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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
allybaby85
member
suffering and in need of support (long)
allybaby85
member
I was 33 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. Thursday night I was having really bad abdominal pains. I had some pretty severe braxton hicks contractions within the past couple weeks so I didn't really think anything about it. The next morning(Friday) my husband suggested I call my OB just to let them know and see what they had to say. I called and the nurse seemed confident that everything sounded pretty normal but said that she would talk to the doctor and call me back. About 15 minutes later the nurse called and told me to go to the hospital to labor and delivery. I still had no idea what was about to happen. I was nervous but really thought it just might be preterm labor and they would either give me a shot and send me home or they would have to deliver the Lillyan and she would just have to stay in the NICU for a while. Well....the nurse in labor and delivery had me change into a gown and then tried to put a heartbeat monitor on my belly to check the baby, only she couldn't find the heartbeat. I knew immediately something was seriously wrong and started crying. The doctors never had a problem finding her heartbeat. The nurse said that she was going to get someone else to see if they could find it. She didn't. The doctor came in with an ultrasound machine and looked and my husband and I and said "I'm sorry, but I have looked everywhere I could and I couldn't find her heartbeat". My husband and I both immediately broke down crying hysterically. The doctor said that the placenta tore from the wall of my uterus and there was nothing we could have done and even if we would have went to the hospital when i was having the pain it would have been too late because when it happens it happens so fast. I was in absolute shock when I found out they were going to make me deliver her and that I could not have a C-section. I thought it was absolutely horrifying that a woman was told she was going to have to deliver a dead baby! I was given 2 epidurals and induced that night. Saturday afternoon at 1:07 pm Lillyan Grace was delivered. The best way to explain it was put by my husband...It was being as happy as possible and as sad as possible at the same time. (if that makes any sense at all). The initial sight of her was happy and then realizing she was not going to breath was the saddest. The nurse took her out of the room and my husband and I were given some time alone...all of which was spent with us engulfed in tears. The nurse gave the baby a bath and dressed her in a beautiful knitted dress and hat and wrapped her in a blanked and brought her to the room so we could spend some time with her. We were debating in the beginning whether we wanted to see her or not but I was very happy that we decided to. She was so precious and beautiful. She was absolutely perfect. My father passed away in November and I know that he is holding her and will not let her go. The hospital was great. They gave us a beautiful bag with pictures of her, the clothing they had her dressed in, clay molds of hand prints and foot prints, and certificates with her foot prints and time of delivery and name and weight. All the nurses were super helpful and as nice as they could possibly be. Coming home to her finished nursery was super difficult because we know she will never see it and get to spend time in it. RIP Lillyan Grace your mommy and daddy love you more you will ever know!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: suffering and in need of support (long)
I am sorry for your loss. The girls on this board are very supportive and great people to always vent to when you feel like you are at the end of your rope.
I have somewhat a simular story as you, I found out at 23 weeks I was 4 cm dialated, my water broke at 23w1 day and I delievered my daughter Avery who had passed away about a week prior without me knowing. 31 hours later still in labor I delivered my son who was very much alive the whole time they had be in labor (and would not stop it due to chance of infection)
I wish no one had to be on this board, I wish we could all happy, and healthy and have perfect pregnancies. Life is unfair.
I love her name, she is very loved.
((HUGS))
Oh, I am so sad for you and your DH. I wish you the best as you deal with this loss.
BFP #1 March 24, 2010; missed m/c May 26, 2010 @ 12w 4d; D&E May 28, 2010
BFP #2 Oct 20, 2010; My little boy was born on July 5, 2011
BFP #3 April 30, 2013; Chemical Pg May 5, 2013
BFP #4 Aug 22, 2013; It's a boy. Loss discovered at 24 weeks on Jan 15, 2014 (cause CMV virus)
BFP #5 April 6, 2014; missed m/c May 15, 2014 @ 9 weeks; Misoprostol May 15, 2014; D&C May June 3, 2014
Aurora Rose born sleeping at 35w on 4-21-10
BFP#2 {Almond} - 2.1.11 EDD 10.12.11 C/P 2.11.11
Our stories are sadly very similar. We were expecting a boy, and at 32 weeks we couldn't find a heartbeat in the doctors office. Our doctor did a quick mini-ultrasound and confirmed we had lost the baby. We had a lot of guilt initially about whether or not we could have saved him, but knowing what I know now, he would have had many struggles.
I feel for you- reading your story brings a flood of emotions, both good and bad. The nurses we had were remarkable, and we were apprehensive about seeing our baby as well, but we were so happy we did. I'm sure it was a relief to you to see her so perfect in so many ways, just sleeping.
We had already had the baby shower and the room was ready- my husband said it was horrible to come home to all that "stuff" without me while I was still in the hospital. He wanted to get rid of everything before I came home, but that's not what I wanted- and I didn't want him to do that alone either. We kept the door to the nursery closed for a while, and over time I slowly boxed things up for the future.
It's been 7 weeks since we said goodbye, and while it hasn't always been easy, we have tried very hard to focus on the positives. I can tell you that it has made our marriage stronger and we're focused on the future. I hope that you find the comfort you deserve.
DD #1 born 9/07 ** DD #2 born 7/11 ** Operation Take Back My Body has begun 10/11
Upcoming Races
Gobble Wobble 5K 11/24/11 - Abington, PA 29:40
Superbowl 10K 02/05/12 - Allentown, PA 54:28 PR!!!!
Broad Street 10 Mile Run 05/06/12 - Philadelphia, PA 1:30:44
Rock and Roll Half Marathon 09/16/12 - Philadelphia, PA
Philadelphia (Half?!?) Marathon 11/18/12 - Philadelphia, PA
I am so sorry for your loss. There are several of us here who lost our babies later in our pregnancies. My situation was much different than yours, but we lost our little girl at 34 weeks.
This board has been SUCH a big support for me, and I hope it will be for you too! We are all always here if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or a place to vent! We love seeing pictures of babies too, so if you ever feel that you are comfortable/ready to share pictures of Lillyan, I know we would all love to see her
.
Let us know if you need ANYTHING!
click the button above to read my blog!
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I hope you find all the support you need on this board and from everyone in your life as well.
I'm so glad for you that the hospital provided you with those special keepsakes. I'm sure you will treasure them always.
Love & luck to my 3TC girls. Congrats to Omega-The boys are here!
If there's one thing I've learned while waiting my turn,
it's that in each life some rain falls but you also get some sun.
After 2 years & 2 losses, our little man arrived 8-2011.
May 2011 Siggy Challenge
BFP #3 via cancelled IUI ~ C (2lb 3oz; HELLP) 5/16/11
BFP #4 via the natural (free!) way ~ E (8lb 11oz) 9/13/12
We love and miss you Jillian (18w) and Peanut (6w). Welcome to our TAC miracle Jacob!
Remembering Evelyn and raising Bailey
Evelyn Born at 24wks 6days on May 22, 2010 due to pre-e Passed away May 25, 2010
BFP# 2 Delivered 6wks early due to preeclampsia
