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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Children/babies at wedding?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Children/babies at wedding?
I've never been to a wedding without kids. And I've never really been to one where the kids there were a problem, so maybe I've been lucky. I just think a wedding is a celebration of family, and leaving out children or family members or friends that can't find a sitter is sad.
I had about 12 kids at my wedding, and it would have been much less special without them. My neice and nephew came out on the dance floor a minute or so into our first dance and started to dance with us, dressed in almost the same outfits. It was adorable, and the pictures are great. And my bridesmaid's daughter basically appointed herself my slave for the night. She was so excited to be there and wanted to be helpful. Okay, maybe I could have lived without my cousin's stepdaughter, but at 15, you're kind of supposed to be a PITA. And if I didn't invite everyone who was a PITA, the guest list could have been seriously trimmed.
Two weeks ago we had Joseph at my cousin's wedding in Minnesota. There were about 20 kids there. Matthew and another cousin's wife ended up taking kids outside a couple times, but we all knew it was a possibility and sat in the back on the aisle to make it easy, and we got the kids out of earshot before they were too distracting, and no one was crying, it was more being loud because they were excited.
I think for some people, a wedding is much more rigid than any I've been to, and I don't mean that in a bad way. There were so many weddings I saw when I was planning that would have been incredible, but I wouldn't have wanted to give up the kids and family as a trade off for elegance and sophistication.
I went to a wedding just this weekend that DID include kids and I still left DS at hometh a babysitter. Guess what? He survived a few hours without me....that doesn't make me a bad parent, it makes me a well rounded one who acknowledges that spending time with other adults & my husband and away from DS is actually good for me and him.
A wedding is NO place for a child, IMO. It is a very important adult function. I also wouldn't take my child to a cocktail party, Work Christmas party or a New Years Eve party....these are adult events. No one wants to deal with a crying baby, even ME, when I am at an adult party.
I think that kind of depends. Seriously, maybe it's just my family, but we would never consider a wedding an adult function. Now, I would never bring Joseph to a non-family wedding unless he was specifically included on the invitation. And to avoid confusion, I did invite all kids by name on our invitations, as my cousin did with Joseph for her wedding.
I do agree that an adult function shouldn't have underage party crashers. And I don't disagree at all with someone making their wedding adults only. Your party, your rules. I just couldn't have excluded the kids any more than I could have excluded my grandma.
I totally agree with this!!! Everyone has a different idea of what a wedding should be. Mine was a very formal adult function. Others I've been to that included kids were more laid back.
One poster mentioned how cute it was that the kids were dancing on the dancefloor during the bride and groom's first dance. See.....THAT would have pissed me off as the bride. Everyone is different.
I think the new "kids belong everywhere" ideal is exactly what is wrong with the majority of children these days.
My babysitter isn't a grandparent either. I looked for and hired a great sitter. I know that is just CRAZY TALK!
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Vile. ?Seriously. ?You plan to let your kid "yell" through the ceremony? ?And you think that's funny and clever? ? ?
You go on and on about how this is supposed to be a "family event" then use the kid as an excuse to leave early and laugh about how the kid will ruin the ceremony? ?
Wow. ?Just wow.
Some people just live in a bubble on entitlement, I guess.
Oh, I certainly don't think kids belong everywhere. And whether they were at a wedding would completely depend on the event. In my family, absolutely. In someone else's, that's their call. For instance, my would-be SIL is very anti-children. They scare her. She's an only child and until a kid is about 12-14, they just make her nervous. My brother is completely whipped, and therefore, should they ever finally get married (it's been 10 years so far), they are going to have a destination wedding and invite no one. They've told us this. It makes my mom sad, but it's their wedding and they get to do what they want.
And my son has been with a sitter about a dozen times. Mostly my mom, at her insistence. We work from home, and usually only have to trade off if one of us has something else to do. I would never assume that someone should watch my son for me. My mom has cancer, and while she feels fine now, knows she's been told she only has a few months and wants to spend as much time with Joseph as possible. And we rarely do anything where Joseph would be inappropriate to bring along. I'll have to find a sitter eventually. I just haven't had to yet.
