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North Dakota Babies
Can I vent for a minute (ok, a long minute)?
So if you've been reading my blog, you know how frustrated I am about testing out my hcg shot. (It can give you a positive pg. result until it is out of your system). Anyways, every morning the past few days I use two pg. tests and try to decipher the lines since I keep getting mixed results. I can't tell if the trigger is out of my system or not. I AM SO OVER THIS! I am so over the whole process. I am over the shots I have to take. The pills I have to take. The meds I'm taking mess with my results. The meds I'm taking making me into an emotional mess. The constant wondering "Is that a pg. symptom or a PMS symptom?" The trying to read my stupid chart (that I just started this month for $hits and grins since I technically don't have to because of all the monitoring)The fact that I cry inside every time I see a baby. The question, "So, when are you having another one?". The fact the 2IF is comsuming my whole life. ENOUGH ALREADY!!!! I can't take it anymore. I am sitting here crying at the computer while my son sleeps because I am SO SICK OF ALL OF THIS! If I start my period on Saturday, I am going to be beyond devastated. How would you like to know you failed again on your wedding anniversary?God cannot do that to me. I have been through so much crap in my life. Can't I catch an effing break?? I am done testing. I am done spending all this money on pg tests and treatments. I will only do one more IUI cycle and then I'm done. No more fertility treatments. I give up. My body can't take much more. I pray every night for another baby. Just one more. I'm a great mom. I do everything for my son. We buy him every toy imaginable. We send him to the best school in the city. We spend quality time with him every day, all day, nomatter what until he goes to sleep. He is our world. We are financially in really good shape. Why aren't we allowed to have another child? I JUST WANT TO GIVE UP!!!!!!
Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."
-- Dale Carnegie
DS: Born 2007
TTC #2- Diagnosed with secondary infertility, after 18 months and failed IUIs, we achieved success with IVF #1
DD: Born 2011
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can I vent for a minute (ok, a long minute)?
I do follow your blog, and I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I really hope that this is the cycle for you.
I can't imagine how frustrated and sad you must be..after all the hard work it seems not fair...but hang in there...everything will be fine. I hope this is the cycle for you, but if it's not, you have a lot more information than you had when you started. I'm praying for you every day.
::Hugs::
Ashley & Josh ~ The Reef Resort ~ Grand Cayman~ May 15th 2010
Katy and Brett ~ Runaway Bay, Jamaica ~ October 4, 2008