is anyone else keeping their med-free plans to themselves? — The Bump
Natural Birth

is anyone else keeping their med-free plans to themselves?

i feel like i'm in the minority, or maybe it's because i've already had a baby and dealt with unsolicited advice in general.  the only people who know i am planning on an intervention-free birth are my husband, my dr, my doula and my ILs.  Even still, my IL's don't know the "details" of it and they won't be at the hospital when it all goes down.

 

 

Re: is anyone else keeping their med-free plans to themselves?

  • Nope, but I wish we would have. We have gotten lots of negativity from family on both sides, and even the ones who "act" supportive, say differently when DH and I arent around.

    I would say that next time we will keep it to ourselves, but if I can do it once then people will probably shut their mouths next time.

  • I will definitely be keeping it vague. We may describe it as, we'll be starting at a birth center close to the hospital, and if we need to transfer to L&D, we will. And that's it. Even though a m/w will be overseeing us, I have met the backup OB, and if they start asking questions about my 'doctor', I'll probably say she's nice and very qualified.
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  • No.  We're going to a birth center anyway so people obviously know we won't have meds.  I don't get any negative comments about not using pain meds, I get negative comments about the "safety" of going to a birth center.  Especially from my aunt who is a nurse, never had a baby, and thinks she knows everything.  She thinks the only reason I'm going to a birth center is because my parents were uncomfortable with my choice at first (they've definitely come around after I bombarded them with info)...she thinks it's a "kid thing" to want to go against what their parents want.  Um. I'm an adult now and my decision doesn't have anything to do with anyone else.  Grr...
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  • I didn't keep it a secret and I'm glad.  It shouldn't be.  It's the way birth was meant to be.  I think the crazy people are the ones who asked to be paralyzed during such an incredible event in their lives.  Now THAT is crazy.
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  • Luckily, my family is very supportive of natural childbirth.  Somehow, my mom and step-mother escaped the medicated 80s and had six children naturally between them.  So, on that front, no problem.

    When it comes to friends, however, TOTALLY different story.  When I mention that I would like to have a natural childbirth, they really take affront.  "Oh, you'll want that epidural, believe me."  I'm not trying to say that what they did was wrong, it's just not my plan.  So I'm not really saying much to friends.  

  • Most of my immediate family is supportive and knows our plans - my sister is also pg and is planning a home birth, so I can definitely freely talk to her about it, heh heh. We don't talk to our older sister about it, though - she gets really, really defensive really fast about her births.

    I don't bring up my birth politics with friends or more distant family members unless it comes up or I'm asked about it directly. 

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  • I kept my homebirth to myself (maybe one or two people knew).  We didn't even tell my family about our plans.  But I have always been adamant on natural childbirth since forever, so that was never a secret to anyone.  I think people were still surprised that I was actually able to do it though.  Even my birth assistant said (way after the birth), "I knew you could talk the talk but I wanted to see if you could walk the walk...and you did!!!"
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  • I don't talk about it a lot, but I do let people know that I'm having a home birth, so that kind of deals with the meds or not question.  I have actually been yelled at by a friend for suggesting that people should look into natural childbirth since she apparently had a crappy dr. for her first son and is still dealing with problems four years later.  But I'm also a REALLY private person IRL (which probably also why I totally have an internet addiction!).
  • image AutumnBride929:
    I didn't keep it a secret and I'm glad.  It shouldn't be.  It's the way birth was meant to be.  I think the crazy people are the ones who asked to be paralyzed during such an incredible event in their lives.  Now THAT is crazy.

    Amen.

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  • image lindsayll:

    image AutumnBride929:
    I didn't keep it a secret and I'm glad.  It shouldn't be.  It's the way birth was meant to be.  I think the crazy people are the ones who asked to be paralyzed during such an incredible event in their lives.  Now THAT is crazy.

    Amen.

    for me it's not a "secret" but i'm not going to advertise it and invite negativity before the birth happens, because the privacy and positive energy is important to me.  there are so many posters on here dealing with the negative aftermath when they announce their plans to everyone, but obviously it's too late to undo that once it's out there.

  • We have kept it to ourselves for the most part, I started telling people before but got a lot of negativity ("Oh yeah we'll see" and "Don't try to be a hero" type stuff) so I have stopped telling people, no one but DH knows that we have a doula - it's just not worth the explaining at this point, I'd rather keep it to myself and keep my head in a positive place rather than have to explain/defend myself for the next month or so.
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  • tracy41tracy41
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    image Mrs.Cford:
    We have kept it to ourselves for the most part, I started telling people before but got a lot of negativity ("Oh yeah we'll see" and "Don't try to be a hero" type stuff) so I have stopped telling people, no one but DH knows that we have a doula - it's just not worth the explaining at this point, I'd rather keep it to myself and keep my head in a positive place rather than have to explain/defend myself for the next month or so.

    Pretty much this is the case for me, too.  I fought the fight for the first 7 months and argued with people the pros and cons, but for this last spell I am going into silent mode to keep the nonsense out of my head.  No one knows we hired a doula, no one but my husband and doula (and medical staff) will be there, and I know where I am at so that's all there is.

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  • I was lucky enough to be surrounded by people who supported my choice. I teach at an alternative school and most of the kids there were born at the birth center as were all the other teacher's babies recently as well. My mom went natural on all 3 of us as did her sisters (I think).
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  • It shouldn't be this way, but going low profile seems to be the better way to go. People seem more eager to send to a mental institute than to suport you. Snide remarks can be very hurtful. However, they make you feel all the more accomplished when you go natural. :)

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  • I'm very open about telling people that I switched to a CNM group.  But I haven't told anyone other than my best friend that I hired a doula and am hoping to have a natural birth.  If things don't go the way I hope, the last thing I want to hear is a chorus of "I told you sos". 
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