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2nd Trimester
Bad Update on DH:
Crying sucks. I'm sorry I keep venting to you guys. This is another rant... you've been warned.
I just got off the phone with DH... I started crying which pissed him off from the beginning. (We've NEVER fought until we've been apart the past 3 weeks...). I told him that I think it's bullshiit that he spends his money to drive the 30 minutes to the gym EVERYDAY, that he eats out for lunch, and spends most evenings with his friends... but wants to save money by not letting me come there, or him here.
I told him it's bullshiit that he doesn't care that I'm miserable here... his response? He LAUGHED at me and said, "It's not my problem your parents moved to the middle of no where. That's where you have to be, so tough."
Then I told him, that if this is the "new" him I feel like we aren't going to work. And he said, that if we don't work... or if I end up staying with my parents it's my fault. Because I have to "earn" my way to be with him... Um... didn't I already do that?
Tonight is HARD. I feel like I'm falling apart. Nights like this terrify me to be pregnant...
Rant over.
ETA: He's never been this way. He's always been extremely sweet and loving. It makes me feel that being apart makes him happier... and that's why he's being like that... 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bad Update on DH:
Brady Phoenix, 8.29.09
Claire Zoe, 10.26.10
I'm sorry for what you're going through.
I'm confused about your due date...does it say 3/10/10?
I've thought about it. But I don't know who would hire me at 6 months pregnant... or where I would live cause I won't be able to work when the baby is born (atleast for a while). It just sucks.
Asshat!!
He is living with friends, without his wife & the baby to be and loving it. He doesn't want to be married anymore and he's telling you- believe him.
I'm sorry, I know its awful and this should be such a wonderful time in your life, but you need to face the reality of your situation. Find a job and figure out how you are going to do this without him.
Good luck.
ETA- If he were really interested in keeping your marriage strong, he would skip his meals out & drives to the gym to have the gas $$ to go see you.
I had my H read this to get a guy's perspective and his first thought was that he's seeing someone else and that's why he doesn't want to see you.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, your DH needs a swift kick in the balls. I hope everything will be ok :hugs: Stay strong.
I don't know about OP, but where I'm from we write the date as day/month/year, so I write my due date as 05/09/10. So confusing sometimes lol.
That or the buddies he's around are being a bad influence. You said he's in his hometown and staying with friends right? So maybe he's just reverting back to singledom (which of course would be fun for a while, until he eventually realizes what he's lost). Maybe he's even freaked out about becoming a father, which would make the whole reverting thing worse. Sounds like you need to make sure he understands that even though you're not physically together right now, he's still married to you and should be acting like a married man. He needs to get his head back in to married life and impending fatherhood. You don't have to earn being with him!! He owes you a heck of a lot more respect than he's giving you, and at this point he needs to re-earn his right to be with you!
sounds like all he's had was time to himself..thats no excuse.
I was thinking this same thing. Are you sure your husband is being faithful?
Oh yeh, I'm a hundred percent positive he's not cheating. I just don't think he wants ME anymore. When I haven't done anything but come to my parents, which is what HE wanted me to do
Gah. Thanks for the support girls, I need it.
has he said he doesnt want you anymore? i think you need to seriously talk about this to him..im shocked a husband would act like this..
Yeah, I was trying to be positive-ish. I couldn't really think of anything helpful. Sorry.
I would agree that now is the time to figure this out-- not after this innocent baby is here.
I agree completely. And for the record... if he's going to be that way I won't put our son in that situation. This baby didn't do anything wrong... and isn't going to have a d-bag for a dad if that's the case.
Not that I'd want to see him if I were you, but why is it only up to him if you make the drive or not? Does he have total control of the finances, do you have a joint account?
Have you told him straight out that he is not behaving like a man that wants to be married?
i was wondering this too.. i previously asked if you two had a joint account, and why you dont have access to money if he's your husband?
I hope things work out for you, but seriously I don't think you can ever be 100% positive someone's not cheating if they do whatever they want and don't care about your feelings. Sorry, he doesn't care about your feelings if that's how he talks to you at a time when you need him most. Your DH sounds like my XH. And believe me, divorce sucks a$$ but I am SOOOO glad he is my XH. Anyone that gets mad at you for crying really doesn't care about you, I'm so sorry to say.
I wish you and your LO the best. Honestly your DH does not sound like the sort of person I'd want my LO to be raised around.
