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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Am I being unreasonable?
My Dh wants to get a car with a stick shift. I can't drive a stick shift. He tried to teach me years ago but it was a FAIL. I want to have a car we both can drive in case of emergencies/convenience. Currently, I probably drive his automatic maybe once every other month, for convenience reasons. His reasoning for wanting a stick shift is that he's a big car guy, its his car, and he finds automatics boring. He's basically told me its his decision and nothing I can say can change his mind. I told him I'd be willing to learn if we can wait until next spring when I'm off maternity leave and NOT pregnant. (When he can attempt to teach me again on lunch hours from work, and not with kids in the car) He says I'll just come up with another excuse. I asked him if we could get an automanual car that has both, he said no. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to learn to drive a stick shift while pregnant and on mat leave?
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Re: Am I being unreasonable?
It's his car, he should get to choose.
I don't see what being pregnant or maternity leave has to do with learning stick........
I guess I worry about getting into an accident. I'm thinking I should suck it up and learn, and he's got three months to teach me.
But it's not going to be *her* car, so who cares how she feels about it?
I guess I'm in the minority here, but I don't get this whole "his car, my car" thing. Something as major as a car belongs to the family, not to either one of us. That's like him being the one to pay the mortgage, so "technically" its his house.
I think its selfish of him to INSIST on getting a manual, right now, without waiting until you are able to learn without possibly endangering your unborn child. But I suppose everyone's family works differently.
DH and I don't make major purchases purely for ourselves. We consider the needs of the other before we do so, and anything major we own is "ours."
I take it you're a 1 car family. I think it's important that you have access to a car in your life, but anyone can learn to drive a stick shift. I don't see what being pregnant has to do with learning, except that it may be hard to get close enough when your belly is enormous. I was worried about that with my car (a manual Civic) but I ended up fitting in it until the end.
Can you get some more driving lessons before you make the purchase? Give learning it another go. Once you get comfortable with it you may actually like it!
PS it sounds like he's got a nasty attitude about this, what with ignoring your opinion, but maybe you need to be more willing to try again, too.
When dh and I looked at minivans, that was a family car, so it was a joint decision, even though it eventually replaced my old car.
When he goes to replace his current car, the one I won't be driving except for rare occasions, why should my input about manual vs auto or anything, for that matter, make a difference in what he wants for his car?
Not everything needs to be even-Stephen in life, even in a marriage. Can you imagine the uproar on the board if a woman came on and posted about how her dh demanded how her car should be, even if he wasn't the one driving it? He'd be a controlling a$$hole.
This
Yeah, like I said, it's just a different family dynamic. We got married when we were 21. Everything we own is ours together, because it was purchased together. If we each came into the marriage with our own cars, that would be different, and I would look at the car thing differently.
Thank You.
Any car that my dh buys now techincally would be both our cars, in law. I'm talking about the fact that he's the one who would be driving it every day, so he should be able to pick what he wants.
I'd learn how to drive a stick over making him not get one at all. To me, it's selfish to demand how his car should be.
I think its fine for him to get a stick, and the OP said that. But she just wanted him to wait until she'd be comfortable learning how to drive it, OR to get one that is both a manual and a stick. It just seems like he's not willing to budge out of pride or principle or something, which seems kind of unreasonable.
This is how our family works too. We have preferences on what each of us would like to have, but ultimately we both consider any major purchase "ours" and we both take each other's needs into consideration. Neither of us would tell the other one what we were going to purchase, but then neither of us feel very strongly about cars. They are used as a tool to get our family around, not as a hobby. I can see if it is a type of hobby for him that it might be a bigger deal for him to have manual.
I can understand not wanting to learn when you are pregnant tho. When I learned there was a lot of jerking around, short stopping and stress. I think he could meet you in the middle, spend a few months researching what he wants and then teach you when you are comfortable and get the car he wants.
Or maybe he knows his wife well enough to know she is stalling... ;-)
Dh knows when I say that I'm going to call a credit card company or deal with a bill "later", it means, "I don't want to and I'm hoping you forget". Eventually he calls me on it and he's right.
I look at this slightly different--I was required to learn how to drive a manual before I was allowed to drive an automatic. I grew up in a farm community where most people have trucks. My dad didn't want me or my sis to ride with a friend who'd been drinking because we couldn't drive their vehicle.
In HS, a friend of mine's dad had to leave town on a family emergency and took the mom's car because his truck was acting up. My friend, her mom, and sis couldn't drive the truck and were basically stuck at home unless one of their friends could come drive them around. I took an afternoon and taught my friend to drive the truck so they could get back and forth to the grocery store.
IMHO, I think everyone should know how to drive a stick and change a tire. You shouldn't be able to graduate HS without it. I would learn how to drive a stick, but I wouldn't get your DH to teach you. It will be too frustrating for both of you. Get a friend or family member to take you to the closest mall a couple of hours before they open. It will be almost completely empty, you can drive slow until you get used to it, and will have wide open spaces for you to practice starting and stopping. There won't be a chance of you getting into an accident, at worst you'll just chug the thing out. It'll jerk you around a little bit, but it won't hurt you or the baby.
//havent read responses
there is no way in hell that i will EVER EVER learn a stick shift. i have no interest. not one tiny bit. if dh told me thats the only car we could buy. id tell him to kindly shove that stick up his ass
(on the contrary he is getting an automatic in his next car so i can drive it).
i also don't know how to change a tire. or my oil.
Punk, most men don't even know how to change their oil, so you're in the clear on that one. ;-)
Pg or not, you can try to drive a stick. That is a lame excuse (unless you are too big to drive!).
That said, it may be primariliy his car, but it is not only his car. If you can't drive a stick, then he should not have a stick. Also, his attitude sucks, but then again so does your attitude about learning to drive a stick.
