I judged my neighbor last night big time

LCB34 · July 2010

So, my neighbor (we don't really know them that well but they live close by) had a baby girl 3 weeks ago.

Well, last night, I was driving to Walgreens and she was sitting outside in her driveway smoking a cig. I was totally disgusted and judged her instantly.

She either smoked during her pregnancy or decided to pick it back up as soon as she popped the kid out. Both are nasty to me. I mean, if she went 9 months without smoking, did she really need to start back once the baby was here?

And, I don't give a shiit that she was outside. You know good and well that she smelled like smoke when we walked back into the house to take care of the baby.

Am I the only one that would have judged her?

jamiemsmith · July 2010

Nope I'm a smoker judger... give it up (for good) people!

Monkey304 · July 2010

If she wasn't watching my kids, then I wouldn't judge her. What she does with her life has no bearing on mine at all.

mommajen8 · July 2010

i also would have judged.

Mrs.Johns · July 2010

I would have been judging, too. I agree, if she did go the 9 months without, it seems pretty dumb to pick up the habit again.

I guess some people would say the same thing about drinking. I think smoking is worse, personally.

Chick7806 · July 2010

Yeah, I would have judged, too. What's the point of giving it up for 9 months if you're just going to pick it right back up? I mean, you will still hurt your kid's health. Booo!

megmeister166 · July 2010

I try not to judge b/c I was a social smoker at one time...but I really can't help it. That smell sticks to EVERYTHING. Yuck!

I think my co-worker (who quit smoking last year) has started smoking again and when he walked by my desk this morning it made me want to vomit. It doesn't help that my MS is bad with a vengance.

t.bird · July 2010

i would judge- because it's only natural (right)?

however- i've also never smoked so i have no idea how hard it is to not pick it back up after said baby is born.

if she smoked throughout her pregnancy- i judge big time.

if she picked it back up after- i judge a little less.

hewinked · July 2010

I would have judged, too. When DD was really little, I didn't even let my dad or brother hold her after they smoked until they changed clothes and washed their hands. I still don't want her anywhere around it. Even when I wasn't pregnant and smokers were around, I always took myself and DD as far away as I could.

kehgirl · July 2010

I found out the other day that my neighbor is pregnant. She's 5 months along.

I saw her and her husband outside smoking Indifferent I judged big time, even as an ex-smoker.

LCB34 · July 2010

Monkey304:
If she wasn't watching my kids, then I wouldn't judge her. What she does with my life has no bearing on mine at all.

I'm calling bullshiit on your ?holier than thou, I don't judge unless it effects me? attitude.

We are human, we judge each other. Stop acting like you don't.

(And this is not just pertaining to this; this is every time you act like you never judge someone else.)

alamber4 · July 2010

I will preface this with "I don't smoke" so that you won't think I am a smoker that just wants to make myself feel better. I don't think you should judge her. She is an adult and can make her own decisions. She is outside and not smoking around her baby. And lots of non-smokers are stinky people too for whatever reason and I don't judge them, I just don't go near them.

MommaEm · July 2010

I judge..a LOT when it comes to smoking when pregnant or around babies/kids.

Mrs.Johns · July 2010

alamber4:
I will preface this with "I don't smoke" so that you won't think I am a smoker that just wants to make myself feel better. I don't think you should judge her. She is an adult and can make her own decisions. She is outside and not smoking around her baby. And lots of non-smokers are stinky people too for whatever reason and I don't judge them, I just don't go near them.

I judge people who stink. BO, too much perfume, dirty clothes, haven't showered. Whatever. It's gross.

kehgirl · July 2010

alamber4:
I will preface this with "I don't smoke" so that you won't think I am a smoker that just wants to make myself feel better. I don't think you should judge her. She is an adult and can make her own decisions. She is outside and not smoking around her baby. And lots of non-smokers are stinky people too for whatever reason and I don't judge them, I just don't go near them.

Yep, I judge those people as well.

Jen3016 · July 2010

I would definitely judge. I used to smoke, quit 3 years ago after smoking for about 12 years. After about 6 months of not smoking, I really didn't have any desire to smoke regularly again. I guess if a person choses to quite during pregnancy because it isn't healthy, then common sense states that you would not start up again to continue healthy habits for your new baby.

gemrae1225 · July 2010

alamber4:
I will preface this with "I don't smoke" so that you won't think I am a smoker that just wants to make myself feel better. I don't think you should judge her. She is an adult and can make her own decisions. She is outside and not smoking around her baby. And lots of non-smokers are stinky people too for whatever reason and I don't judge them, I just don't go near them.

Absolutely ridiculous!! Third hand smoke people!!!! Researchers have described how tobacco smoke contamination lingers even after a cigarette is extinguished -- a phenomenon they define as " third- hand" smoke.

altarrose · July 2010

Eh. I don't think I would hve thought anything of a grown woman smoking outside. I'm not a smoker, but everyone has bad habits (drinking a coke as I type this) and I have seen way too many heavily pregnant ladies smoking to judge one who returns to smoking AFTER having the baby.

