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Ugh, I hate being put in this position

DoocheCanooeDoocheCanooe
in TTC After a Loss 6 Months+

(Get your mind out of the gutter)

Long story short: We had a friend of mine that I've known since we were 15 years old. She needed a place to stay, and for the first while was a really good room mate.

Then she hooked up with this dickbag of a boyfriend and her life went down the toilet in a big hurry. She got fired from a really good job, which was also paying for a bunch of university courses. She got a payout of $10,000 when she was fired and squandered ALL of it in the matter of a month and a half or so (The majority was spent on this winner of a boyfriend). To the point where she couldn't pay for her "rent" which was $200/month

She ended up thinking the grass was greener, so signed a lease for a friend of hers, who ended up moving out on her with no notice. She's now stuck with a lease on a shitty basement suite @ $900/month.

She called me on Sunday morning - she totalled her car while driving drunk. She lost her job because she had an outstanding warrant because she couldnt afford to pay a minor ticket, and ended up spending 2 nights in jail. She's lost her license for at least 6 months, and has court next month. She's being evicted from her house at the end of the month.

Last night, I get a phone call, asking if she can move back in with us, because she wants to get her life on track.

I'm kind of against the idea, and BF is against the idea. We both figure it's too much of a liability to have her living with us. God knows what she'll do next.

I still, however, feel bad telling her this. I haven't yet, because I'm a big fricking chicken sh!t. I always end up helping people, but there comes a point where enough is enough.

 

Ok, that ended up being much longer than I thought it would. If you made it through my rambling - congrats!

 

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Re: Ugh, I hate being put in this position

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    BeenBadAndGotBannedBeenBadAndGotBanned

    Do...not...let...her...move...in...

    Help her get her the help she so clearly needs, but don't let her invade your space again. 

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    dondraandluisdondraandluis member
    Yeah, stuff like that sucks. I usually am a helper myself but I agree that it would be too much of a liabilty to let her move back in. Sorry you are being put in such a position.
    TTC Since Oct 08 BFP #1- 1/23/09, missed m/c 2/26/09 BFP #2- 9/8/09, natural m/c 9/16/09 BFP #3- 4/13/10, missed m/c 5/26/10 BFP #4- 4/6/11 beta#1 at 12dpo-133 prog-55.7, beta#2 at 16dpo- 861 DD born 12/8/2011 BFP#5- 11/23/12 EDD 7/25/13 Dx- Uterine septum (removed Aug 2010), endo, MTHFR C677t hetero, Factor II hetero, Low Protein S Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    DoocheCanooeDoocheCanooe

    Yeah, it'll be a definite no when I talk to her. I'm just a fricking bleeding heart and hate seeing people in bad situations.

    I just hate that I've tried to help her SO many times, and I always get slapped in the face for it.

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    OCIrishBruinOCIrishBruin
    imageBeenBadAndGotBanned:

    Do...not...let...her...move...in...

    Help her get her the help she so clearly needs, but don't let her invade your space again. 

    This!  You are not responsible for fixing her mistakes.  That's her job.  You are going through enough of your own stuff and should not have to take on hers.  (((hugs)))

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    LMichelleGLMichelleG member
    Oh Wow! That is craaaaapy!! So sorry you are in this situation. But I agree with everyone else, DO NOT LET HER STAY WITH YOU!! I'd tell her, what with all that's going on, it just isn't a good time, but you'd be happy to help her find a place to live (if you realistically think you can help her find a place to live elsewhere). Either way, be strong and in the words of Nancy Reagan, just say no!  
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    Amanda78Amanda78 member
    imageBeenBadAndGotBanned:

    Do...not...let...her...move...in...

    Help her get her the help she so clearly needs, but don't let her invade your space again. 

    This! I'm so sorry you're in that position.  Its hard when you just want to help someone who can't help themself.

    BFP 4/23/09. D&E 7/17/09 16W5D. BFP #2 3/10/10. EDD 11/15/10 Babycakes was born 11/5/10! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    travers081906travers081906

    Sweetie DO NOT DO IT!!!!!!  I can not scream that loud enough!!!

    I know u feel bad for her and want to give a a chance... but u have your own life... and really adding her in the picture will just make it worse!!!  Please dont do it!!

    <a href="http://s108.photobucket.com/albums/n36/tras132000/Blog stuff/?action=view
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    ERICA21779ERICA21779
    Do not let her back in!!!!!  Especially if you and your BF are not in agreement about it, the last thing you need is issues between the two of you when she screws up again.   There was not one positive about her in this entire post.  You have already given her a chance and she blew it.  She clearly can't keep it together and she proved that when she was living almost rent free at your house  ($200 buck is nothing).........You clearly have a giant heart and are a really awesome person..........however, enough is enough and maybe the wake up call she needs is falling flat on her face and then maybe she'll get it together.
     
    I don't envy you having to tell ehr, I am sure it'll be really tough.  GL.
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    P!ssed in your cheeriosP!ssed in your cheerios

    I learned the hard way this one too...DON'T LET HER IN!!!  Once she's in she'll NEVER EVER LEAVE!! Our 4 week stayer stayed for 4 MONTHS!! DON'T DO IT!! JUST SAY NO!!

    You won't be helping her you'll just end up being a crutch. She needs to learn how to help herself. You are being a better friend by saying no and allowing her to pick herself up!!

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    TyraTalksTyraTalks

    Do NOT, under ANY circumstances, allow this person to move in with you.

    NONE. No way. Uh uh.

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    BeachColeBeachCole
    imageTyraTalks:

    Do NOT, under ANY circumstances, allow this person to move in with you.

    NONE. No way. Uh uh.

    This. It's better to have to feel bad saying no now, than having to kick her out after she's done something else stupid and insane while in your home.  

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    jen629jen629 member
    imageTyraTalks:

    Do NOT, under ANY circumstances, allow this person to move in with you.

    NONE. No way. Uh uh.

    yes I agree and if you are chicken I will tell herWhisper
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    KristysRedBarnKristysRedBarn
    I'm sorry, what a sucky situation to be in.  I'm chicken and would also really hate to tell her no, but that's what has to be done.  Can you put together a list of resources for her?  Places where she can go or seek help?
    imageimage
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    ShemicoShemico member

    Don't do it. It sounds like a bad idea.

    Can you help her find a place of her own maybe with a rommie or something?

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    butterfly843butterfly843
    Don't let her move in. I hate being in that position also. We felt bad and let one of dh's friends stay with us for a little while, it was horrible and they are no longer friends.

    Jenn

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    ashleyy0219ashleyy0219
    I agree with what everyone said, don't let her move in.  It's definitely a sucky position for you to be in but it just wouldn't be a good idea!
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    3ltlones3ltlones member
    wow, that is just a bad situation all around.  I can understand why you don't want her living with you, I wouldn't either, and would say no.  I know it's hard but maybe it's just what she need to really get herself back on track. If she realizes that you can't have her there for fear that it would cause problems for you, she might get how much she has really messed up.  Good luck, that really is a shiity situation.
    DD(9)DD(5.5)DS(3)DS(born 2/1/11) July 2006, lost a baby at 8 weeks, natural miscarriage , May 2009 lost Zoe Eliana at 17 weeks no reason known, possible under developed organs. Lost two more babies in September 2009 at 7 wks 4 days. Had myomectomy surgery to remove a large fibroid in November 2009.
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