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Ready to Cry...c/p

katieranck2202katieranck2202
in Infertility

I just want to cry right now, but I am at work and can't close my door at the moment. I freaking hate my body right now because it is literally fvcking with me.

I took this past cycle off from all meds and even decided to stop charting (I chart cm to determine if I will need hcg shots and half heartedly paid attention) and just decided to go with the flow since I have my Lap this month.

Turns out that I actually ovulated ON MY OWN and we actually timed it like a normal couple and after a beta draw yesterday turns out I had a c/p because it came back as 10 and progesterone as a 1. I started on the prometrium, but it was too late because I start bleeding red last night.

Tim's mad at me b/c I didn't tell him that I hadn't been charting and I don't even know if I can be sad since I am kicking myself because there are a lot of things I should have done and didn't.

Katie, PCOS since May 2005, Fostering since November 2010 Adoption since December 2011 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
*PCOS bio* *Cold Hands, Warm Heart*
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Re: Ready to Cry...c/p

  • meg_koolemeg_koole
    Hindsight is 20/20 and there is no way you could have known that that would happen.  Don't be too hard on yourself.
    Our Blog - http://thedittemores.blogspot.com/
    Dx PCOS 2003/high fasting insulin/clotting issues DH Dx with low sperm count, motility and morphology. Varicocele repair (11/1/2010)
    2/2011 - Confirmed no improvement - On to Donor Sperm
    4 failed IUIs in 2010
    IUI#5 and 6- with DS, BFN
    Final IUI - Lucky #7! IUI with DS - 20.Jun.2011 - 21.5 mil motile! Not so lucky - BFFN and the end of our IF journey....
    Waiting for our family to be complete through Adoption - May 2012 - Hoping our baby finds us soon!
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  • lmc5004lmc5004
    I am so sorry (((hugs)))
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  • ohiostategalohiostategal member
    I am so sorry sweetie.
    Dx with PCOS and IR June 2009
    After two losses, third time was a charm.
    pm me for blog link
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  • SeptemberBride'08SeptemberBride'08 member
    I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say that I'm sorry your feeling so horrible and that your body is messing with you. :(
    Took 2 years & 8 months to make our baby! Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • rachel06rachel06
    I am so sorry sweetie.
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers image
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  • mlmtggmlmtgg
    I am so sorry you are going through this. I am also sorry that your DH is saying those things to you  - this is not your fault at all.
    m/c#1 07/16/08 (11 weeks), m/c#2 10/10/08 (8 weeks). and then nothing since except every test possible (no answers). IUI#1 and #2: BFNs Super lucky to be buddies with Peetie. Our out of nowhere, surprise DD born 5/29/2011
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  • BMWwifeBMWwife
    I am so sorry. Its not your fault! You can't know that if you were charting the outcome would have been different. (((HUGS))) I hope you husband comes to his senses soon.
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  • thewormstheworms member

    imageBMWwife:
    I am so sorry. Its not your fault! You can't know that if you were charting the outcome would have been different. (((HUGS))) I hope you husband comes to his senses soon.

    ((HUGS)) katie

    I'm so sorry

    image
    Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, It empties today of its strength. ~Corrie ten Boom
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher (thank you beadinglady)

    It's been a long journey. TTC since 9/06. multiple IUI's and IVF's and 4 m/c's. IVF#3 = BFP, twins, induced at 34w6d due to baby b passing away (no explanation). Delivered on 35w1d, Baby A - baby girl, and Baby B - baby boy, our little angel.
    MTHFR A1298C & C677T, Immune Issues and Factor II
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  • patchen30patchen30 member
    I'm so sorry ((hugs)). There's no way you could've known that would happen. Try not to beat yourself up.

