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Question regarding baby showers..
Can you have baby showers for kids after the 1st one? I mean my last baby I've had (and kept.. sounds bad but just saying my 3rd was adopted) has been 5 years and in those 5 years there as been a lot of births (like 8) in the family so a lot of my baby stuff has been passed on.. I mean I still have some baby toys (which is probably enough) and a load of girl clothes (if I have a girl).. but I don't have like the playpen, crib, highchair, or anything major anymore. So could I have a shower or should I just fill out a registry and just kind of let people know about it so if they want to get something to help out they could but wouldn't be obligated?
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Re: Question regarding baby showers..
IMHO, a baby shower would be tacky. You've already had children and should just ask for your things back, or never given them away to begin with.
People may be willing to get you things like diapers, clothes, etc... but asking for a new crib? That might be a little much.
Start searching things like craig's list, they usually have a lot of that stuff for cheap!
This is my 2nd baby and my first is 3 and a half now. I would love to have a shower, mostly just to hang out and celebrate because I haven't done much of that since STBXH left. However, no one offered to throw me one, so I am not having one. My first shower no one got me big things (that is standard in my family, and none of my friends had kids yet- I had mine right when we were graduating college). All my gifts were clothes and diapers and things which I would need this time around. I am not asking for one, and I am not sad about not having one since it is my second.
Forgive me but I don't remember reading your story- it looks like you are now having your 4th child but your 3rd was adopted. Is that right? Have you been a single parent through all 4?
Okay, I just did some quick research. It looks like you are 25, and this is in fact your 4th child. If my math is correct that means you had your 2nd at 20. You also started smoking pot when you were 17 (it looks like you still do), and were dumb enough to post about it on the internet.
Now my answer is no, you should not get a baby shower.
LMAO!!! And I think this is probably MUD. 6 posts, puh-leeze!!!!
I mean I don't really care if I have a shower since I don't actually have people here I could invite. No friends or anything and my family would just rather talk crap. Idk I guess I see all these cool ideas for showers and itd be nice to have people to get together with and such.. maybe I'm just romanticing the idea of one.. it'd probably be better if I didn't live in a town of 200 people in rural minnesota. I'm not like asking people to go out and buy me stuff, Idk I think its more of the idea of actually knowing I have people here for me and would be willing to help me out.
I never really posted my story.. But yea. My 3rd was adopted by my cousins because I wasn't ready for another at that time because my other 2 were 4 & 3 (i think, not good at math when it comes to this lol.. maybe a year younger) at the time and I was barely making it with them. But yea, I've been a single mom through all of them.. Apparently no man is man enough to bother to stick around.
Skylar was the result of a one night stand when I was 17.. she goes to his place every other weekend (only because his gf now wife insisted on it). Madi was a last stitch attempt for me not to hate her father so much.. didn't work, but she's totally awesome. I mean we had dated a while, had even thought about getting married but once he moved up here it was like having a 17 year old son rather than a bf who was 10 years older than me. My 3rd was, idk.. Reckless, but the guy had said he was well.. fixed and sterile.. Guess not. And this one is an even more complicated situation, but at least this ones Daddy wants to be involved as much as possible but not sure how much that will be with the given situation.
I somehow end up in the most screwed up situations and people can judge all they want. I may not have a good income or anything like that, but at least I'm trying which is more than I can say for some of the people I know. But yet somehow I'm always the one that gets all the grief from people.
Huh, I wonder why that happens. 4 children, 4 fathers, 25 years old. I wonder why anyone would give you grief.
You have heard about this new invention, really it's a break through in medical technology it's call Birth Contol you should seriously look into it. You can get it for free/low cost at your local planned parenthood. They methods that you don't have to remember to take everyday.
No you don't get a baby shower after your first child. You should have planned to be able to afford this baby (and every baby) on your own. Your villiage shouldn't have to raise the child.
You wonder why you get grief from people but you have three children and another on the way. You couldn't take care of the third child so your family is raising the LO and now that you are having a 4th you want a shower.
