A Baby Story is scaring the crap out of me right now

ColoRxGirl · July 2010

The episode on right now has this woman who started begging for an epidural at 2 cm. Begging her husband, her doula, the nurse, anyone who would listen. And they wouldn't give her anything! She had planned a natural water birth, but the contractions were too much and she wanted to change her plan.

Instead, all the people around her kept telling her to trust herself, give it time, stick to the plan, etc., etc. She looked so sad - in pain and begging someone to help her. The worst was her husband - he just seemed so dismissive of her pain. I wanted to kick him in the balls for her.

I have some serious anxiety about labor as it is - and this scenario is my worst nightmare. I'm not trying to start a debate on natural vs. medication-assisted birth - I just wish these people had listened to her instead of letting her (obviously) suffer when she didn't have to. It was like their agenda was more important than what she wanted.

I'd like to try for a natural delivery, but if the pain is so bad that I am severely nauseated or miserable (as she was), I will have no problem asking for pharmaceutical relief. I commend anyone who can go the holistic, natural route, but I'm not yet convinced it's for me.

Norcal_chick · July 2010

That's awful. They shouldn't take that option away from you if you say you want a natural birth. Geeze!

mrsashby · July 2010

OMG poor lady-I'd have to stop watching. No one knows how they will react to labor. I hope I go natural-but have no idea what that is really like-I was induced with #1 and went from 0 contractions to ginourmous owie ones. I got an epi at like 5 cm. Maybe I will do better with natural labor maybe I wont. But aint nobody gonna tell me what kinda pain I can handle!!!

UrbanHippieMama · July 2010

I'm assuming since she wanted a natural birth prior, her 'team' was trying to help her achieve that. I'm sure it was the plan beforehand. I know I told my husband and doula not to give in to letting me get an epi unless I said some magic word (I totally forget what it was) so they would know I was serious. Just make sure your support people know what you want going into it, and you'll be fine.

mamafoxX2 · July 2010

ColoRxGirl:

I'd like to try for a natural delivery, but if the pain is so bad that I am severely nauseated or miserable (as she was), I will have no problem asking for pharmaceutical relief. I commend anyone who can go the holistic, natural route, but I'm not yet convinced it's for me.

I was able to do it with DD1 and I was very proud of myself. That said, if DD2 turns out to give me more trouble, I will have no issue asking for pain meds.

My cousin had a baby and had an epidural and thought I would lecture her about not going natural- she actually apologized to me for having pain meds. Do what you want! Her baby was happy and healthy, why should I care? I didn't go med free for any particular reason, I just wanted to test my gumption, I think.

nicole0719 · July 2010

I watched it too and I was so angry at her husband's lack of...oh whats the word.....sympathy? he acted like she was just whining and not really in pain. someone better be ready to pick my DH up off the floor if he acts like that becasue i would seriously knock him out.

with my first i was given pitocin becasue my water broke and i had no contractions - i went from 0 contractions to ones that NEVER ended, and my epi was my BEST friend at that point - i was writhing on the bed and in so much pain, i never would have made it without it. I have so much respect for those who go med-free, i have no tolerance to pain (especially that pain) and med free is not for me at all.

luckyfrgg · July 2010

Lots of natural birth preparation courses (like Lamaze, Bradley, etc.) encourage you to talk with your DH and your other birth partners (doulas, midwives, whoever) about how they should handle requests for pain relief. You never know - that woman may have told her DH that she didn't want him to give him, that natural birth was important to her, etc.

I think the most important thing is to talk this over with DH and anyone else who will be with you and let them know how you feel. Tell them that it scares you that you might truly want relief and they might not take you seriously - I guarantee you that getting it out in the open will make you feel better, and then if you do end up asking you won't be caught up in the same scenario.

And FWIW, I went natural with DD and definitely asked for some kind of relief around transition time (7-10 cm), repeatedly. But I had talked to DH and my midwife beforehand and asked them to please not give in unless I said our "key word" (don't remember what it was now). But I remember wanting to ask - it made me feel better to ask - but not actually wanting them to give in because going natural was important to me, so I held off on using the word. So they didn't give in, and I am eternally grateful to them both for it.

Hyfagal · July 2010

Devil's advocate - maybe that was a way for her to stick to her plan. I'm not saying she wasn't in great pain but if it's something she felt strongly about and made that clear to her H before hand maybe that was a way for her to vocalize her pain other than moaning and other ways knowing she was still secure in his hands.

I know there have been times I've repeatedly asked H for things while I was sick that I knew he couldn't/shouldn't give me but it was a way for me to vocalize my level of uncomfort other than lying there miserable.

Does this make any sense? Even though she knew she wouldn't be given the meds she was doing something to ease her own mind by aking and reassuring herself that she didn't need them?

tiffanyp · July 2010

Yikes! I'm definitely no hero. I want the drugs.

So how did the episode end?

Ivana_Stolichnaya · July 2010

I had horrible back labor and I couldn't have anything until I was 4cm. You are encouraged (at least at my hospital) to try different positions like getting on all 4's. That's fun when you are wearing a gown that opens in the back and your ass is up in the air! All modesty flies out the window real fast when you are in labor.

