Is it bad to feel like this?

newmommy74 · July 2010

I was at the shops yesterday & I saw the gift that my BF brought Coop for his 1st birthday - it was at a regular price $19 and all I could think was "what a tight****" & even worse if she got it on sale. I think about what I spent on her son a month before Coop's b'day and about what I have spent on her DD whose birthday it is next week & I get annoyed.

Is it bad to feel like this? I know it shouldn't be about the cost of things & it's all about the gesture but I can't help feeling like this. Especially as her DD will be turning 8 & her DS is 6 and I have spent at least $50 on them each & every birthday & Christmas that they have had, and with this being Coop's 1st birthday gift from them he gets a crappy toy that seriously I feel like just giving to goodwill because it is just a piece of plastic junk.(I thought this before I saw the price tag!)

I am bad hey? Does anyone else ever feel like this?

doublem · July 2010

I feel this way when it's a friend who I know makes a TON more than I do, especially because I always go out of my way to buy nice gifts (although I do usually shop sales to get $50 gifts for less), even though we're on a tight budget. However, if it's a friend who I know has a budget just as tight or tighter than mine, I try to be understanding. I don't think it makes you a bad person.

MissLauraQ · July 2010

To me it would depend on the gift. If you LO got something from her that seemed like it "fit" them so well...would it matter that it cost $10 or $50, since it's the thought that she put into it

Seattle_JiLLn · July 2010

I think $50 is an insane amount to be spending on a friend's kids gifts every year... so I would cut back on that! It's hard b/c if someone had been spending that much on my kids, I would feel bad b/c I wouldnt' want to spend that much back. So maybe she's sending you a message to tone it down?

mrssmith717 · July 2010

In the situation you describe, I would feel the same way.

Now, if it was something cheap but thoughtful, I wouldn't mind at all.

JaimeCH · July 2010

I don't think it is "bad" to feel like that or have that reaction. Just keep in mind that you might not know the details of her financial situation. It seems more often than not that people are struggling with debt these days - including people who make a lot of money. Perhaps she and her husband decided that they need to cut back in some areas and gift giving may be one of them. FWIW, I agree with pp that $50 is A LOT to spend on a friend's child.

DAWNNA76 · July 2010

MissLauraQ:
To me it would depend on the gift. If you LO got something from her that seemed like it "fit" them so well...would it matter that it cost $10 or $50, since it's the thought that she put into it

This.

cwhip77 · July 2010

My BFF didn't get M anything for her first birthday. She said she "couldn't think of anything she'd need" - huh?? So that hurt a lot more than if she'd just bought her something small.

I would try not to take it too personally, your friend might just be in a tough spot financially right now, or maybe thought it was a gift your kiddo would like. You might just take the cue and go lighter on birthday gifts for her kids in the future.

newmommy74 · July 2010

cwhip77:
My BFF didn't get M anything for her first birthday. She said she "couldn't think of anything she'd need" - huh?? So that hurt a lot more than if she'd just bought her something small.
I would try not to take it too personally, your friend might just be in a tough spot financially right now, or maybe thought it was a gift your kiddo would like. You might just take the cue and go lighter on birthday gifts for her kids in the future.

Really your BFF didn't buy a thing? Wow I would be shocked!

I know I shouldn't take it personally but IF it was something thoughtful I wouldn't think this way, but in all honesty the thing is a piece of plastic junk. Oh well I guess I should just move on hey!

newmommy74 · July 2010

Seattle_JiLLn:
I think $50 is an insane amount to be spending on a friend's kids gifts every year... so I would cut back on that! It's hard b/c if someone had been spending that much on my kids, I would feel bad b/c I wouldnt' want to spend that much back. So maybe she's sending you a message to tone it down?

You're right Jill. My other BFF I spend about $100 each on her kids both for their birthdays & Christmas. I do the same with nephews, nieces etc too. My Mom keeps telling me I am too generous so maybe I should tone it down!

sommerrayne · July 2010

newmommy74:
cwhip77:

My BFF didn't get M anything for her first birthday. She said she "couldn't think of anything she'd need" - huh?? So that hurt a lot more than if she'd just bought her something small.

I would try not to take it too personally, your friend might just be in a tough spot financially right now, or maybe thought it was a gift your kiddo would like. You might just take the cue and go lighter on birthday gifts for her kids in the future.

Really your BFF didn't buy a thing? Wow I would be shocked!

I know I shouldn't take it personally but IF it was something thoughtful I wouldn't think this way, but in all honesty the thing is a piece of plastic junk. Oh well I guess I should just move on hey!

Yikes. I don't think you're a bad person but I think your feelings about this are a bit blown out of proportion here. I mean not only are you pissed about the amount which you've clearly stated wasn't enough but now its a piece of junk to boot? Pretty intense feelings over something that was supposed to be in celebration of a joyous event.

Don't get me wrong, I get irritated at some people's gestures but I really think you might want to stop to contemplate if you're equating the GIFT with her level of love/affection/caring for your child versus the amount you spend on her children. It really doens't work that way.

Good luck.

Want a personalized experience?

Is it bad to feel like this?

Re: Is it bad to feel like this?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards