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Parenting
Would you let your child dress like the opposite gender?
I just read an article where Angelina Jolie was talking about Shiloh and saying she wants to be a boy, so they let her dress like one and even "had to cut her hair."
Thoughts?
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Re: Would you let your child dress like the opposite gender?
dress-- yes, for pretend play/dress up and what not around the house.
Cut their hair- no. I'm a "tough" parent, I draw the line on some things...
You mean like this?
LOL BBM-- that's a great pic! Look at the sass/attitude in his face! Adorable!
Kaden William 11/4/06 and Dawson Michael 6/30/10
Dawson's first birthday - at the zoo
This picture is killing me. So adorable!
To answer the OP, I would hope I let them dress how they want. DD just recently wanted her hair cut, "Shorter than Justin's". I was nervous and did not want her beautiful blond hair gone, but I let her do it. She flipped through a book and picked a cute little pixie cut.
I think Jolie's dd has a pixie cut, but I am not sure.
My mom let me be me, so I hope I do this same.
I think everyone should be who they want to be, although I do think that a lot of how kids identify themselves has to do with the way their parents treat them.
If you are encouraging your son and giving him positive attention when he wears nail polish and dresses, then he is going to want to. If you delight at your daughter's "tom-boy" ways and encourage her to play with trucks and swing swords, of course she is going to want to too.
I think sometimes we as parents are so uber concious about being pc that sometimes we project confusing messages to our children (I'm not sure I expressed that correctly, but you are smart ladies, I'm sure you get what I am trying to say!)
I disagree with this to a point; I do agree that kids crave their parents' approval and often behave in a way that gets them their parents' attention. But I also think that normalizing something like "cross dressing" for kids is a way to take the attention OFF of it and make it something that doesn't become a hang up or a go-to behavior for attention.
Right now Ethan is all about princesses; he wants to buy a princess dress b/c it's no longer good enough to wear them when he's at a girl friend's house. I am a little uncomfortable with it deep down, but I also know if I say "no" to it, I've made it an issue & knowing my kid, he'll push it and it will become even more important to him than it is now.
So tomorrow we head to TRU to find a princess dress for my 4 y/o son. LOL
DS has sparkly minnie mouse panties that he picked out and is obsessed with. He likes tutus and likes to wear his crown and say he is "Princess Henry". Just today he was wearing his Thomas pillow case like a dress and saying "look at my lovely long new dress!" LOL.
I don't really care about stuff like that. If he wanted long hair I would say no for now, though. Also, he has requested a few times that he has his toenails painted like mine, and I say no to that, but if I had a girl I would say no to that, as well (no offense to those who paint their DC's nails, I am just not a fan on little kids).
Um yeah, see I think that buying your son and allowing him to wear sparkly panties is a good example of sending confusing messages as a parent....
Um, why? He's a kid - he saw something sparkly and cool and wanted it, so she got it for him. Where is the confusion?
You're the one overlaying gender definition on this scenario.
Eh - he is 3. He was potty training and we went to Target to let him pick out new undies and get him excited about potty training. That is what he picked. Who on earth cares? All I care about is that it helped get the kid potty trained.
Oh, and most of DS's little girl friends wear the boy underwear from Target - Thomas, Sesame Street, whatever. Same thing - they are picking what character they like. No big deal IMO.
Actually, I am not a fan of the Minnie Mouse underwear because it is really cheap feeling compared to the "boy" underwear. The boy undies are much better.
LOL - it is not just something "sparkly and cool," it is panties!!! Did anyone besides me see that episode of Toddlers and Tiara's with that poor little boy whose mom was projecting all sorts of her womanly hopes and dreams onto him, he seemed confused and it made me sad for him. We are no longer in the days where "girls are girls and boys are boys" and that is a good thing Let's face it some of our children WILL be homosexual, and they should be allowed to be who they want to be. I just think until they are an age to actually understand their own sexuality it IS ok as parents to show some restraint. Where is gibs when ya need her?
I don't think it's "confusing" at all, actually. I think it's a great way for kids to have a healthy concept of gender identity and to break down stereotypes between boys and girls.
Honestly, the only message it's sending, in my opinion, is "I accept you for who you are, even if you want to wear things that people will disapprove of." I don't really think you can go wrong with that. Unless your child is truly transgendered in the fiber of his being, this is not going to be a major issue in his life. Wearing sparkly underwear isn't going to make him something he isn't, if he isn't.
