Phantom LO last name?

carlyrenee · May 2010

This is a huge debate in our house. What will LO's last name be when we are blessed with a sweet baby. I go one way, he goes the other. I want to see a few opinion and then I will share who goes which way over here. Discuss please...as I plan to use this in our next discussion Devil

lmj8284 · May 2010

we both have the same last name....so will our LO.

rebelina1 · May 2010

I took DH's last name when we got married so our DD and any future children have our last name.

I am assuming you kept your maiden name?

d_glass_slipper · May 2010

We are sticking with the classic husband's last name. This is strictly because I've never really known my biological father and my last name means nothing to me. I was happy to get rid of it, honestly with some of the crap on that side that has gone down.

O2BaMom · May 2010

lmj8284:
we both have the same last name....so will our LO.

This. A.) I hated my maiden name B.) I want all of us to have the same last name.

Not knocking those to choose other-wise, this was just what I wanted for us.

ejlynch · May 2010

I took on DH last name, so it will be our last name.

LadyXaverian · May 2010

Our children will have the same last name that we do.. ??

I suppose if we did NOT have the same last name, I would give the child his last name UNLESS we weren't married, in which case I would give the child my last name.

MuseumMaven · May 2010

I took DH's last name, so any LOs will have that name.

skells · May 2010

I took DH's last name so any LO's we have will have that same last name.

carlyrenee · May 2010

I did keep my maiden name and hyphenated with his. I am extremely close with my family and chose to keep my name partially for that reason and partially for a few others. I did want to have his name as well so I used that too. I am a teacher and go by my H's last name not my maiden but I am very happy I did hyphenate (sp). With that said I would like our phantom LO to have my last name...F....-H......, which obviously contains his. He is dead set against it. Would your DH care?

Mrs.Umm · May 2010

LO will have his last name, and mine as a middle name. I'm the last in my family line and love my name and what it means to us. I can't imagine my children not having it.

Mrs.Umm · May 2010

carlyrenee:
I did keep my maiden name and hyphenated with his. I am extremely close with my family and chose to keep my name partially for that reason and partially for a few others. I did want to have his name as well so I used that too. I am a teacher and go by my H's last name not my maiden but I am very happy I did hyphenate (sp). With that said I would like our phantom LO to have my last name...F....-H......, which obviously contains his. He is dead set against it. Would your DH care?

I should add that I also hyphenated. We decided to go the middle/last name route just for legal reasons. There are a LOT of forms that won't accept a hyphen, or just don't have enough spaces for all the letters in our hyphenated name.

Legally I'm Mrs. Mylastname-Hislastname, but at work I only use Ms. Mylastname. Socially, we're Mr. & Mrs. Hislastname. Our phantom babies will be Baby Mylastname Hislastname (no hyphen).

carlyrenee · May 2010

Mrs.Umm:
LO will have his last name, and mine as a middle name. I'm the last in my family line and love my name and what it means to us. I can't imagine my children not having it.

I also tried this as an option for him he is just against my maiden name at all..which confuses me because he is very close with my family. I too can't imagine my children not having my last name in there.

Mrs.Umm · May 2010

carlyrenee:
Mrs.Umm:
LO will have his last name, and mine as a middle name. I'm the last in my family line and love my name and what it means to us. I can't imagine my children not having it.

I also tried this as an option for him he is just against my maiden name at all..which confuses me because he is very close with my family. I too can't imagine my children not having my last name in there.

Did he say why he's so against it? That seems pretty selfish to me.

ginamcp · May 2010

SarahL77:

Our children will have the same last name that we do.. ??

I suppose if we did NOT have the same last name, I would give the child his last name UNLESS we weren't married, in which case I would give the child my last name.

This.

Stucas · May 2010

MuseumMaven:
I took DH's last name, so any LOs will have that name.

this

Ricola · May 2010

Our LO's will have his last name, since I took it, too, when we got married. I have a German maiden name that nobody can spell right here in the US, so I was more than happy to get rid of it.

My parents also got divorced when I was 2 and my mom took the last name of my step-father when they got married. My maiden name has no meaning to me.

carlyrenee · May 2010

Mrs.Umm:
carlyrenee:

Mrs.Umm:
LO will have his last name, and mine as a middle name. I'm the last in my family line and love my name and what it means to us. I can't imagine my children not having it.

I also tried this as an option for him he is just against my maiden name at all..which confuses me because he is very close with my family. I too can't imagine my children not having my last name in there.

