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2nd Trimester
SpartanChick88
member
What Are Your Thoughts on Tap Dancing Penguins?
"You're such a first time mom" {long vent}
SpartanChick88
member
Ok, yes, I am a first time mom, but does that mean that I can't figure things out for myself? I want to shoot for a med free birth. I've been practicing Yoga for 7 years and have very good relaxation and focal capabilities. I am also very flexible and have a high tolerance for pain (2 hours under a tattoo needle taught me a lot about my threshold!) People keep telling me that I will change my mind. This is making me more determined not to!
Today, I told someone that I will use pacifiers in the beginning if the baby needs that comfort, but I won't let it go too far. That's where the comment in my subject came from. No, I'm sorry, my child will not be the 2 year old who is still hooked on a pacifier! I've had too many kids come through and watched as their parents tried to break them of it - not gonna happen!
Why can't I have my own opinions of how I would like to do things? Ok, some of my ideas may not pan out, but I need to learn for myself just like you did! I appreciate some advice... but not the 'oh you're so cute in your optimism' cr@p!! Sorry for the length, just needed to vent.
What Are Your Thoughts on Tap Dancing Penguins?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: "You're such a first time mom" {long vent}
As long as you know that your ideas on parenting might not work out, you are good.
I wanted to do a lot of stuff (or not do a lot of stuff) that didn't end up working out for our kid. Thank goodness she was just a practice baby!
Because you are young, stupid and a total n00b! (I am joking of course.) Everyone else is the expert and you know nothing, right? That is how I feel most of the time when my pregnancy gets brought up. (Usually I am not the one initiating the conversation, either. It's all unsolicited...yay!)
Seriously, I feel for you. I am a yoga lover myself and have plenty of tattoos, so I would like to think I have a high tolerance/threshold for pain. (Not to brag, but I've 6 hours at a time under the needle...
)
It just sucks to be constantly nagged and criticized...every person and every pregnancy is different. I would rather be optimistic than pessimistic about most things - especially my own body and pregnancy!
6? Oy!! I've only got one piece, but I plan on logging more hours
Thanks to the second time moms who are giving me credit for trying... I appreciate your support and experienced opinions - I also appreciate that you already realize that all children and birth experiences are different. This was coming from a soon to be second time mom... I can't wait to see how different #2 is from #1!!
What Are Your Thoughts on Tap Dancing Penguins?
And the advice never stops! I get unsolicited advice from anyone and everyone (yes, even strangers) about my DD. Some days, I just let it roll off my back, but then there are other days where I think, SHUT UP!
You do whatever you want with your birth experience and your LO. If it doesn't work out, it has nothing to do with you being a first time mom.
ITA with all of this.
LMAO, good thing S was just a practice kid too!
Yeah I am probably crazy for this, I know. Colorful, but crazy! haha!
All you can do is try and if it doesn't happen the way you'd planned, that's okay, too. At least you will have tried! Not many people can say that about a lot of things, not just pregnancy and labor. Heck, I even get crap from my mother who supposedly had three perfect pregnancies and natural births was back in a size 2 in "no time." I would be so lucky!
I always tell DH that at least we have another one in case the first one gets too screwed up! Eh, we did pretty good with her. I hope the next one is just as good.
Your boobs are going to be super tired!!! lol A newborn has the NEED to suck, not a want but a need. Not saying you have to even consider using a paci, but your kid is going to want to suck something and I know that my boobs could only take so much before they needed a break. Enter the paci. Although we have rules with the paci and it never leaves the crib/bed.
Married 8.13.2005, M/C 12/8/06- 5 weeks, M/C 2/27/07- 7 weeks, M/C w/ D&C 8/10/09-6.5 weeks *Charles Lawrence born 5/2/08 @ 3:14am, 7lb 8oz, 20.5 inches. Clomid, Crinone and baby aspirin. *Alexandra Claire born 9/14/10 @ 9:52am 6lb 14oz, 20.5 inches. Femara, Crinone and baby aspirin.
this...my boobs were so sore that my whole body curled up in pain when DS latched on....he desperately wanted to suck...the binky saved me, saved my son. I too was anti binki...after the sore boobs when away-I only gave the binky when DS really seemed to need extra soothing....he gave it up at 5 months....
