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Hawaii Babies
s/o unsolicited advice
ok so i am in CA right now visiting my family. DH is with us for a week and then i'm staying an extra 2 wks so my family can spend more time with miss A since we don't get the opportunity to visit that often (this is the first time anyone outside of my immediate family has gotten to see her since she was born)
it seems like everyone in my family wants to give me unsolicited baby advice!! we have only been here a few days and i am already going bonkers!! i don't know how i am going to be able to take all this "advice" while i am here! here are some examples of what they have told me
- my aunt told me that i need to BF her from both sides during each session instead of just one side b/c she "can't possibly" be getting enough milk from one boob. i tried to explain to her that the reason why i do that is b/c i have oversupply issues and if i feed her from both sides, she chokes during my let down. even though she herself BF all 3 of her kids until she dried up (at least a year w/each), she still insisted that i need to nurse from both sides
- i was putting miss A into her PJs for the night and my parents were standing right there. when she is tired she hates getting dressed w/a passion. so i try to do it as quickly as possible... i was pulling her arms through the sleeves when my parents both chimed in "be careful!! dont' pull so hard on her arms, you're going to break one of her bones doing that!!!" ok seriously?! there is no way i am breaking her bones by pulling her arms through sleeve holes quickly. but my parents were 100% serious 
and, while i am venting i'd like to bring up one more thing 
no one respects my wishes when i tell them to leave her be. the other day she was playing on a blanket and got tired and layed her head down. i wanted to see if she'd fall asleep there or not and if she didn't, i was going to take her upstairs for a nap. my dad walks in and i tell him "don't go over there and talk to her or stimulate her, she's tired and i want to see if she'll nap." so what does he do? he proceeds to walk straight over to her and starts talking to her in a big loud excited voice "hello annalise!! how are you?!" and then of course she perks up and is wide awake. ugh. then yesterday i was putting her down for a nap...i usually put her down sleepy but awake and she'll play for a minute and then sleep. my aunt came over a few minutes later and i told her she'd just have to wait until another time to see her b/c i had just put her down for a nap. then she and my mom go upstairs like excited little kids and both sneak into the room and "just look" at her but then of course annalise saw them and when they left the room she got upset and started crying. it's not like we're only here for a few days and opportunities to see her are going to be limited...and it's not like my aunt doesn't live just 3 blocks from us so i just do not get why they couldn't just listen to me and let her be....grrrrrr.
i am trying really really hard to enjoy this visit but it's so hard to deal w/my family right now. i know that it's just b/c they are all so excited to see miss A but why can't they just respect my wishes and stop giving me unsolicited advice?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: s/o unsolicited advice
I'm sorry, that's so tough! You may have to have a talk with them when she's in the other room just to say listen, you NEED to respect my boundaries. I am here for 3 weeks - you will have plenty of time to see her, but I need to keep her at her routine at much as possible.
As far as the unsolicited advice goes, can you invoke the "that's what her doctor and I have agreed on"?
Hope it gets better soon.
I think this is the bain of every new mom's existance! It would probably be best to talk to them about respecting your boundaries right away so you don't say something out of frustration.
We had to have this talk with my MIL, it was unpleasant at the time, but the results are great. She doesn't tell me I'm doing stuff wrong anymore.
Married Bio
OMG I am so with you on this! I know that everyone is excited and wants to see the babies (and I genuinely appreciate their enthusiasm), but when they're sleeping or I'm trying to get them to sleep, LEAVE THEM ALONE. I hate it when people rile them up and then say, "Oh stop fussing, Lisa. They'll get to sleep eventually!" Um, yes they will, but until then you're not the person who has to try to soothe two overtired babies! So F off!
*sigh* Sorry about that - guess I kind of went off on my own tangent lol. It's just a sore spot for me because Ben's aunt and uncle recently visited and of course HAD to mess with (hold, talk to, take photos w/ a flash, etc.) the babies right that second as I was just putting them down for their nap and it really annoyed me. Anyway...
I don't know what I'd do in your place. I guess there isn't much you can do but try to be as firm as possible with people.