Two of my best friends threw me a baby shower when I was pregnant with DD, and it was in my home. One of them lived in a condo, and one of them lived out of town, so my house was the best option. They came over the day before and spent hours cleaning and decorating, they did the invites, the food, everything. They wouldn't let me help with anything. I really hope no one was offended that it was in my home. That's just silly. People get a little carried away with the etiquette of everything. (I'm not saying you, Stacy, just people in general).
While I do find the whole "Evite/let's pretend it's a shower for my husband and not me/BYOF/B/gifts" strange, I would still go, because they are friends and it would be fun. And I think every baby is worth celebrating (and love a reason to go to a party!) :-)
On our way to 3 under 4!
DD1 1/22/09
DD2 7/16/10
Baby Boy Due This Summer!
I have rarely been to a shower at the guest of honor's home. Why? Because as one who has held multiple showers I follow a few things:
1)I don't expect the guest of honor to clean their house for a party I'm hosting for them. I hold it in my home or another venue.
2) As the host for a shower, I provide beverages and food. In the case of an informal bbq it is okay to use the BYOB for drinks and the request for a sidedish. This invite is doing a crossover and that's confusing.
I never got a shower for DD#1 (with my ex). When I got pg with DS 9 years later (so NO baby stuff left), no one offered to throw a shower until my friend found out there wasn't one, she then asked if she could host one for us. She planned an awesome shower with the ladies during the day/late afternoon and then an open bonfire party that evening for guys to attend as well. Yes, it was DH's first baby but he's not a baby shower guy at all. He would have felt way awkward to plan a bbq and get surprised with a "baby shower" for him. It's not a double standard, it's just the way some guys roll.
I differ there, I've never been to a shower that was not hosted at the mother to be's home, it is where they tend to be the most comfortable. I've also never been to one where the mother to be was expected to clean up after the shower just because it was her home... the friends and family do the clean up while mom sorts through the gifts and starts on the thank you cards. Hell I've even been to one where we (the hostesses) did all the thank you card and she just signed them. I guess it just depends on the kind of person you are, when asked I preferred mine to be at my home, where I am most comfortable.
I was talking about before the shower. We held my SIL's baby shower here as she's pg, she's uncomfortable, and she's exhausted. The last thing I wanted her to do was mop the floor, dust, and vacuum for guests. My shower for DS was held at our home only because the hostess lived in an apartment and we had the space. She offered to clean for me but I'm not crazy about other people cleaning my house, it goes faster if I do it vs. telling them where things belong, you know? At that time it was relatively easy (no little ones!) to keep the house clean so it was no big deal. My shower for DD#2 (long story) was held at IL's house which I greatly appreciated. It was nice to go and enjoy instead of prepping my house
I don't get how this is a surprise for him. He's already expecting all of these people to be there because HE invited them, right? Sounds more like "come to our bbq and don't forget to bring a gift for the baby".
TTC since September '08
After 2 m/c - lap for stage 3-4 endo
Oct '09 Bravelle w/Ovidrel trigger - iui on 11/07
I don't see a problem with it. Guys are getting involved with child rearing more and more. Dads have a big job and play big roles too. Good for them for honoring the dad too. Moms complain about their DHs not pitching in and helping enough, and when they do, they don't get the credit for it. Many dads do get up in the wee hours to change and feed a baby. Why shouldn't they be celebrated especially when they're doing tasks that traditionally moms do? I'm all about giving dads some credit, and a party, they deserve it.
It's really not their fault or problem that other people didn't get a dad shower. If they want to throw a party to honor the dad, then great, it's up to them. Like with any party, even if it was a shower for the mom, you don't have to go, but imho it's kind of silly to waste your energy getting worked up over a party they want to throw to honor a dad to be. If I was pg and had to drive 2 hrs during my kid's nap time to a shower, I most likely wouldn't go either, I don't care who the shower is for...mom, dad, lions, tigers, and/or bears.
The party is at the house of a couple who are having a baby. It is being hosted by a friend. This friend is apparently doing nothing to host the party except send out an evite and ask people to bring food and beverages. The couple already has 2 children. And the shower is being held in honor of the dad instead of the mom because this is his "first" child.
a) I think that the whole thing from the evite to the byob to the shower at her house is a little tacky
b) Isn't he already a father to the 4 and 5 year old? Why is this his first child? Because the other two aren't biologically his?
see this is EXACTLY (to a T) how i perceive the whole thing.