ColoRxGirl · July 2010

firsttimemama:
I'm assuming since she wanted a natural birth prior, her 'team' was trying to help her achieve that. I'm sure it was the plan beforehand. I know I told my husband and doula not to give in to letting me get an epi unless I said some magic word (I totally forget what it was) so they would know I was serious. Just make sure your support people know what you want going into it, and you'll be fine.

Maybe this was the backstory. It just seemed so. . .mean. All I could figure was that she'd been adamant about going naturally - right up until the contractions started.

Mjmksb04 · July 2010

If your goal is a med free birth, I don't recommend watching A Baby Story. Almost every birth ends with an epi or C section. Seriously.

Sweets2005 · July 2010

That is pretty lame! It is HER body and HER choice. She should have had a safe word to say when she wanted to throw in the towel! Of course that would only work if everyone else was fully supporting you instead of their own agenda. Like in the families where the father wants a natural childbirth for his baby no matter what.

When I was in the hospital with the twins, there was SO much noise coming from down the hall! The girl kept yelling at her mom and husband and that was between the screaming and cussing of contractions! I asked the nurses what was up and they said she wanted a natural childbirth. Well an hour later it got really quiet so I asked if she had her baby and they said no, that she had finally gotten the epidural. LOL!

angelicalopez29 · July 2010

I would grab the crap out of someone, the doctor, my husband, doula whoever is in my way of the epidural and threaten them with a cutter or any metal sharp surgical/medical instrument in order to get the epidural Angry

figuratively of course Angel

nicole0719 · July 2010

I think what bothered me the most about it was she said in the interview after the birth that she felt like no one was listening to her or helping her when she wanted help.

ChristineRich06 · July 2010

Don't worry about it. When I did my birth plan there were sooo many options as to how you wanted to be aproached about pain meds. I said I wanted to try it on my own but have the staff keep asking if I wanted meds. I made it 10 hours and then got the epidural. Whatever YOU want just have it as part of your plan and make sure your DH or partner knows as well. Sometimes if a woman insists she wants a natural delivery they will try to push for that because the pain is a temporary thing & they want her to be happy in the end. I personally need options & the ability to change my mind if I want/need to. I would love to try a natural birth this time but if it takes almost 18 hours as it did last time I will need some help so I can rest.

Cheekers2010 · July 2010

I've seen that episode, too. And, I felt bad for the mom. However...I have absolutely no doubt that she probably told her husband and support people ahead of time not to get her the pain meds if she asked during labor. This is a standard request from many of the women I work with. I never ever and I mean never agree to do this unless we have established a safe word-if a mom uses her safe word than I and dh and everybody else know that she is serious and to get her the epi asap! Or we discuss how mom will let us know that she is serious about the epi (if she doesn't think she can remember a safe word, etc.) The reason this is so important is because pretty much every mom-even those that are diehard about avoiding pain meds reach a point in labor when they think they can't go on. I don't want there to ever be a misunderstanding so with the boundaries we establish ahead of time, I can support the mom and she knows that her wishes will be respected.

SuperThat1006 · July 2010

That's why DH and I have a code word for if I truly want drugs as opposed to saying things like, "I don't think I can do this."

BTW, our code word is "penis."

luckyfrgg · July 2010

Mjmksb04:
If your goal is a med free birth, I don't recommend watching A Baby Story. Almost every birth ends with an epi or C section. Seriously.

Amen. I watched it a couple times when I was pg the first time, and once I started becoming more convinced about what I wanted to do birth-wise I decided to turn. it. off. *phew*!

superMiller · July 2010

I know to each his own, but I seriously don't recommend watching those shows. All they EVER show are these poor women out of control, begging for medication. I've never "been there" this is my first, but I have had enough close friends and family members have perfectly natural, med free, (some at home) births that were planned and under control. Not saying there wasn't any pain, but they didn't go like that. And the more worked up you get yourself the more apt you are to become one of those women. Read and research as much as you can. Search "hypno birth" on youtube and you'll see lots of women who labor calmly and naturally. (Baby Story rarely EVER shows a true natural birth, so I'm not surprised they would show one that sounds like it went horribly haywire.) Best of luck!

quidditchcapn1120 · July 2010

tiffanyp:

Yikes! I'm definitely no hero. I want the drugs.

So how did the episode end?

They checked her and she had gone from a 2 to a 7 pretty quickly. They then "allowed her" to get the epidural. I do agree that the husband seemed very out of touch, but I also know an acquaintance where the producers make the situation seem worse via selective editing than it actually was. Either way, they had a healthy baby.

quidditchcapn1120 · July 2010

tiffanyp:

Yikes! I'm definitely no hero. I want the drugs.

So how did the episode end?

sorry for the duplicate posts, it won't let me delete them!

quidditchcapn1120 · July 2010

tiffanyp:

Yikes! I'm definitely no hero. I want the drugs.

So how did the episode end?

Sorry again!

schnef1226 · July 2010

ChrissieW3:
That's why DH and I have a code word for if I truly want drugs as opposed to saying things like, "I don't think I can do this."
BTW, our code word is "penis."

Mine was "asparagus". I think I like yours better!!!

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