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3rd Trimester
april hall
member
L/D Room ... Am I being Selfish.....
april hall
member
My DH mom has asked to be in the L/D room during the birth of our daughter . This is DH first baby and first grandchild also. DH and I had already talk about this before an we both agreed that we didn't want anyone in the room with us other than maybe my 3 girls . I thought this had all already been explained to his mom . But now he comes and ask me how I feel about his mother being in the room with us . I explained to him that I really didn't want her there that I feel like this is a very important private time that he and I should be alone . I also said that I would like the first hour or so after birth to also be just he and I . I just feel like this is a important time for us to bond as a new family . Am I being selfish in not wanting to share this time with his mom and maybe other family ? We also talked about putting up a sign on the L/D room door saying " Do Not Disturb Labor in progress . All visitors please go to waiting room . Is the sign taking it to far ?
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Re: L/D Room ... Am I being Selfish.....
~Started TTC 2/09. BFP #1 11/09. EDD 8/7/10. DS born 8/7/10.~
~Surprise BFP #2 5/11 while still BF'ing. Natural M/C @ 7w3d.~
~BFP #3 8/11. EDD 4/24/12. Heavy bleeding episodes from a lost twin. DD born 4/14/12.~
~Started TTC 2/13. BFP #4 3/13. EDD 11/8/13. Hoping for smooth sailing!~
Not selfish at all. I just wouldn't feel comfortable with MIL in the room with me and put it to DH like this...
"Your mum can stay in my delivery room as long as before I go into labor you drop your pants and let my mom stare at you for a few hours"
He got the hint.
Have you toured your L&D? At ours, the rest of the L&D floor is separated by a set of double doors that visitors are not permitted to go through, so no one could come into the birthing room without permission. This would resolve your sign dilemma.
I wouldn't want my MIL in the birthing room with me either. I think it would be most appropriate, however, for YOU to explain to her that certain anatomy will be on display, that you believe the time is intensely personal, and you do not wish her to be present. Let her know it has nothing to do with her personally, but it is about your desire to focus through the experience and bond with your child. Implore her to remember how she would have felt if HER mother in law had been in the birthing room with her.
Big brother and sister are excited to meet the new baby! It's a GIRL!
~ G ~ 10/2008
~ E ~ 7/2010
this.
You are not being selfish at all! Your body, your decisions.
Now if only there was a way to get my mom in the room but not MIL. DH says it is "unfair" and "playing favorites". Sigh.
I don't think you're being selfish at all. Starting or adding to your family is a very personal thing for your now-immediate family. It is such a special time and there's no reason to feel guilty about wanting to keep it private.
Thankfully my mom feels the same way so it's never been an issue. And my MIL lives on the other side of the country.
And as far as the sign goes, if you tell the nursing staff you don't want visitors, they will keep them out for you.
No, I do not think you are being selfish. I would not want my mom or my mil in the room either.
You won't need the sign, just tell the nurses you do not want any visitors and they can be the bad guy.
Not selfish at all. We are only having my mom. My MIL upsets my DH, so this was a no brainer. (She has not actually asked about being there, but I think she thinks that she will show up and get to come in.) I need a calm DH, not a pissy one. LOL.
We are not calling anyone until LO is here and we are ready for guest, this includes MIL. They are LO's family, but we need some time with him.
You are not being selfish. Why would you want your MIL to see your vag? There is no way I'd want my MIL in the room when I was laboring. I already have a hard time dealing with her, I can't imagine what venom I would spew toward her when I'm in immense amounts of pain. Tell him to tell her no, no parents or anyone else, with the exception of your 3 daughters (although personally I wuoldn't want my other children in there either, but that is me). Too bad if she gets hurt or upset. Would she have wanted her MIL in the room? The answer is probably no.
As for the sign, I don't think its necessary. Just tell nurses to keep all visitors out - it shouldn't be difficult. Its a delivery room, not a visitor's center!!!
I litterally LOL at this.. i love it!
you are perfectly entitled to do this! My MIL will be in the waiting room with everyone else and no, she is not happy about it. My mom will be in there b/c shes MY mom...I feel no way attached to nor feel a need to have my MIL in there.
I've also put the word out that the first hour or so is ours, no one is allowed in! I've been on bedrest since week 19, emergency cerclage, and a week in the hospital for preterm labor.....I've busted my a$$ to keep DS inside me and I want time with him first and get the emotions out before everyone parades in asking to hold him!
