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Babies on the Brain
BostonGayGal
member
Should I start being more evasive and vague?
BostonGayGal
member
I ask because we will be starting soon (hopefully September) and it has been so long coming that my parents, sister, aunt and several cousins all know about it.
They are all supportive and aware of the process (mostly medical people) so I am not too worried about expectations or them knowing about a miscarriage or anything, but I know most people are more secretive about it. They know it will likely take a while, so I am not worried at this point about being hounded, though I wonder whether that opinion would change a year into things.
Are there reasons other than miscarriage not to share? I ask because if I am going to keep things quiet I need to start being more evasive and vague sooner rather than later. This wouldn't be hard. After I have my surgery for my deviated septum I could say that I can't start for a couple months to keep an eye on healing and such.
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Re: Should I start being more evasive and vague?
Even with everything we've been through, I am still really open with friends and family with each phase of our ttc clusterfvck. My theory has always been I cannot expect support and sympathy and sensitivity if I don't let people in on what is going on. It's not fair to them.
And I have a big mouth, so that also helps.
That being said, I do get tired of the conversations, the pity looks, the avoiding the subject that can come with all of this. So, I guess the only reason I can see to keep some of it private is if you will be upset/weary of your fertility being the elephant in the room.
Because even when you admit the elephant is standing right there, it's still a big beast of a thing that can be hard to talk around. If that makes any sense.
Interesting question. NO one IRL knows we are trying because friends/coworkers have already been ubber annoying pestering me about when we would start. I've heard enough already. We also aren't telling family for a variety of reasons.
The plan when I do get KU is to have it be our private joy for a month or two before starting to spill the beans. A happy, growing secret to share with only each other.
Other than avoiding the, "are you pregnant yet?" questions I can't think of any other reasons not to share. But it sounds like most of them know it is a process and hopefully won't ask too much. Although being medical people they may ask for more details than you are want to share.
We were never super secretive until after I was pregnant (we just wanted to wait until I had an u/s before telling). We never offered up, hey we are trying to get pregnant but if someone asked when we were going to try we had no problem telling people.
That's tough. We were very open with many of our friends and family. For the most part I don't regret that decision but may have felt differently had we experienced a loss.
That being said, I may choose to be more private about it if we ever go for number 2. Mostly due the ILs. I don't want to have to bother with trying to be kind when I really want to say "fuuck off".
And P.S. I am super duper excited for you and A.
Thanks!
Yeah, I think the question for A. and myself is whether we want time to be the only ones who know. I am the worst and would share with my family immediately, but I am unsure about A. on this topic. I am less concerned about the miscarriage topic just because I am pretty good with setting limits on discussion with family and would likely want the support anyway. We shall see...
Off to the beach. I will investigate further with A.
http://oi62.tinypic.com/2w73hq9.jpg
We haven't formally announced, only my parents and our closest friends (probably 5 max) know. My opinion could be entirely clouded, but next time, we won't be telling family until after 12 weeks. I can't bear the thought of explaining what's going on to my mom, and I'll have to soon.