We did NOT invite children (anyone under 12) to our wedding, because all the weddings I had been to of people in dh's family had kids running around, riding each other like horses on the dancefloor, crying, getting into fights, etc. And you can't invite some people's kids and not others. So, no kids. The bad parents ruin it for everyone, sadly. But I wasn't going to let his little cousins stress me out at my own wedding just so someone else could bring their kid.
I think weddings are adult events. If you have kids, and they're not invited, get a sitter. Or don't go. You honestly cannot expect your little kids to be invited to every event in the world.
Sorry. I get pissy about this topic because we totally got into it w/ IL's about it.
The whole reason why people don't include kids is because there are those horror stories just like you've heard here about the ingorant/self absorbed parent that sits there while their child is a an absolute terror and no-one wants that parent at their wedding. ?It also sucks to pay a fortune for kids and parents alike only to have the parents decide to duck out before dinner because Junior is tired, ummm thanks I really wanted to pay for an extra 3-4 plates that now aren't going to be eaten because you didn't "realize" it was bedtime.
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I had no kids at mine and in large part it was because we couldn't accomodate every child from friends to family it would have increased our guest list by 50%. ?We did pay for a sitter onsite at the hotel where almost every guest stayed so they didn't have to be away from the kids any longer than they wanted.?
I still don't see how people think that bringing children to a wedding is appropriate. Weddings are a time when people are drinking and having a great time. Honestly, I don't want my baby to be in a place where people will be drinking more than "social drinking." Sorry, my baby will be safe at home.
The reasons that I saw posted on theknot about not having children at weddings were: paying adult plate costs for children, the huge security deposit that many places require with the possiblity of a children ruining something, that wedding locations and reception halls are not child proof, screaming during the ceremony, and parent inattentiveness. A dj actually wrote a fabulous reason as to why children should not be at weddings. He said that someone had brought their child (6i-8ish year old) to a wedding. At the reception, the family sat down at their table and started talking to some friends. A few other people put their stuff down at the table and went off to talk to friends. After a few minutes, there was a horrible smell. So bad, people were gagging. Soon afterwards, the reception hall had to be evacuated. It turns out that at the table the child was at, another guest had put her keys down and went to talk to friends. On her key ring was a thing of pepper spray. While she was talking to her friends, and the parents were talking to their friends, the child grabbed the pepper spray and set it off. During the evacuation, most of the guests left. Those that remained were served dinner when they got back inside. Something like that isn't about bad parents, or a childless guest not thinking about what a curious child does, it just happens. But you can bet that the bride was pissed! Her guests had barely gotten to the reception when it was evacuated, then most of the guests left. They didn't eat a wonderful meal she had planned for, see the beautiful cake she agonized over, nor dance while the dj she spent months choose played songs. They went home.
We chose not to have children at our wedding because it was outside on the shore of a lake. Since it was outside, there is no "back" to take a screaming child to. And with the water being so close, I was worried about a child going in. I talked to the owner about it and she completely agreed with me, the location was not child friendly. There had been many instances of children being children, and had gotten hurt while at weddings there. People tried the guilt trips of "if my child can't come, neither can I." Honestly, we didn't miss them. The wedding was fabulous, and they missed a great party.
We are also invited to a wedding next year, and I am completely looking forward to it! NYC for a weekend, sans baby. Is it sad that I am revolving all my baby weight loss around this wedding? Guess I'm shallow like that.
I just don't understand why people are so upset about it. All of the reasons against it seem valid, and if that's your decision, that's fine. I really liked Brit&Nates solution of renting a room at her venue and providing childcare and child-appropriate entertainment since her wedding was geared toward adults.
I think it might be a cultural or geographical difference, because I have never ever attended a wedding that didn't have a dozen kids (minimum) on hand. And perhaps in those areas, there's something in the water that makes the kids act up. Of the 20 that were at my cousin's wedding recently, at least half were under six, and there were no behavior problems at all. At mine, my niece was with us constantly because she believed that the flower girl was the second most important person at the wedding. My husband told her that, and it was a fantastic part of the whole wedding. He even did a dance just with her.
We didn't have more than social drinking. Okay, my bridesmaid took a bottle of champagne back to her room, but her divorce was finalized that morning and she was definitely entitled. And I would have been MUCH more pissed about people getting drunk at my wedding than absolutely anything the kids could have done.