Yup, this is definitely MUD....at least I HOPE it is. What a seriously twisted story of a life.
Actually #2 came at 19. So your math is wrong. And yes I did start smoking pot when I was 17 so what? There is alot people who smoke pot. And it looks like I still do?? Not sure how it looks that way, but I can admit yea, I do.. Actually in the process of quitting if you really must know. Trying to find a more productive way to deal with my depression. Depression which has been something I've been dealing with since I was 13. So excuse me if pot has been the only thing that has been any help for me. I've tried medication they don't help. I've tried counseling that hasn't helped. I've tried a lot to cope with it all, not to mention it has been the only thing to also help me get a good nights rest. I've never done anything harder than pot. I don't drink, I don't smoke. AND the only conclusive test on marijuana and pregnancy has only prooved to be benificial. American studies have failed to keep their participants only on pot.. their participants also smoked, drank, and did hard street drugs. So don't give me your higher than mighty attitude.
Wow. I sincerely hope this isn't a real person....probably some crazy old man laughing his A$$ off at the rise he is getting out of everyone.
If you are in fact for real I don't know what to say except if I knew who you were and where you lived I would have already called CPS. Marijuana smoking is beneficial to babies. Where are you getting your information? Because here is a direct quote from Babycenter.com:
Smoking marijuana during pregnancy may affect your baby's growth and the development of his nervous system. Studies have shown that children who were exposed to marijuana during pregnancy sometimes have problems focusing their attention and solving problems.
Children of heavy pot users may also have problems with short-term memory, concentration, and judgment. (There's no evidence so far, however, that marijuana use during pregnancy causes attention deficit hyperactivity disorder).
One study even found that young children whose mothers smoked marijuana during pregnancy had a higher risk of leukemia than those whose mothers did not.
Research a little further if you want to try to back up your idiotic choices. Maybe your family will adopt this baby as well, then maybe it will have a chance at a normal life-if you haven't already caused it permanent damage in utero.
Good lord these poor children.
The OTHER reason my 3rd one was adopted by my cousins was because they couldn't conceive!
One of them got lucky!
You know how to medicate with pot, but not use birth control? how about just keeping your legs shut?
You really need to get some professional help. Can you see how messed up you are? Really? Im not being snarky, you have some very serious issues and really need to get some help before you create any more screwed up lives.
And all the BS about at least you try?? come on, really? really?
::HEADDESK::
Ever think maybe your addicted? and don't give me the crap that smoking pot is fine while pregnant, did you know that pot is closley related to acid in the way that it affects the brain? Well it's affecting your child's brain too! You are cutting off oxygen to the baby, in no way is smoking ANYTHING good while you are pregnant...
If you feel the need to justify yourself, then you need to look at your thought process a little harder.
You sound ignorant and you don't fool anyone on here. The cracks are showing all too clearly.
Your profile says you are 25, you said your last child you kept was 5 years ago. Perhaps my math isn't the only math that was wrong if your second was at 19.
I said it appears you still smoke pot because you posted this
"
Q&A: Will smoking pot affect our chances of conception?
I've smoked pot since I was 17.. and well I'm on my 4th kid.. build your own conclusion.. (of course did stop after I found out I was prego)
My stance on doing drugs while pregnant is that it is a bad idea. Regardless, it is illegal, and who knows what it could do to your child. The worst part is that you freely posted about it on the internet. That shows your character and intelligence.
You are 19 weeks pregnant. Time to stop "working on it" and do it.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
To me, baby showers are not about getting the things you need... it's about celebrating the life that is coming into the world. I wouldn't have a problem having a shower thrown for me for my second (which won't be for another.....7-8 years at least... and that's if I end up married and/or monetarily stable enough to find some donor sperm!)... but I would not expect gifts. I'm not sure if you think you deserve gifts. I didn't read all your posts because they were too long and I wasn't interested in your justification for you situation or the pot smoking. I hope your child is healthy and that you are financially and emotionally ready for this baby.
