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December 2010 Moms
Chick7806
member
Co-sleeping: Yay or Nay?
Chick7806
member
I think we've talked about this on our board before, but it's been a while. What are your thoughts on co-sleeping? Why do you hold the opinions that you do?
I am pretty strongly against co-sleeping. I haven't researched it much, but I feel that it is not for us. Other than the obvious scares (suffocation, etc..), I really don't want to end up with a 6 year old in my bed... This might sound selfish, but I know many to whom this has happened. It just doesn't sound like a good idea to me.
WDYT?
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Re: Co-sleeping: Yay or Nay?
Nay
1. I don't want to risk rolling over on my baby
2. My husband and I need our time together
3. Like you mentioend, I don't want a 6 yr old in my bed
4. I think kids need to learn how to sooth themselves and put themselves to sleep
I'm kind of with you on this one.
DH and I only have a queen bed and we both sleep like crazy people moving all over the place. And DH is a HARD sleeper - seriously, it take a lot to wake him up in the morning. So it's hard to me to imagine him being able to realize where the baby is in bed while he sleeps.
I *think* both DH and I will sleep better without the baby in our bed. And more rested parents, usually means happier baby!
All that being said, who knows what will happen when the baby actually gets here.
I also agree strongly with your #4. I had a lot of trouble sleeping when I was little, and while I was grateful to my mom for helping me through it, I do think a child needs to learn how to put themselves to sleep w/o Mom or Dad hovering over him/her.
Well, I was against it with number one, but we started at 3 weeks when we just couldn't get DS back to sleep after his first night waking. And it worked great. He was def a boobie boy, and BF happily in bed to put himself back to sleep. That was the only way we could get any sleep - serioulsy - he just would not settle after midnight.
The problem we had wasn't so much worrying about suffocation (we were careful and I honestly think you sleep lighter when you've got a baby in bed), but that we got stuck into a routine, and he got used to feeding thru the night. It got to be a big pain though, bed sharing, as I AM a pretty light sleeper. And DH was so stressed about safety, even though I was always between DS and DH. Anyway, we waited to 7 months and Ferberised him (controlled crying). It took one night and not only was he in his own crib, but sleepign thru the night.
I have no problems with cosleeping. It was great for us for a while, but it can be a tricky cycle to break. I'll try and limit it more now, a nd perserve with getting baby to sleep in its own bed.
I know there's so many mothers that believe it's the best thing ever, but I'm against it. I don't know how it can be healthy for the parents' relationship, not to mention the safety concerns for baby. I can't imagine being able to sleep with an infant beside me. I would be a nervous wreck.
I also think it may be a hard habit to break. My aunt's little one slept with mom (her husband took to sleeping on the couch) through 3 yrs old. Mom and dad are now divorced and my cousin has a lot of behavior issues. I'm not blaming co-sleeping entirely on these happenings, but I definitely think it had something to do with it.
I just believe the bed is strictly for me and my man!
True. I guess with babies, flexibility is key. We are planning on keeping the baby nearby when she's small. We are going to take turns sleeping in the living room with baby in a pac 'n' play. Well- he will start taking turns when we begin bottle feeding. But we just don't want baby in our room/bed.
For us, nay.
I have friends who do it and it seems to work for them, but I'm not a fan for a variety of reasons.
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While I completely agree with all of these, 1 wasn't an issue, honestly (unless yo've been drinking or taking drugs, it's usually very safe, esp if you have a designated space for baby). 2 - yes, and this suffered, but baby came first, and DH and I needed sleep more than alone time. 3. Never going to happen - hence Ferber at 7 months. You don't have to do it immediatley - there's time, when they're a bit older to worry about it. 4. yes, obviously, but say that again when you've got a 2 week old who refuses to settle and is crying it's heart out and you've tried everything. You do what you can to help it.
ETA: sorry - typing too quickly chasing after DS! I reread this and it sounds a bit patronising which wasn' tmy intention. Others have said better - I guess flexibility is the key!
Nay.
And we'll be starting off not having Kamikaze sleep in our room at all. I'm open to changing things up if need be, but I'm confident in H's ability to get a set schedule down where we'll be ok.