No one is "upset" people are just shocked at the self-entitlement and confusion.
Like "i'm going to a wedding and going to let my child scream ahahahaha WHY WOULDN"T ANYONE NOT WANT BABIES? babies are PEOPLE TOOOOOO" crap.
I mean, a few have made themselves look a bit ridiculous. And by few, I mean, ONE.
Wow almost funny to read your posts, whatever. I can't be in 2 places at one, standing up at a wedding & calming him IF he does get upset....sorry I'm not super mom like you or ashamed that my child is being a child. Have a great DAY!
Let me say first I love kids, but there are just some occasions where it is not appropriate to bring kids. To each their own really, but as for me I wanted my wedding to be relaxing and not have parents worrying about their kids messing up decorations/cake/presents/food, leaving early cause the kids have to go to bed ect. My sis had my 8 mo. old nephew at the time, and was so happy for an excuse to have some "alone" time.
Weddings with kids are fun too, but the bride and groom's decision should be respected. I hope people respected your decisions when you got/get married.
I ,personally, had kids at my wedding but I understand when kids aren't invited. My friend, for example, isn't inviting kids and thats because the hall she is getting married at charges the same for adults and kids ($70)
If she invited kids she would have to invite at least the 30 in her family which is an extra $2,000 added to her wedding. She & her FI are paying for the wedding themselves and can't afford it. She loves kids! It has nothing to do with kids acting up at weddings.
I am getting married in Feb. Jack is in the wedding and besides my little guy and the flower girl, there will be no kids there. And the minute the ceremony is over, they will be going upstairs to the room, where I have hired a babysitter.
I was just at a wedding this past weekend and through out the ceremony kids screamed. WTF? Like that is what I want to hear when I go back and watch our special day, that I paid close to $1000 to have video taped.
This past weekends cake cutting was especially nice, I do not think the bride and groom actually got one picture without a bunch of grubby little kids being in the photos. Not to mention the 50 times either the bride or groom were asked when they were going to have cake by some kid. I seriously wanted to grab some of the parents and ask them, "if you would not let them do this at home, why is it acceptable here?"
We can only have 125 people at our wedding. I am not wasting those seats on a bunch of kids, because the parents do not want to try to find daycare for their children. And at $50 a plate no freaking thanks!
I am sure some people will be offended and not come. Boo freaking Hoo! Less money I have to spend. I have friends that have 4 kids, you do that math at $50 a plate plus drinks. Ughhhh, it makes me sick to my stomach!
Trust me your kids are cute, but really the happy couple could probably care less about seeing them on THEIR day. And besides, whoever put that whole comment about thinking it is because, the bride/groom think kids will "steal their day" ~ are you effing kidding me? Me thinks someone thinks a little highly of their kid.
Exactly. That's why, perhaps, you should find some other arrangements for him for the night. Why he shouldn't be at the wedding.
Maybe I don't have a heightened sense of smell, but I've never smelled any vagina on my pants. -- TSD
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Well, I think anyone who brings ANYBODY who isn't invited to any kind of party is rude. I wouldn't show up to a kid's birthday party with my best friend because we didn't want to be separated, or to a bridal shower with my husband because he lives in my house and obviously was just an oversight. Like I said, I specifically listed the kids in each family on my invites, and my cousin did the same. I would never simply assume my son was invited, and if he wasn't, I would make arrangements or decline the invitation.
But to me, a wedding is a family celebration. I mean, it's about creating a family, whether you are planning kids or not. I can't imagine excluding kids from that. And as to earlier arguments about alcohol, adult atmosphere, etc., I think the grandma rule applies. My grandma eats next to nothing. Doesn't mean I got pissy about the cost of her plate. She can require a lot of attention, is unsteady when she walks, gets cranky if she stays up too late, etc. But I still wanted her there, and can't imagine the reaction from the rest of my family if I'd tried to avoid having her there.
In the end it is each person's choice about THEIR wedding and I think that people should respect that choice. I can't understand why someone would truly be offended at people deciding not to have children at the wedding.