Stay strong!!!
THIS DEFINATELY!
NOT SELFISH AT ALL. I wish we would have kicked everyone out and actually my original plan was to have just my husband and I in the room during the pushing. I was ok with having people come by while I was dilating but I didn't want people to be there when my feet were above my head with a heart monitor and a catheter coming out...vag completely exposed. I'm modest so having my legs spread wide enough to where you could probably see my kidney's made me feel uncomfortable.
Well that didn't happen, I was drugged up and they were so excited that I didn't have it in me to kick them out. My younger brother (26 years old) dad, mom and MIL were all in there and it still sort of bothers me that they stayed. Especially my MIL because that woman gets on my nerves as it is...she really bugged me when I was in that vulnerable condition. I was uncomfortable with them being there and felt pressured by the nurse to keep them in the room. "Don't worry, they aren't looking at your vag., they're watching the baby come out" and "people don't see this in a sexual manner, there' no need to worry."
Don't be afraid to kick them out...I was and I regret not standing up to them.
What is selfish is all the moms, MILs, etc who try an guilt their way into the delivery room when they've been clearly told they are not wanted.
It's great they are excited, but delivery is about creating the most relaxing and comfortable envoirnment for the laboring woman. She has complete say over what makes said envoirment. There will be PLENTY of bonding time in the days and weeks after the baby arrives. Pushy family members (DHs included) really need to recognize this and get over it.
I wish we had this here!!!!
With #2 MIL wanted to be in the room too. We never got the chance to tell her no because we went into l&d with Pre-E. She was upset when we did not call her to tell her they were inducing. I mean really, does the lady need to know everytime her son wipes!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're not being selfish. I get that DH's mom is excited and all, but she needs to let go already. I think she's out of line to even ask. If you had wanted her in there you would have let her know. As for the sign, it sucks that you would even have to do that (letting them know ahead of time?which you've already done?should be enough), but if they still push the issue, do it!
I think it made my husband a little uncomfortable at first to have my mom in the room with me when I had DD, but he was in compelete compliance with no one else around until the next day. He knew I needed someone else there to help me through it all. Plus your mom has seen your va jay jay lots of times through out your life.. I would hope his mom hasn't!! lol.
I don't need to tell you this, as so many already have - you are 100% not being selfish. You are the final decisionmaker on this. In my opinion, it is not even a joint decision between you and DH. It is your decision. You are the one that is going to be on view. (I loved the comment about DH dropping his pants!)
It drives me nuts that as soon as a woman becomes pregnant she/her body becomes community property and everyone feels it is ok to tell you what to do, ask you personal questions, and, apparently, view you naked. It is not right. (ok - rant over)
Blocked tubes due to ruptured appendix
IVF#1 Ectopic - tube removed; FET#1 CP; IVF#2 BFP!
Beta#1 13dpo 115; Beta#2 15dpo 248; Beta #3 20dpo 2215 U/S#1 6w1d HR 99; U/S#2 8w HR 165; U/S#3 10w HR 176 and moving all around!
Bedrest at 28 weeks due to preterm labor; released to modified bedrest at 34 weeks; released to full activity at 37 weeks
BabyNantucket born at 37 weeks 4 days 7lbs8oz 19in
Success is getting up just one more time than you fall down.
I agree with all the PP.
You might want to check your hospital's policy on having your three girls in there. Most hospitals have rules about the age of children and that you need to have a secondary caregiver for them other than your labor support person.
love it!
Love this!
I wish I could thank some of you guys I've been over here LMBO!!!
My mother is upset because I told her she's unwelcome during my labor and delivery. She was there when I delivered my son 15 years ago and she annoyed the hell out of my wonderful OB. She's also pissed because I'm going to have an epidural this time........... she can be pissed at home! lol
My Monster-in-law has decided that she doesn't want anything to do with me or the baby. I'm really ok with that, she's a mean drunk. I may try to kill her during the pain of delivery! lol
Sounds just like me. My MIL insisted she could be in the room... um nope. Me, SO and my Doula only. I also want that first hour to bond as a family and I don't want anyone else in there with us. I'd say instead of a sign, just make sure the nurses have an understanding of who they can let in, they'll ask you when you get there so just make sure they know about the trouble with your MIL wanting to be there. In the end its your decision whose there and whose not, no worries it'll work out fine.