I don't see anything wrong with this either, as it is your decision. I bet OP wouldn't either. Getting criticized for your choices = the suck.
P.S. Your son is adorable!
Thank you for your input, and for presenting it in a non-flaming way
much appreciated. But I have heard and read all over the place that pacifiers actually interfere with successful breastfeeding? Wonder what your opinion on that is?
This sentence here hits the nail on the head. I will never understand women's tendency to drag on & on about the pessimistic stuff to 1st-time pregnant women. It's so weird. Why not burst with excitement at all the fun stuff they're about to get into?
Oh, and FWIW, I used a pacifier maybe 4 times when DD was born, you don't HAVE to use one.
*** BFP #3 - angel baby at 8w2d - D&C 1.31.14 ***
*** BFP #4 - Chloe Grace, the 'C' to complete our 'A & B' - born Feb 25th, 2015 at 22w2d, lived for 2.5hrs ***
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I think that the whole nipple confusion thing is a bunch of bull. DD had NO issue switching between the paci, boob and bottle. Maybe we just got lucky. But DD didn't care what it was as long as she was sucking. I was able to sucessfully BF for 6 1/2 months. I ended up quitting due to supply issues (only pumping about 4oz a day while pumping 8 flipping times). Had my supply rocked, I would probably still be BFing.
I just feel for your poor bewbies! lol And during the first 4 weeks it's the most painful. The paci saved my sanity and my boobs!
We didn't say it was the same as unmedicated labor. I have been told that since I can handle hours of being tattooed then I should "be fine" with a natural birth. I would love to be that optimistic! I have had women who are tattooed in "hard spots" on their bodies say they would have rather gone through labor than go through the pain of a tattoo again.
ETA: Also, since we have never gone through labor, we were describing the most pain we thought our bodies have already gone through thus far.
That's what I was getting at! There is nothing to describe everything you can or will go through with labor. With a tattoo you know there is a beginning and an end. You can also take a break if you need to!
I think it's awesome you are going med free- but please don't get down on yourself if the pain is not what you expected!
Married 8.13.2005, M/C 12/8/06- 5 weeks, M/C 2/27/07- 7 weeks, M/C w/ D&C 8/10/09-6.5 weeks *Charles Lawrence born 5/2/08 @ 3:14am, 7lb 8oz, 20.5 inches. Clomid, Crinone and baby aspirin. *Alexandra Claire born 9/14/10 @ 9:52am 6lb 14oz, 20.5 inches. Femara, Crinone and baby aspirin.
Gotchya! You were giggling at the tattoo reference (it was not a comparison) And bravo to you! That is quite a lengthy labor. You're a trooper!
This. I too would like to believe that after all the tattoos and piercings I have a high enough pain tolerance to go unmedicated, but you really never know. For example, my mother gave birth unmedicated for 2 of her 3 children (only had an epi for her 3rd because she had her tubes tied immediately afterward), yet passed out in the chair during both of her 2 tattoos. So it really can go either way.
I think the biggest think about parenthood is being flexible enough to do what works best for you and your family. Like some other parents who have kids already said there were things I was and wasn't going to do that I ended up doing.
Some peeps are just A-holes who think only their opinions matter. Good luck with your med free birth!
I completely agree. People have been having children since the beginning of time and everyone figures it out eventually on their own. I just HATE the whole "everyone is an expert" when you're pregnant situation.
Stick to your values and beliefs as long as they are important to you. Some will pan out, some won't, but they'll all be done in the best interest you can fathom for YOUR child.
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I got this a lot with my first pregnancy, especially when people found out I was planning on using cloth diapers. It was extremely annoying. I'm sorry that it's happening to you.
My son never really took to the paci, but he does have his own version. He loves sucking on an empty bottle. I was hoping to break him of the habit by now, but it may take longer than I originally anticipated. He's just not ready to give it up. Maybe it's not ideal but it's also not the end of the world.
