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Pre-School and Daycare
howleyshell
member
Confession and a question. (ok... LOTS of ?'s)
howleyshell
member
My kids are for the most part VERY well mannered when it comes to use of polite words.
They use please and thank you consistently for the smallest of things without prompting.
Total strangers often comment on how polite they are manners-wise (verbally).
"I'm sorry" flows freely from both of them for the tiniest infraction on another person.
They both even say "excuse me" spontaneously with burps and farts. (mainly because I refuse to let my house become a fraternity as I'm surrounded by males) I'm not saying they don't snicker in the process but at least the ground work is laid.
However.....
I have not taught my kids to use terms of respect for adults.
Yup...
My kids call adults by their first names only.
I honestly never thought about it because that's how I was raised.
Now I'm realizing that EVERY kid we come across calls adults by "Miss First name" and "Mr. First Name."
We're pretty far down the road and it's gonna be tougher for them to learn but I'm determined to right this oversight on my part.
So... what do your kids call adults?
"Miss/Mr. First Name"
Mrs./Mr. Last Name"
ETA: And how do you introduce yourself to children? Do you refer to yourself as "Miss First Name" or "Mrs. Last Name"?
And are you OFFENDED if/when a child calls you by just your first name?
What kind of impression does that make on you about that child?
School me.
I don't want to screw this up again.
However... I honestly don't think I can ever look a child in the face and tell them my name is "Miss Shelley" much less "Mrs. Last Name"
Just not gonna happen in this life time.
Our IF journey: 1 m/c, 1 IVF with only 3 eggs retrieved yielding Dylan and a lost twin, 1 shocker unmedicated BFP resulting in Jace, 3 more unmedicated pregnancies ending in more losses.
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Confession and a question. (ok... LOTS of ?'s)
I'm from the South; born and raised. Typically, down here, we call people Miss or Mr. First Name. EVERYBODY. Except, of course, for your teachers at school. But everyone else, like neighbors, friends' parents, piano/dance/karate teacher, friend of mom/dad (unless it's a very close friend--then it's usually "auntie" or "uncle")...all of them are addressed that way.
P.S. I don't think you're necessarily "screwing up" either. You've decided to make some changes and kids catch on pretty quickly. This was a hot topic discussion on The View some months back. It was interesting to hear the different POVs on it.
You're HORRIBLE!
JK of course.
Kellen says Ms/Mr First Name. The only times I have had him use a last name is with my husband's superiors or co-workers he has met (DH is in the military). He calls them Sgt or Major or whatever (Last Name).
Ooooohhhh... I'd love to hear what some of the POV's were! (not meaning to start any debates but not so secretly hoping that someone would have a good justification for how how disrespectful I've taught them to be up to this point - hee hee)
I was raised in Texas.
My Dad ALWAYS hated the "Miss First Name" thing.
The only people we called "Miss First Name" were our dance teachers and when my dad heard us do it he expressed his displeasure. In his eyes "Miss" went with a last name, never a first.
He explained one time that that was how slaves had to refer to their masters and he found it offensive as such.
He was really big on having us participate in conversations with adults as equals (intellectually speaking) and if it was an authority issue our job at that point was to shut up and answer only with "Yes, Maam" or "No, Sir" as a sign of respect to an elder.
I even grew up calling Aunts and Uncles by just their first name. Still do!
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
If I remember correctly, both Sherri and Elizabeth taught their children to call adults by Miss/Mr. First name; Elizabeth mentioned her children also used Miss/Mr. Last name but I can't recall what the distinction between the two groups was. I don't remember Whoopi's POV ( I think it was either/or first or last name) but Barbara said she doesn't like it when children call her Mrs. Walters because it's "too formal" nor does she like "Miss Barbara". Sherri's son does call her "Miss Barbara" and Barbara said she was OK with that because it was what Sherri wants him to call her and since she's the parent, her son should follow her rules. Her preference is for children to call her by her first name but she lets the parents rules trump her preference.
I have to give your dad props for considering the fact that slaves had to address whites by "Miss/Mister" first name. I study AA history, alot and I always wondered if the Southern tradition of using Miss/Mister first name had anything to do with that. But in truth, I think all children, regardless of race grew up addressing adults that way. I believe it was a way children were taught to show respect to adults without sounding too formal--as Barbara put it.