This for us, too. We will have LO in the living room.
To expand on #1, I'm not only worried about rolling over on the baby but it'll be the dead of winter when the baby is born. I don't want to risk suffocation in blankets and pillows either. #3, it could happen, PP's listed incidents of where it has. #4, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, but co-sleeping will not be an option
this!!!!, but then again, this is my first kid, so who knows what will happen!
It's definitely a "Nay" for us.
The closest I would compromise would be a bassinet or pack and play in our room for the first couple months, although I even want to avoid that- I do want LO to use his/her crib from day 1 if they'll let it work that way.
Between my DH who throws blankets and pillows all over the bed all night (And clocks me in the face in his spazzes sometimes accidentally), a 100 lb american/english bulldog, a 70 lb pitbull and our 2 frenchies, our california king is to max capacity.
I know you won't do it, but just to say, you can do it in Winter. Blankets just need to be kept low (waist level), and maybe wear warmer PJs.
And all I meant re it woulnt' happen is that I wouldn't let a 6 week old cosleeper become a 6 year old cosleeper. That's down to when you chose to establish boundaries I guess - and ti's totally great to do it early. I just couldn't do it when DS was that little! He was too clingy and too much of a booby boy. :P
You need to do what you're comfortable with. I certainly didn't enjoy 7 months of cosleeping, but DS did, and I think he was a happier baby for it.
I think it's a personal choice, and what works for one family might not for another.
For us, my husband and I approached the issue with a very neutral mindset, but after reading up on it, I feel like my husband and I are not the best candidates for co-sleeping and I'm fine with that. I don't think there's anything mean or wrong with having an infant sleep in it's own crib, and I'm comfortable that it's what's right for us.
I love how all your dogs sleep with you
Yay for us...because it works for us. It worked for us, I guess I should say. If it doesn't work for us this time around, fine. Every child is different.
We are going to do the co-sleeper NEXT to the bed, so a bit of a compromise. The goal is to have LO in their own room by about 4-6 months at the max. It just seems easier than getting up & going down the hall every 2 hours for BF, and WAY better than rolling over the kid in our bed!
Plus, several friends have done it that way & they have normal kids that sleep in their own rooms!
It's actually pretty ridiculous but they love it and as long as we get a good night's sleep, we don't care :P
I think whatever works for your family is the right decision.
With DD I was up most nights with her because she was colicy and I also exclusively bf. We had a co-sleeper next to our king size bed but if she happened to finally fall asleep eating or with me holding her in bed I would keep her with me. Granted I didn't get must sleep with her next to me but she did and I guess that what was important to me. She went up into her crib at about 6 months and has been a great sleeper ever since. With this LO we will do with whatever works to have a peaceful household
OK so I'm not trying to start anything, but am genuinely curious... if you made this exception for your pets ("they love it and as long as we get a good night's sleep, we don't care"), wouldn't it be just as acceptable to make that exception for your child?
And an aside not directed toward you:
I've been flamed through and through on other boards for being a "lazy parent" because co-sleeping worked for us. We all slept, and slept well, when DD was in bed with us... when we tried forcing her to stay in her crib or bed we were up sometimes 8-10 times at night (and not just for 5 minutes... and we're talking about weeks on end as people drilled into our heads that we HAD to sleep train DD, she HAD to learn to sleep on her own, "it will only take a few days before she learns", etc.), and then would have to go to work the next day (me to my job, DH to his 2 jobs). But you just said what I used to say all the time, until the flaming kept coming.
DD coslept with us for a lot longer than I ever planned on co-sleeping with her, but it never interfered with our relationship (with DH working until after I was asleep and me waking and going to work before he woke up). Our intimate, one-on-one time doesn't happen in our bed at night, so there were no issues there. And at 5.5 she's a completely secure child who sleeps through the night on her own in her room, self-soothes herself back to sleep with no hysterics or attachment issues, etc.
I think people take extreme cases of co-sleeping as the norm, when they're not.
My husband and I are strongly against co-sleeping, but whatever you decide, it is a personal decision.
