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soon2Bkranz
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Picky about clothes=went out in underwear. LOng advice needed
soon2Bkranz
member
JLK hasnt like chones (underwear) for awhile now and so I let her go commando. She has also started picking out her own clothes...which turned into a total nightmare. She takes forever...sometimes want me to sit with her for 20 mins while she pulls things out then puts them back only to get dressed and then throw a FIT because she doesnt want to wear that outfit anymore.
I try to be patient but when it takes 45 mins to get my 2yr old ready and she is screaming (like seriously yelling and crying) and throwing clothes I start to lose my cool. She is a pretty defiant little girl...So we work daily and very hard on following through and holding a line with her..But I try and pick my battles KWIM
But now her new thing is not liking the tags on her clothes...whatever no biggie I cut them off. But today I cut the tag off of her favorite shorts and it wasnt good enough. And she got so upset. But the thing is it is genuine upsetness...not just being awnry. She was truly stressed and sad and I didnt know how to make her understand I couldnt cut the tag anymore.
Eventually she put them on. They are tight like lil girl biker shorts and then she said owie...I am pretty sure the seam is bugging her now..SO we start the whole tantrum over again. I try adn fix it and she looks at me everytime and says thank you then stands up and screams again...
So I have no doubt that this is all very real to her...I say that because much of my (family those we live with etc...) think it might just be a new version of being defiant..
So I go back upstairs and try to get her to pick out somethign to wear....another fav pair of pants were a no becasue she said they were too dirty..
And she says she will wear chones since I told her that maybe her fav pants wont hurt if she wears chones. She found a old pair of training underwear...the super thick ones and wanted to just wear those.
Fine with me...we were 30 mins late for a playdate and she was happy...But I did get some good looks at the grocery store LOL...whatever...
So my questions are if you have been through this please give me tips. I am trying to buy tag free clothes and all that..but I am at a loss as to how to deal with the behavior and how to make getting ready go faster. I have a doc appt for Chunk after naps and I am so scared we will go through all of this again.
I have threatened to leave her at home (with my mom) if she doesnt get dressed...I have sat with her...I have given her 2 choices...I have let her throw a fit for 30 mins...
This honestly kinda scares me about being a sign that maybe she has some bigger issues going on....
So eventually she put them on.
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Re: Picky about clothes=went out in underwear. LOng advice needed
It sounds like a control thing for sure.
I would start with offering her two choices of outfits to wear, if that doesn't work, she doesn't go. Hopefully, she will start to see she is missing out on things. It is going to be tough, but stick with it.
I use a timer all the time for things too. I give Peyton a warning, "we are doing xx in 5 minutes, do you want me to set the timer?" I set the timer and when it goes off, we move onto whatever it is we need to do. For some reason, since the timer is telling him what to do, not me, he does it. You could try that with her clothes issue also.
Good luck! Isn't this age fun?!
I havent ever tried 2 choices then putting her in it and leaving if she wont choose...I would be ok with that and a tantrum etc..
But I just dont want to put her through it if she is genuinely uncomfortable...
Maybe if I can get my parents on board I can give her the choices and then truly just leave the house with Jonathan and my mom can take her to meet me when she gets dressed?
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Yea she broke our timer...Now I use the one on the microwave for her timeouts. But I should buy a new one for upstairs...
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My 2 cents, and totally my opinion, I wouldn't give in and have your mom bring her to where you are. If she doesn't get dressed, then she doesn't go, period. I might be a hardass, but it drives me bonkers when Peyton tries this control stuff with me. I often have to remind him that I am the mom and I make the rules.
If you are going to leave her...you have to do it completely...meaning she can't show up later with your mom, she needs to experience the feeling of "missing out" in order to learn that what she is doing is impacting her fun. By having her join you later makes her know that she is still getting her way and she can take as long as she wants.
I agree with the 2 choices option.
I also would take her to see the pediatrician and get some suggestions from them and also explore the possibility that she has some sore of skin thing (like super sensitive to touch etc).
Of course... we are not there yet so I could just be blowing smoke.
