Will you pay for your LO's college?

EnglishMajor03 · July 2010

We will probably pay whatever bills while they're in college but after graduation they're on their own. So, do you think I'm fiscally irresponsible for having more children than I could afford to put through a private university? Let's all have an honest and open discussion.

heatherglen814 · July 2010

I don't think you're irresponsible at all. Personally, I knew that my parents wouldn't be able to pay for my college. We moved from Florida to SC to NC and back to FL and they never set up a Florida Pre-Paid Tuition. Dad went to college and paid for his own. Mom didn't go. But because I knew they wouldn't be able to pay for it, I busted my butt in high school to get a Full Bright Futures Scholarship and other scholarships. I mean, I'm still around $20,000 in student loan debt, but I worked and earned my degree without help and I don't resent my parents one bit for not being able to help me with everything. If I needed something, they would help me the best they could, however they could.

I'm not sure if DH and I will pay for LO's college. We'll definitely look into a long term savings for her future. Whether that's college, vocational school, technical school or help on a down payment for a house, I don't care. We want her to be able to have a small cushion for something in her future. On the other hand, if she wants to go to college, she'll have to put in the effort for scholarships, grants, etc. too. If in the future, we happen to hit the lottery, strike gold or whatnot, of course her future would be paid for. But if that doesn't happen, like my parents, we will help her the best way we can.

ali-1411 · July 2010

We probably won't pay for college. We will try to help, but our kids are going to need to go military or be really good at sports if they want a free education

I don't believe paying for college is a parent's responsibility, and its not irresponsible to have kids if you can't afford to pay for college. You only need to support them until they are 18.

HarrietNJMommy · July 2010

Yes. This is VERY important to us. Neither DH nor I have any student loans at all, or any "debt" from our college tuitions. I was on a half-scholarship and my parents covered the rest, and DH (who has a PhD) went through 9 years of schooling without ever having to take out a loan (grants, aid and scholarships).

It's also one of the big reasons that we don't want to have a 4th child.

And no, you don't have to pay for your children's college education, but for me and DH, it's important to be able to help them out for undergrad. I would hate to saddle my child with student loans for undergrad AND grad school (if they choose to go).

April37 · July 2010

We've already opened a college savings plan for DD. We want to help her out as much as we can. That said, I don't think parents should be expected to pay for their kid's college nor do I think it's irresponsible to have more kids if you can't pay to send them to college.

taylormillgirl · July 2010

It is my personal belief that students work harder in school and appreciate college more when they're at least partially accountable for the bill. We plan on helping the kids with college, but not covering 100% of their expenses.

littlemermaid · July 2010

We already have an account set up for their college funds. But if we couldn't afford to save for it then I wouldn't feel bad. They are adults when they are entering college and it's a responsibility that they can handle. I worked from the age of 15 and all through college to pay cash for my college education and I appreciate that degree a lot because I earned it all on my own.

MAprincess · July 2010

We plan to pay for their college educations and they are responsible for anything beyond that. But my parents paid for my education and I know how lucky I was for that. They basically sent me out into the world debt free.

I don't think you are irresponsible for having more children than you can afford to put through a private university. I went to a private university and many people there had wonderful grant/loan packages. So you never know what you will be able to afford when the time comes. Though it seems it will cost $100,000 a year at the rate they are raising tuition, but that is a discussion for another post.

wifeandmama · July 2010

We'll pay for what we can, like my parents did. My sister and I got jobs when we were teenagers and they forced us to save money, specifically for college. I don't think there's anything wrong with kids have some student loan debt.

MAprincess · July 2010

taylormillgirl:
It is my personal belief that students work harder in school and appreciate college more when they're at least partially accountable for the bill. We plan on helping the kids with college, but not covering 100% of their expenses.

I hear a lot of people say this but I have never seen this correlation in my experience. I am a person whose parents paid for every dime of education through graduate school and I don't believe I worked less hard than those putting themselves through (for example, my husband- who really didn't have the work ethic I had, frankly;-) I think it has to do with personality more than where the money is coming from. The people I met whose parents were pay and were total slackers would have still been total slackers if they were responsible. Or wouldn't have been there at all, maybe. That said- I had a job since I was 14 years old. It is not as if I wasn't getting the work experience as time went on.