I did not have children at my wedding and I don't feel bad about it at all. There were some children at the ceremony, but it was an adult reception only. We were suppose to have my 6 month old niece as flower girl and two of DH's nephews as ring bearers. Well, my niece freaked out in the limo on the way to the church so she didn't make it inside...one of dh's nephews didn't go down the aisle because he no longer had to push the stroller with my niece and the "change" through him off. Prior to the wedding we talked with SIL about her kids attending...we were going to make that exception for the immediate family kids, but she opted not to have them there. My sister (my MOH) also chose not to have my niece. Other than that there were no exceptions. DH's niece (14 at the time) was the youngest person there and only because she was immediate family. I didn't have anyone complain or not attend due to the "no kids" policy. In addition to the cost, I don't believe our place really "allowed" children.
I have been to weddings of both types and I prefer attending childless receptions. At one of DH's friends wedding, they had a bunch of kids there and they were running all over the place, especially the dance floor, which detered adults from going out there where the kids were. And as evidenced by other posts (granted it may not be all the time) but chances are you will have a couple parents that don't watch there kids or anything. At my cousins wedding, a couple of kids were going around to empty tables downing the drinks at the table (young kids!)
I would not take dd to wedding either. I would LOVE a night out. I think everyone needs to find a good babysitter, whether it is family or not and take advantage of it. And if I got invited to a wedding that said "adult" only I definitely wouldn't call up and ask if it was ok to bring dd, no matter how old. Adult means adult, end of story...regardless for reason. ANd I also agree with the person who said they would have been pissed about little kids out there dancing during the first dance, because, I am going to say something that may make me sound selfish, but I don't care it's the truth, MY wedding day was about ME (and DH)...so I don't feel bad about the choices I made. So I can't see why people would be offended.
We did not-- for a few reasons:
1. The venue did not allow childen there (it was a historic site)
2. even if that had not been the case, there would have literally been 20 children under the age of 2 there if we had allowed it.
I have a child now and still believe that formal weddings should be for adults only. They are no fun for kids and go too late in the night. If the kids are not having fun, then the parents do not have fun. I don't mind getting a sitter and taking the night for ourselves. Otherwise, I don't go.
I think the grandma rule applies. My grandma eats next to nothing. Doesn't mean I got pissy about the cost of her plate. She can require a lot of attention, is unsteady when she walks, gets cranky if she stays up too late, etc. But I still wanted her there, and can't imagine the reaction from the rest of my family if I'd tried to avoid having her there.
Does she also scream/cry during the ceremony? Stand salivating around the cake table, asking over and over when the cake is going to be served?Cut into the bride and groom's first dance?
We had children at our wedding (ranging from a few months old to teens). To me, that's family. I was close to all of these kids, and to me, my wedding wouldn't have been the same without them. There were no kids there that I didn't know or any that caused problems.
I can understand why children aren't invited. To each their own! It's the bride and grooms day, they call at the shoots IMO.
Besides which, i don't think that a formal reception with alcohol and 150 people is an appropriate place for children.
We allowed kids at our wedding and were even a little disappointed that our 6 mo. old nephew stayed home because he wasn't in our family pictures.
My friend got married recently and didn't allow kids - to the point that her 6 week old niece couldn't come (who would probably sleep practically the whole time), which meant her BIL couldn't come either because he had to stay with her at the hotel (out of town for them, so I don't blame them for not leaving her home). I think she should've made an exception.
LOL!! I love the whole "kids at wedding" debate
We haven't taken DD to a wedding. We went to one of DH's friends weddings a few months ago. It was an adult only reception (said so on the response card) and we were more than happy to leave DD at home. My friend is getting married at the end of Nov. DD is invited but I don't think we're going to take her. It's a lot more stressful if she's there b/c I would be afraid that she's going to cause a scene. Plus I think DH and I need some adult time. And it's not like DD would really enjoy being at the wedding where she had to sit still and be quiet.
Maybe I'm jaded though b/c I work and have to leave DD everyday. I guess I don't have the bond with her that all of you non-working moms have.......
No one of any age screamed or cried at the church. Except me a little, but I was pretty emotional.
And the person asking about the cake would have been my aunt, who was 55, so that wouldn't have stopped anything. And I am actually the person who wrote about my niece and nephew coming out to join us on the dance floor. We loved it. It was an honest, unplanned beautiful moment with my husband and me and two children we dearly love. Why would that upset me?
