its for their son, he is still part of their household) and I would rather spend this money on my LO then those people."
I think you should skip the party altogether if you have such strong feelings for "those people".
I would bring a graduation gift as long as you would have normally given a gift, despite what happened at your wedding.
It's not about getting even. It's about celebrating and acknowledging their son. I don't think it's fair to use his graduation to try and make a point to his parents.
I just want to point out that my parents live in a huge house (that they are giving back to the bank), have always been well off (although didn't save enough), but just filed bankruptcy. My dad owns his own construction business and times are hard. Just because someone seems like they have money doesn't mean they do.
Wow, I guess birds of a feather really do flock together, huh? Yes, it's rude not to give a gift at a wedding. But you know what's even worse? Keeping track of gift giving, and then picking which events to attend based on who gave you what.
Ew, you are tacky. I couldn't tell you who gave me what at our wedding if you held a gun to my head.
I wouldn't want you at my graduation party anyway. You sound pretty ignorant.
I had 20 people at my wedding, including the bridal party. So I understand small. Thanks.
If you think a wedding is all about the gifts then you have more issues than just being petty. I hate how gift grabby weddings/showers/parties have become.
I had less than 35 people at my wedding. I still have no idea who gave what or IF they gave anything at all. And, we paid for it ourselves. I have no idea why or how this would have any bearing on the conversation at hand.
And again, my point was that while it was rude of them not to bring you a gift, YOU are being even ruder by trying to "get back at them". I guess there's no point mentioning at this juncture that even at weddings, gift giving isnt required and to expect one in return for a invitation is supremely rude.
Um, yes we did, but what does that have to do with this conversation.
Yes, it is common practice to bring a gift, but not all people follow common practice. It is what it is. I'm not upset by this post at all, I just think you should know how selfish and childish you are coming off as.
I wouldn't attend. No need to bring more drama to this situation by attending and intentionally not giving a gift.
I understand what you are saying; I remember a few certain gifts (or lack thereof) because they stood out when I was writing thank you notes.
However, I would never hold it against the son, nor would I go to a graduation party without a gift.
She already said she would definitely bring a gift if she went.
But I say, don't go!
Brady Phoenix, 8.29.09
Claire Zoe, 10.26.10
You obviously dont like these people, so why would you go? Spend your weekend doing something you enjoy.
And this proves your maturity. Well done.
hahahaha. I really like everyone most of the time, but you are just foolish.
Sounds good. I'll make sure to make lots of money and not buy people wedding gifts. Just for funsies.
You do realize you just cursed right? I think I am going to report you.
I really don't get how you are offended by such language but can't see how you are thinking towards this whole situation is wrong.
It would appear that she knows plenty of words otherwise all her posts would look like...
b*****.b*****.b*****.b*****.b*****.b*****.
Pot...meet Kettle...
I just call them like I see them.
So, it sounds like you (the OP) should keep a book of every present that every person has ever gotten you, and the amount. and then keep a list of everyone you have given a gift to, and whether they sent a thank you note. And if either one sucks, no gift for them...it will make your gift giving life much easier. But, since you remember that they didn't give you a gift, perhaps you already have this type of book.
Ok, so really, this post is SO FULL OF WIN! Are you kidding me? You don't base a gift on other people, you get people gifts because you WANT TO. OR because you are nice.
And, lastly, no swearing or I will ground everyone. Because my ears can't take dirty language.
Complete silliness.
Ok, will everyone just get over it? I still think that going to someon's wedding without a gift is wrong, I still dont feel like being around these people because I dont have a good feeling around them and I would not go to their child's party or anyone's party without a gift because that's not how I do things so I am not going.
I know gifts at weddings are not a requirement but saying excuse me and holding doors for people are not requirements also, so should I not feel offended if someone pushes me and doesn't say excuse me or slams the door in my face?
Oy. Let's break it down. You throw yourself a wedding---which is very much a "look at how awesome our love is, won't you please celebrate it with us" thing. Which is fine; most people do it and I did it too. Part of that celebrating is hosting a party, and it is generally expected that the guests who are invited will bring something along. Generally this is supposed to be something to aid in the combining of households, or the establishment of one for the first time. It's not a reimbursement for the money you paid hosting the party, or for the gift you gave them that one time. And it's not mandatory.
Is it rude to go to someone's wedding without bringing a gift? Yes. Is it rude and utterly ridiculous to hold a grudge against that person and to such an extent that you're wondering whether or not to hold it against their children? YES. If it is that big a deal you should just stop being friends.