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Question-- if you've been a bridesmaid before

AfterAllAfterAll
in Babies: 9 - 12 Months

I am in 2 weddings this summer.  Both for girls who were bridesmaids in my wedding.

For both, the moms paid for the venue, & food at the shower.  We paid for invitations, gift, games/prizes, & decorations. 

In addition, I got each of them a very generous engagement gift-- because we have been friends forever and they have been very generous with my son.

In one of the weddings, 2 of the bridesmaids emailed the others in the bridal party saying that she got the bride a separate gift (on top of our group gift), and is giving it to her at the shower... and just didn't want the rest of us to be blindsided.  There are 9 of us total.

Is that customary?  I feel that I have already spent A LOT on the shower, plus the engagement gift plus the group bridesmaid gift from her registry.  I don't want to be the only as$ hole without another gift, but on the other hand, I have no idea what they got her as engagement gifts, and mine may just suffice because it was a large gift.

I am not sure what to do.  This is the first wedding I am in.

WDYT? WWYD?

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Re: Question-- if you've been a bridesmaid before

  • erino&chrisherino&chrish

    I've been in a bunch of weddings and for some of them we each got the bride a present and for a couple we teamed up to buy one of the "bigger" items on the registry.  I think it just depends.

    Every time I was in a wedding I got stuck getting 1. engagement present 2. bridesmaid dress 3. bridal party gift 4. paying part of bachelorette party 5. Wedding gift 6. Wedding night hotel.  Seriously, it adds up to several hundred dollars per wedding!  That's not including having to fly if it's out of town.  I am SO DONE with weddings.  GL with yours!

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  • 1SwtWld1SwtWld member
    it's really your choice.  Don't forget, there's also the wedding gift.  I think you don't have to give an individual gift at the shower, but if you want to, just so you don't feel like the odd man out, you can pick out something inexpensive off the registry like cooking utensils or something.  That way you are giving something but not spending a ton.  If it were me, I wouldn't give anything else.  you've done a ton for your friend already.
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  • mrsbird1129mrsbird1129 member

    I don't think you should feel obligated to get another gift. 

    I didn't expect my girls to get me extra gifts.  A couple did, others did not. 

    If I was in your situation, it would depend on how much for the pary, dress, etc was costing me already.  If I had extra cash, I would.  If I didn't, I wouldn't worry about it.  Do what you can and your friends will be fine either way I'd think.

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  • chloephoebecalichloephoebecali member

    I just spent over $1000 for my BFF's wedding two months ago and her mom paid for the shower!  We did just like you did - decor, centerpieces, games, etc.  We did a pricey group gift as well.  It was enough. 

    However, for another friend's wedding that I was in, the MOH was super cheap and her sister had no intention of buying a gift, so we purchased our own gifts.  (I think the MOH shared a gift with her mom - a pyrex set.)  I bought her a bunch of place settings because the shower was so cheap - held at the MOH's house.  I actually felt bad about how crappy the shower was (a story not worth reliving), but the MOH was controlling, her sister was useless, and I had enough of their crap.

    Anna Kate 10.17.2009 Alexander 6.10.2011 Baby Girl 6.2014
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