If you need assistance with a crib/car seat/etc, go to your local welfare office. In my state, there are a lot of resources that will help provide donated necessities for your child if you qualify.
Nope, we didn't miss that part....which is exactly why you are getting flamed. What other incentive would you need to quit using an illegal substance beyond it being detrimental to the health of an innocent unborn child? If that doesn't make you stop immediately, obviously nothing will.
Man, I just can't understand why no one wants to shout from the rooftops about how blissfully happy they are that you are bringing yet another life into the world. I just hope the father has at least a shred of intelligence because obviously they will be getting nothing from you.
I'm not one to usually get involved... but you need some serious intervention. Not only are you harming your new baby by stupidly smoking pot while pregnant, but have you realized the effect that your unstable relationships with have on your two daughters? Speaking from experience on a girl who was raised in what sounds like a similar situation as your daughters are experiencing... she doesn't know how to have relationships with people and she is very shy and unstable herself now. She cannot trust anyone because there were so many people in and out of her life.
I sincerely hope your daughters and this new baby do not end up leading such sad lives. This makes my heart hurt for those poor children.
Oh by all means I'm not saying I deserve or expect anything, in one of my other posts I just said it would be nice to have a get together and all that.. I mean I wouldn't turn anything down if they did bring something. I am getting help in someways with some programs around here, but like I also mentioned I live in a very rural area so there isn't much for options. Thanks for the input.
Nicole, I am not going to get snarky, although the temptation is there. I just wanted to tell you that there are so many people like your cousin that would love to adopt this baby. Please examine your options.
Everyone makes mistakes, but the key is to learn from them. It doesn't seem like you are learning from your mistakes. I hope that you love your child more than you love smoking pot and do the best thing for him/her - stop using drugs and consider giving this baby up for adoption. Then get yourself to rehab, you have two other children who need you.
I hope this "help" that you speak of involves a rehab facility and/or NA meetings. May I suggest increasing the amount of meetings you are attending though, it might help you go from "I am "trying" to quit my marijuana addiction while 19 weeks pregnant" to "I am no longer contaminating an innocent life with controlled substances, even if my life is still a complete trainwreck".
My daughters are actually very out going and social. They do very well with adapting to different situations. They are both smart and very caring for others. These are some of the happiest kids I've seen (until they get tired).
and once again for those who seem to be missing it, I am getting help for the pot. I AM working on stopping. I haven't actually smoked in 2 months. Sure my depression has gotten worse (being mixed in with the crazy hormones from the pregnancy) but I am getting help. Thanks for your concern.
This post makes me want to jump out the nearest window.
ARE YOU STUPID?! Okay you are the perfect example of 'one of those' teenage mother. I just turned 18. I got pregnant when I was 16 and had my daughter when I was 17. I am young, I used to smoke pot EVERYDAY of my life before I got pregnant. The MOMENT I found out I was pregnant I STOPPED. It was not hard because, oh i don't know maybe because I knew it was BAD for my unborn CHILD.
Don't give me that bullshit about depression and smoking. I've been there. I was depressed, I smoked pot, I tried medication. I tried therapy. Medication didn't work for me, pot did. Therapy didn't work for me - TILL I FOUND THE RIGHT THERAPIST. Keep looking for somebody that actually understands you. But seriously quit smoking weed, maybe you caught a break with healthy babies the last 3 times, but you might not be so lucky this time around.
I encourage you to seek counseling and Jesus immediately.
God Bless Your children and you.
So you don't have any friends to invite to a shower, but you want a shower. Listen, maybe if you took the energy you exerted in finding 4 different men in your small town to bang and redirected it towards making friends you would be in a better situation.
And being that I don't think you are capable of doing that, at least go get your tubes tied.
No, we aren't "missing it"....this is precisely the reason that you are getting flamed. You say that you are "working" on getting help for your problem....that implies that you are still smoking marijuana while you are pregnant....then you went on to defend it saying that it wasn't unhealthy which is completely not true.
