Gender disappointment threads

grr_aargh · June 2010

make.me.in.sane.

I'm watching two now: one here and one over at Fertility Friend. They make me come unglued. UN.GLUED.

And what makes me more mad? They seem to be boy related. Women find out they're having a boy and get pissed because they wanted a little girl doll to dress up and take care of.

Here's what I figured out: Thank GOD my Mom bought me a boy cabbage patch kid when I was young, so I learned to love dressing BOYS up, because otherwise I might've been one of those self-centered shrews who said "Well, I'll learn to love him."

When I found out I was having a boy with pg#2, I was scared but not disappointed. This time around, whatever we find out we're having, I'll weep. With absolute fricken' JOY.

(Sorry. That's all. I'm wired up and I find it's no good posting on those threads about how angry I am, because then I'm just a bitter habitual aborter and not a mother of a boy who cannot understand how self-involved a woman has to be to be disappointed in the gender of her baby.)

Kelly0615 · June 2010

Amen to this! I cannot imagine being any less in love with this pg because of gender. I love that I am having a son and wouldn't have it any other way. People are friggin stupid, I guess.

There is a thread on this board?

jesmckenna · June 2010

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have an IRL friend who has two amazing, healthy little boys and WHILE I WAS GOING THROUGH A M/C (sorry for yelling- it makes me mad) was almost crying because she's so upset that she doesn't have a girl. My heart breaks for her little boys every time she says something about it because I know they will eventually start to catch on that she feels this way.

I had to LOL at your "boy cabbage patch doll" comment because I feel the exact same way. I had one named Billy and he never left my side. He had about 5 million outfits and I loved him.

My big u/s is on Tuesday and I can't even imagine being the least bit upset as long as they tell me that my baby is healthy. Some people just don't make any sense.

uklawgirl · June 2010

I agree. These threads make me so mad that I can hardly see straight, and I honestly get so upset that I can't even put together a coherent thought.I usually just end up walking away without replying.

I always wanted a boy (I had a boy Cabbage Patch doll too!) and I was a no-frills tomboy so I think that I am more afraid of having a girly-girl than a boy. I have my stepson now though so if we have a girl it will be all right. My DH will be a pitiful excuse of a man and I will have to do all disciplining, but that would be OK too.

grr_aargh · June 2010

Kelly0615:

There is a thread on this board?

This board? No. The Bump? Yes. But I don't want people streaming over to it, because it's starting to die and I hate interboard wars and I hate even more when people sympathize with the OP and tell us we're bitter because we're broken.

But it's one of the few things that REALLY gets me going. Foaming at the mouth going, you know?

AppleRidge · June 2010

I share your utter disdain. These people are selfish, self-centered, materialistic and ridiculous.

But don't even get me started on how I feel about people who get pregnant for a 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc. time just so they can get that girl to dress up or boy to play catch with. Effers, the world is overpopulated enough without your vanity pregnancies.

Kelly0615 · June 2010

grr_aargh:
Kelly0615:

There is a thread on this board?

This board? No. The Bump? Yes. But I don't want people streaming over to it, because it's starting to die and I hate interboard wars and I hate even more when people sympathize with the OP and tell us we're bitter because we're broken.

But it's one of the few things that REALLY gets me going. Foaming at the mouth going, you know?

Oh ok. Still though, it is so disappointing to hear of a thread like this at all on any board.

Pg and healthy babies are a blessing no matter what the gender. I guess people lose sight of what is most important when they think only of themselves. Oy.

meggiejo · June 2010

I was so glad to have a healthy baby growing inside me they could have said it was a puppy and I would have been happy. I will admit though that DH and I have thrown around adoption as an avenue to increase our family and he has mentioned it would be awesome to get a little girl. That said we love our two boys and would have no qualms being parents to 3 boys!

pepomntpat · June 2010

I get what you are saying. I can see having a preference, I can even understand a little shock and/or disappointment, but I don't understand when the term devastation gets thrown in. How can you be devastated to have a living, beautiful child growing well inside of you? I don't get it.

madladybride · June 2010

These annoy me, too. If you are SO UNHAPPY with the gender of your child, there is someone out there more than willing to take the child off of your hands.

Yes, DH and I have our preferences, but we will be excited with any healthy baby at this point.

jennaanddan · June 2010

I totally agree Grr. I think I was reading the same thread you're referring to on this site and my heart just breaks for her little boy. I liked what one response said - that the OP went into the pregnancy knowing 50/50 chance of either sex. If she couldn't deal with the fact that she *might* have a boy, then she shouldn't be trying to get pregnant. This poor innocent child will be so damaged if she doesn't get help.

str8ota · June 2010

Is this regarding the twat from yesterday? That just boils my blood.