I come from a broken family. My mom remarried 3 times while my dad remarried 2 times. circumstances between the "new couples" are different from prior marriage. Unfortunatley, that is the norms of our society today.
I on the other hand often tell myself, "Who says we have to follow the rules"? I break rules and do what makes me happy. Life is just too short. If someome wants to have a baby shower regardless if it is their first or second or third baby, why not? If it is another reason for my friends to get together and party, why not? If you are worried about spending money on gifts, it is up to us to purchase something that we can afford. And if can't afford a gift, a simple card or a gift of action such as free babysitting for 2 hours will do. It is only as complicated as we want it to be.
As far as BOYB - I go back and forth on that. I run into issues where not all guests enjoyed the same kind of drinks provided and this was a better solution to that problem.. But I can see it look tacky in a "your being cheap" kind of way.
The party is at the house of a couple who are having a baby. It is being hosted by a friend. This friend is apparently doing nothing to host the party except send out an evite and ask people to bring food and beverages. The couple already has 2 children. And the shower is being held in honor of the dad instead of the mom because this is his "first" child.
a) I think that the whole thing from the evite to the byob to the shower at her house is a little tacky
b) Isn't he already a father to the 4 and 5 year old? Why is this his first child? Because the other two aren't biologically his?
see this is EXACTLY (to a T) how i perceive the whole thing.
I come from a broken family. My mom remarried 3 times while my dad remarried 2 times. circumstances between the "new couples" are different from prior marriage. Unfortunatley, that is the norms of our society today.
I on the other hand often tell myself, "Who says we have to follow the rules"? I break rules and do what makes me happy. Life is just too short. If someome wants to have a baby shower regardless if it is their first or second or third baby, why not? If it is another reason for my friends to get together and party, why not? If you are worried about spending money on gifts, it is up to us to purchase something that we can afford. And if can't afford a gift, a simple card or a gift of action such as free babysitting for 2 hours will do. It is only as complicated as we want it to be.
As far as BOYB - I go back and forth on that. I run into issues where not all guests enjoyed the same kind of drinks provided and this was a better solution to that problem.. But I can see it look tacky in a "your being cheap" kind of way.
I guess this came accross wrong. I don't care how many showers you have for how many babies. Something about making a big deal about how this is their step dad's first "real" baby in front of the older children just doesn't sit right with me.
I guess this came accross wrong. I don't care how many showers you have for how many babies. Something about making a big deal about how this is their step dad's first "real" baby in front of the older children just doesn't sit right with me.
This bothers me also. The children are so young (5 and 7) and their mother just got remarried last year. Mom remarries and now there is a new half sibling on the way, that is a lot for children to get used to. I would worry about how they would perceive the party.
To each their own. I can see how the couple would want to celebrate their new child. If it was me, I would not feel comfortable with the party being promoted as celebrating the father's first real child.
I don't get how this is a surprise for him. He's already expecting all of these people to be there because HE invited them, right? Sounds more like "come to our bbq and don't forget to bring a gift for the baby".
This is what I was thinking. And like Stacy said it seems he will be doing most of the work because he thinks it is birthday party for his wife. Sounds a little strange to me.
There is something very personal to you in this situation. If I were telling this story, I guarantee you would be telling me that I am over annoyed, to let it go, to each their own, etc. I agree with most of what you are saying, but your level of annoyance is clearly a result of something deeper.
That is just my opinion. And I think you are fantastic.
I guess this came accross wrong. I don't care how many showers you have for how many babies. Something about making a big deal about how this is their step dad's first "real" baby in front of the older children just doesn't sit right with me.
This bothers me also. The children are so young (5 and 7) and their mother just got remarried last year. Mom remarries and now there is a new half sibling on the way, that is a lot for children to get used to. I would worry about how they would perceive the party.
To each their own. I can see how the couple would want to celebrate their new child. If it was me, I would not feel comfortable with the party being promoted as celebrating the father's first real child.
My mother had a shower for her first baby with my "dad" (who adopted me a year after they married). Nobody ever said, "Hi, taylormillgirl. Welcome to the baby shower for the first child your mom and her new husband are having together!" There was never that vibe; it was just another baby shower to me. I'm sure the existing children aren't going to feel displaced by this shower either, unless someone says something completely tactless.
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There is something very personal to you in this situation. If I were telling this story, I guarantee you would be telling me that I am over annoyed, to let it go, to each their own, etc. I agree with most of what you are saying, but your level of annoyance is clearly a result of something deeper.
