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Megan.Swenson
member
New...Need advice
Megan.Swenson
member
Two years ago my stepson's BM moved in with her boyfriend and hour away. When she moved my husband and her had the aggreement that SS would move with her and go to school in that townand we would have him every other weekend. And when school let out for the year then he would live with us in the summer and would go see her every other weekend. This has worked out pretty well for 2 years and last weekend she called and said that we could have him every other week because her daycare won't let her take him out for the summer.
I work at a high school so I have the summers off. WE had plans for summer swimming lessons and t-ball. I even called BM mother to see if she wanted to have him an afternoon a week. (we live only 5 miles from BM parents). Why would you want your child in daycare everyday if he could be doing other things with family?
After hours of screaming at eachother my husband finally told her they were never going to agree so he told her he was going to get a lawyer to finally get something settled. When he said that she agreed to our prevoius arangement. I told him to talk to a lawyer anyway because I knew it would not be the end.
Like I thought 2 days later she called and said that it would have to be everyother week or we go to court. My husband told her that is what we had planned anyway. She told us we have nothing to stand on because we don't live far enough away to have him for such an extended period. I guess my questions are,Is she right about that? and Does the court take into account that he would be in daycare if he stayed with her and he would be in summer activities and with reletives if we had him for the summer?
Sorry so long
This discussion has been closed.
Re: New...Need advice
Her daycare won't LET her take him out for the summer? I don't see how that's possible. Does she really not have a better reason than that?
Is any part of your agreement in writing?
When I got divorced, I was told that judges want to see the custodial parent supporting the child's relationship with the non-custodial parent. I'd think that would be more important than a daycare spot.
The daycare probably told BM something along the lines of if she pulls him out for the summer they can't gaurantee a spot for him after summer... Tough luck, these things happen and I'm sure she could find another daycare if in fact his spot was filled.
Bottom line is you need to get something in writing through the court for when issues like this arise. Whenever BM and DH can't agree on something they have the court order to fall back on and can just go by what it says instead of continuing to fight. (Of course it's not as easy as it sounds, but that's still the bottom line. The court order takes priority but if they can agree on something then great.)
We have to pay for daycare regardless if my DS is there or not. Maybe that's what she means. They need to keep a spot open, so it would make sense. They do't care if he's there, just that they are getting the moey for him.
I think a lawyer needs to straighten this out and go to court.
A Judge won't penalize a parent who has to use daycare even if there are some other options.
Often times, daycares are filled to max capacity. A child will 'lose their spot' if they aren't in it x amt of days a week. This ensures that the daycare gets paid, and is using the facility to the max capacity and they are making as much money as possible.
OP - I would say that if this is something that you guys have been exercising for the past several years, that you have a case. It doesn't usually matter what's on paper, if both parties acknowledge that this has been the 'status quo' of what's been going on. If there is no previous order in effect, or if it needs updated to ensure that this problem doesn't arrise in the future, I would definitely take it to get looked over and revamped. This protects your DH.
As far as your argument that wouldn't a judge prefer a child be with a parent over daycare goes, we just went through this (sort of). BM was suggesting that she get more custody because she feared that with DH and I both working we would put SS in daycare, and that since she is a SAHM (more like too lazy to get off her a$$ and find a job or keep the one she had) that she can provide more bla bla bla. Judge didn't care. It's that paren'ts time with the child, and they will do as they please with the child.
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SS is also in daycare. He loses his spot after not attending for 7 consecutive days UNLESS we continue to pay tuition. So in order to get him for the summer BM uses the CS she gets while he's with us to reserve his spot.
Sounds like your BM is using that as an excuse. As long as they get paid, daycares don't usually mind holding spots. At least in our experiances.
I think if you can show that you have been doing it for the past two years then you have a good case. The question is can you show it? No doubt BM will deny it.
Also it would be a sad day that a judge would rule in favor of a child care facility over a father's home.
Thank You for the replies. It is nice to hear others opinions. My husband pays for the daycare already and she gets CS the whole year whether we have him or not. It would be wonderful not to pay CS when we have him and our lawyer says he can probably manage that but at this point we don't really care about the money. We are just sick of her changing things whenever she wants. We need something legally written down.
Whenever we get on the phone all she talks about is money. She is freaked that with a new baby on the way we won't pay as much child support. All I want is for my husband to have more consistant time with his son.