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December 2010 Moms
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Vent...I can not help if DH and I communicate

mommiromommiro
in December 2010 Moms

Everyone keep telling me that my DH will NOT help with baby when he/she gets here because their SO's didn't. I tell them that we've already begun discussing and because of his "crazy" parents and lack of involvement in his life he is committed to being involved in all aspects of the rearing of our child(ren).

Oh no, just wait! they say you'll be getting up with the baby...

I say: No...because although I plan to BF we're going to bottle and DH has said he wants the overnight shift

They say: OK......get it in writing

They say: you're going to have to put your career on hold now

I say: No, DH and I have already agreed that he will be responsible for the house and I will continue to work because I am the higher earner 

They say: ok.....get it in writing!

They say: you're going to be "stuck" with the baby while he goes out with his friends

I say: No, we've agreed we will have couple night once a week as we have now (our moms live pretty close) and we will both go out with our friends indvidually because this is an extension of our life not a replacement to our old one!

 

I'm just so tired of everyone thinking that they know everything and that first time parents are idiots!

thx for letting me vent

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Re: Vent...I can not help if DH and I communicate

  • bookworm10bookworm10
    This is a wonderful example of how misery loves company. People think they know EVERYTHING and cant possibly imagine other being successful where they themselves may have failed. I am sure that with the right communication you and your DH will have a successful experience raising your children. Like everyone it will have its bumps but opening the dialogue is always the right first step. People can be so infuriating.
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  • chrisncassiechrisncassie

    Everyone has different set ups when it comes to babies ...I know DH needs his sleep, and I will have 6 weeks off, so we agreed that as long as he takes care of DS during those first 6 weeks, then I will take care of our new LO.  I don't expect DH to do everything for DS, but if I am up many times at night with the LO so DH can sleep, then he will do most of the DS work.

    Those that are like, "oh no he won't help you", maybe they didn't have any discussion first so you both are on the same page.  Communication is key, and a new baby always bring on extra stress.  

    I think its great that you guys have at least talked about your plan once your LO arrives.

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  • lderealderea
    I hear you, sister!  My DH and I already have "non traditional" (whoever decided that!) roles.  He is regularly in charge of laundry, grocery shopping, etc.  I get so frustrated when people "predict" my future.  Honestly, if I am wrong, I am wrong, but I can't stand the thought of going into this thinking how miserable I am going to be... what kind of life is that?
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  • mommiromommiro
    imagechrisncassie:

    Everyone has different set ups when it comes to babies ...I know DH needs his sleep, and I will have 6 weeks off, so we agreed that as long as he takes care of DS during those first 6 weeks, then I will take care of our new LO.  I don't expect DH to do everything for DS, but if I am up many times at night with the LO so DH can sleep, then he will do most of the DS work.

    Those that are like, "oh no he won't help you", maybe they didn't have any discussion first so you both are on the same page.  Communication is key, and a new baby always bring on extra stress.  

    I think its great that you guys have at least talked about your plan once your LO arrives.

    exactly! the only reason we were able to agree on that is bcuz DH is up until sometimes 3-4 AM anyway whereas I'm normally in bed no later than 11 so why should I get up when he's already awake??

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  • mommiromommiro

    imagebookworm10:
    This is a wonderful example of how misery loves company. People think they know EVERYTHING and cant possibly imagine other being successful where they themselves may have failed. I am sure that with the right communication you and your DH will have a successful experience raising your children. Like everyone it will have its bumps but opening the dialogue is always the right first step. People can be so infuriating.

    Our relationship has always been great in communication and although it may not go according to plan he and I have agreed that we are full partners in this thing and I'm not assuming he will help just because he "should" he wants to be active so y deny him that?

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  • mommiromommiro

    imagelderea:
    I hear you, sister!  My DH and I already have "non traditional" (whoever decided that!) roles.  He is regularly in charge of laundry, grocery shopping, etc.  I get so frustrated when people "predict" my future.  Honestly, if I am wrong, I am wrong, but I can't stand the thought of going into this thinking how miserable I am going to be... what kind of life is that?

     

    I have seen most of my female friends become "single parents" within their marriage and I'll be damn if that happens to me

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  • KJKNAJKJKNAJ member
    They're jealous. They're jealous that you're going to do this WITH your DH and they did it alone. That's it.

