Why do women lie to eachother? (Editted)

lmpdjc · June 2010

I firmly believe that A LOT of women down play how difficult labor & delivery is, and how rough the first few months with a newborn are. It drives me crazy when I hear women spouting all of this sweetness and light about how wonderful it is. I mean, get real. You're not doing your fellow women any favors by making it sound so easy, it just makes them feel inadequate when they go through it and find it harder then they ever imagined.

ETA: I am not talking about launching into a long diatribe about how miserable you are to every person who asks how you're doing. I'm talking about when women are discussing this stuff with their friends.

squishles10 · June 2010

I agree. But I had several people tell me the gory details. Mine was HORRIBLE, so I won't share unless they've already had a kid- I don't want to scare anyone! If asked though, I'll go into some details.

Hot Sauce on a Stick · June 2010

My L&D was easy. And the first 2 months or so were cake (compared to now).

I don't know why women lie to each other about pregnancy. It's not a beautiful thing. You swell up like a cow, you can't sleep, you can't control your urine. You have heartburn. You throw up. You have diarrhea. Snail trails, anyone? Your boobs hurt and leak. Your back hurts.

The only "beautiful" thing about pregnancy is the baby at the end....but that's not really a pregnancy thing, is it? lol

BFab11 · June 2010

I really didn't have a bad L&D, but the complications after sucked. I tell people I'm tired, but I don't want to go on and on about how I'm exhausted and feel frustrated sometimes and all that, because I truly love LO and I'm SO happy with him.

As tired as I am, I love my life right now; I guess I just don't want to dwell only on the negative. When people ask how I am I say, "tired, but good. We're having fun" which is the truth.

I agree, I had no idea HOW tired I would be, but it's 1000% worth it.

lmpdjc · June 2010

BFab11:

I really didn't have a bad L&D, but the complications after sucked. I tell people I'm tired, but I don't want to go on and on about how I'm exhausted and feel frustrated sometimes and all that, because I truly love LO and I'm SO happy with him. .

It doesn't mean you don't "truely love" your baby if you admit you're exhausted and frustrated at times.

FemmeNat01 · June 2010

I was the first one of all my girl cousins that are similiar in age to have a baby. I think I have scarred them all from having kids.

FemmeNat01 · June 2010

BFab11:

I really didn't have a bad L&D, but the complications after sucked. I tell people I'm tired, but I don't want to go on and on about how I'm exhausted and feel frustrated sometimes and all that, because I truly love LO and I'm SO happy with him.

I truly love and appreciate E & L but I admit that I am exhausted, frustrated, and this is the hardest stuff I have ever done.

lmpdjc · June 2010

FemmeFataleNat01:
I was the first one of all my girl cousins that are similiar in age to have a baby. I think I have scarred them all from having kids.

What mademe think of this topic is that I was talking to a friend today who is due with her first LO in 12 days. She had a lot of questions and I found myself glossing over a lot of the details. I finally said "Look, do you really, really want me to tell you the truth?" lol I did tell her to keep in mind that everyone is different, but then I laid the cold hard truth out there for her.

Hot Sauce on a Stick · June 2010

lmpdjc:

FemmeFataleNat01:
I was the first one of all my girl cousins that are similiar in age to have a baby. I think I have scarred them all from having kids.

What mademe think of this topic is that I was talking to a friend today who is due with her first LO in 12 days. She had a lot of questions and I found myself glossing over a lot of the details. I finally said "Look, do you really, really want me to tell you the truth?" lol I did tell her to keep in mind that everyone is different, but then I laid the cold hard truth out there for her.

lol, I have a coworker (my cubemate) who sat next to me my entire pregnancy. I complained to her about everything. She just found out she's pregnant and she said to me, "Well, at least I know I can ask you a question and get the truth." Stick out tongue

Paradisemoon · June 2010

You are so right that for most people L&D is not easy. I warned my two pregnant cousins that I'm a freak and not all L&Ds are as easy as mine were. I was only in labor with DD#2 for 1 hr. I took a shower 1/2 hour after the placenta was delivered and then we were home 12 hrs later. It was truly a breeze. But again I'm a freak and I warn people that "results vary"

coshea1 · June 2010

OP, thank you so much for posting this! I felt the same way about half way through my pregnancy. Why didn't anyone tell me how pregnancy really was? I felt ambushed by the baby blues when I got home from the hospital. None of my girlfriends told me about that. And no one told me how hard it is and what a big adjustment I would be in for, just all the "good" stuff.