Money Matters The other half's blog.
EJ is growing up too fast!
I would do exactly this.
I really like the idea of the timer too!
Ditto that.
Unless, it is something she absolutely has to go to.
Dude she didnt care about wearing her underwear...wearing jammies wouldnt phase her LOL! The problem is she is usually naked and even I wont take her naked!
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OK that makes sense...The only reason I thought of her meeting me later was I didnt want her to forget and move on and then I come home and she doesnt really get that she missed out on the park...But I see what you mean about still getting her way...
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When I saw your replied I thought "oh crap she is gonna warn me I could be arrested for taking her out in underwear..."but they are big ones so they kinda look like bootie shorts...*hangs heads in shame*
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ughhhh makes sense in my head...Like one time back in her own bed for nap knocked some sense into her...But then I think...but shes just a baby! LOL mothering is not for the faint of heart
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Amen, mothering is NOT for the faint of heart!
This totally made me LOL Libby!
LOL.
Not against the law as far as I know... Now if YOU were in your underwear out and about at the grocery store that would be another issue. Police would be called to figure out if you were crazy and needed to visit VMC for a psych eval or if you needed to be arrested for other nafarious reasons
Money Matters The other half's blog.
EJ is growing up too fast!
We have a sensitive tag, texture boy over here too.
We offer two/three choices (depending how generous I am that day) of outfits. Sometimes he chooses right away, sometimes it's a fight. When it's a fight, I simply tell him - We get dressed every day. You need to choose some clothes. I'm going to do XYZ to get ready, why don't you dress yourself. If you need some help, just call me & I will come. If you haven't picked when I come back, Mommy will choose for you.
I would say 80% of the time, by the time I come back, he's picked something out. Sometimes even gone into the drawer to find something different. That other 20%, I make the choice.
Is he happy about it? Never. Do I care much? Nope. Does he always match? Nah. Are some clothes put on backwards? Yes. The most I care about is if he's dressed appropriately for the weather and the activity that day.
Most of the time, once it's on and after the whining has stopped because he's unhappy about missing the opportunity to make the choice, he forgets that he didn't get to choose. Next time though, he remembers that he didn't get to and pouts a little as he quickly makes the choice.
I hope you and JLK come to an arrangement that works for you without too much gruff.
Heh, I love this idea! I agree with the great advice you have already gotten, just wanted to offer some hugs and sympathy. I think that she is doing the normal pushing the limits as far as they can possibly be pushed routine for a two year old. Especially one that is trying to steer the attention away from her baby bro. Good luck!!
Look at the title of my post LOL she went out in underwear today...Inside out would be an improvement! I am going to try that...I think it will tell me how much is real texture issues and how much is control issues!
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You've gotten some great advice. For us we have this battle pretty much a couple of times a day for a long time (it changes up in degrees and what sets the boys' off). Anyway also it's a little different as the boys do have sensory issues, etc. I do use the choices and it's helped a TON. I give A (since he is usually the one to throw a fit) choice of one preferred shirt/item and one non-preferred. If he doesn't choose, then I get to (usually his preferred one. I just dig in my heels and go for it--change him when he's definitely protesting. Sometimes it lasts a long time, other times it doesn't.
We are having a similar problem with getting A out the door for school (summer session is an hour earlier) and he'd rather wear his pajamas ALL day every day. I tell him that he has to wear school clothes and then after school he can wear his pajamas since we get home around 4:30-4:45 and I don't plan on going out again. GL!!
NorCalMOMS bio* NorCalBOTB* babywearingBIO
Harmony Doula
I was thinking similar thoughts. If it is genuinely distressing to her to wear certain things (seams, itchy tags, etc.) I would try several things. Go through her clothes and really clear out the things that have distressed her in the past. Make an attempt to buy duplicates of the things she wears with ease and without fuss. Keep her wardrobe super duper simple so that her choices, if you choose to do them are between colors rather than styles (two tanktops rather than a tank or a sleeved shirt for example). And talk to her pediatrician. There are other things you can do for these issues that might make life easier for you and her.