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What I know..

sisterraelsisterrael
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I know that I shouldnt be blaming myself.

I know that I shouldn't be angry that my 16 year old niece is pregnant. 

I shouldn't hide myself away in my home and never leave.  I shouldn't give up hope that we can have kids, I shouldn't pack up the bassinet and clothes and give them away.  I shouldn't be furious that before my D and C even started, my mothers church announced our loss at sunday services.

But I so don't know how to deal with this.  We lost our baby at 13 weeks, we lost our baby yesterday.  I don't know how to break the habit of saying hello to my abdomen, of daydreaming about tiny baby hands and tiny baby feet.  I don't know how to sleep with out crying or dream with out waking screaming I want my baby, I want my baby.  I don't know how to tell my boss, my friends, my pregnant niece.  I don't know how and I'm not too sure right now that I am strong enough for this.  I didnt know that emotions could be this raw and relentless and raging.

 How?  how do  you move on?  How do you keep hoping?  How did you survive?

 

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Re: What I know..

  • Sunflower730Sunflower730 member

    It's hard but you learn to move on with the hole in your heart. You take it day by day,

    I lost my twins at 23 weeks, I went thru 31 hours of labor to know I was not bringing them home.

    I still have nightmares, but I get up, do my thing and think about them daily.

    I hope you find some support on this board.

    ((HUGS))

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  • SaraP2010SaraP2010 member
    It's ok to be angry, sad, and feel everything that comes with a loss.  It's so hard, but just take it day by day.  Some days will be better than others.  And when you're having one of those bad days, we will be here to listen.  Hugs!
    BFP #1 04/11/10 ~ dx anencephaly
    BFP #2 08/30/10 - DD born 5/18/11 - my little NAIT baby
    BFP #3 03/20/14 - chemical PG
    BFP #4 04/17/14 DS due in December! Currently being treated for NAIT Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFruitTicker
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  • tctibbetctibbe member

    I keep telling myself that I just have to do it.  That I cannot stop moving. . That the world isn't going to stop because of my loss.  But that doesn't mean that I don't constantly think about the fact that I won't have a baby in February.  That I won't have the chance, with this baby, to learn how to be a Mommy.  It still hurts daily (and it hasn't even been a week). I'm going to miss hitting those milestones that my friends post about on facebook and talk about at BBQ's.  But I'll hit them one day, with our take home baby.   

    We will try again.  And we will eventually get to have a take home baby, however it is that God wants us to have a take home baby.  I realize that I have no control and there is a plan.  I just don't know what it is yet.  One day it will all make sense. 

    Anyway, lots of HUGS.  Your post really hit me.  I'm crying as I type all this.  This board is an amazing place to find healing.  I hope you are able to find some hope here. 

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  • MJM3108MJM3108 member

    My heart hurts for you, and for all of us who have to deal with the loss of our precious LO's, and along with the devastation of loss, allthe hurt and pain that follows.

    All I can say is, if your pain is too much, the burden too heavy, give it to God, He is strong enough to carry it for you. Cry, pray, tell God that your angry, its ok, He can handle it... I am crying as I write this because I feel the same way you do... Remember, its ok if there is only 1 set of footprints right now- let God carry you through this. You will be in  my prayers.

    PAL JULY SIGGY CHALLENGE: CAKE WRECKS
    image
    You Made me a mommy... 

    Ticker id: ARvP

           imageimageimageimageimage
     Lilypie - (KAFM)

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