FemmeNat01 · June 2010

lmpdjc:

FemmeFataleNat01:
I was the first one of all my girl cousins that are similiar in age to have a baby. I think I have scarred them all from having kids.

What mademe think of this topic is that I was talking to a friend today who is due with her first LO in 12 days. She had a lot of questions and I found myself glossing over a lot of the details. I finally said "Look, do you really, really want me to tell you the truth?" lol I did tell her to keep in mind that everyone is different, but then I laid the cold hard truth out there for her.

LOL. They've seen all of it from me. I am too tired to care to be polite or reserved about how I really feel.

Paradisemoon · June 2010

Oh and if you think women lying about pregnancy, labor and delivery is bad... the lying about the development milestones of their babies is crazy.

P.S Hi Nat!

lite-bright · June 2010

Um, what about all the complaints about "horror stories" when you're pregnant?

Even if you tell people, most of them just think you're a downer, and OMG, it won't be like that for me!

I don't lie. But I'm not completely negative about it, either -- because I don't think it's a negative experience.

shortstuff15 · June 2010

HotSauceonaStick:

My L&D was easy. And the first 2 months or so were cake (compared to now).

I don't know why women lie to each other about pregnancy. It's not a beautiful thing. You swell up like a cow, you can't sleep, you can't control your urine. You have heartburn. You throw up. You have diarrhea. Snail trails, anyone? Your boobs hurt and leak. Your back hurts.

The only "beautiful" thing about pregnancy is the baby at the end....but that's not really a pregnancy thing, is it? lol

My pregnancy was easy. I was sick once, slept through the night until the night I went through labor, didn't swell at all, never had bladder control issues or heartburn or diarrhea and my boobs didn't get bigger, hurt or leak. My back did hurt though, so women may not be lying about pregnancy either!

Abc15379 · June 2010

For me it depends on who's asking. I know quite a few girls my age or younger ( I'm 26) who are having unplanned pregnancies and thinking it's going to be a cake walk. When they ask, you'd better believe I let them know how hard it is, and that they need to prepare. But, if an aquaintance or coworker who is happy for me asks how life is with my new LO, I'm not going to give them the dirty details. I tell them I am kinda worn out, but totally in love and happy. I think it'd be kinda awkward and even rude to give negative info all the time. I mean, what would they say back?

lmpdjc · June 2010

lite-bright:

Um, what about all the complaints about "horror stories" when you're pregnant?

Even if you tell people, most of them just think you're a downer, and OMG, it won't be like that for me!

I don't lie. But I'm not completely negative about it, either -- because I don't think it's a negative experience.

I don't think it's a negative experience either, but there ARE negatives. Some of these replies are the reason why women lie about it. I guess if you admit that it's hard, it means that you don't love your LO and you're a downer. I did not know this.

mrstarawalsh · June 2010

I didn't go through a normal labor so I can't speak to that. However I don't think taking care of a newborn is hard at all. I honestly don't and I don't get why women b!tch that it is hard because its just not. Even with two children I don't think its hard. Sorry.