ElizC · July 2010

We are planning on and saving for tution and room and bored at a State University. If B decides to go to a private university, he will have figure out where to get the rest of the money. Both DH and I feel that the state we live in has great public options. My mom paid for me to get a degree from a state unverstity. Dh paid his own way to another stat university. We came to the decision, with both of us having very differed experiences. However I do think you should do what you can afford. Make your future is figured out first and you have a savings plan for retirement.

taylormillgirl · July 2010

MAprincess:

taylormillgirl:
It is my personal belief that students work harder in school and appreciate college more when they're at least partially accountable for the bill. We plan on helping the kids with college, but not covering 100% of their expenses.

I hear a lot of people say this but I have never seen this correlation in my experience. I am a person whose parents paid for every dime of education through graduate school and I don't believe I worked less hard than those putting themselves through (for example, my husband- who really didn't have the work ethic I had, frankly;-) I think it has to do with personality more than where the money is coming from. The people I met whose parents were pay and were total slackers would have still been total slackers if they were responsible. Or wouldn't have been there at all, maybe. That said- I had a job since I was 14 years old. It is not as if I wasn't getting the work experience as time went on.

I've seen it (in spades) within my own family and among my friends. But like I said in my post, it's my personal belief. Obviously beliefs will vary.

ariel06 · July 2010

taylormillgirl:
It is my personal belief that students work harder in school and appreciate college more when they're at least partially accountable for the bill. We plan on helping the kids with college, but not covering 100% of their expenses.

Thia exactly. I'd also like to teach my kids to save for college at an early age. Right now any b-day money DS gets goes into his college fund. When he is older he will be able to have more control over this money. My parents matched whatever we put into our college savings account (which we were not allowed to take out of) until we were old enough to have a part time job.

babypuplove · July 2010

Yes, we already have a college fund started for our kids, and contribute to it monthly. Our parents paid for our undergrad, and we managed to pay for our grad school on our own (luckily one of his previous employers paid for the majority of his expensive private grad school; we paid mine off as I went). We both feel strongly that college is simply the next step after high school, and we want our kids to focus on their education, and not struggle with student loans and money when they graduate.

tabi_ja · July 2010

My parents didn't pay for a dime of my college. I did it all by myself, and I'm quite proud of that fact. I'm not so proud of the massive amount of loans I had to take out to do it, but that comes with the territory, IMO. Not that my parents wouldn't have helped, they just couldn't afford to. My mother's teaching income was the only reliable income in our house - Dad owned his own business, and it was unreliable, at the best of times.

That being said, we have already started saving for Miles' college fund. We probably won't be able to pay for everything, but we will do what we can to help him out.

As for whose responsibility it is, I agree that it is the child's responsibility to figure it out if they want to go, but that it doesn't hurt for the parents to offer some assistance in the process.

babypuplove · July 2010

MAprincess:
taylormillgirl:
It is my personal belief that students work harder in school and appreciate college more when they're at least partially accountable for the bill. We plan on helping the kids with college, but not covering 100% of their expenses.
I hear a lot of people say this but I have never seen this correlation in my experience. I am a person whose parents paid for every dime of education through graduate school and I don't believe I worked less hard than those putting themselves through (for example, my husband- who really didn't have the work ethic I had, frankly;-) I think it has to do with personality more than where the money is coming from. The people I met whose parents were pay and were total slackers would have still been total slackers if they were responsible. Or wouldn't have been there at all, maybe. That said- I had a job since I was 14 years old. It is not as if I wasn't getting the work experience as time went on.

Ditto MAPrincess. I get why people think this might be the case, but I've never seen it play out that way in real life. Slackers will continue to be slackers and just get by, and hard workers will continue to work hard, regardless of who is footing the bill. But, my parents expected good grades, and they wouldn't have let me continue to stay in school if I brought home anything other than that.

I will also say that I worked part-time for three years of college for spending money and to pay a few bills (babysitting and waitressing), and I met a LOT of people when I was a server who got sucked into working and making money, partying at night with other servers, and just didn't have the drive to continue with school AND work. Ten years later, I think quite a few of them are probably still working in those restaurants.

Stacyc625 · July 2010

I don't judge what anyone else decides. However DH and I have discussed this before we even had kids.

We will NOT be paying for college for our children- we will NOT be taking out loans on their behalf either. Both DH and I paid our way through college and grad school (and law school). Him through the military- Me through full scholarships for undergrad and employer tuition reimbursement and working full time. We both feel that it has made us work that much harder and appreciate that much more. We were both the first ones in our families to graduate college let alone grad school.

Of course we will not just send our children out in the world the day they graduate high school- however we will not be handing them a free ride to college just because they are our children either.

