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ever get "mommy's guilt" forced on you?

Meg&JesseMeg&Jesse
in Working Moms

I have a coworker who worked parttime so her and her husband could stay home with their kids and home school them (they are college aged now).  If I ever talk about missing DS or it was hard to drop him off at daycare, she'll say you should have "no regrets."  The other day we were talking about a 3/4 position and someone asked if I considered it.  Then my coworker said I could work three 10 hour days, so I could have a better balance of my "priorities."

My priorities are my family, but thank you for insinuating that they are not!  Sure there are days I deeply miss DS and there are days I wish I could be home with him more.  And then there are days I love going to work.  I worked hard to get my degree and get the job I have.  I am good at my job and hope to advance further in my career.  Just because I work does not make me any less of a mother.  *vent over*

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Re: ever get "mommy's guilt" forced on you?

  • Amymichelle925Amymichelle925
    People like your coworker are just trying to make themselves feel better by making others feel worse. 
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  • brideofscowboybrideofscowboy member

    It is possible to have the best of both worlds. 

    Everyone's got an opinion. I wouldn't let it bother you.

    And don't allow yourself to feel guilty. You're doing what you have to do and what works for you.

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  • trackchik6trackchik6 member
    i would just avoid making comments to her in the future about missing your LO etc. 
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  • mclaugaamclaugaa

    imageAmymichelle925:
    People like your coworker are just trying to make themselves feel better by making others feel worse. 

    Agree

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  • shouldbworkinshouldbworkin
    Yes.  I have a couple co-workers who don't work b/c they want to and they are often trying to get me to see it their way.  The truth of the matter is, our life is in balance when I work as much as I do and out of balance when I work PT.  So, for now, this is what works for us and I don't give a rats a$$ what anyone else thinks about it.  ;-)
    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
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  • duchess0727duchess0727
    I think the pp's have it - people who make comments like that either want you to do something similar to what they did, so they can feel justified that they did the right thing, or they want to make you feel like they do, so they feel like what they are feeling is the right way to feel.  It's all a matter of trying to validate their own life - but guess what - that is not your responsibility!  All you have to do is make sure you are doing what's best for your family - and they should do the same and mind their own business!
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  • mittensonkittensmittensonkittens member

    I hate comments like that!  I am completely happy with my life until someone makes a comment like that and I feel like crap for a while.  Luckily the people in my life who say those things are not people I see frequently. 

    Have you told this woman that you are happy with your current arrangements?  She may be misunderstanding your occasional "I miss my baby" comment to mean that you are unhappy. 

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  • bunny731bunny731 member

    Then my coworker said I could work three 10 hour days, so I could have a better balance of my "priorities."

    Personally the reason I have the same shift she suggested is for "a better work/life balance." 

    She isn't saying your family is not a priority, or that work is not a priority, she may be saying all those are priorities and perhaps there are different avenues (which may or may not work for you and your family) for balancing those, if you are talking about how difficult is is for you not to see your son.

    SAHM's, PT and working moms all work hard for their credentials-she isn't saying you are subpar-"you" are insinuating your balance is difficult. You are sharing that with her.

    Personally I think this is more a reflection on how you feel about your balance (because you are sharing with her your feelings of leaving your DS) then her pressuring 'mommy guilt'-you are doing that all on your own.

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  • NoJaneNoPainNoJaneNoPain

    imagetrackchik6:
    i would just avoid making comments to her in the future about missing your LO etc. 

     

    I make it a point not to talk about being a mom unless with other working moms who are friends.

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  • BennyLBennyL member

    imagetrackchik6:
    i would just avoid making comments to her in the future about missing your LO etc. 

    Agreed! People like that annoy me so!

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