Are you kidding me with this?
I assure you that a little boy hardly views the concept of "panties" as salaciously as you seem to. She doesn't appear to be "projecting" anything onto him - she just bought him something he wanted and he clearly loves it all on his own. This has ZERO to do with his present or future sexual orientation, ffs.
Comparing this to Toddlers and Tiaras?
I don't actually watch that crap, but I'm sure my missing it is not taking anything away from my argument here. lol.
I have painted DS's toenails and am fine with him playing dress-up, but I think I'd draw the line at the hair. I try to bite my tongue when I go to discourage DS from wanting something "girly." I don't know. Shiloh's clothes don't bother me at all, but I think it's a bit strange she said they had to cut her hair like a boy.
Also, I think it it were one of her boys wearing dresses and sparkly shoes in public, there'd be more of an uproar. It's too bad there's a double standard.
Oh Please. First off, I didn't encourage this underwear choice (or in any way "project all my womanly hopes onto him", LOL), it is what he zoned in on and REALLY wanted. Fine, he got them. 99.99% of the things my child wears, reads, sees on TV, sees from peers, sees in the world around him is "gender appropriate" (for lack of a better phrase). He is THREE. He owns about 90 pairs of underwear - 3 of them are sparkly Minnie Mouse panties. Do you REALLY think that this is going to confuse his gender in any way?? That is ridiculous.
Also, if any of us have a child who is gay, bisexual, transgender, what have you - news flash - they are that way RIGHT NOW. Nothing you buy for them or refuse to buy, or "allow" changes that.
But again, HE IS THREE. Barely three. This is how they learn - this is not a big deal. Is no little girl allowed Thomas briefs? Is this just a problem with little boys?
Just an FYI I had edited to add this to my post but if you scroll up you can see it edited in the wrong space
"eta: I just wanted to edit to add that this is not a personal attack on you and I totally get the whatever it takes to potty train thing, because I was so there, I am just using your post as an example."
I am NOT saying that any of this women on this board project onto their children or calling anyone out here specifically. I am just playing devil's advocate to this argument and that there are parents that DO project onto their children and that as a parent it IS ok to draw lines of appropriateness -whatever that line may be varies obviously.
They can wear what they want. I have a picture of Nathan with a Tinkerbell dress on somewhere (he was about 8 at the time, needless to say, he was just being funny)
My nephew comes over and the first thing he does is puts on Kaitlyn's Snow White dress on. I'd post a picture of him, but I wouldn't want to make my brother mad since he wouldn't even get the kid a play kitchen because he is a boy.
You said specifically that DevonPow buying her son sparkly panties was sending him confusing messages.
Yeah, I let DS do pretty much whatever he wants including painting his toenails once and one hand of fingernails another time, his teachers thought it was funnier that it was one hand than that they were painted...and he was very proud at school and none of his friends thought anything weird about it. I do however try not to let him wear girl clothes in public but have let him take a pocketbook before. It is not encouraged but I am not going to make a big deal about it, he wanted to use one like Nanny does so what.
I have way more of an issue with watching Toddlers and Tiara's since I think that is encouraging those parents mentally abusing their kids and I will not support that, my DS wearing nail polish and never asking again has not damaged him at all.
I very much agree with this. People always make comments about DD wearing "boys" Thomas underwear. I say, so what? She likes Thomas. Plus, I think little boy briefs are WAY cuter than girl panties. She gets boy PJs and boy clothes sometimes too if she likes them. I really don't see the big deal.
I think its sad that this is not nearly as big of a deal for girls as it is for boys. I also think its sad that there are gender lines on so many things for little kids, not just on clothing. Why can't we encourage our kids to embrace individuality before the hit schoolage and start getting peer pressure?
Annelise 3.22.2007 Norah 10.24.2009 Amelia 8.7.2011
Yes, I would allow it although I would impose some limitations simply to protect my children. For instance, if he was insistent I would allow my ds to wear hair bows at home but would not send him to school in a dress. He's too young to understand the greater social implications and as a parent I would want to protect him from ridicule and emotional distress. Like Penguingirl I would probably try to steer my child towards a more ambiguous look if that's what they desired.