That is just my opinion. And I think you are fantastic.
Its not personal at all- I just think throwing your own baby shower (for either the dad or mom) at your own house- while asking your guests to bring a present- food and drink is just more than 'tacky'--- I just gave the facts- everyone else gave their opinions and weighed in. I don't care if its your first or 300th kid... throwing your own shower at your own house while asking others to supply everything is poor taste in my book. And that is A-ok by me if you want to be tacky-- And for the record I am not going for that reason- I think everyone knows I am stretched- tired of running around- and just not making this my (or my family's) priority that weekend. I will as I said- buy a gift for the BABY when the baby is born (like I do for ALL of my friends)- And FWIW- other people (on the evite) seem to feel as I do (as does the host) because not one person replied yes to coming (as of yet)
I'm very late on this and haven't read the responses (looks like it caused some discussion) but I actually think this is a cute idea. I'm usually pretty uptight about etiquette, but he's a guy, so I feel like the normal rules don't really apply. And it is his first kid.
Holy moly! I leave for a day and miss the biggest post in a LONG time.
I think it's cool they want to have a shower for him. I guess I can't figure out all the details though. So it's at his house but hosted by someone else? I think it's tacky to ask guests to bring drinks/food/gift regardless. BYOB is fine but asking for food, even suggesting they may want to bring it, is a little much for me.
What is interesting to me is why everyone thinks this is HER registry?!? She may have picked out the items that she wants but they are for THEIR baby. The husband will be using all of the stuff as well so why it is HERS?
In the end, I would go and celebrate. He may not have picked this to happen, but maybe he would have. Since it's his first, it's hard to know what he would want.
I don't think the concept itself is tacky. However, asking guests to bring food and drinks is a bit much. If you're expecting a present and aren't just throwing a party to celebrate baby, the partythrowers should be responsible for beverages/food.
There is something very personal to you in this situation. If I were telling this story, I guarantee you would be telling me that I am over annoyed, to let it go, to each their own, etc. I agree with most of what you are saying, but your level of annoyance is clearly a result of something deeper.
That is just my opinion. And I think you are fantastic.
Its not personal at all- I just think throwing your own baby shower (for either the dad or mom) at your own house- while asking your guests to bring a present- food and drink is just more than 'tacky'--- I just gave the facts- everyone else gave their opinions and weighed in. I don't care if its your first or 300th kid... throwing your own shower at your own house while asking others to supply everything is poor taste in my book. And that is A-ok by me if you want to be tacky-- And for the record I am not going for that reason- I think everyone knows I am stretched- tired of running around- and just not making this my (or my family's) priority that weekend. I will as I said- buy a gift for the BABY when the baby is born (like I do for ALL of my friends)- And FWIW- other people (on the evite) seem to feel as I do (as does the host) because not one person replied yes to coming (as of yet)
Are you sure you don't have a previous issue (or dislike) with this wife? This just seems like a final straw or something.
There is something very personal to you in this situation. If I were telling this story, I guarantee you would be telling me that I am over annoyed, to let it go, to each their own, etc. I agree with most of what you are saying, but your level of annoyance is clearly a result of something deeper.
That is just my opinion. And I think you are fantastic.
Its not personal at all- I just think throwing your own baby shower (for either the dad or mom) at your own house- while asking your guests to bring a present- food and drink is just more than 'tacky'--- I just gave the facts- everyone else gave their opinions and weighed in. I don't care if its your first or 300th kid... throwing your own shower at your own house while asking others to supply everything is poor taste in my book. And that is A-ok by me if you want to be tacky-- And for the record I am not going for that reason- I think everyone knows I am stretched- tired of running around- and just not making this my (or my family's) priority that weekend. I will as I said- buy a gift for the BABY when the baby is born (like I do for ALL of my friends)- And FWIW- other people (on the evite) seem to feel as I do (as does the host) because not one person replied yes to coming (as of yet)
Are you sure you don't have a previous issue (or dislike) with this wife? This just seems like a final straw or something.
I totally got that vibe to. There just seemed too many justifications.
There is something very personal to you in this situation. If I were telling this story, I guarantee you would be telling me that I am over annoyed, to let it go, to each their own, etc. I agree with most of what you are saying, but your level of annoyance is clearly a result of something deeper.
That is just my opinion. And I think you are fantastic.