KJmashup · July 2010

gemrae1225:
alamber4:
I will preface this with "I don't smoke" so that you won't think I am a smoker that just wants to make myself feel better. I don't think you should judge her. She is an adult and can make her own decisions. She is outside and not smoking around her baby. And lots of non-smokers are stinky people too for whatever reason and I don't judge them, I just don't go near them.
Absolutely ridiculous!! Third hand smoke people!!!! Researchers have described how tobacco smoke contamination lingers even after a cigarette is extinguished -- a phenomenon they define as " third- hand" smoke.

Judge away. If there's anything I've learned as an editor of oncology journals, it's that third-hand smoke is a reality--a dangerous one. How foolish of this new mother.

jessie395 · July 2010

I judge anyone who smokes around thier babies/kids.

CinemaGoddess · July 2010

After I have the girls, I plan to smoke occasionally (like once or twice a year) when I go out for drinks with my girlfriends.

I probably won't go out for my first drinks n' smokes par-tay until the girls are at least 6 months old, though. I've gotten out of the habit since I've been pregnant and I'm treating smokes like I treat alcohol from now on: A very occasional indulgence.

morgansfollower · July 2010

I quit smoking 3 years ago and i judge pregnant women that smoke. I am probably one of the queens of judging when i see anyone smoking that is pregnant or has had a child. I think that people that smoke during their pregnancy are idiotic and naive and i think that if you have gone nine months without smoking you are stupid to pick the habit up again after the fact.

After experiencing first hand what withdrawal is like, i can't understand why someone would put themselves back into that situation again.

kehgirl · July 2010

cinema_goddess:

After I have the girls, I plan to smoke occasionally (like once or twice a year) when I go out for drinks with my girlfriends.

I probably won't go out for my first drinks n' smokes par-tay until the girls are at least 6 months old, though. I've gotten out of the habit since I've been pregnant and I'm treating smokes like I treat alcohol from now on: A very occasional indulgence.

I may allow myself this... if I can control myself and not spiral back into smoking regularly.. a very fine line. I wont buy another pack, that's for sure.

gemrae1225 · July 2010

KJmashup:
gemrae1225:

alamber4:
I will preface this with "I don't smoke" so that you won't think I am a smoker that just wants to make myself feel better. I don't think you should judge her. She is an adult and can make her own decisions. She is outside and not smoking around her baby. And lots of non-smokers are stinky people too for whatever reason and I don't judge them, I just don't go near them.

Absolutely ridiculous!! Third hand smoke people!!!! Researchers have described how tobacco smoke contamination lingers even after a cigarette is extinguished -- a phenomenon they define as " third- hand" smoke.

Judge away. If there's anything I've learned as an editor of oncology journals, it's that third-hand smoke is a reality--a dangerous one. How foolish of this new mother.

Yet if you ask most people, they will tell you they haven't heard of it! If people want to harm themselves/their bodies by smoking, that's one thing, but an innocent child????? It makes me sick!

wife1014 · July 2010

Eh, I am not sure. I was/am a social smoker. I never smoked when pregnant, but definitely have since Olivia came along. If we are out with friends or have friends over and Olivia is sleeping, I would have the occasional butt.

However, this almost doesn't sound like the case with your neighbor. So, I may do a little wondering.

morgansfollower · July 2010

slwhatley:
cinema_goddess:
After I have the girls, I plan to smoke occasionally (like once or twice a year) when I go out for drinks with my girlfriends.
I probably won't go out for my first drinks n' smokes par-tay until the girls are at least 6 months old, though. I've gotten out of the habit since I've been pregnant and I'm treating smokes like I treat alcohol from now on: A very occasional indulgence.

I could never do this. I have finally accepted that just like an alcoholic, I am a smoker. One cigarette will lead to another.

Yup i agree completely with this.

Kat_Bride · July 2010

Gross. Honestly, I judge smokers, period. It's such a nasty habit and it affects others who have to deal with the smell or walk through a cloud of smoke.

