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Parenting
goodheartedmommy
member
Do your children notice difference in skin color?
goodheartedmommy
member
in Parenting
My kids don't even realize there's a difference between them and a child who is not white--people are people, and to them it's no different than a white person with red hair and one with brown.
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Re: Do your children notice difference in skin color?
No, but I can't imagine many children this age do notice a difference.
No.
My cousin noticed a difference around Jackson's age - we were at the country club pool and she said loudly, "UH Bethy, why are those kids so dark chocolate?" Awkward - I was 15 at the time and was her summer sitter.
I think she thought they had just gotten a really dark tan - she recognized getting tan at that age, because she is really dark complected and people would always comment on whether she wore sunscreen or not. So I think her knowledge of skin tone was a bit heightened due to years of those types of questions/comments. That's something Jackson has no clue about, though.
Tay did say something once when she was 4 ish, close to 5. Along the lines of "that boy looks like Barack Obama." I gave her the "yes, everyone has different skin shades" speech.
Now that she is in school, I think they did a unit on multiculturalism, and really its not been an issue with her.
My other two don't care, never have said anything.
I think its normal if you aren't around people of different races to ask at some point.
DD did before she turned three. There was an Indian boy in her Gymboree class (he had been in our classes for over a year) and one day after the class as she was going down for her nap, she said "mommy, remember the little brown boy in Gymbo?"
No, he's never mentioned anything about skin color. I do have a book called Shades of Black from my teaching days that we've read a couple times (he picked it out from his bookcase), but he's never commented on it. He's also been around all different ethnicities since he was very young, though, so I'm sure it just seems normal to him for people to have a range of skintones.
He did think an Ethiopian boy we didn't know was his friend who's Ethiopian, though. He ran up and started tickling him. It was pretty cute.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
My son just started asking about it. He was asking what my dr. looked like and I told him a man a little older than me and daddy. He said "what is his color?" He has asked me this weekend about a coworker I was talking about as well - so it's pretty recent. DH is black and I am white so I was wondering when he would notice - it's not like he has asked why are we different, I see it as another physical trait like someone with blond or red hair.
Last month we were talking about the beach. One of his friends at school said he didn't like the beach that much because you get sunburned. I didn't want DS to not like the beach so I told him that some people do get sunburned when they go to the beach some don't depending on how their skin does with the sun (DS won't burn whereas I will) and we will put sunscreen on to make sure it doesn't happen. This conversation is probably what sparked his comments and realizations.
I mentioned this in a post the other day, but Rory came to her own conclusion that peoples' skin turned different colors over time. LOL! And for awhile there she thought every Asian person she saw was a friend of ours who is Asian.
It is just another thing for her to learn as she grows.
Yes, she notices, but I don't think that's a bad thing. It's like noticing someone is taller, or has red hair, or runs really fast. There is nothing inherently bad about NOTICING differences. What I focus on teaching Kate is not to make judgments or generalizations about differences, but honestly, that this age kids don't even know what sterotypes or judgments are out there for difference ethnicities.
I don't think parents should hush kids or try to tell them everyone is the same. It's not true, people do look different from each other in all sorts of ways (not just skin color) so to ask your child not to NOTICE is just ridiculous. You can work on politeness about comments, and later on how to treat everyone the same and that everyone is the same on the inside, but I think it's hypersensitive to not allow kids to notice.
I don't know about this. My kids are 6.5 and 5 and don't mention it. I'm happy to talk about it if they ever ask but I'm not going to all sudden start discussing all of their friends and cousins skin colors out of the blue. That would seem odd and they'd probably be totally lost.
I agree that noticing is not bad at all - it's just not come up here, and I think it's something that we'll wait for him to bring up because it's an easier way to broach the conversation and see what he wants to/needs to know.
Yes, they notice. They've asked about the "brown guy" on the Electric company before. I think all kids notice. They don't say anything, nor do they know what it means, but it doesn't mean they don't notice. We're white, but I've been talking about race (colors) for a little while now. I've pointed out that president Obama has darker skin than ours, but it doesn't matter what your skin color is you can be anything you want to be/do. It's the inside that counts, not the outside. I read this article in Newsweek sometime ago and it prompted me to be more proactive.
https://www.newsweek.com/id/214989
I'm sure she notices, but doesn't think anything of it. Just like she notices that Preston got a red balloon and she got an orange one and Christine got a green one - it's just something to notice, how could you not? She has always had hispanic, AA, and mixed race kids in her class, so I think it's just normal to her that people come in different colors.
Back in grad school, my roommate's family came from Kenya to visit her. Her little nephew was not even 2yo, but he'd never seen a white person close up. He would sneak up behind me and pet my hair and poke at my skin just because it was so different looking to him. He was totally fascinated by me and it was adorable though I think his mom was embarrassed.
Not yet. DH is white and I am black. DS doesn't seem to think anything of it.
We live in a mostly white area so I'm the oddball but he still hasn't said anything yet. However, I do get a lot of wide eye stares from children all the time.
Ruh Roh!
I am sure your kids notice, it's really ridiculous to think they can't distinguish/notice something as basic as that. Do your kids not notice that they have brown hair & brown eyes. I know my DD#2 commented on that as early as 2yrs old. Whether or not they deem it noteworthy or comment worthy is another thing. I bet if you asked N to draw herself & her black friend & gave her colors she would not draw them exactly the same.
I can tell you we adopted my brother when I was 4 & I noticed that he was brown the moment I saw him as I remember thinking it--I am sure I didn't say anything about it though. He noticed people of different colors as a toddler I know for a fact.
They arent color blind, though my DD sometimes dresses like she is, so they color people appropriatly. Beyond that its never been brought up. I suspect its in the same category as eye color, hair color etc. Thus the non issueness (not a word..I know!!) of it all and the lack of a desire to ask me anything about it. They also never asks me why DH has has blue eyes versus hazel brown like the me. So I guess my answer should be that knowing they are not color blind I can only assume that yes they see shades of skin color. But the question is sort of odd because unless you are blind or color blind you'll notice a variety of shades and colors. So this question can only truly be answered as a true "yes" if you child truly physically cannot see the color of a persons skin. I personally did not take the question that literally.
We've had a few convos about skin color with Ben before. He brought it up every time....just random comments.He's said before (before the twins were born) that he and I were "tan" and Nat and DH were "brown." About a month ago he decided that we were all "white" except DH, who is "brown." And also in the last month or so he mentioned that Eli was "more white" than he is. If I ask him what color T & D at daycare are, he'll say "brown."
There's nothing negative to it, of course, but I would also be a little surprised if he hadn't noticed anything at all by now. I would assume if it was more rare to see people of other etnicities, then kids would be more sensitive to the differences, but I'd never assume that just because a child isn't mentioning it that they weren't noticing or drawing their own conclusions.