Crying "breaks my heart"?

MNheidi · May 2010

I know most of you are first time moms and I will come off as some what of a know it all but trust me, certainly by kid #3, you'll have a different perspective.

I didn't let the boys cry much either just couldn't stand it and then a family educator explained it... crying is the ONLY way for your baby to communicate. It doesn't always mean she's in pain. Sometimes she's bored, sometimes she's hungry, sometimes she's tired - in the beginning, it's wise to comfort and build that trust that you'll answer her calls but eventually, she's going to cry b/c she'd rather have you hold her than not. At some point, she's going to need to learn to soothe herself.

I realize this is a hot topic and I'm neither PRO or ANTI CIO, I just think if you look @ their crying differently (and start to understand different cries) it'll help you parent.

AmandaToo · May 2010

It doesn't "break my heart." I don't like it, though. I really don't care for the Baby Whisperer books, but she does have a thing about stopping to listen & observe your baby that I work really hard to do instead of just jumping to conclusions about what DD needs.

getnmarried910 · May 2010

3rd time mom here, and crying still breaks my heart. It's sad to see that little lip pop out. It's sad to see her in someone else's arms and her look at you and she starts crying because she wants you and not them (there is such a thing as separation anxiety). It still breaks my heart when my other two cry. Does it mean I don't let them sometimes? no, I do because I have to, but it still breaks my heart.

jkylie · May 2010

MNheidi:
I know most of you are first time moms and I will come off as some what of a know it all but trust me, certainly by kid #3, you'll have a different perspective.
I didn't let the boys cry much either just couldn't stand it and then a family educator explained it... crying is the ONLY way for your baby to communicate. It doesn't always mean she's in pain. Sometimes she's bored, sometimes she's hungry, sometimes she's tired - in the beginning, it's wise to comfort and build that trust that you'll answer her calls but eventually, she's going to cry b/c she'd rather have you hold her than not. At some point, she's going to need to learn to soothe herself.
I realize this is a hot topic and I'm neither PRO or ANTI CIO, I just think if you look @ their crying differently (and start to understand different cries) it'll help you parent.

I personally already know that the only way babies communicate is through crying. That is why i am not PRO CIO. Bc I feel that i should respond to her cries to "correct" whatever reason it is that she is crying. It still breaks my heart to see her little pouty lip and tears roll down her face.

I think i am pretty lucky bc my LO doesn't cry much. She might fuss but her cries are few and far btw.

Shannonlea · May 2010

Maybe its because I have two babies at once, but I get what you're saying . Do I like to hear my babies cry? No way. Do they often cry at once so I have to take the time to listen to which one reaaallllyyy needs me? Absolutely. I am pretty used to dual crying at my house.

mstopka · May 2010

It really does break my heart, but my rational mind knows the reasons that she cries and that it is good for her to learn to self-soothe. But, it doesn't make it any easier, for some reason I turn into this crazy person whenever she starts to cry. Embarrassed

getnmarried910 · May 2010

jkylie:
MNheidi:

I know most of you are first time moms and I will come off as some what of a know it all but trust me, certainly by kid #3, you'll have a different perspective.

I didn't let the boys cry much either just couldn't stand it and then a family educator explained it... crying is the ONLY way for your baby to communicate. It doesn't always mean she's in pain. Sometimes she's bored, sometimes she's hungry, sometimes she's tired - in the beginning, it's wise to comfort and build that trust that you'll answer her calls but eventually, she's going to cry b/c she'd rather have you hold her than not. At some point, she's going to need to learn to soothe herself.

I realize this is a hot topic and I'm neither PRO or ANTI CIO, I just think if you look @ their crying differently (and start to understand different cries) it'll help you parent.

I personally already know that the only way babies communicate is through crying. That is why i am not PRO CIO. Bc I feel that i should respond to her cries to "correct" whatever reason it is that she is crying. It still breaks my heart to see her little pouty lip and tears roll down her face.

I think i am pretty lucky bc my LO doesn't cry much. She might fuss but her cries are few and far btw.

Well said.

And to add to my previous comment, it even "breaks my heart" to hear them crying after they get into trouble for something. Did they need discipline? YES, but they are my babies, so I go in the other room, and try not to listen to their little cries.

getnmarried910 · May 2010

jkylie:
MNheidi:

I know most of you are first time moms and I will come off as some what of a know it all but trust me, certainly by kid #3, you'll have a different perspective.

I didn't let the boys cry much either just couldn't stand it and then a family educator explained it... crying is the ONLY way for your baby to communicate. It doesn't always mean she's in pain. Sometimes she's bored, sometimes she's hungry, sometimes she's tired - in the beginning, it's wise to comfort and build that trust that you'll answer her calls but eventually, she's going to cry b/c she'd rather have you hold her than not. At some point, she's going to need to learn to soothe herself.

I realize this is a hot topic and I'm neither PRO or ANTI CIO, I just think if you look @ their crying differently (and start to understand different cries) it'll help you parent.

I personally already know that the only way babies communicate is through crying. That is why i am not PRO CIO. Bc I feel that i should respond to her cries to "correct" whatever reason it is that she is crying. It still breaks my heart to see her little pouty lip and tears roll down her face.

I think i am pretty lucky bc my LO doesn't cry much. She might fuss but her cries are few and far btw.

Well said.

And to add to my previous comment, it even "breaks my heart" to hear them crying after they get into trouble for something. Did they need discipline? YES, but they are my babies, so I go in the other room, and try not to listen to their little cries.