    TTC in 2008. Stage II/III endo, Hashimotos hypothyroid, low morph (3%).
    2 cycles Clomid/Ovidrel/TI/Crinone=BFN.
    IUI #1 - 4 Follistim/Ovidrel/IUI/Crinone = BFN.
    IVF #1 - Antagonist w/ ICSI 4/10. 17 retrieved, 5DT of 2, BFN :(
    IVF #2 - Long Lupron w/ ICSI 6/10. 15 retrieved, 3DT of 2, BFFN!!
    Lap 7/21/10
    IVF #3 - Clomid/Antagonist w/ ICSI 10/10. 14 retreived, 3DT of 3, BFP 10/20 but m/c. No HB 11/15/10 - D&C 11/17/10.
    FET - 2 blasts, 1 survived the thaw. Transfer 2/19. Beta #1 3/1 375, Beta #2 3/3 885, Beta #3 3/8 4261, Beta #4 3/11 9005. U/S 3/8 1 sac 1 yolk, U/S 3/16 1 heartbeat 114bpm!

     

    James born Oct. 24th 2011 via c-section at 38 weeks!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Surprise BFP - Jack born April 28, 2013 via VBAC after PTL at 33 1/2 weeks!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • LuvWIfootballLuvWIfootball member
    I'm so sorry.  And I'm sorry your DH said such awful things.  This wasn't your fault.

                          

    PAIFW/SAIFW

    DS1 born July 2002 (previous marriage).

    TTC since Oct 08. DH Dx w/testicular cancer March 09.
    MFI due to retrograde ejaculation/azoospermia.
    5/2 IVF #1 cancelled due to large follie.
    6/14 start Lupron for IVF #1.2. 6/22 start stims.
    7/4 ER and Biopsy.
    7/9 Transferred 2 (1-4BB and 1-3BB) embryos.  4 frosties.
    7/15 +HPT 6dp5dt. 7/18 Beta #1: 193. 7/20 Beta #2: 415.
    8/10 1st u/s - It's triplets!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


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  • PurplePanda83PurplePanda83

    ((HUGS)) I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. We can all beat ourseleves up about IF stuff ( I know I do it too) but we shouldn't. I hope something good happens to brighten your day!

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  • Jill070707Jill070707
    I'm sorry.  :(  You can't blame yourself! I hope your husband realizes that soon. 
    image
    It took 5 failed IUIs and a failed IVF, but our FET worked!
    My pregnancy after Infertility Blog
    Our baby girl was born on April 27, 2011!
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  • nina&mattnina&matt member
    Oh no! Katie I'm so sorry!
    TTC# 1 Since 10/2005----Diagnosed with PCOS March of 2006
    multiple failed cycles, multiple IUIs, lap with ovarian drilling 4/2008
    Finally BFP on 11/23/09 beta#1=36 beta#2 =62 beta#3=139
    Liliana was born on March 27,2010 at 21w5d due to infection and pre-term labor
    BFP #2 on 6/20/10 after Gonal-F and TI First u/s showed Twins! 
    TTC#2 since 02/2012 with out RE... 
    Back to RE 08/2016----- Cycle #1 10/2016 Femara 7.5mg=???
    imageimage

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • Edwina.McDunnoughEdwina.McDunnough
    I am so sorry.
    +++
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  • Sunshine05Sunshine05 member
    I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and for what your DH said... I'm sure he didn't mean it and it came out through his own hurt.  It is a great thing to see that you ovulated on your own... I hope maybe this will lend itself to a newfound hope for treatments in the future... I know you've been really upset about them lately.  *hugs*
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  • whispergrrlwhispergrrl member
    I'm so sorry, hon. *hugs* Please don't blame yourself for this. This is NOT your fault. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    SAIFW
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  • awinningawinning member
    I'm so sorry. ((Hugs)) to you.
    Taking it Off: One Pound at a Time
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  • psychmusetlspsychmusetls member
    ::hugs::  i'm so sorry sweetie.  it is NOT your fault in any way whatsoever and don't let your husband make you feel that way
    S/PAIFW
    Tara & Dave - TTC since September 2006
    PCOS - dx 1999 (amenorrhea) | freakishly long fallopian tubes
    Hypoglycemic | thyroid issues | severely anemic
    Multiple Clomid cycles of 50, 100, 150 - absolutely no response
    Follistim 50/100 | Follistim 75/125 | Follistim 100/150 IUI - all BFNs
    Converted IVF - BFP - m/c | FET - BFN | IVF #2 = BFN
    IVF #3
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