This is how I hear these whiny girls: "I get to have healthy babies and healthy pregnancies but I'm so mad because I don't get to choose the gender, FML, it's so unfair"

KelleyBean · June 2010

I don't think anyone here will ever be able to understand that line of thinking. I'd have boys 100 times over if it meant they were healthy and sticky. I usually stop reading those threads as soon as they start b/c they make me so upset.

celestej619 · June 2010

I couldn't imagine ever being like that. I could care less if we have a boy or a girl. I just want a healthy baby. I actually had to delete a "friend" from facebook who was seriously upset that she was having a boy. She was so dramatic about it and it was right after our loss. It took a lot of self control to just delete her and not let her have it.

ShellShockedMama · June 2010

I have never understood why one sex is "better" than another. I can think of pros/cons for any sex, so long as the baby is healthy, I truly don't care . I'm super duper excited to have a boy.

SpartanChick88 · June 2010

When people asked what we wanted, I would tell them a baby who stays put for 38-40 weeks and comes into the world healthy and strong. But, if I had to choose, I would love to have a little girl. If I had been told we were having a boy, I would have been surprised because ounce of my being told me this is a girl, but I would have been thrilled that DH got his football/baseball player. Either way, if the end result is a full term, healthy baby, I'm cool.

I think that we also look at pregnancy differently than people who have never had trouble or experienced a loss. I'm not saying it's right, and I will be happy to admit that it is aggrivating, but others have a different view of these things. If you've never lost something, sometimes you just can't grasp how precious it really is.

grr_aargh · June 2010

Yes, Jen and Str8. That's it.

What really got me was her return and saying she'll "learn to love" having a boy. Learn? LEARN? I didn't have to learn ANYTHING when I discovered I was pg with my son. I was over the moon excited. Scared? You bet. Weirded out by having to learn to take care of a boy? Oh yeah. But disappointed? No way no how. And I love my son fiercely - in ways I wasn't ever sure I could (He's our 2nd. I couldn't imagine loving another child the way I loved my daughter. It's psycho, but it's true. And then I found out who he was and named him and whammo, like the Grinch, my heart grew 3 sizes that day).

I'm even more upset now. I had a good apt this morning but my doc was telling me about another patient who delivered a stillborn today. My heart BREAKS for women who go through that. So much so that it has little give when a woman complains that her healthy baby is the wrong sex.

jacquekf · June 2010

I agree. I get frustrated with our families for wanting a girl. My parents already have two grandsons and think my baby is going to be a girl. I haven't told anyone yet he is a boy. I am just thrilled he is healthy. Whenever anyone ask my husband what the baby is or what he wants he answers "a baby"

OCIrishBruin · June 2010

I can understand having a preference for a boy or girl. I did. But, being "devastated" or saying that you will "learn to love" your non-preferred gender child, well that's just absolutely insane and selfish.

And, seriously, if people are THAT opposed to having a boy or girl, they can always go to their OB and get an IUI with spun sperm and choose which one they will get. So, the whole "woe is me" act really doesn't get much sympathy from me.

But, I think all of us on this board have an entirely different perspective than people who have not gone through what we have. It's hard for them to imagine being in our shoes and vice versa.

In any case, people should have the good sense to keep their devastation to themselves. It doesn't take a social genius to realize how offensive other people would find this kind of talk.

KelzinBoston · June 2010

The same way people keep asking me if we'll "try for your (as in my) girl" after this baby.

Very annoying. I am thrilled to have 2 boys!

Winter*Mommy · June 2010

I don't really get those posts either.... With that said, we always "wanted" at least one of each gender, but we knew that it was up to God and if we didn't get one of each, we'd still be so thankful and happy with what we have. Our first was a girl and we were ecstatic! We completely embraced the "girl" thing and loved it. When we decided to try for #2, we actually did buy that Shettles book and tried for a boy.... but we did it mostly just to have fun with it - we didn't care if it didn't work. I find all of that fertility stuff incredibly interesting, as I'm sure many of you do, too. It did work for us, we had a sweet boy next and we were again so ecstatic. I absolutely love having one of each and seeing their genders come out naturally. They are each ALL GIRL and ALL BOY and its true joy seeing them.

If we had ended up with 6 boys or 6 girls, we would be okay with it - perhaps we'd always wonder "what it would be like to have a ____" but we'll never know. And this time around, we still don't have a preference. I can imagine matching my boys in cute polos and plaid shorts and watching them dig for bugs in the backyard.... and I can imagine matching my girls in sweet dresses made by mommy while playing tea parties and making mud cakes. It just doesn't matter and it never did - but we did try the Shettles method just to try, so I have to admit that. I mean, we were having sex anyway, why not have fun with it and see if it worked. It was up to God anyway and we knew that wholeheartedly.

happyhoopla · June 2010

I completely agree! Those women truly have no idea what really matters.

Want a personalized experience?

Gender disappointment threads

Re: Gender disappointment threads

Choose Another Board

Search Boards