We have seperate accounts.
So why do you need his permission to drive out there & see him?
If I were you, I'd be out there tomorrow to confront him. You are his freakin wife, not some weekend fling that he can ignore. Make him face you and tell you what the fluck is going on. If it's over he should at least have the balls to say it to your face.
Whatever happens, stay strong & realize that you and your baby deserve better than the way he is currently behaving.
BTW- you may want to cross post your 'Resources' post on Single Parents and your local board- they may have more info that you'll get here.
I don't want to waste 70 dollars to go fight... I might need that 70 bucks. Haha. :P
This is my first thought but, I know nothing about your back story....care to share the short version?
We've been together just over 2 years, married for a year. We've always been REALLY happy... and he's always been the sweetest/most romantic/loving person. I left three weeks ago... and it's like ever since we've been apart we can't get along... but the two times we've visited since then he's been perfect and the way he used to be. I don't get it.
Like PP's said, don't contact him! Don't call him, e-mail him or take his calls. It will be hard, almost impossible, but you can do it. Give it a week or two. During that time, think about what you can do to gain more independence. After his behaviour, he needs to earn his way to be with you. I think Dr. Phil says it (or someone else)... you teach people how to treat you. If he treats you that badly and gets away with it, then you've taught him that it's acceptable behaviour.
This is abuse and you deserve better. If he's like that way now, he'll get worse and not better. You need to make the decision whether you're willing to put up with that sort of behaviour and let your child grow up with it.
If it were me, I'd probably move on, as difficult as it is. Hopefully you have a good family and friends to support you through this difficult time.
Your husband sounds like a POS, irresponsible bachelor. I'd put my foot down. If my husband had enough money to go out every night, pay for a gym membership, and eat out everyday, then that would mean he has enough money to drive his ass to come see me every weekend.
My husband and I lived 3 hours apart for an entire year (before we were married). He was on an internship and I was still going to school. We saw each other every.single.weekend. We alternated driving. 3 hours really isn't that far at all. Your husband is making up excuses. He's enjoying his bachelor-type lifestyle and doesn't care at all about you right now.
If my husband didn't shape up instantly upon me calling and crying about the situation, I'd know he wasn't the man for me and I'd know that I'd made a mistake marrying him.
I am sorry you are going through this.
Do you mind if I ask how old he is?
I can tell you right now, that married and pregnant there is no way my husband would let me not be near him for more than a few days. He would make sacrifices and make it a priority. I'm not saying that to brag, I'm saying that to point out that in a marriage, that is what is expected. It no longer becomes about him or her as separate, you're a family now.
Do you think maybe he wasn't mature enough to get married to begin with? And maybe the baby on the way is just way too much pressure on him?
Is he close to his dad? Are you? Could you have his dad talk to him and see if he needs to talk, or what he needs to make this work?
BFP#1 Kaitlyn 11-17-04
BFP #2 Matthew pPROM 23w5d 06-03-07, b/33 weeks 8-6-07, d/10-15-07 SIDS,
BFP #3 m/c 8 weeks 2/20/09, BFP #4 m/c no hb 6w4d, m/c 9w4d, D&C 11w2d, BFP #5 C/P 12/18/09 after BFP- 9dpo
BFP #6 Samantha- 11-9-10
BFP #7 4/20/12 21 DPO beta: 2382 29 DPO beta: 23000! HB 6w2d 116 bpm due Christmas day!
This Momma's Journey
~Today I am pregnant and I love my baby~
i am appalled that people are telling you to give him the silent treatment. this is unreal!
you can get temporary/month to month housing anywhere. I find it super silly that you two cannot live in such a place while waiting for his work to find him a permanent place.
you both sound childish. you are two married adults with a kid on the way and this is how you act?
I'm not sure what is appalling. I agree that this couple sound very young and immature but letting him abuse her that way is also unacceptable. He doesn't sound like a person that can be reasoned with since he's obviously making some very poor and immature choices. I don't think she's accomplishing much by calling him and crying over the phone. He needs to know that his type of behaviour is unacceptable. Until he realizes that, they could talk as much as they want and it wouldn't go anywhere because he's being abusive. Did you not read the part where he says that she needs to earn the right to be with him? Are you kidding me?
That said, I'm not talking from experience. DH and I are in our mid-thirties and do everything we can to avoid being apart for even one night.