Car seat and the STBXH

amytag · June 2010

So my STBXH has the car seat that I got for my shower because HIS friend bought it and that entitles him to have it.... He installed it facing forward and I have asked him on several occasions to please turn it around. He has refused saying that she weighs enough to sit in it the way that it is. DD is 8 months old and the last time we checked she was 19.8 lbs. I believe she is safer having it face the other way.... especially since he is prone to drink and drive (another story entirely) but he will not turn it around. I'm at a loss because clearly it is his car and i can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. Any thoughts.....

bellakk · June 2010

My STBXH did the same thing. He installed the seat during his day with DS so when he dropped him off that evening I noticed it was forward facing. My DS was 6 months at the time. The car seat book says rear facing until 1 year and 20lbs. Not either/or but both. I asked him several times to put it rear facing before he came to get DS the next day. Unfortunatley he didn't and for risk of my DS safety, I did call the police who sent am officer who installs car seats and the officer agreed that it did need to be rear facing. The officer installed the seat and that was that.

I wish it didn't get to that and that he would have just respected me enough and the safety of our DS to just do it but he sometimes does things just to aggrevate me even if it means DS's safety.

I hope you don't get to that but have him read the book or maybe ask him to go to a police station that does car seat installs and see if that helps.

amytag · June 2010

It just boggles my mind that his laziness or desire to piss me off outweighs his concern for our daughter. Part of it is that he thinks he is right and since he has a 10 year old that (knock wood) nothing has happened to, his way is the way to do things. My fear is that I would call the police and they would come to my house and say that he has it installed properly and I look like a major moron.

PrincessFiona9 · June 2010

Well the key is calling the police to your house when he drops your LO off so you can see that the carseat is facing the wrong way. It is illegal to have the seat FF until they are one year old in most states. If he got pulled over with any traffic stop he would be given a ticket.

bellakk · June 2010

I thought that too about the police thinking I was wrong. Could have been because my STBXH was also telling me I was wrong and what an idiot I would look like when they came and he was right.

I was pretty sure I was right though. I researched it on line and looked at the car seat installation instructions for the seat that he bought and it says right in the book that for forward facing car seats the children have to be 1 year and 20lbs so I stuck to my guns and thankfully was right. I also think this is pretty standard across all states to but don't take my word on that.

Maybe you can call your local police, one that has a certified car seat installer, and ask them what the regulations on this are at least that way if you do have to resort to calling the police you will know ahead of time what to expect when they get there.

amytag · June 2010

He is taking her for a visit this afternoon. I am going to ask him again to turn it around when I pick her up. If he does not want to do so, I will let him know that he can not take her again until he does. He will not like this and probably threaten to get me in trouble but the safety of my daughter is worth it.

bellakk · June 2010

That's what I did too...not letting him take DS until is was the right way. I got the threats too but they were just that...threats. With my STBXH, he thinks that if he threatens I will cave and give in to him. With some things I do but when it comes to the safety of DS, I won't. Good Luck!

achase123 · June 2010

DOCUMENT this. Also google how long a child needs to be rear facing. DS is almost 10 months and 23+ lbs. He is still rear facing. You are supposed to leave them rear facing until AT LEAST a year. Inbetween may be able to speak to this, she was having a similar issue.

amytag · June 2010

I just looked it up and it said 1 year AND 20lbs. He thinks that just because she weighs over 20lbs that it is safe but everyone pretty much recommends that they stay rear facing until they are 1 years old. I have friend that is a police officer. i am going to ask her what their procedure is on giving tickets to those that don't have car seats properly installed. I have been asking him since May 1st to turn the seat around and he has yet to do so. I don't see a problem with me keeping her safe and I hope whoever he tells on me to doesn't either.

mrgn · June 2010

And it is suggested that they are rear facing until 40lbs! So I would definitely get the police involved, have them tell him what is the law and maybe he'll be too lazy to turn it back around for another 20lbs!

katorigasuki · June 2010

check your state laws, but they may require children under 1 year and less than 20 lbs to face backward.

either that, or refuse to let him take her. the drinking and driving thing, especially if she's in the car would be a deal breaker.

ErinC27 · June 2010

This is what I would do-

I would not let my child go with him until the seat is rear facing.

If there is a problem, I would call the police.

r9stedt · June 2010

Bottom line?

It is the LAW to have children rear facing until 1 year AND AND AND AND 20 pounds.

It is now recommended to rear face until 2!

WaitingOnTwoPinkLines · June 2010

ErinC27:
This is what I would do-
I would not let my child go with him until the seat is rear facing.
If there is a problem, I would call the police.

Not a single mom, just lurking around, BUT...

This. If he refuses to turn the seat around, then don't let him take your child. When he pitches a hissy & threatens to call the cops (for withholding visitation), tell him to go ahead. When they get there, explain that you are not withholding visitation, you are simply trying to ensure YOUR CHILD'S SAFETY (while also preventing him from committing a crime). They will promptly tell him he is in the wrong and to turn the seat around. Otherwise, they won't make you put your child in the car seat (FF). I'm sure any judge would side with you, too - take a picture of the FF seat. If he ever brings her back to you with the seat FF, take a picture and take it to the judge - it's child endangerment.

I would also be very wary of sending my child with someone I know drinks & drives. I might bring something to the judge stipulating that he is not to consume any alcohol or drugs while he has custody of your child (this is in DH's divorce decree, even though neither of them have problems). I would also lobby for there to be some sort of "consequence" - i.e. if he ever violates those terms, he loses visitation rights.

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