Personally i think it is much more 'fiscally irresponsible' for people to fund college funds before SEVERELY maxing out on your own/DH's retirement funds. You can ALWAYS take a loan out to go to school- not so much with living expenses when you are 80 years old and run out of savings.

honeyb518 · July 2010

My husband makes very decent money...but with the way the economy is going and inflation I just don't things will ever level off again. For example by the time our kids go to school tuition will probably cost about $400,000+ for 4 years. I just know we won't be able to save that much for even one kid, let alone 2 or 3. I have a feeling there will be a lot more kids in the same boat of parents not being able to afford it, and so thankfully they will not be alone. We of course will help any way that we can, but the odds of no student loans are slim! I am still paying for mine as well.

lwrigley2000 · July 2010

taylormillgirl:
It is my personal belief that students work harder in school and appreciate college more when they're at least partially accountable for the bill. We plan on helping the kids with college, but not covering 100% of their expenses.

I agree with this. Besides getting student loans and paying them back on time helps establish good credit. And student loans are the cheapest money you can borrow.

Between writing out a check to pay for a semesters worth of college vs having LO take out a student loan in their name and help share the responsibility of paying some of it back along with our help so that it sets up good credit I'd rather go with the latter.

alli2672 · July 2010

DH and I both had scholarships for college, but my parents paid for my siblings. They had planned on having my brother finance some of his college, but it was pretty much impossible for him to do. If your parents make enough money to pay, there is no help through the gov't or the school to take out loans for undergrad (unless you are married and considered independent from your parents or you join the military). And with no income and no assets you can't get a private loan from a bank for more than a few thousand dollars a year. I think that his tuition and room/board were $40k+/yr.

He did take out about $2,000/yr in loans, had a summer job, and was an RA his junior and senior year. Mom and dad still paid the bulk of his tuition though. It didn't seem like there were other options.

So, I guess that it depends on the circumstances at the time my children go to college.

ETA: We were all on our own for grad school though, so we have our fair share of student loans

MamatoJackson · July 2010

This is something that DH and I can't yet come to an agreement on. He thinks we should pay, I think we shouldn't. His parents helped him with college, mine didn't help me.

I'm not sure yet and glad to read all of your opinions.

susanmosley · July 2010

I haven't read any other replies yet.

I don't think it is irresponsible to have more kids than you can afford to put through a private university.

But I plan to do everything I can to pay for my child(ren)'s college education...simply because it starts them off on a good foot in the real world.

My parents paid for my undergrad and graduate school. Being able to get out of school, start my career and not be in debt/have loans to ay off was one of the greatest gifts they gave me.

Carol*Brady · July 2010

No, I am not & never planned to--at least not entirely & college costs have NO baring at all on our family size. BUT, MIL is paying for the kids college totally so they're getting it paid for anyway. She's very well off & they can go to any college they get into--I still want to keep this fact hush, hush so they don't take it for granted...I may even require they work while in school or do something extra so they do know what it's like to work before 22--unlike my DH who never worked a day (including doing any chores) until he graduated from college--LOL! I started working at 10 (paper route & babysitting) & paid my own way through college & grad school. All 4 of my siblings have too & we are all doing very well in life. DH's 2 younger brothers are huge slackers & still living pretty much off MIL at 28 & 30yrs old.

janbrady · July 2010

Yes, definitely through undergrad. This is a priority to us, and while I would like to have 3 kids (I think) we'll probably stop at 2 due to college costs. If we can afford it at the time we'll help with grad school as well.

We have a 529 set up for DD and her grandparents have set one up also. We put a set amount in every month and any gift money she receives goes in as well.

That being said I personally think a good public university is a much smarter choice than a private school. DH thinks it should be wherever she wants to go. We'll see.

Kim&Jim · July 2010

We'll help but I am pretty sure we won't be able to pay 100% of the costs.

ElizC · July 2010

alli2672:
DH and I both had scholarships for college, but my parents paid for my siblings. They had planned on having my brother finance some of his college, but it was pretty much impossible for him to do. If your parents make enough money to pay, there is no help through the gov't or the school to take out loans for undergrad (unless you are married and considered independent from your parents or you join the military). And with no income and no assets you can't get a private loan from a bank for more than a few thousand dollars a year. I think that his tuition and room/board were $40k+/yr.
He did take out about $2,000/yr in loans, had a summer job, and was an RA his junior and senior year. Mom and dad still paid the bulk of his tuition though. It didn't seem like there were other options.
So, I guess that it depends on the circumstances at the time my children go to college.
ETA: We were all on our own for grad school though, so we have our fair share of student loans