ITA. I plan on our kids cars being manual for this reason. I haven't diven a stick in years, but I could do it if I had to.
If he's "into cars," I think he should be able to get a manual. I wouldn't be thrilled about learning to drive a stick shift either, but I'd suck it up if cars were a big interest for my husband and he really wanted one.
If my teenage sister in law can learn to drive stick, you can too
It just doesn't make sense to me to have one car that one of the two drivers in the household can't drive. Before we were married, DH had a manual car and I couldn't drive it. He tried to teach me, but I just didn't really car enough to learn and never felt comfortable driving his "baby" anyway. Then one day my car broke down and I needed to rent one when we had a perfectly good car in the driveway that wasn't being used. (DH had a truck for work).
Anyway, my point is, either you learn to drive the second family car, or the second family car should be automatic or like you suggested one that can do both. It seems really illogical to me to say you can't drive it but you don't need to because it's his car. Things happen and for convenience it really helps for both drivers in the household to be able to use both cars safely.
Thanks everyone! I'm still a little irritated by my DH's attitude about the whole thing, but he will be the one driving it the majority of the time so he should be able to drive the car he wants to drive. I think I've built learning to drive a manual into a bigger deal than it is after my first time fail. I'll go in this time with a more positive attitude and will probably have a more positive outcome.
Thanks!
lol or maybe not. i've had 3 separate boyfs and dh try to teach me for fun. lol i still failed
DH has a stick shift. I've tried to learn and could never get the hang of it. Its a complete PITA. We have a one car garage, so if he is blocking me, he has to move it. He hates when this happens early in the morning and I kick him out of bed to do it. Going on vacation, we have to take my piece of crap car because if we took his, he would have to do all the driving. Pre-baby if we would go out and have some beers and were in his car, I could never be the one to drive home (I usually would drink less) so he has to limit the adult beverages.
DH also got one because he thought it was manly. Even he admits that its now just annoying to drive, esp since you can't eat, talk on the phone, etc while driving one. He decided that his next car will be automatic.
I don't think its ridiculous to not want him to get one. Maybe I'm ridiculously uncoordinated, but they have hard to get used to and I definitely wouldn't want to practice while pregnant.
MTE
I was in the reverse situation- I drive a stick shift and my husband can't. He wanted me to get one so that he could drive my car if necessary (he never will- I drive a small Corolla). I LOVE a stick shift so much more than an automatic.
It really isn't difficult it just takes practice. I don't know if I would want to learn while I was pregnant though. That I can understand.
I really think you should learn stick shift. It really does only take practice. I learned on my older sister's 14 year old geo storm when I was in college. My dad took me out to a parking lot and we went in circles just learning to start and stop. Then he told me I was ready to go out on the road. I think my record was 3 stalls at one single stop sign lol. It took me about 3 weeks to feel like I REALLY got the hang of it. And that was learning on a car that was 14 years old with the original clutch (in other words - the clutch was crap!), and 3 1/2 cylinders (the 4th cylinder in the engine didn't get full compression). So if I can learn how to drive manual in a car that, for all intents and purposes, really shouldn't even work, you can learn. Your baby will be fine - even when you stall a few times. Is it embarassing to have to wait through a stoplight 3 times because you can't get your car to move forward? Yes. But it makes for good stories and memories later on. It really is a good skill to have.
I do agree that your DH's attitude isn't great. But I think you're being pretty hard-nosed about it too.
ETA: I have never owned a car that isn't a manual. I had to learn because my sister gifted me that 14 year old car and it was that or be wheel-less. I chose the wheels. Now, I LOVE driving manual and can't stand driving automatic. And to the pp who mentioned how annoying it is that you can't eat or talk on the phone while driving a manual - you really shouldn't be doing those things anyway. Just sayin'.
Really, its very easy. I learned when I was 16. My dad parked the car at the bottom of the hill, and told me that if I can get to the top of the hill, he would let me drive on my own. (It was my car).
Can someone else teach you besides DH? Then he could stay home with the kids, and maybe this other teacher will be a better fit? If his teaching you was a "fail" maybe somenoe else would be able to explain it differently?
I think you should let him get the car he wants in this case.
Trying for #2 since July 2010
BFP 8/1/10, missed m/c, D&C 9/15/10.
BFP 1/8/11, chemical pregnancy.
BFP 3/4/11, measured behind all along, no more HB 4/18/11. D&C 4/29/11. HCG didn't drop, Repeat D&C 6/17/11; confirmed molar pregnancy 6/23/11.
Forced break, including two Hysteroscopies in October to remove retained tissue.
BFP 12/29/11! Betas @ 10 dpo = 85, 14 dpo= 498, 22 dpo = 7242
Heard HB 1/24/12. 144 bpm!
Luca Rose born 9/9/12! More than worth the wait!
MY thoughts exactly. I think he's being unreasonable if you aren't comfortable with the idea.
I get why her DH doesn't want this - it's not the same as driving a 'real' stick shift car. If he's really into cars, then this wouldn't cut it for him.
Here's what I would do..I would let him get the stick shift with the condition that you get PROFESSIONAL lessons on how to drive it when you're ready - and you need to do that as soon as possible.
I'm of the "try it, you might like it" camp. And since this is a sticking point between you all, I would have someone else teach you to use it. There is a BIG difference between learning from your DH and learning from an instructor.
The funny thing about our house is I know how to drive stick & DH doesn't. I offered to teach him because I'm of the mind set that everyone should know. He wasn't interested.
Also I'm glad we both got cars we both are comfortable with it. The AC went in my car & we just don't have the money to get it fixed right now so I've been using his truck. I have a long commute & I couldn't imagine being forced to drive w/ no AC in 100 degree weather.