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GTKYF- Perspectives and priorities

silliestbunnysilliestbunny member
in Adoption

So we are working on our nursery and it occurred to me that my perspective and priorities have really shifted over the last few months.


Two years ago, I would have searched out the most beautiful furniture set and spent hours on the perfect bedding.  Today, I am recycling furniture and picked up a FREE crib from someone on a local mom's list.  My crib is honey colored, my dresser is from 1960, and the twin bed has white wood.  (sounds atrocious but it's going to look great!!)

My priorities shifted as we started saving thousands and thousands of dollars to afford children.  My perspective has changed as I've watched my best friends parent and realize that the perfect nursery is not all that important.  I've spent more time reading and looking at parenting styles instead of obsessing over curtains.  

 So....how has your perspective changed with adoption?  Are your priorities different with adoption?

image Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 months
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Re: GTKYF- Perspectives and priorities

  • RanitaRanita

    Great question!!  Some are different ie, I think I probably would have been someone who expected to 'just know' or 'learn as we go' and now feel that our HS and the required education were worth MILLIONS.  Priorities have changed too, or rather strengthened.  For example, I would have preferred to be a SAHM or work part time and avoid daycare if possible, but going through an IA from an orphanage, our own family philosophy strengthened that to mean that we just MAKE it work to be home and parent and work as needed because bonding became crucial.

    I think I probably used to have a 'just adopt' perspective too and always loved it and always dreamed of the day but didn't have a hot clue as to what that would mean in real life.

    I am excited to read other responses to this. 

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  • GLynn2009GLynn2009

    I think have two older children makes my views on DD different.

     I did not really care about what her room looked like but she has a better decorated room than my first two babies because we were really struggling for money when I had them. I was only 19 when I had my first and did not know to worry about a lot of stuff that I worry about with DD. I know DD will not break and we tend to just live our lives and bring DD along for the ride. DD1 is already saying that DD2 will have a better life than she did as a young child and that will be true to a extent. The first to were by no means pitful but I struggled in a marriage and with money for at least 10 years.

     I tend to be afraid that I will do something to mess-up this gift we have been given even though her BM did not care to take drugs throughout.Tongue Tied I want to have more family time. We live by the idea that we work to live and stuff is not important. Family is.

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  • jehnmjehnm
    imageLovedByHim316:

    I grew up in a very controlled, overprotective home. I've always felt like i'm going to be a very overprotective, controlling mother as a result despite the desire not to.

    I feel like with infertility and now adoption..it's really forced me to realize that this baby is completely out of our hands. It's God's child and it will come only in His timing, no matter what effort I make to speed up the process. Prior to infertility, I was so caught up in "We'll have 4 kids...they'll be 2 years apart...I want a boy first, then a girl...." etc. Confused

     I'm grateful for this perspective because I feel like it will help me with parenting as well. They will make their own decisions, live their own life and all I can do is give them the best guidance and pray for them because they belong to God, not me :)

      I grew up in an overprotective home, but not really controlling and have always known I'd be a more relaxed parent, but I agree completely with the above.   It's been and continues to be a journey that changes my perspective on life!  I do still want my dream nursery though! :-) 
    TTC #1 since 12/07 SA 9/08=borderline normal HSG 1/09 found R tube blocked Multiple IUIs both with oral and injectible drugs from 2/09-2/11 Started domestic adoption process in 5/10, homestudy complete 9/10 Failed adoption after home with baby for 2 weeks 11/10 Blessed through the miracle of private adoption with a son, born 6/6/11 (his grandma's bday) 7lbs 9oz 20.5 inches long! So worth the wait!
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  • mcmann05mcmann05 member

    Honestly, I was a spoiled child and got literally whatever I wanted until I got married at age 24. It was all quite ridiculous looking back. I got married, moved to another country right away and DH and I had no choice but to make things work financially. I started changing then. Once we moved back to the states and found out we were headed towards IVF or adoption....my mind and "wants" changed drastically.

    So basically, my point is that I completely and utterly agree with OP. A few years ago I would have never dreamed of shopping at garage sales, Goodwill, or other second hand stores for ANYTHING. I wanted the prettiest, most expensive things for my baby..... I still do want some things that I know we'll never afford but I guess mostly that spoiled girl is still down in there somewhere. This will be my Mom's first grandchild so he/she will be even more spoiled than I was. lol A good friend of mine is obsessed with garage sales and goodwill...she has truly opened my eyes to whole other world! :-)

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • DBurketDBurket

    Adoption definitely changes your perspective on a lot of things!

    I think the biggest thing for me is that I don't take one second for granted because I know what a blessing motherhood really is. I am always cognizant of the fact that having Owen in our lives is nothing short of a miracle. 

    I am so grateful for this perspective because it not only helps me to brush off the small things that really don't matter and enjoy all the little moments that really do matter, but it also encourages and challenges me to be the kind of mother that is worthy of the trust that God and Owen's birthmom placed in me when allowing me the chance to be "Mama" to this sweet little boy. 

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