Can I vent for a minute (ok, a long minute)?

Amer19

So if you've been reading my blog, you know how frustrated I am about testing out my hcg shot. (It can give you a positive pg. result until it is out of your system). Anyways, every morning the past few days I use two pg. tests and try to decipher the lines since I keep getting mixed results. I can't tell if the trigger is out of my system or not. I AM SO OVER THIS! I am so over the whole process. I am over the shots I have to take. The pills I have to take. The meds I'm taking mess with my results.  The meds I'm taking making me into an emotional mess.  The constant wondering "Is that a pg. symptom or a PMS symptom?" The trying to read my stupid chart (that I just started this month for $hits and grins since I technically don't have to because of all the monitoring)The fact that I cry inside every time I see a baby.  The question, "So, when are you having another one?". The fact the 2IF is comsuming my whole life. ENOUGH ALREADY!!!! I can't take it anymore. I am sitting here crying at the computer while my son sleeps because I am SO SICK OF ALL OF THIS! If I start my period on Saturday, I am going to be beyond devastated. How would you like to know you failed again on your wedding anniversary?God cannot do that to me. I have been through so much crap in my life. Can't I catch an effing break?? I am done testing. I am done spending all this money on pg tests and treatments. I will only do one more IUI cycle and then I'm done. No more fertility treatments. I give up. My body can't take much more. I pray every night for another baby. Just one more. I'm a great mom. I do everything for my son. We buy him every toy imaginable. We send him to the best school in the city. We spend quality time with him every day, all day, nomatter what until he goes to sleep. He is our world. We are financially in really good shape. Why aren't we allowed to have another child? I JUST WANT TO GIVE UP!!!!!!

CanadianBride84

I do follow your blog, and I am sorry that you are feeling this way.  I really hope that this is the cycle for you.

dani_girl08

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.  I can't imagine how stressful & painful it is.  {{{BIG HUGS}}}

Mrs.N.H.

I can't imagine how frustrated and sad you must be..after all the hard work it seems not fair...but hang in there...everything will be fine. I hope this is the cycle for you, but if it's not, you have a lot more information than you had when you started. I'm praying for you every day.

::Hugs::

MmeBP

I'm sorry.  Big hugs!!

siba1119

::HUGS:: I'm so sorry.  I really hope that this is the cycle for you.  I've been keeping you in my T&Ps.

oohlypinon

I wish I could give you a big hug right now!  I have been thinking of you and praying for you I hope this is the cycle for you. 

Mrs_B_Sept08

I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this! Massive hugs for you!

Bridget_11

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.  I really hope everything works out for you this cycle.  (((hugs))) 

Eleise96

Oh Amy, I am so sorry.  I can't imagine what you're going through.  And you know what, it isn't fair.  We all know you are a great mom and you definitely deserve to have another child.  If you don't get pg this cycle, maybe you'll get pg once you stop everything. You are so worried and anxious about all the testing, maybe your body just needs you to be relaxed.  I am sending you as much ::baby dust:: as I can, and some HUGS to go along with it!

nykris

Big hugs for  you!  Thinking of you!

Mrs.S_0909

Lots of *HUGS* for you! I hope this month is your month!!

jcombs

IF sucks.  And the drugs absolutely suck and mess with your emotions and your body.  Its not fair and its not right.  I hope that this is the cycle for you and you don't have to worry about thinking past this time. Hang in there!

katers1279

Aw Amy, I wish I could give you a hug.  I never got to the drug point, but, I was days away.  I know this is terrifying to fathom, but, honestly....would a break help?  Even just one month to just regroup?  I know the pressure you put on  yourself and I know it's awful.  I'm so sorry hun.