Frankly, I've seen a lot more wedding drama with adults who couldn't be kept out of the whole affair. ILs, siblings, etc. Not mine, but other weddings. I reiterate, I've never been to a wedding where the children were a problem. I can believe it happens, and once more, I agree that if you don't want them there, they shouldn't be there.
This keeps coming back to "people think kids should be everywhere and that's what's ruining our society." Which seems strange coming from a bunch of moms, but I agree, everything shouldn't be planned around the kids, and children don't belong everywhere and shouldn't be included in everything.
However, I think this points more to an issue about brides transforming a celebration that has traditionally throughout time been about family into a debutante ball/movie premiere/My SuperSweet 16 with them starring as Angelina Jolie/Princess Diana. I have known four bridezillas in the last three years. Three of them are divorced already because the wedding was more important than their marriage.
I am 35 years old and have never been married. I have waited this long because, I will never get divorced. (I will be a widow, first!) I know people say never say never. But, they have not met my FI, he is pretty damnn amazing!
This wedding is not more important their our marriage but, it is something I have looked forward to my entire life. I can not wait to stand up there and read our vows to each other in front of all our family and friends. I do not want that moment ruined by some child screaming, unless it is my own. The last wedding I went to reaffirmed this for me. I could not believe how many parents let their kids talk/cry/etc. during the couple's vows.
And at $50 a plate, I will not be paying for my future SIL's brother and his wife's 4 children's meals. That is just ridiculous to me. More then half of the people that are coming, I can honestly say I have never met their children or have met them once. Why would it be important for me to have them there? Even if it was $10 a plate though, my stance would not change. I do not want kids there. I know it is hypocritical considering I have a son but, like people have said, it is our wedding, we are paying for it and that is how it is going to be!
Plus, we went for the extreme tacky factor and are getting married on Valentine's Day, so we think it will be good for our friends and family to have a night out away from the kids.
And if they don't and decide not to come, I hope they still send a present!!! ha ha ha 
"However, I think this points more to an issue about brides transforming a celebration that has traditionally throughout time been about family into a debutante ball/movie premiere/My SuperSweet 16 with them starring as Angelina Jolie/Princess Diana. I have known four bridezillas in the last three years. Three of them are divorced already because the wedding was more important than their marriage"
So, because I opted to not have kids at my wedding I am therefore not about family and a debutante or bridezilla? Hmmm...thanks for clearing that up!Maybe that is not how you intended it to sound, but that is the way I read it.
I asked this question a while back and got totally negative, even nasty responses. We went to a wedding this past march where i was a bridesmaid and there were not officially sippose ot be any children invited. Well we had a 6 month old and traveled 1,500 miles to be there so I sure as hell was not going to leave my exclusively breast fed baby at home! I understand it was the bride's day and all, but people have lives, they have babies who need care 24/7, someday when she ahs her own child she will realize how silly it was to deand no children at her wedding. Anyway, we brought the baby (she made an exception for us) and all was well.
Not at all, but I do think that culturally in recent years, as you can see by the proliferation of "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway" and "Platinum Weddings" shows and magazines, etc., the emphasis has switched from being on a uniting of families to being a celebration of the bride. Not a personal critique on anyone. It's just the direction I feel weddings are going, and I think that has a detrimental effect on marriages.
I did not allow children under 16 at my wedding, no flower girl, etc. They could come to the ceremony but not reception. We had child care for anyone that wanted it, but because we only have 5 kids in our family no one took us up on it (we had a box on the invite).
We did this for many reasons but mostly b/c we had an adult reception, it was a big party and not appropriate for children. Our hotel also charged the same for adult and?children's?meals, I wasn't paying $70 for a chicken nugget meal. ??
I guess I don't understand why parents make it a big deal, respect other peoples wishes and understand that not everyone thinks like you do. There is a time and place for children and for the most part weddings are not it-with the exception of?extremely?casual weddings.?
I have only taken DS to one wedding b/c the bride made a point to ask (or tell) me to bring him. I will never do it again regardless of someone asking. I felt high?inappropriate?with him there despite other children and it was not as much fun for DH or I. My parents never took us to weddings until we were older and I do think some things really are just for adults. Babysitters for wedding always meant my parents left us with movies, pizza and a sundae set up--way better from a kids perspective.?
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