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Special Needs
went back to work- advice on dealing w/ stuff?
Hey ladies, hope everyone is doing well... just looking for some advice today and maybe a bit of a vent :-)
I went back to work 2 weeks ago which was initally ok, i like my job. Now that I'm into it however it is depressing the crap out of me. I work in a children's hospital with a tight-knit group of co-workers (most of which know whats going on). I'm having a terrible time everytime I go into work- seeing "normal" kids and kids with varying degrees of CP/dev delay (which we're expecting annabelle to have). It stresses me out to no end and I'm not really sure how to deal, I never want to go in and am upset for my drive home almost daily. I hate not knowing where she's going to end up (I know, something we all unfortunately deal with).
In addition to that, my co-workers always ask how annabelle is doing. No issues with that but if I happen to mention one of my concerns and explain how bad her imaging was they just give me a sad look and say "oh, I didnt realize it was that bad" as most of em understand the implications of the pics. I've stopped talking about it altogether but it still makes me sad when ppl ask how she is doing. So just wondering if other ppl experienced something similar at work or with friends and if you found any good coping mechanisms I might be able to try. And thanks for lettin me air out a bit :-)
Mommy to an amazing toddler who happens to have had a stroke, bleed, hydrocephalus and CP... and is kickin' it's butt :-)
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Re: went back to work- advice on dealing w/ stuff?
My DS's issues are different but I'm going to go out on a limb and say what you're feeling is normal. I feel it too. I've been wishing baby girls on all of our pregnant friends so I don't have to see typically developing little boys grow up around us. Messed up, huh?
I think the not wanting to talk about it is normal too. I thought that since I work in special ed my fellow teachers would have some insightful things to say to me that would encourage me through these tough times. They have always been nice but some of the things that are said are way more hurtful than helpful. People want to help but most of them don't know how.
I'm sorry you are going through this. It's really hard and I wish you lots of peace as you try to find your new "normal". Best of luck.
Sorry you are dealing with this. Going back to work is hard enough, and then to have to deal with all the extra baggage is terrible. When people that I am not close, like co-workers ask how DS is, I just say he is doing great. Which isn't a lie, but he is still on oxygen and fed exclusively through a feeding tube. But, if I explain that they also give you the look and feel sorry for you. I found myself always saying, oh no, don't be sorry, we are just happy he is alive. So, for now, I only explain the specific things with close friends and family who know the situation. I don't know if this would help at all, but it is how I deal with it.
As for working with kids that are normal and some that are not, that is tough. I am a teacher and I still get jealous of all these kiddos that are totally normal and I wonder how DS will be when he is school age. I don't think it will ever go away, but maybe gets better with time.
Good luck to you and I hope it gets better for you!
(((hugs))) It must be rough to just be starting back to work. That is stress in itself. I am a working mom too. I am not in your situation, so please forgive me if my words do not help. I had a dear friend who had twin girls, one with severe CP and the other was typical. It was very hard for her to see what her daughter could have been every moment of every day. But, then again, they were two different people, each of which had their own gifts, uniqueness about them, in fact she often expressed that her sweet girl has had to fight so many more battles than most people do in a lifetime, and she is stronger for it.
Being a special needs mom, I think we learn over time to grow some thick skin, and deal with things like this. But the bottom line is, our children are ours and they are special, and that is really all that matters in the end, not what others say, think or do.
Hi!
It sounds like a really tough situation. Heck, I had trouble at work with just two other girls being pregnant and complaining about getting too many baby blankets at their showers when Kelsey was your daughter's age. I think being in an office that would have me facing her projected "future" (or not) would be too much emotionally for me to handle.
Maybe you could transfer to a different department if it becomes too much for you. It is an awful lot to ask of yourself to live it daily at home with dd and at work all day long. Work in some ways has been a blessing for me as it takes away the focus of only on Kelsey.
I hope things get better for you.
btw...Kelsey had a bilateral stroke that took the top third of her brain on both sides and while she does have CP she has also shown herself to be very smart and so much more than her MRI says she "should" be
it is really hard. I still find at times I'm severely jealous of people with healthy babies, people who have easy babies. People who get to go home with their babies, who have never had to carry home the carseat as empty as when they brought it.
I also find that most people if i mention that he is delayed or having issues they will just write it off or say he'll be fine. I think that feels more patronizing that comforting. My MIL always says I'm makign something of nothing and he'll be fine (Yeah making something of nothing after my baby was taken to the NICU at 2 days old and stayed there for 9 days).
Everything you feel is very normal and its part of the grieving process. It takes time to grieve what you thought life would be like when you decided to get pregnant and it takes time to accept how things will be. Thankfully in the meantime we get to love on these sweet babies and they make the grief go down a little easier.