MrsRebecca · May 2010

It breaks my heart and I don't really care how that makes *you* feel; he's *my* baby. My son has colic so he screams and cries for hours- sometimes the only thing that helps is to just sit and hold him.

Of course babies need to learn to soothe themselves- but they're not capable of self soothing until around 6 months. So, knowing this, I am not just going to let him lie there and cry. He does not have the ability to soothe himself so it's not fair to make him lie there alone and cry.

ETA: I'm not talking about when I'm using the bathroom or doing something else where I can't pick him up. In those instances, of course he has to just sit there and cry. Still breaks my heart though.

shotzie · May 2010

Yes, crying is how babies communicate. They are trying to tell us something. So when DD cries, I try to figure out why. Letting a baby cry doesn't teach them to soothe themselves. It teaches them that mom and dad aren't going to intervene. They don't magically figure out, hmm, I'm tired, I'll sing myself a lullaby and drift off to sleep...

AshlynsMom · May 2010

The only thing of mine crying breaks is my ear drums.

jkylie · May 2010

AshlynsMom:
The only thing of mine crying breaks is my ear drums.

Surprise

AshlynsMom · May 2010

jkylie:

AshlynsMom:
The only thing of mine crying breaks is my ear drums.

Why?

jkylie · May 2010

AshlynsMom:
jkylie:

AshlynsMom:
The only thing of mine crying breaks is my ear drums.

Why?

being sarcastic since your baby's cries dont break your heart. "GASP, OMG, shes a mean mommy since her babies cries dont Broken Heart "

that's all. i hate how you can't read tones on the internet!

AshlynsMom · May 2010

Okay good. I thought so, but then I was like, hmm, maybe I came off as more of a callous beyotch than I meant to.

Maybe we should do a clicky poll to get some kind of sarcasm font or something.

jkylie · May 2010

AshlynsMom:
Okay good. I thought so, but then I was like, hmm, maybe I came off as more of a callous beyotch than I meant to.

Maybe we should do a clicky poll to get some kind of sarcasm font or something.

or better yet A BOARD!! lol.

MrsRebecca · May 2010

jkylie:
AshlynsMom:
Okay good. I thought so, but then I was like, hmm, maybe I came off as more of a callous beyotch than I meant to.

Maybe we should do a clicky poll to get some kind of sarcasm font or something.
or better yet A BOARD!! lol.

Didn't there used to be one?

myonetruelove · May 2010

jkylie:
MNheidi:

I know most of you are first time moms and I will come off as some what of a know it all but trust me, certainly by kid #3, you'll have a different perspective.

I didn't let the boys cry much either just couldn't stand it and then a family educator explained it... crying is the ONLY way for your baby to communicate. It doesn't always mean she's in pain. Sometimes she's bored, sometimes she's hungry, sometimes she's tired - in the beginning, it's wise to comfort and build that trust that you'll answer her calls but eventually, she's going to cry b/c she'd rather have you hold her than not. At some point, she's going to need to learn to soothe herself.

I realize this is a hot topic and I'm neither PRO or ANTI CIO, I just think if you look @ their crying differently (and start to understand different cries) it'll help you parent.

I personally already know that the only way babies communicate is through crying. That is why i am not PRO CIO. Bc I feel that i should respond to her cries to "correct" whatever reason it is that she is crying. It still breaks my heart to see her little pouty lip and tears roll down her face.

I think i am pretty lucky bc my LO doesn't cry much. She might fuss but her cries are few and far btw.

This! Also just because we are first time moms doesn't necessarily mean we don't know what we are talking about. It may also not change my perspective 2 kids later. It's a parenting choice and every parent is different. I don't beleive CIO benefits either of us. Sorry the first time mom thing bugs me.

kcisthebombdotcom · May 2010

I agree with the fact that understanding different cries is helpful in parenting. I read the baby whisperer when LO was a few weeks old and found it really helpful. I was nursing, and I found that anytime LO fussed, I'd put him to the breast and that wasn't always what he wanted. It really helped me understand that different cries were for different needs, and I was able to understand things better.

However, I have to respectfully disagree with this post. Maybe on the 6-12 board, sure. However, our babies are still fairly young.

Imagine being an infant. There's no way to communicate what your needs are. Babies aren't crying to just cry-they don't have the ability to manipulate you yet. They are trying to tell you something they need,. At this age, I feel that my responsiblity as a parent is to respond when he cries. If he was just crying just to cry, then I would just rock him and hold him so he knew I was there.

I think at a certain age, you can't give into every cry. I don't think that age is on this board.

JennJim2006 · May 2010

I'm not a first time mom and when my kids cry it still breaks my heart (except when my older son is fake crying--that just grates my nerves). Anyway, I feel that my job is to figure out why they are crying, try to fix it if I can, and give comfort.

Prinycesa07 · May 2010

Hey, im a first time mom and it doesnt "break my heart" to hear DD cry. Shes a baby, shes going to do that and i know she is safe so i dont get all sad about it.

KateLouise · May 2010

My MIL is always telling me, "you'll be different with the next one" It is supremely smug and patronising of her.

My reality is that I have an incredibly easy baby. I pop her in her cot, give her her dummy and walk away and she goes out like a light. If she cries, there is a reason. I could ignore her but I really don't see the point.

Will I be different with the next one, almost certainly because i will have two children demanding my time. Will i suddenly be hardened to the next one's cries? i doubt it.

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