BFab11 · June 2010

I'm not saying that it's bad or wrong to say you're tired and frustrated. I will go into it with people I'm very close to, but for general people who ask, I don't. I don't want a casual friend to ask how I am, and I go into a rant about how I got no sleep and LO was fussy and all that. I balance a negative comment with a positive one, like, "LO was really fussy yesterday and was eating every hour or two, but he did really well at bathtime!" If I only have negative things to say about having LO, that means I'm mainly thinking about the negative, which doesn't give me the opportunity to focus on the happy parts. I also know that when I was pregnant I HATED all of the comments like, "you think you're tired now? Just wait," or "That's nothing, I went through this-and-this," etc, so I don't want to pass that along to others. I'm not telling anyone that pregnancy or having a newborn is by any means easy; I try and find a balance.

FemmeNat01 · June 2010

mrstarawalsh:
I didn't go through a normal labor so I can't speak to that. However I don't think taking care of a newborn is hard at all. I honestly don't and I don't get why women b!tch that it is hard because its just not. Even with two children I don't think its hard. Sorry.

I am so glad that you have an easy baby and that you aren't finding it hard.

But, don't discount those of us who are finding it extremely hard. It is hard for some people.

mrstarawalsh · June 2010

FemmeFataleNat01:
mrstarawalsh:
I didn't go through a normal labor so I can't speak to that. However I don't think taking care of a newborn is hard at all. I honestly don't and I don't get why women b!tch that it is hard because its just not. Even with two children I don't think its hard. Sorry.

I am so glad that you have an easy baby and that you aren't finding it hard.

But, don't discount those of us who are finding it extremely hard. It is hard for some people.

I know it is, but I don't get why. I never said I had an "easy" baby, btw, I jsut said I don't find it hard to deal with but then again I've had a LOT of experience with babies and children...

charlies-angel · June 2010

FemmeFataleNat01:
mrstarawalsh:
I didn't go through a normal labor so I can't speak to that. However I don't think taking care of a newborn is hard at all. I honestly don't and I don't get why women b!tch that it is hard because its just not. Even with two children I don't think its hard. Sorry.

I am so glad that you have an easy baby and that you aren't finding it hard.

But, don't discount those of us who are finding it extremely hard. It is hard for some people.

I agree. I am glad some people have easy babies, but my baby is very "high maintenance" and it is very hard trying to keep her happy - as she is very fussy. My pregnancy and L&D were pretty easy, but these first 6 weeks with a newborn have been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life! Luckily I did have a few honest women in my life who warned me, but its still hard even after hearing the warnings/stories from friends. I am just hoping that people aren't lying when they tell you, "Don't worry it gets better!"

Hip2Bsquare · June 2010

I have no clue why women lie to each other or why they have kid after kid.I Love my DD and my pregnancy and labor were pretty smooth but I know women have had it a lot worse than I and they keep doing it to themselves. Most of the women I knew growing up were the big homemakers and families and children are HUGE to them! They never talked bad about pregnancy and babies...luckily I have a very close sister and another friend that are very open with me or I would have no one to go to with questions and sympathy. I am very open and honest I WANT people to be prepared for the worst and then be pleasantly surprised if it doesn't happen to them like it happened to me.

lite-bright · June 2010

lmpdjc:

lite-bright:Um, what about all the complaints about "horror stories" when you're pregnant? Even if you tell people, most of them just think you're a downer, and OMG, it won't be like that for me!I don't lie. But I'm not completely negative about it, either -- because I don't think it's a negative experience. I don't think it's a negative experience either, but there ARE negatives. Some of these replies are the reason why women lie about it. I guess if you admit that it's hard, it means that you don't love your LO and you're a downer. I did not know this.I agree with you that there are negatives, for sure! I've been trying to get my infant down to sleep for the past like 90 minutes. :PBut my point is that people often just don't want to hear the negatives and ignore them even when they're told about them. And honestly, hearing someone say, "You're going to be so sleep-deprived," really doesn't capture how it feels to go night after night of 2-3 hour stretches of sleep. I think there's a lot that you just don't understand, even if you "know" it, until the baby arrives. IMO, BFing really gets glossed over -- the first six weeks of BFing my DD1 were the hardest thing I've ever done. Way harder than L&D. Thank God it was easier this time around. But at the same time, I could sit here and say, "OMG! Just wait until you have two! Now *that's* hard!" and tell you how much tougher the sleep deprivation is to deal with, how challenging it is to juggle potty-training a toddler with BFing an infant, how much longer everything takes (getting in and out of the car with two takes like three times as long as one!) ... and you probably still wouldn't want to hear it!