My husband is a Paramedic and has been on two calls of infant suffocation. One of the cases was clearly because one of the parents had rolled over on top of the baby and neither parent woke up until the baby was already dead. For this reason, we could never even consider having a baby in the bed with us.
Our plan is for LO to sleep in a bassinet in our room for atleast the first three months and then move to the nursery.
Nay for us, for several reasons. I move a lot in my sleep and don't want to risk hurting LO. I've also read that a lot of injuries can occur from having LO sleeping in bed... i.e. they could fall into the spot between the mattress and headboard. I also need my space when I sleep. DH already complains that I hog our queen-sized bed and that we really need a king-sized bed. I also don't want LO to get used to it. I'm not scared of having a six year old in my bed (does that really happen??), but I do want LO to get used to putting himself to sleep on his own.
I plan on keeping LO in a pack n play next to our bed for the first three months, then move him or her to a crib in the nursery. This is the plan, but of course the plan is apt to change if LO doesn't like it.
I'm totally against co-sleeping in terms of having a baby in my bed but I may have to have a c-section and plan on BFing so we're borrowing one of those Arms Reach co-sleeper things (little bassinet that connects to your bed) so that I don't have to try to get up and down out of bed with that icky c-section incision.
However...the plan is that if we use the co-sleeper that as soon as I am able to get up and down easily the baby is going in it's crib. I do not want to be one of those families who have a pre-school aged kid in bed with us. Plus kids need to sleep on their own and parents need their 'alone' time, right? =-)
I'm very anti-bed sharing. It's probably the baby-related issue I am most set on. I know everyone says "just you wait, when you have the baby your opinion might change on ___" and I suppose that's true, but I'd be very surprised if my position on that changed. We may use a PnP with the bassinet sleeper in our bedroom early on, but I'd really like to try to start LO off sleeping in his/her crib asap. Besides, there is not enough room with the two dogs already in the bed.
Oh, I don't think you're starting anything... but I didn't say the reason for not wanting to co-sleep with our LO was because of our comfort- I said it was because of what DH does while he sleeps (throws pillows and blankets around, flails- my dogs move if a pillow lands on them and if he kicks them or accidentally hits them, there's really no damage done... a newborn would be a different story). I would genuinely be concerned about Lo's safety and I wouldn't sleep at all because I would be so worried about a pillow or blanket landing on his/her face. DH has always been a very tossy, turny, spazzy sleeper- it's not going to change.
I also said that because our 4 dogs sleep with us- that's another factor that wouldn't make it safe. I will never allow our LO to be alone with our dogs unless supervised and if I'm sleeping, I'm not supervising.
We didn't co-sleep. We used a bassinet by the bed for 10 weeks. Then we moved him to the crib where he sleeps a majority of the time. I will say that there were nights where he was sick or majorly teething and he has slept with us then.We try not to let it get habit forming.
As many have said, plans change depending on the child.
Haha, I wish I had a wall to hide against! My H does this almost every night (not the hitting and flinging, but the throwing of everything on the bed). He also yells (he drives a race car- he especially does it like the couple nights after race nights.. I think he's yelling at other drivers) and he tells me what parts we need (the one night, he sat up and said, "I need to get more rivets." I was like, "Now?" lol). Poor guy, has too much on his mind.
I didn't want to co-sleep at all, but then so many of my friends were still sharing a bed with their 3-5 yr old children so I really didn't want to start down that path. (And frankly I don't even like to have my DH touching me when I am trying to sleep...I'll cuddle and snuggle during the day thanks you very much.)
We had a bassinet in our room next to DH's side of the bed so that we could get the baby easily to nurse. I won't lie; I'd often fall back asleep and when I'd wake up I'd switch sides and then give the baby back to DH. I thought he was putting the baby back in the bassinet, but I later learned that he often was just letting the baby sleep on his chest. At 3 mo we transferred DS to his crib with the Ferber method. He started sleeping 8 hrs very quickly after that.
I need my bed to myself. I am hoping that we will be able to follow a similar path with this baby.
Can I just say to all the other dog mama's - thank you for not making me feel like the only crazy dog lady that won't kick my dog out of the bed to make room for the baby!
All of this exactly.