Did he say why he's so against it? That seems pretty selfish to me.

He just says that it would look wierd/stupid and that he just doesn't like it. But is is funny that you say selfish because he says it is selfish of me to be so persistant about my last name being in there.

LadyXaverian · May 2010

Mrs.Umm:
carlyrenee:

Mrs.Umm:
LO will have his last name, and mine as a middle name. I'm the last in my family line and love my name and what it means to us. I can't imagine my children not having it.

I also tried this as an option for him he is just against my maiden name at all..which confuses me because he is very close with my family. I too can't imagine my children not having my last name in there.

Did he say why he's so against it? That seems pretty selfish to me.

I agree. I can kind of understand why he might not want the kids to have a hyphenated last name, but why not your maiden name as a middle name? Especially since he knows how important it is to you.

rguyer · May 2010

Mrs.Umm:

Legally I'm Mrs. Mylastname-Hislastname, but at work I only use Ms. Mylastname. Socially, we're Mr. & Mrs. Hislastname.

This is me as well. LO will take only DHs last name for a couple reasons. Mainly my father never really gave a crap about me and I don't want any of my future LOs linked to him. Second, we come from a small community where there are only a handful of last names. I always got teased about my last name growing up and would not want to put my LOs through that.

emmypants · May 2010

lmj8284:
we both have the same last name....so will our LO.

Same here

O2BaMom · May 2010

carlyrenee:
I did keep my maiden name and hyphenated with his. I am extremely close with my family and chose to keep my name partially for that reason and partially for a few others. I did want to have his name as well so I used that too. I am a teacher and go by my H's last name not my maiden but I am very happy I did hyphenate (sp). With that said I would like our phantom LO to have my last name...F....-H......, which obviously contains his. He is dead set against it. Would your DH care?

DH and I just talked about this last night, it's super important to him that all of us have the same last name, no hyphen (sp?).

carlyrenee · May 2010

I see I am in the minority here... which truly doesn't matter I am just emotional about this topic Crying I wish he would just understand that. He completely refuses to budge or compromise.

Mrs.Umm · May 2010

carlyrenee:
I see I am in the minority here... which truly doesn't matter I am just emotional about this topic I wish he would just understand that. He completely refuses to budge or compromise.

I would sit down and have a long talk with him about it. Try to let him know how you feel and how important it is to you, and find out why it's so important to him.

carlyrenee · May 2010

Mrs.Umm:
carlyrenee:

I see I am in the minority here... which truly doesn't matter I am just emotional about this topic I wish he would just understand that. He completely refuses to budge or compromise.

I would sit down and have a long talk with him about it. Try to let him know how you feel and how important it is to you, and find out why it's so important to him.

Thanks Mrs.Umm, I think I am going to make a little list of my thoughts and reasoniong on the subject when I am not in hte moment and so emotional about it...maybe this will help him understand. Otherwise I guess LO will be w/o a last name Tongue Tied

gorby007 · May 2010

This is the reason why I am taking my fiance's last name. I want the same last name as my LOs.

bexter · May 2010

I took DH's last name personally, but use my last name for professional purposes. LO will have his last name. I have three brothers that will carry on my last name.

bcnoelle · May 2010

bexter:
I took DH's last name personally, but use my last name for professional purposes. LO will have his last name. I have three brothers that will carry on my last name.

This, except I have 1 brother. I always like to tell DH that he can choose the last name if I can choose the first name.

carlyrenee · May 2010

kdodge423:

You may want to check the laws in your state. Here even though I did not change my name, our children will have his name no matter what we decide due to the way the laws are written.

Thanks for the heads up. I'm pretty sure that it is okay here. I have several students that have hyphenated last names. But I will look into it for sure.

staycee · May 2010

O2BaMom:

lmj8284:
we both have the same last name....so will our LO.

This. A.) I hated my maiden name B.) I want all of us to have the same last name.

me too.

FutureMrsCaesar · May 2010

I can't really explain 'why' your DH is so insistant on your LO having his last name, but I will tell you that my husband was the same way. I took my husbands last name so it wouldn't have really be an arguement. But he has a daughter from a prior relationship where he and the mother were never married, so his daughter does not have our last name. When we got pregnant and discussed names he was quite passionate about having a child with his own last name. Not sure what it is, something in the male ego or whatever, but I think they feel pretty strongly about it. Most of them anyway.