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  • jillybean800jillybean800 member
    I know what you mean.  Though I of course can't say for SURE DH will be completely wonderful throughout, or that we won't have any conflict, he takes on his fair share NOW, so why would he all of a sudden act any differently?  He cooks, he does the dishwasher, the garbage, the laundry while I clean, vacuum, fold the laundry and pay bills...and I think we're doing fine.  All of a sudden he'll become a caveman?  It sounds like those husbands were ALREADY like that and the baby exacerbated those traits.  I hate when people think they know your relationship!
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  • lrn327lrn327 member
    I agree that they're just jealous.  It's just too bad they need to try to make themselves feel better by trying to make you feel worse.  I think it is awesome you have such a wonderful partner for a DH and think you're family will be so much better for it!
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  • JenM9JenM9
    imagemommiro:
    imagechrisncassie:

    Everyone has different set ups when it comes to babies ...I know DH needs his sleep, and I will have 6 weeks off, so we agreed that as long as he takes care of DS during those first 6 weeks, then I will take care of our new LO.  I don't expect DH to do everything for DS, but if I am up many times at night with the LO so DH can sleep, then he will do most of the DS work.

    Those that are like, "oh no he won't help you", maybe they didn't have any discussion first so you both are on the same page.  Communication is key, and a new baby always bring on extra stress.  

    I think its great that you guys have at least talked about your plan once your LO arrives.

    exactly! the only reason we were able to agree on that is bcuz DH is up until sometimes 3-4 AM anyway whereas I'm normally in bed no later than 11 so why should I get up when he's already awake??

    Same here! DH is up all hours of the night. while I go to bed early. He sleeps in, while I wake up around 7...we got a good schedule going for baby care IMO. And his dad was such a piece of uninvolved crap that U have no doubt DH will be the opposite. Screw the opinions of people who think they know your relationship better than you do. Sounds like some sour grapes over their SO not helping and jealousy that your's will. 

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  • OneLove 09OneLove 09

    Ugh! How annoying!!!! I agree with bookworm and pp's that misery loves company and your friends are just jealous.

    It's infuriating how people with kids think that first time parents are morons. Yes, of course there's a lot that we're gonna learn and some of our expectations may be totally off, but there's no reason to be so negative!! I feel like a lot of people really go out of their way to scare first time parents.

    How many times have we all heard "just wait- you'll see!!" with an evil smirk on their face? 

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  • mommiromommiro
    imageJenM9:
    imagemommiro:
    imagechrisncassie:

    Everyone has different set ups when it comes to babies ...I know DH needs his sleep, and I will have 6 weeks off, so we agreed that as long as he takes care of DS during those first 6 weeks, then I will take care of our new LO.  I don't expect DH to do everything for DS, but if I am up many times at night with the LO so DH can sleep, then he will do most of the DS work.

    Those that are like, "oh no he won't help you", maybe they didn't have any discussion first so you both are on the same page.  Communication is key, and a new baby always bring on extra stress.  

    I think its great that you guys have at least talked about your plan once your LO arrives.

    exactly! the only reason we were able to agree on that is bcuz DH is up until sometimes 3-4 AM anyway whereas I'm normally in bed no later than 11 so why should I get up when he's already awake??

    Same here! DH is up all hours of the night. while I go to bed early. He sleeps in, while I wake up around 7...we got a good schedule going for baby care IMO. And his dad was such a piece of uninvolved crap that U have no doubt DH will be the opposite. Screw the opinions of people who think they know your relationship better than you do. Sounds like some sour grapes over their SO not helping and jealousy that your's will. 

     

    You're right and I think honestly they hope that it IS hard for me so they don't have to look at their relationship  and say they didn't communicate that its "all men that don't help' and not just theirs.

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  • mommiromommiro

    imagejillybean800:
    I know what you mean.  Though I of course can't say for SURE DH will be completely wonderful throughout, or that we won't have any conflict, he takes on his fair share NOW, so why would he all of a sudden act any differently?  He cooks, he does the dishwasher, the garbage, the laundry while I clean, vacuum, fold the laundry and pay bills...and I think we're doing fine.  All of a sudden he'll become a caveman?  It sounds like those husbands were ALREADY like that and the baby exacerbated those traits.  I hate when people think they know your relationship!

     

    You're right JB!!! As I think about each one of them already had issues with their spouse not contributing around the house and for some reason they thought that he would miraculous change when the baby came and didn't. Whereas my DH and I already share our duties pretty evenly so why would that stop once baby arrives?

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