Tz's_Bride_2B · July 2010

I've got a GF who quit smoking for nine months and then started back up immediately after giving birth. I continually give her sh!t for it but she swears she just didn't stop thinking about it or craving it while pregnant. Hmm

MaggieGrace · July 2010

I would try not to judge, unless I really knew her situation. She may be suffering from postpartum depression. She may have anxiety and a collicky baby and a jerky husband and have no other outlet. She may have just lost a loved one or found out that someone is ill. If she is a stress smoker, any one of these things could make it difficult for her to stay away from cigs. She may also hate herself for doing it.

af&gc · July 2010

I am a former smoker and I will tell you I have judged. I judge those that are smoking right in front of their children and judge those that are preggo and smoking. With that being said, I will also defend the putting them down for 9 months and going back to it.... I was a smoker for several years and in August 2007 I found out I was pregnant and did not smoke after I got my BFP. The nine months was easy and the immediate months pp were not too bad either. But I was "forced" to quit because I was pregnant and would not be a pregnant smoker. Therefore, it was not my choice and I started thinking about it and craving it all the time. So I started back just socially about 2 years after my daughter was born and one thing leads to another and before I knew it I was a SMOKER again. Let me clarify, I did NOT smoke in front of my daughter ever, although I know I still carried that smell... Ick!

My husband and I fought and fought about it and so I gave him a quit by date, and that date was September 7, 2009. And that day I chose to never touch another cigarette again because one just leads to another. I have now officially been a non smoker for 10 months by my own choice. I was a QUITTER long before I got preggo and so it has made it much easier to acknowledge that this was my choice, I was not forced to quit. And that I believe is where the difference lies...

UrbanHippieMama · July 2010

Kat_Bride:
Gross. Honestly, I judge smokers, period. It's such a nasty habit and it affects others who have to deal with the smell or walk through a cloud of smoke.

Same here.

LittleApple · July 2010

I am not a smoker but grew up around a father who did and smoked around my mother when she was pregnant with my brother and me. It is a disgusting habit that makes me sick thinking about it.

I would totally have judged that mother. I don't believe for one second that smokers "take it outside" each and every time.

One time I was drving behind a car with a 1-2 year old in the back seat. All of a sudden I see the mother light up a cigg and start puffing away. I changed lanes to see if *maybe* they cracked a window for the poor kid. NOPE. I was livid.

torii · July 2010

I would have judged her, too. Then again, I judge smokers in general. My grandparents smoked (I say that in past tense bc my gma died of lung cancer and my gpa is currently living off my mother due to numerous strokes) around my sister and me when we were kids and I used to pray for fresh air because it was so disgusting.

MSC03 · July 2010

I judge, I judge!

And I'm a former smoker (finally quit for good a few years after college), so I'm a total hypocrite. But I pretty much judge everyone who still smokes. It's just a disgusting, dangerous, and stupid habit.

bookworm10 · July 2010

I have to butt in with my unpopular opinion and say that I judge those who judge addictions without having a true understanding of the scope and depth addiction has on people. The though of "oh just quit" is unreasonable and shows that you do not understand how addiction can truly effect someone. I believe that we have this mentality because cigarettes are a legal controlled substance. It makes them seem less addictive than something like coke and heroine but that is not the case. Smoking can become more difficult to put an end to precisely becaue of its legality and how it can become engrained in every aspect of your life. It is not someting that needs to be hidden like other adductions for fear of legal ramifications. Addictions are hard to overcome period.

I dont expect to change people's minds with this post I just wanted to share my judgments and opinion as unpopular as it may be. To those of you who quite smoking GOOD FOR YOU! I wish you the best of luck with your continued non-smoker lifestyle.

MSC03 · July 2010

alamber4:
I will preface this with "I don't smoke" so that you won't think I am a smoker that just wants to make myself feel better. I don't think you should judge her. She is an adult and can make her own decisions. She is outside and not smoking around her baby. And lots of non-smokers are stinky people too for whatever reason and I don't judge them, I just don't go near them.

Last I heard, BO isn't toxic and packed full of carcinogens... Not apples to apples my dear.

LCB34 · July 2010

bookworm10:

I have to butt in with my unpopular opinion and say that I judge those who judge addictions without having a true understanding of the scope and depth addiction has on people. The though of "oh just quit" is unreasonable and shows that you do not understand how addiction can truly effect someone. I believe that we have this mentality because cigarettes are a legal controlled substance. It makes them seem less addictive than something like coke and heroine but that is not the case. Smoking can become more difficult to put an end to precisely becaue of its legality and how it can become engrained in every aspect of your life. It is not someting that needs to be hidden like other adductions for fear of legal ramifications. Addictions are hard to overcome period.

I dont expect to change people's minds with this post I just wanted to share my judgments and opinion as unpopular as it may be. To those of you who quite smoking GOOD FOR YOU! I wish you the best of luck with your continued non-smoker lifestyle.

One of my siblings is a recovering addict. I get addiction. Trust me.

And, if you are able to be clean for 9 months (if she didn't smoke during pregnancy) then you should be able to stay clean post baby.

bookworm10 · July 2010

LCB34:
bookworm10:

I have to butt in with my unpopular opinion and say that I judge those who judge addictions without having a true understanding of the scope and depth addiction has on people. The though of "oh just quit" is unreasonable and shows that you do not understand how addiction can truly effect someone. I believe that we have this mentality because cigarettes are a legal controlled substance. It makes them seem less addictive than something like coke and heroine but that is not the case. Smoking can become more difficult to put an end to precisely becaue of its legality and how it can become engrained in every aspect of your life. It is not someting that needs to be hidden like other adductions for fear of legal ramifications. Addictions are hard to overcome period.