Its not personal at all- I just think throwing your own baby shower (for either the dad or mom) at your own house- while asking your guests to bring a present- food and drink is just more than 'tacky'--- I just gave the facts- everyone else gave their opinions and weighed in. I don't care if its your first or 300th kid... throwing your own shower at your own house while asking others to supply everything is poor taste in my book. And that is A-ok by me if you want to be tacky-- And for the record I am not going for that reason- I think everyone knows I am stretched- tired of running around- and just not making this my (or my family's) priority that weekend. I will as I said- buy a gift for the BABY when the baby is born (like I do for ALL of my friends)- And FWIW- other people (on the evite) seem to feel as I do (as does the host) because not one person replied yes to coming (as of yet)
Are you sure you don't have a previous issue (or dislike) with this wife? This just seems like a final straw or something.
Nope- no previous issues. Hardly a final straw-
And to the other poster- i never justify anything I do- especially on an internet message board. Throwing your own shower at your own house and claiming it is for the dad- while asking to bring food, drink and presents AND mentioning it is also the wife's bday- is just very tacky. I stand by that- it is how i feel. I have nothing against them- and will buy the baby a gift when the baby is born as I would ANY friend.
I think it is nice to celebrate each child & it is his first baby since he didn't get to do this with his step-kids, I would like the surprise. Maybe the wife & friend were trying to think of a way to do something special for him - and I bet his family wants to celebrate this special addition, especially if he was a "confirmed bachelor".
I could see saying BYOB if you want alcohol because its expensive and in our house we don't drink so we hate buying a huge variety and being stuck with open alcohol at the end of the party - all of our friends & family have different "requests". We don't have places to store it well. I wouldn't ask for sides, but maybe they were mentioning it because people had asked? I wouldn't throw a shower and expect people to bring their own drinks & sides & gift. I rarely go to showers that have alcohol though so maybe the BYOB was geared towards the fact men are attending?
I think it would be fun to target a gift towards dad (ear plugs?!, gift cards for coffee/food, etc.) and something for the new baby. As for the registry thing - I see people get all upset about this on TB a lot, but honestly people, I can see the practical side of this..if we have another,our family & friends will ask a million times what we could use. So we will probably just do a registry. If you don't like it, don't use it, but for those people (close friends & family in particular) that plan to send things, it is helpful. I would rather buy something that the family needs than not, and in cases where there are older children, you never know what they already have so it makes it even more likely buying what you want to get them will result in returns for the parents-to-be. In general, I always try to send something for the new baby who gets so many hand-me-downs, it is nice for them to have something that is just theirs. In this case, their other children are old enough they may not have that baby stuff anymore. A registry can be a convenient "wish list" instead having to type & send it to everyone who requests it. Now, if I got a note that said "buy my gift here" then I woud be annoyed ;o)
I understand what you are saying, but I think I just look at it as they wanted to do something to help him celebrate and this was the opportunity they saw to do that.
I don't see a problem with it. Guys are getting involved with child rearing more and more. Dads have a big job and play big roles too. Good for them for honoring the dad too. Moms complain about their DHs not pitching in and helping enough, and when they do, they don't get the credit for it. Many dads do get up in the wee hours to change and feed a baby. Why shouldn't they be celebrated especially when they're doing tasks that traditionally moms do? I'm all about giving dads some credit, and a party, they deserve it.
It's really not their fault or problem that other people didn't get a dad shower. If they want to throw a party to honor the dad, then great, it's up to them. Like with any party, even if it was a shower for the mom, you don't have to go, but imho it's kind of silly to waste your energy getting worked up over a party they want to throw to honor a dad to be. If I was pg and had to drive 2 hrs during my kid's nap time to a shower, I most likely wouldn't go either, I don't care who the shower is for...mom, dad, lions, tigers, and/or bears.
I am way late, as usual, but feel the need to weigh in on this one.
I have no problem with the shower for kid #3 or #30. I have been to and loved many showers for 2+ kids... I do have a problem with the BYOB, side dish and gift, especially the fact that it is spelled out that way in the invitation. I also am willing to put money that Michelle did the registering, and if Mike's like most guys I know, gives a rat's ass about what gifts and baby gear they end up getting. The registry is for her, and combined with the fact that they're hosting it at their house, this party smacks of 'come to our baby BBQ and don't forget to bring a gift!'.
That may not have been her intention at all, but it sure comes off that way, and she really should have thought long and hard before sending out an invite like this. (Or, lol, asking a friend to send it for her.)