I will offer some advice if you are planning on going med-free. Take an extensive childbirth class (like a Bradley class) and hire a doula. That will make you much more likely to succeed at it. I had an awful experience the first time around (failed induction turned C-section) and I think that if I had really prepared more, I would have had a more positive experience. Here's hoping you do!
And lastly, never say never. I like to think that we end up being the parents our kids need us to be, rather than the parents we think we should be.
POF - as always, well said! I completely agree! Thank you for sticking your neck out there for us
WELL SAID.
I think most of the advice is given without ill-intentions. Try to remember that "veteran" moms really have been there and have gone through it and may have said the exact same things you are saying. And then things changed and they were disappointed and had to adjust their expectations. So they might just be trying to save you some of that disappointment. I know it can be really unwanted and I'm sure I've annoyed my fair share of pregnant women but when I failed at *enter thing I said I'd NEVER do and now do all the time* is helped to remember other people did the same thing.
And for the record, I've been exclusively breastfeeding (no paci, no bottles) for 14 months and my nipples are fine. It took a while, but they're fine. I saw a lactation consultant every day for the first week and got a lot of help and some great advice. Once I FINALLY got my son to latch I didn't want to risk confusing him, and by the time he was a couple months old and I wanted to try a bottle he knew the difference and refused.
And like PP said if you want a natural birth PREPARE YOURSELF. I didn't know nearly enough about what to expect during labor the first time (and wanted it that way). Now that I've been through it once I'm more open to a natural birth - or at least a MORE natural birth. If it is something you really, really want you need to take an in-depth class (Bradley, Hypnobabies, Hypnobirthing) write a birth plan, get your partner's support and probably get a doula or other support person. I know a lot of women who have "hoped" for a natural birth and the only ones who have been successful did ALL those things and more. I also recommend NOT telling people, since the horror stories can undermine all the relaxing, positive thoughts taught in class. The natural birth board here is a great resource.
as a 6 year NICU nurse, I believe that nipple confusion is a crock of crap. I have seen babies exclusively bottle fed EBM and on pacis from birth switch to BF without issue when they're released from the hospital.
ALL NICU babies get pacis. It's one of the few ways they can soothe themselves. They have to suck on something. I have seen plenty of moms who later choose to BF not have a problem.
I plan on exclusively BF. My baby will also get a paci for comfort.
to the OP - try telling people you're going to cloth diaper... want to see some eyebrows raise? I've been told more than once that i'm absolutely crazy. I'm not even going to get started on the people who give me crap because we also eat a lot of organic food and no preservatives.
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I think there is some truth to what everyone on here is saying!!You need to find your own parenting style, it may not end up being what you first imagined, being a parent might not be what you initially imagined... or it could be exactly what you thought it should be like. Babies truly are little people with their own personalities and traits, that does end up affecting how parenting will go IMO. I agree that gathering as much info before labor is a great way to make informed decisions, but once your there you do what you feel you have to, you never know how its going to go. With my 1st I went to no birthing classes and had an all natural birth that lasted 6 hrs with 15 mins of pushing and 2 stiches. With my second I thought it would be easier, but I went in 4 days before my EDD with bleeding had mild contractions that wouldent increase so I was induced, I opted for an epi, that I never thought I'd need, after hours of going no where in labor, to being ready to push 20 mins afterward since it relaxed me.
Its a box of choclates as Forrest's mama once said..you never know what your gonna get.
Thank you!!
POF - I can always count on you - you said it beautifully!
The only never that I will claim is that I will never be inflexible. I only mentioned the tattoo because it's the most pain I've experienced to date. I'm not saying they are the same kind of pain, I just know that I can tolerate a whole lot more than I thought I could - and, for the record, I didn't take a break... he pushed right through. With pacifiers... I know that infants have the need to suck and my plan is to use them only when absolutely necessary.
I can't say that I don't appreciate other's experiences... I just don't want them brushing off my ideas and plans. I am just as entitled to my opinions on how I will raise MY child, as they were when they were first time parents. I'm not being defensive, just clarifying my reasons behind my original post. POF hit it on the head when she said that there were several people who came in and did exactly what I was griping about. Thank you for helping me make my point!
What Are Your Thoughts on Tap Dancing Penguins?