This is so true. I couldn't get a student loan to save my life. My mom made to much money for me to qualify for anything. Also my mom had nothing saved for my college, my parents got divorced right before my senior year. She made tuition payments every single month that looked like her mortgage payment. I am so grateful for the sacrifices she made for me. Even more so since I am able to SAH because of it, I know we couldn't swing it if I had student loans.

jenifairies · July 2010

I do not think paying for private school education is a requirement of having children! lol

We plan to pay what we can. I don't foresee being able to pay for everything (even at a state u depending on the cost at the time). We are going to do what we can to help though. Neither of us had any help from our parents from the time we hit 18, including for school - DH joined the military because he thought it was his only option. I went off and on because I struggled trying to make bills and survive on my own at the same time.

sawyer918 · July 2010

taylormillgirl:
It is my personal belief that students work harder in school and appreciate college more when they're at least partially accountable for the bill. We plan on helping the kids with college, but not covering 100% of their expenses.

This! I can say from personal experience that it's true. I had to pay my whole way (We are planning on paying for part of their college) and I can say if I didn't pay for it, I wouldn't have shown up 1/2 the time! One of my professors did a break down for a day/course cost to be there and that opened my eyes to show up. hehehe.

tmrtink · July 2010

I haven't read all of the replies, but that being said, NO, in no way do I think it's irresponsible for you to have more children knowing that you won't or might not be able to put them through college.

College is ridiculously expensive, and gets more and more so each year-sometimes literally by 10's of thousands. Who the heck knows how much it's going to cost by the time our kids get there. There are plenty of student loans available, grants,scholarships, etc. If they want to get there, they'll be able to if they work hard enough.

That being said, DH works for a major college locally, and we are HOPING, PRAYING, and probably DREAMING that not only will our boys be able to get IN to his school, but will want to GO there-because if they do, they get a free ride!!!! They even have a program with other private universities around the country where you can go for an insanely discounted yearly rate (we're talking $5000 a year instead of $60000+). I know that a lot of other colleges around here have similar programs as well. A girl I went to HS with, her dad took a side job mowing the lawns at another local college she wanted to go to, and she ended up being accepted, and went for free because of it. It's an amazing deal clearly!!

MainelyFoolish · July 2010

We would like to pay for DD to get an undergraduate degree from a state school. At the rate college costs are increasing, we may not be able to pay for it all, but we will try. The cost of college is definitely a consideration as we decide whether to have another child but it's not the deciding factor.

My parents paid for my undergratuate education and I still worked hard -- I even graduated in 3 years. I didn't qualify for any scholarships other than $2k that could only be used for an independent summer research project. My parents made too much money for me to qualify for any grants or subsidized loans. I appreciated starting my adult life without being saddled with large loan payments.

leffe1 · July 2010

Yes as much as we can. We already have a savings plan through the state. I think it's important for us to give her a good start since we are able.

HarrietNJMommy · July 2010

A couple of things for me to add:

- OUR retirement (DH and I) TRUMPS college savings (StaceyC - I agree with you!). We save for ourselves first, then for our kids. We are (and have been for YEARS) maxed out with our retirement savings. We know that we can't borrow for retirement but our kids can borrow money for a college education.

- I don't believe that making your child pay for college will make them more accountable or make it "worth" more or make them appreciate it that much more. That's a personality thing. If someone gets a free ride to college, does that mean that their degree should mean less to them? Sure, there are many people out there that would have benefited from having to pay for college or work through college. But that's not always the case.

- Also, while we will pay for tuition, we will NOT be paying for everything associated with it (books, extras, etc.). Our children will have to be responsible for payment of items in college.

- DH and I will fund undergraduate work only. Then, our kids are on their own to figure out a way to pay for grad school.

- Lastly, if you are in the middle class AT ALL, it is VERY hard to get money/aid for college. We didn't qualify for financial aid at all when we applied to college (my sis and I). We had to get merit-based scholarships, and those are competitive. My parents matched my scholarship, and so my private university was paid for. DH grew up poor, and he went to schools where he could get aid/grants/scholarships to cover his tuition.

axr8111 · July 2010

I don't think college is a responsibility but a luxury. Yes we will be paying because my husbands feels strongly about it, but I paid for my own college and honestly I feel pretty good about that.

Temp174496125006552 · July 2010

Since I have a child that will be going to college in a little over year, I'll tell you what we're doing for her.

Whatever is not covered by grants, scholarships and financial aid, we will take loans for. I'd like her to take out a loan for somewhere in the vicinity of 1/4 of whatever isn't covered...and DH and I will take loans for the rest. She and I have talked about it and we both agree that she should be 'on the hook' for some of the money, that this isn't a free ride. I also said to her that I think she will take college more seriously if she's responsible for paying for part of it and she agreed with me.