That being said, I'm pretty lenient about such things. Ds wore Little Mermaid panties as a potty-training 2 y/o and at 3 y/o had a tutu. At the same age he also had his own little selection of blue, green, and purple nail polish. Now that he's almost 6 he wouldn't be caught dead in a tutu and girls' panties although he is adament that he wants long hair (think more skater/punk than pigtails and ribbons.) On the flip side my 2 y/o dd plays with Thomas trains and likes to wear her brother's boxer briefs (see my sig picture, LOL.) I can assure you though that neither of my children has any confusion with regard to their gender. They both have a strong sense of self and know who they are.
I was going to say I was with the Mayor on this one but reading down I think I am more with Cleo. I DO think that the whole uni-gender thing can be a bit confusing for kids and that parents have gone a bit too much to the uber PC side of things. But only b/c I was a bullied child and so I'm so conscious of that and of trying to steer DS so that he fits in, physically (I worry about this to a fault, I know).
I just agree with Cleo. I wouldn't let DS dress like a girl outside the house b/c some older kid might laugh at him and it would break my heart and make me feel guilty because I am old enough to know what people might think but he is not. So I would feel like I hadn't protected him.
That being said DS has never asked to put on DD's clothes or anything. It just doesn't seem to interest him at this point. Maybe when she's older and has more sparkly things!
Probably. At least at home, and I also paint his toenails when he asks.
I'm with Cleo and Zenya on outside of the house - I'm torn on what I would do for sure, but I would hate for him to be made fun of because he doesn't quite understand. At the same time, I hate that I have to think about that or worry about it because my initial response is "so what, let him wear a dress if he wants."
With all of that said, I think the Jolie/Pitt family is pretty strange. Well - at least what they present to the media at times is rather strange, and I guess, if it were me, I probably wouldn't even address the questions about my daughter because it's probably just a phase. It kind of icks me out that she's tabloid fodder, and that her parents even answer questions about the way she dresses. I think I'd just go with a generic answer of something like "all kids have their own style at this age."
I agree with Cleo though too. She is drawing a line of what is appropriate and what is not. My point was, I think some parents are either worried about being too PC..... or maybe just not good at saying no...either way there is a time and place for stuff like that. It is ok, as a parent, to draw a line and instill what it means to be a boy and what it means to be a girl into your child without being considered bigoted. The OP was discussing Shiloh Pitt, who from what I can tell seems to be fully immersed in "boyhood." I have never seen a picture of her not dressed in boy clothing, I think as a parent that is letting it go too far. And although everyone here is "disagreeing" with me - nobody here has said they let their boy cross-dress exclusively. I am seriously not always good at expressing what I am trying to say, but basically I was just trying to point out that it can be taken too far and Shiloh and that boy from T&T are examples of that.
No.
I let J where fairy wings and such for play, but when we put on REAL clothes, they are boy clothes.
I would never let him wear a dress out in public.
I don't think I'd let him wear a dress in the house if it's not for pretend.
Me with my littlest.
I completely agree with this.
An interesting note is just 100 yrs ago the social norm was for boys to wear pink and girls to wear blue. Cultural norms regarding gender and dress are constantly evolving.
3 boys (15, 8, 6), 1 girl (4)
Yep and I do to a point. DS loves to dress up in Samantha's princess sparkly stuff (I mean, it's SPARKLY, I think a lot of it is that they just like SPARKLY at that age.).
He has a couple hair clips and asked for pigtails once, asks for nailpolish sometimes and I'll put it on one finger. He wore DD's patent maryjanes to the mall (but I took them off in the car). Boy dressup stuff is boring, not sparkly, not bright and cheerful. So far he hasn't asked to wear dresses or anything but he is getting picky about his clothes. We'll see.
DD wants to be the Joker for halloween. She likes pants. She loves her short hair and complains if it gets too long. Meh.
My sister did for many years. She had the boys "spike" hair cut and used to wear all black. Probaby from 1st-5th grade. My mom was slightly concerned and talked to her good friend a pedi nurse and she said my sister would likely come around when she hit puberty. Sure enough she did. she did a 180 and became a cheerleader.
I think it would be a little hard, but I don't see it really hurting anything. My sister always liked short haircuts and still does, and clothes are just clothes.