I dont expect to change people's minds with this post I just wanted to share my judgments and opinion as unpopular as it may be. To those of you who quite smoking GOOD FOR YOU! I wish you the best of luck with your continued non-smoker lifestyle.

One of my siblings is a recovering addict. I get addiction. Trust me.

And, if you are able to be clean for 9 months (if she didn't smoke during pregnancy) then you should be able to stay clean post baby.

This statement clearly shows that you don't, in fact, get it. Do you apply that logic to all recovering addicts or just smokers? Should alcoholics stay clean forever once they put a drink down? Like I said, you judge where you judge from your moral high ground and I will judge from mine.

altarrose · July 2010

LCB34:
bookworm10:

I have to butt in with my unpopular opinion and say that I judge those who judge addictions without having a true understanding of the scope and depth addiction has on people. The though of "oh just quit" is unreasonable and shows that you do not understand how addiction can truly effect someone. I believe that we have this mentality because cigarettes are a legal controlled substance. It makes them seem less addictive than something like coke and heroine but that is not the case. Smoking can become more difficult to put an end to precisely becaue of its legality and how it can become engrained in every aspect of your life. It is not someting that needs to be hidden like other adductions for fear of legal ramifications. Addictions are hard to overcome period.

I dont expect to change people's minds with this post I just wanted to share my judgments and opinion as unpopular as it may be. To those of you who quite smoking GOOD FOR YOU! I wish you the best of luck with your continued non-smoker lifestyle.

One of my siblings is a recovering addict. I get addiction. Trust me.

And, if you are able to be clean for 9 months (if she didn't smoke during pregnancy) then you should be able to stay clean post baby.

I disagree with this. Not a smoker, but I'm sure some smoker's who quit while pregnant didn't necessarily WANT to quit, but did so for the baby. Once that baby is out...it's a lot harder to fight temptation.

I am a moderate (2x a week) social drinker and while that's easy enough to quit while pregnant, it doesn't mean I will continue to give up alcohol after the baby is born...

LW2410 · July 2010

Mrs. Mona:

I would try not to judge, unless I really knew her situation. She may be suffering from postpartum depression. She may have anxiety and a collicky baby and a jerky husband and have no other outlet. She may have just lost a loved one or found out that someone is ill. If she is a stress smoker, any one of these things could make it difficult for her to stay away from cigs. She may also hate herself for doing it.

This is definitely a possibility. Five years ago, I had quit for a while until I had a bout of major depression. I started smoking again because I didn't have a healthy outlet for my stress. I've quit this time for three years now because I have been able to find other, healthier means of stress relief and I have gotten my depression under control. Sometimes people don't know another way to relieve stress.

I hate it, too. It smells disgusting, it makes you sick more often, it makes you feel like crap every morning, and it downright controls your life because every decision you make is based upon when you'll have your next cigarette. I don't plan on EVER smoking again but I can't say with all conviction that it will never happen again. It's an addiction and addicts slip sometimes. Shlt happens.

morgansfollower · July 2010

altarrose:
LCB34:
bookworm10:

I have to butt in with my unpopular opinion and say that I judge those who judge addictions without having a true understanding of the scope and depth addiction has on people. The though of "oh just quit" is unreasonable and shows that you do not understand how addiction can truly effect someone. I believe that we have this mentality because cigarettes are a legal controlled substance. It makes them seem less addictive than something like coke and heroine but that is not the case. Smoking can become more difficult to put an end to precisely becaue of its legality and how it can become engrained in every aspect of your life. It is not someting that needs to be hidden like other adductions for fear of legal ramifications. Addictions are hard to overcome period.

I dont expect to change people's minds with this post I just wanted to share my judgments and opinion as unpopular as it may be. To those of you who quite smoking GOOD FOR YOU! I wish you the best of luck with your continued non-smoker lifestyle.

I disagree with this. Not a smoker, but I'm sure some smoker's who quit while pregnant didn't necessarily WANT to quit, but did so for the baby. Once that baby is out...it's a lot harder to fight temptation.

I am a moderate (2x a week) social drinker and while that's easy enough to quit while pregnant, it doesn't mean I will continue to give up alcohol after the baby is born...

Personally i would want to be able to keep up with my kids as they grow. As opposed to huffing and puffing to keep up with them. I also wouldn't want my child to have to deal with losing a parent to lung cancer or seeing me on oxygen. I would find that motivation to fight the temptation of a cigarette craving. Its pretty scary to have to take your mom to the emergency room in the middle of the night be cause she can't breath due her lungs being completely shot.

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