You haven't smoked in two months-what do you want, a gold star? That still means that you did it when you were pregnant, for at least 11 weeks....these days most everyone knows that they are pregnant by about five weeks or so, but definitely by 11. You aren't winning anyone over by your pathetic attempts to defend your horrible actions. STOP trying.
Many, many, many doctors suggest that people who suffer from deppression not smoke pot because of the apathetic side effects that often accompany matienece marijuana use, which is an even bigger trigger for depression. Such side effects can long outlast initial withdrawl syptoms, worsening depression coupled with anxiety from withdrawl makes for a not happy mommy and not healthy baby.
Good job on 2 months though, keep on it. GL
Yeah I was still smoking for those 11 weeks because I didnt know I was pregnant! And no not EVERYONE knows at 5 weeks! At 9 weeks I started to question it but it wasn't till 11 weeks when I finally found out for sure.
Wasn't the absence of a menstrual period sort of a red flag? Coupled with the fact that you had unprotected sex? Might make me think I was
a. stressed out
b. anorexic
or c. PREGNANT!!!!!
You are a genius.....
So, it took 2 missed periods before the mini light bulb in your head went off? And thought...wow no period in 2 months...i use no bc...i spread my legs a lot for all kinds of scum and i have no impulse control...wow maybe im pregnant? then said what the hell, lit up the bong...and waited 2 more weeks until you confirmed!!
mom of the year ladies!
That's why doctors prescribe marijuana (in the states that its legal in) to people are depressed? It's an anti depressant. And as for withdrawls, idk about other people but I haven't had any. It's not something I needed all the time, it was a coping mechanism. It helped calm my nerves so I didn't go ape sh*t on someone. Prior to starting it I was a very angry person along with depressed, it wasn't good. Now I'm just depressed. But I'm just trying to take it a day at a time, but it's hard when people treat you like sh*t for your past. I'm doing my best to make things better in my life with no support from anyone. I mean so far NO ONE on here has offered up any real positive suggestions on how to properly cope or advise on ways to improve. All anyone has done so far is make personal attacks on me only making things worse. I just hope their kids don't learn from them that its ok to judge and scrutinize people because of mistakes they have made. Way to go other moms, promote hatered and judgemental attitudes. Whoo! Not like we don't have enough of that crap already.
Thanks for the good luck on keeping up with the quitting.
On pregnancy number 4 (at least, who knows if there are more). I was showing at 8 weeks with my second. The woman I know with 3 and 4 kids can't button their pants after less than 9 weeks!
Can you tell us what you have against birth control?
And it was a last ditch effort to get a man to stay with you, not a last stitch effort.
Honestly, stop fcuking anything that looks your way and go back to school.
Why didn't you get your tubes tied after baby #3? Are you planning on having them tied after this baby? As others have asked, what do you have against birth control?
Do you really not understand why your friends & family wouldnt want to celebrate this pregnancy!?!?! Can you really be so naive that you expect your loved ones to continue to not only support, but celebrate your horrible life choices? I'm sorry, but if I were your friends/ family I would completely cut you out of my life.
Please, stop smoking pot, stop having children and start making better choices for your innocent children that did not ask to be brought in to this mess.
I don't believe in it. It goes against what I believe in. I wouldn't ask you to go against your beliefs because I know you wouldn't, so don't expect me to do the same.
As for the comment about trying to keep the man is wrong. I did NOT want to be with him, I was hoping that if we had a kid together I wouldn't hate him. He wanted to be with me, but I couldn't stand him anymore and I thought it would help.. apparently it didn't. So I left him because he thought it was more important to drink all the time and put my 1st daughters life at risk.
And I would go back to school if there was a school here with a program I want to peruse a career in. Not really wanting to get into auto or diesel mechanics, electrical, or wind technology. The courses around here are more geared to men.
Whatever religion taught you to not believe in birth control, also teaches not to have premarital sex. So you lose in the logic department there.