nursecynthia · June 2010

I hate when you do try to relate to other new moms and then they purposely make you feel like sh*t. They are all like "oh, well my baby was only fussy once, slept thru the night at 2 weeks and eats well and never spits up." Seriously!? It makes me laugh that other women want to be this way but it's so uncalled for.

JulyFiveBride · June 2010

I had really bad L&D experiences with both kids. They were both positioned poorly so I had really looong labors (3 days with DD1, 1.5 days with DD2.) I was stuck at 8 cm for over seven hours with DD2. I had a horrible reaction to the epidural and my blood pressure dropped to almost nothing while my heart rate was at almost 200. DD2 had shoulder dystocia and came out not breathing.

I don't run around telling every pregnant woman I run into that. It's scary and that's not what they need/want to hear. When I think people really, truly want to know what to expect, this is what I tell them. It's going to hurt. I can't adequately explain to you what it feels like or how much it hurts. There is nothing I can compare it to. It's scary to think about when you're pregnant and it's scary to think about after it's over. But in the moment, you'll be calmer and stronger than you think. You'll get through it. It's a few hours out of your life and once it's over, it's over and you'll have your baby.

And I think that's 100% true. I will say that I want to throat punch every woman I know who was pregnant before me and didn't warn me about how bad it SUCKS, though.

JulyFiveBride · June 2010

nursecynthia:
I hate when you do try to relate to other new moms and then they purposely make you feel like sh*t. They are all like "oh, well my baby was only fussy once, slept thru the night at 2 weeks and eats well and never spits up." Seriously!? It makes me laugh that other women want to be this way but it's so uncalled for.

I'm probably guilty of that and I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad. DD1 was the world's easiest child and the transition into parenthood was reaaaally smooth for us. When people would say things like "LO is waking up every hour to nurse." I would just be honest "wow, that sucks! DD was sleeping 5-6 hour stretches when we brought her home. I had to set an alarm to wake her up to nurse!" That was just my experience with a newborn. I definitely wasn't trying to say "zomg my baby is way better than your baby and I'm such a good mom and you suck." I just meant "That sucks. We were lucky."

~CoCo~ · June 2010

I dunno- sometimes they're not lying. With DD1, I had an almost-perfect pregnancy, which was much easier than I'd ever imagined it would be. Labor went quickly and very well, and while I had to push for 2hrs, I still think it went fast. Recovery was as expected, and I was fine after 2w. BF was hard initially, but that too smoothed out nicely. No stretch marks, no saggy skin, lost the weight quickly, and I was very happy with how I looked by the time I got pg again 8mos PP.

I told the truth about all of it to anyone who asked, but I'm sure it sounded pretty Pollyanna- ish.

With DD2, however? Different story. Fairly difficult pregnancy that went to almost 42w, very painful and scary labor, 9.5lb baby, and a long, painful recovery. I have a lot of stretch marks, and nearly 20lbs left to lose. However, the actual delivery (pushing) went very well though, and BFing has been much easier this time. And this LO STTN, and has since 4w, but loathes being put down during the day.

So there's good and bad each time, and everyone's experiences are different, even from kid to kid. But you cannot assume that a woman is lying if she makes it sound all PnR. It may have been for her... It may not be next time... Either way, who knows?

IrishBrideND · June 2010

honestly, I found it pretty easy. But I'm lucky, I have an easy baby and I'm someone who just doesn't need much sleep.

I don't spout off about it, but if someone asks, I'm honest. Why should I make it sound harder than it was for me? But I do make sure I'm clear that I'm rare and i was just lucky.

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Why do women lie to eachother? (Editted)

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