How very interesting that the oldest woman in the conversation was the one with the least emphasis on having a particular show of respect.
I wouldn't have imagined that being her take on it.
Thanks for sharing!
But it seems as though there was no good argument offered AGAINST using Miss/Mr. so I'm back at needing to teach them.
We practiced a bit tonight. Hopefully it will become automatic for them quickly!
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
dd usually calls non-family member adults Ms/Mrs/Mr first name. She calls one of her teachers Miss First Name but she wanted to be address that way. I see it as a sign of respect. However, I don't think anything less of a kid if he just called me by my first name and I wouldn't introduce myself as Ms either. About half the kids I know use those titles. If an adult wants dd to be call them just by their first names, I'm good with that too.
If you lived here I'd feel really weird if your kids called me Miss J. Honestly? I'd probably say "It's ok honey, just call me J." So I'd totally screw up what you were trying to teach them. :P
DD calls everyone by their first names. Except her teachers (Miss/Mr Firstname). And our Philippino friends. They're Tita, Kuya, Ate....
Now that I'm thinking of it, around work, everyone calls me Pastor J. *Except* the kids I know well. Not only does it not bother me, I LIKE IT. They respect me just fine. And part of it, is perhaps because I respect them by not putting myself above them with a title. I know that probably sounds a little dumb, but it honestly feels like that around there.
~~
Bottom line, this is a very regional thing. I don't know about CO. But I know that here, first names are just fine.
And really? Even if they don't pick up the Mr/Miss titles, I'd rather have a kid sincerely say "Thank so you so much J!" rather than snottily sneering at me and call me "Miss". If it's sincerely from the heart, I'd take that over a sarcastically used title.
I agree with this totally. I didn't realize how regional it must be because thinking about it now as a kid myself I did not do it and neither did any of my friends. I do not think it makes you disrespectful not to at all, and I too would prefer to just be called R.
easy answer.... ask the adult what she/he wants to be called by your child.
I grew up with mr/mrs first name... some parents preferred mr/mrs last name. my friend from the midwest just goes by her first name.
easy answer.... ask the adult what she/he wants to be called by your child.
I grew up with mr/mrs first name... some parents preferred mr/mrs last name. my friend from the midwest just goes by her first name. for the most part, I introduce as mr/mrs first name unless the adult introduces herself/himself in another way.
weird. lol bc i have never thought anything else than for my kids to call my adult friends by their first names. and im in the south! lol
i just think it depends on the adult - aidan is smart enough to know her teachers are "miss ____" without prompting, but that my best friend is just Ashley. my friends and siblings would LOL if they ran around calling them "miss" or "mr"
I consider DD a polite child but I don't have her use formal titles with adults. We're pretty casual people and I honestly don't know anyone around here who does titles. When it comes time for her to have teachers, she'll learn the proper way to address them.
I didn't use titles as a kid, either.
We use first names, except for her teachers - they are Miss First Name.
i think you are being too hard on yourself!
I prefer to be called by just my first name and would never be offended without the Miss/Mr thing. To me, when it is used, it indicates a conservative or Southern upbringing.
I grew up in Maryland and there were only a few people we knew who did the Miss/Mr FirstName thing there. I did it for the couple of adults who preferred it, because that's how they liked to be addressed, but that was it. Here in the South, EVERYONE does it. Everyone except us, that is. Our son doesn't call anyone Miss or Mr anything. Since neither my husband or I did it growing up, we're not in the habit of it and wouldn't think to teach it to our kids.
I have my children call adults Miss and Mr. First Name. I feel that adults deserve a title of respect- not just a first name... but if we are close with them I think last names are too formal.
I grew up calling all my parent's friends "aunt and uncle first name" which i'm not a fan of for my kids - i want them to know who their real family is vs. family friends.
I don't often introduce myself to kids.... but when i do I say "miss Gail" or "Griffin's mommy"
I am in Texas and I've always called my elders by their first name.
In the grocery store, restaurants or whatever as "sir" and "m'am".
I'd never call myself Miss or Mrs. Blueshirt.