Re: Trying not to be judge-y here
Two of my best friends threw me a baby shower when I was pregnant with DD, and it was in my home. One of them lived in a condo, and one of them lived out of town, so my house was the best option. They came over the day before and spent hours cleaning and decorating, they did the invites, the food, everything. They wouldn't let me help with anything. I really hope no one was offended that it was in my home. That's just silly. People get a little carried away with the etiquette of everything. (I'm not saying you, Stacy, just people in general).
While I do find the whole "Evite/let's pretend it's a shower for my husband and not me/BYOF/B/gifts" strange, I would still go, because they are friends and it would be fun. And I think every baby is worth celebrating (and love a reason to go to a party!) :-)
I was talking about before the shower. We held my SIL's baby shower here as she's pg, she's uncomfortable, and she's exhausted. The last thing I wanted her to do was mop the floor, dust, and vacuum for guests. My shower for DS was held at our home only because the hostess lived in an apartment and we had the space. She offered to clean for me but I'm not crazy about other people cleaning my house, it goes faster if I do it vs. telling them where things belong, you know? At that time it was relatively easy (no little ones!) to keep the house clean so it was no big deal. My shower for DD#2 (long story) was held at IL's house which I greatly appreciated. It was nice to go and enjoy instead of prepping my house
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05
I don't see a problem with it. Guys are getting involved with child rearing more and more. Dads have a big job and play big roles too. Good for them for honoring the dad too. Moms complain about their DHs not pitching in and helping enough, and when they do, they don't get the credit for it. Many dads do get up in the wee hours to change and feed a baby. Why shouldn't they be celebrated especially when they're doing tasks that traditionally moms do? I'm all about giving dads some credit, and a party, they deserve it.
It's really not their fault or problem that other people didn't get a dad shower. If they want to throw a party to honor the dad, then great, it's up to them. Like with any party, even if it was a shower for the mom, you don't have to go, but imho it's kind of silly to waste your energy getting worked up over a party they want to throw to honor a dad to be. If I was pg and had to drive 2 hrs during my kid's nap time to a shower, I most likely wouldn't go either, I don't care who the shower is for...mom, dad, lions, tigers, and/or bears.
I come from a broken family. My mom remarried 3 times while my dad remarried 2 times. circumstances between the "new couples" are different from prior marriage. Unfortunatley, that is the norms of our society today.
I on the other hand often tell myself, "Who says we have to follow the rules"? I break rules and do what makes me happy. Life is just too short. If someome wants to have a baby shower regardless if it is their first or second or third baby, why not? If it is another reason for my friends to get together and party, why not? If you are worried about spending money on gifts, it is up to us to purchase something that we can afford. And if can't afford a gift, a simple card or a gift of action such as free babysitting for 2 hours will do. It is only as complicated as we want it to be.
As far as BOYB - I go back and forth on that. I run into issues where not all guests enjoyed the same kind of drinks provided and this was a better solution to that problem.. But I can see it look tacky in a "your being cheap" kind of way.
I guess this came accross wrong. I don't care how many showers you have for how many babies. Something about making a big deal about how this is their step dad's first "real" baby in front of the older children just doesn't sit right with me.
This bothers me also. The children are so young (5 and 7) and their mother just got remarried last year. Mom remarries and now there is a new half sibling on the way, that is a lot for children to get used to. I would worry about how they would perceive the party.
To each their own. I can see how the couple would want to celebrate their new child. If it was me, I would not feel comfortable with the party being promoted as celebrating the father's first real child.
This is what I was thinking. And like Stacy said it seems he will be doing most of the work because he thinks it is birthday party for his wife. Sounds a little strange to me.
I haven't read all of the replies, because WOW!
I read about half.
There is something very personal to you in this situation. If I were telling this story, I guarantee you would be telling me that I am over annoyed, to let it go, to each their own, etc. I agree with most of what you are saying, but your level of annoyance is clearly a result of something deeper.
That is just my opinion. And I think you are fantastic.
My mother had a shower for her first baby with my "dad" (who adopted me a year after they married). Nobody ever said, "Hi, taylormillgirl. Welcome to the baby shower for the first child your mom and her new husband are having together!" There was never that vibe; it was just another baby shower to me. I'm sure the existing children aren't going to feel displaced by this shower either, unless someone says something completely tactless.