I don't want her to pay for the whole thing because I do not want her to be saddled with an outrageous amount of debt when graduating from college and trying to get a job, a place of her own, etc. Since I was a single mom for most of her life (one income), I don't have as much saved as I would have liked. My plans for now are that that money will go towards helping her with her living expenses (she plans to go out of state), books and the cost to travel home and back. I also want/expect for her to get some kind of a job. Not working so many hours that it's distracting to her school work, but something manageable that she can earn a little money and also contribute towards her living expenses.

Temp174496125006552 · July 2010

I forgot to answer about Ben, since his situation is a little different.

When Ben was born, I was still working. The two owners of the company gave DH and I a nice check with the understanding that their financial guy would set up a 529 with that money. DH and I have made some contributions to it, as have some family members. Right now, I'm not contributing anything to it, but once I'm working again, we will resume making monthly contributions.

So, Ben will have a 529, where Jordan didn't. We'll have to see how much is in there when the time comes for him to go to school, but I want to help him in the same capacity as we'll do for Jordan. I am a big proponent of the kids being treated equally and I don't think it's fair that she has to pay for some of college and he doesn't. So, he will also be told that he will be responsible for paying for a portion of his schooling.

themrs830 · July 2010

Probably not. Unless we can super afford it at the time, keeping in mind we'd have to pay for subsequent children.

DH and I both had to pay our own way through college, and it was our choice to even go. I think we'll be the same way with our own children.

DevonPow · July 2010

Yes, we will (unless finances change, obviously - I would never pay for DS's college at the expense of our own retirement, etc)

My parents paid in full for my sister and I to both go to private, liberat arts colleges (not cheap) except for whatever scholarships and work study we had. It was wonderful to have the freedom to choose the school that was perfect for me without worrying about affording it.

DH and his brother both had their tuitions/room and board paid by their parents, at a 4 year university.

We all worked VERY hard - I think it is a completely inaccurate statement to say that those who pay themselves work harder. That is BS - those who have good values instilled in them and have developed a good work ethic work harder. The vast majority of people I went to HS with had their tuitions paid in full (just based on the demographic of where I went to HS) and the hard work that they all put into school, and the extraordinary success a majority have found since, show that their funding in no way decreased their work ethic, It just meant none of us needed to worry about student loans upon graduation (great for me considering I went into social work so was making $20K a year when I graduated - I would not have been able to do what I wanted if I had student loans)

Anyway, so yes we will pay for DS, through grad school (and I suppose potentially for grad school depending, but not a given). We weren't planning on a 529 at all (we have separate investments) but our inlaws want to start contributing $ and that seems to be the easiest way, so we may set up a small one just for family that wants to contribute.

Andrewsgal · July 2010

lwrigley2000:

taylormillgirl:
It is my personal belief that students work harder in school and appreciate college more when they're at least partially accountable for the bill. We plan on helping the kids with college, but not covering 100% of their expenses.

I agree with this. Besides getting student loans and paying them back on time helps establish good credit. And student loans are the cheapest money you can borrow.

Between writing out a check to pay for a semesters worth of college vs having LO take out a student loan in their name and help share the responsibility of paying some of it back along with our help so that it sets up good credit I'd rather go with the latter.

I am seriously laughng reading this. Sure your child will totally appreciate starting out their adult life with student loans and a great credit score. I would put money on the fact they would appreciate a debt free life with a good credit score a whole lot more!

My parents and DH's parents paid both for my and DH's whole college including advanced degrees. We are debt free and I SAH, we live very very comfortably thanks to them. We appreciate this more than anyone will ever know, why would I not want that for my child? We will pay for all three kids colleges 100%!

Dochas · July 2010

We will help, but we won't be paying for it. We're not opening up a special plan at this point either.

safy · July 2010

I'd like to say I'll pay for their entire education and I would love to, but at the same time, I think kids (read: me) who get free rides like that don't often appreciate the value of it. I would like for them to understand the value of their education, to not sign up for the million and one college student credit cards thrown their way and fubar their credit before it even exists. I guess I'll cross that bridge when we get there and assess based on their personality and tendencies.

KL777 · July 2010

No. To each their own, but I think it aids in teaching children responsibility. I went to undergrad and grad and I took the responsibility for paying for both degrees.

Don't get me wrong, my parents helped alot during both times. So to answer your question, no, you're not irresponsible.

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