***elizabeth&james***

Re: ***elizabeth&james***

• elizabeth&james

  July 2010

  Oh, you're so sweet, thanks

  I?m very happy but also really feeling cautious about the whole thing. I SO want to be blissful and carefree but I?m much more grounded about it this time around. I am trying hard to just enjoy each day and believe that this time it is meant to be but I?m also really freaking out and just feel like I?m in such a different place this time. Hard to explain but it?s almost like I don?t believe that it?s true ? not yet, anyway. I?ve read how others felt better after they got to a point that was farther along than when they m/c?for me that will be mid-August which seems like a long way away! So for now, just trying to stay positive and send good energy in the general direction of the blip that is trying to become a baby? crazy. 

   

  It?s weird- it feels like a happy thing but also sorta makes me sad b/c it?s just reminding me of what we lost the first time. I?m SO thankful, don?t get me wrong. But I will say that a new happiness doesn?t just cover up the old sadness ? gives you something new to think about, though, and that?s a very good thing. Hoping nobody wants me to get lost from this board - I still feel like all of you are my bump buddies and I feel a little lost when I try to explore other boards!  

  

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• BlakeG member

  July 2010

  Oh you better not leave us!  Like you said, just becuase you have something new to be happy and excited about doesn't erase what you lost and what you went through.  My plan, if I'm ever pregnant again, is to tell myself everyday "Today I am pregnant and I love my baby".  Someone suggested that on this board a while back.  I feel like if you say it enough you will believe it and maybe ease your fears a little.  I truly hope this is it for you!  My OB said that I will never feel safe until I have a baby in my arms and I really believe that is true but even though we can't be blissful we have to force ourselves to stay hopeful and positive.  You & your little bean will be in my prayers.  Good luck sweetie!!

  Natural BFP - 2/13/10, Natural M/C - 3/9/10 (Missed m/c found at 8wks 4days) Prenatal B/W shows I'm a Beta Thal carrier & so is DH. Onto IVF w/PGD... Jan 2011 - IVF #1 - C/P Mar 2011 - IVF #2 - Day 5 PGD, no ET, 5 snow babies May 2011 - FET #1 - BFP!! Twins!!! 2/9/12 - Our precious miracles arrived! Baby A 7lbs 13oz & Baby B 5lbs 13oz

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• elizabeth&james

  July 2010

  Thanks! I read that here too- and I try to say it every day (Ok, it's only been 4 days since I tested but I have said it every day!). Someone posted here recently about feeling like all pgs end badly - and I feel sad about that sometimes but also absolutely know that they do not!

  But I feel a little lost in myself- who is this woman I've become- so cynical and negative and who is bracing herself for the worst. That is crazy- that is not me!! Is this just the person I've created to help protect a fragile heart? I don't want to live in fear and I do not want to spend any part of this pg being a downer - so...yes, today I am pregnant and I love my baby! I just saw a coworker's pic of her new baby nephew - he was so little and squishy and sweet- and this time, instead of feeling pissed that there is so much babytalk around me all the time, I felt sorta empowered-thinking "that is what I want and there is no reason in the world I shouldn't have it. Grow baby grow! Big and strong, we'll do it together!!"  

  The emotional roller coaster continues- and I'm holding on tight. Thank you for your wishes and no, I'm not going away. Just trying to expand my horizons and meet ladies on my month board, trying to participate in "conventional" pg talk a bit -  it is amazing how different your perspective is because of all of this. (big hug)

  

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