Its not personal at all- I just think throwing your own baby shower (for either the dad or mom) at your own house- while asking your guests to bring a present- food and drink is just more than 'tacky'--- I just gave the facts- everyone else gave their opinions and weighed in. I don't care if its your first or 300th kid... throwing your own shower at your own house while asking others to supply everything is poor taste in my book. And that is A-ok by me if you want to be tacky-- And for the record I am not going for that reason- I think everyone knows I am stretched- tired of running around- and just not making this my (or my family's) priority that weekend. I will as I said- buy a gift for the BABY when the baby is born (like I do for ALL of my friends)- And FWIW- other people (on the evite) seem to feel as I do (as does the host) because not one person replied yes to coming (as of yet)
Holy moly! I leave for a day and miss the biggest post in a LONG time.
I think it's cool they want to have a shower for him. I guess I can't figure out all the details though. So it's at his house but hosted by someone else? I think it's tacky to ask guests to bring drinks/food/gift regardless. BYOB is fine but asking for food, even suggesting they may want to bring it, is a little much for me.
What is interesting to me is why everyone thinks this is HER registry?!? She may have picked out the items that she wants but they are for THEIR baby. The husband will be using all of the stuff as well so why it is HERS?
In the end, I would go and celebrate. He may not have picked this to happen, but maybe he would have. Since it's his first, it's hard to know what he would want.
I don't think the concept itself is tacky. However, asking guests to bring food and drinks is a bit much. If you're expecting a present and aren't just throwing a party to celebrate baby, the partythrowers should be responsible for beverages/food.
Are you sure you don't have a previous issue (or dislike) with this wife? This just seems like a final straw or something.
Nope- no previous issues. Hardly a final straw-
And to the other poster- i never justify anything I do- especially on an internet message board. Throwing your own shower at your own house and claiming it is for the dad- while asking to bring food, drink and presents AND mentioning it is also the wife's bday- is just very tacky. I stand by that- it is how i feel. I have nothing against them- and will buy the baby a gift when the baby is born as I would ANY friend.
I think it is nice to celebrate each child & it is his first baby since he didn't get to do this with his step-kids, I would like the surprise. Maybe the wife & friend were trying to think of a way to do something special for him - and I bet his family wants to celebrate this special addition, especially if he was a "confirmed bachelor".
I could see saying BYOB if you want alcohol because its expensive and in our house we don't drink so we hate buying a huge variety and being stuck with open alcohol at the end of the party - all of our friends & family have different "requests". We don't have places to store it well. I wouldn't ask for sides, but maybe they were mentioning it because people had asked? I wouldn't throw a shower and expect people to bring their own drinks & sides & gift. I rarely go to showers that have alcohol though so maybe the BYOB was geared towards the fact men are attending?
I think it would be fun to target a gift towards dad (ear plugs?!, gift cards for coffee/food, etc.) and something for the new baby. As for the registry thing - I see people get all upset about this on TB a lot, but honestly people, I can see the practical side of this..if we have another,our family & friends will ask a million times what we could use. So we will probably just do a registry. If you don't like it, don't use it, but for those people (close friends & family in particular) that plan to send things, it is helpful. I would rather buy something that the family needs than not, and in cases where there are older children, you never know what they already have so it makes it even more likely buying what you want to get them will result in returns for the parents-to-be. In general, I always try to send something for the new baby who gets so many hand-me-downs, it is nice for them to have something that is just theirs. In this case, their other children are old enough they may not have that baby stuff anymore. A registry can be a convenient "wish list" instead having to type & send it to everyone who requests it. Now, if I got a note that said "buy my gift here" then I woud be annoyed ;o)
I understand what you are saying, but I think I just look at it as they wanted to do something to help him celebrate and this was the opportunity they saw to do that.
I am way late, as usual, but feel the need to weigh in on this one.
I have no problem with the shower for kid #3 or #30. I have been to and loved many showers for 2+ kids... I do have a problem with the BYOB, side dish and gift, especially the fact that it is spelled out that way in the invitation. I also am willing to put money that Michelle did the registering, and if Mike's like most guys I know, gives a rat's ass about what gifts and baby gear they end up getting. The registry is for her, and combined with the fact that they're hosting it at their house, this party smacks of 'come to our baby BBQ and don't forget to bring a gift!'.
That may not have been her intention at all, but it sure comes off that way, and she really should have thought long and hard before sending out an invite like this. (Or, lol, asking a friend to send it for her.)