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baby's last name -- I'm curious

lifesadancelifesadance member
in Babies: 6 - 9 Months

This is a question aimed at the single mamas out there who are parenting without the child's father ...

If you gave your child his/her father's last name, why?

I'm asking this question because of this: I have an acquaintence who has a 3 month old daughter.  The child's father is a jerk, never treated her right, ... straight up bad news.  She got pregnant, he begame an even bigger jerk, she kicked him to the curb.  She has nothing good to say of him, he's not at all in the child's life -- wasn't there for the pregnancy, shockingly WAS invited to the birth (and even more shockingly he attended), but hasn't seen the baby since she was in her first week or two of life.  He's got nothing to offer the child and thus isn't even giving child support.  I don't understand why this girl gave her daughter this guy's last name. 

I see this same situation all the time with the teen moms I work with too.  I don't think I'd want to give my child the last name of some jerk just because he donated sperm and treated me like crap.  BUT, I've never been in the situation before so I don't know the mindset, I don't know the "why?" of it.  My thought process leads me to think, "hey, if I'm the one doing the work and I'm the one who is here... the child should have MY name."

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Re: baby's last name -- I'm curious

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    Ivana_StolichnayaIvana_Stolichnaya member
    I have no idea why they would.  If I was in that situation my daughter would have my last name.
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    cindydeecindydee member
    I have an aunt that has 2 kids..the first girl got the father's last name & the second girl didn't (my aunt & the guy had broken up). Anyway they have two different last names but they are sisters..it's confusing to ppl that they have diffrent last names & it was confusing for them growing up... I understand why she made that choice but if it was me i would have just given the 2nd one the same last name. On the other hand if it was me & my first child & the father was not there or we werent together I would use my last name ..guess it all depends on the situation

     

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    JCGreene85JCGreene85 member
    Yea, thats tough. My sons dad and I are no longer together. We split up during my pregnancy, and he knew from the start DS would have my last name. No negotiation. I wouldnt want him to have a different last name than me.  
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    ruffle&rustruffle&rust member
    Brittyn's daddy and I were together ( although, not married) when we had Britt. ( wonderful man and father) I could never imagine her not having his last name. We separated when Brittyn was 2.
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    bourk997bourk997 member
    I'm not in this situation but have heard of girls doing this to make getting child support easier.
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    epphdepphd member
    I don't know why your friend gave her child his last name.  But, I will say the my husband and I have different last names (I kept my own when we married), and our son has his last name. He's not a jackass though ;)
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    sila129sila129 member
     I never changed my last name when I got married.  Even though my ex H and I were together when DS was born, I still chose to hyphenate DS's last name (mine coming first, then ex H's).  For some reason, my gut was telling me to do it like that...so I went with it.  Glad I did.
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    melovepaulfrankmelovepaulfrank member

    I have two single mama friends that gave their kids their dad's last name. Both dads were huge deadbeats and have not been in the picture. I've asked both my friends and at the time they thought it was the right thing to do. They both believed things would work out and they would be a family.. Well 5 years later both  my friends are at the courthouse changing their kids last names before they go into school. 

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