MissLadyTay · May 2010

I took MH's last name. If I had kept my name I would still have given our children his name. He is his family's only son and I believe he should have the opportunity to pass on their name. My parents have a son. If my brother wants to carry on the family name, he can.

ecleptic · May 2010

carlyrenee:
I did keep my maiden name and hyphenated with his. I am extremely close with my family and chose to keep my name partially for that reason and partially for a few others. I did want to have his name as well so I used that too. I am a teacher and go by my H's last name not my maiden but I am very happy I did hyphenate (sp). With that said I would like our phantom LO to have my last name...F....-H......, which obviously contains his. He is dead set against it. Would your DH care?

Hyphens are "fun".

MIL and FIL hyphenated. MIL's family is very matriarchal but Lisa was the only one of the 3 sisters willing to fight with her husband to hyphenate. After MIL & FIL divorced they went back to their old names but the kids kept the hyphen. When MIL passed away a few years back that left the family name with my husband and my SIL. SIL intends on ditching it if/when she decides to get married. I took the already hyphenated name because DH didn't feel comfortable letting his mother's last name die out and it would have been a grave insult to his grandfather to drop his father's last name (his dad is cool and doesn't care)... and I was unwilling to have a different last name than my husband. I'm traditional. I might have been willing to hyphenate- but while it's probably possible to hyphenate my name onto the end it seemed rather stupid to do so.

Anyway. Our kid will have DH's hyphenated name because there really isn't another good option. If there were- we would have already de-hyphenated our names already because it's a major pain to deal with a hyphenated name that is always said together (unlike dropping your maiden socially). I can't socially drop either of my last names and neither can my husband or my SIL- when they're by birth there's no easy solution.

I'm also hyphenated by choice- and I would choose the hyphen again, but I'd choose it again because I understand there was no reasonable alternative if I wanted to have the same last name as my husband. If there were an alternative- I'd have taken that instead. I'm not looking forward to our kids having to deal with the hyphenation though. It's an ongoing hassle for us and it'll be a hassle we pass down.

Hopefully we have daughters who can change their names when they marry

MrsMarriedIn04 · May 2010

If I didn't take dh's last night I would have probably hyphen the child's name with my last name and dh's last name.

MrsHteaching4life · May 2010

Our last name. I'm not like making up a new one for the baby or anything.

MG7 · May 2010

I kept my last name when we were married and DS shares my name so will the next LO. I have no relationship with DH's parents and he has a rather strained one with them. FIL has never met DS and basically has no plans to as far as I know.

sassyandskinny · May 2010

I know a few people with a few different ways of handling this....

Couple #1: ?Someone I know from another board. ?She did not take his name. ?She gave him three options for naming their LOs.

*Choose a first name together and give LO both last names

*He chooses the first name and LO gets her last name

*She chooses the first name and LO gets his last name

In this case, he chose the third. She named her LOs what ever she wanted without his opinion.

Couple #2: ?My DH's cousin. When the got married they both hyphenated their name and legally are herlastname-hislastname, so obviously their LOs have both too.

Couple #3: ?DHs "foster" type brother. ?He was a friend of DHs who came to live with DHs family when he and his brother were is junior high. ?He was ?never formally adopted by DHs family, but they are just like brothers and he spends all holidays with them. ?When he and his wife got married, they made up a?completely?new last name, and they and their LOs all have it now.

?

carlyrenee · May 2010

MrsHteaching4life:
Our last name. I'm not like making up a new one for the baby or anything.

No not into making up new names. Just want the child to have my last name which is my maiden - his last name.

carlyrenee · May 2010

Thank you for all of hte input ladies. It is nice to her others opinions. I am pretty set on the hyphenated last name so I will just have to sit down and calmly and unemotionally discuss it with him:)

sbuxsweetie · May 2010

SarahL77:
Our children will have the same last name that we do.. ??

I suppose if we did NOT have the same last name, I would give the child his last name UNLESS we weren't married, in which case I would give the child my last name.

Yep, this.

MrsI · May 2010

Or you could get really lucky and have twins... then do like my aunt did and give them different last names. One hers and the other his.

Actually PLEASE don't do this The children are now 6 and fight over it ALL the time! My nephew has a hypenated last name but just goes by one of them. So only on legal papers does my sister do both but for every day purposes he just has one. Maybe you could get DH to agree to this. The child would be ChildX yourlastname- hislastname and only go by childx hislastname for most purposes...

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